I completely messed up & hurt him!

[lostinloveless]

Firstly you may not agree with what I did & I know I messed up but that's not why I'm about to tell you this. I want to know what the next step is/should be & do I just let go or try & fix things?

 

 

Me & my now ex boyfriend were together on & off for just over 2 years.

We did however split twice in between & this is the 3rd time.

 

 

After being together for around 8 months of everything going great & him having moved in with me & my child we both decided that we wanted a child together. After a couple of weeks we did a test & it was positive, we were over the moon. Then the arguments started & we decided to go our separate ways so he moved back in with his parents.

 

 

After no communication I decided that I couldn't deal with having another child from another dad that I wasn't going to be with. I had an abortion.

After the pregnancy hormones had subsided I instantly wanted him back (almost like we couldn't live together while I was pregnant).

We got back together & everything was great between us. He understood why I'd had the abortion even if he didn't agree with it. But again it wasn't long before we discovered I was pregnant (this time not planned).

 

 

He lost his job, we argued, I felt like I was trying to hold everything together without any support. Working 9 hours a day & coming home to housework & other bits that hadn't been touched all day as well as sorting out my child & resenting him because he'd obviously been in bed most of the day & was showing no sign of trying to sort out a job even though he would need one when I was on maternity leave, I finally had enough & yet again we split. This time however I was punished for my earlier decision & had a miscarriage.

I think it was this that brought us back together a third time although we both agreed that it was third time lucky & make or break time.

We didn't move straight back in together though. We did it properly & took things slowly & this time he worked nights which meant we only really saw each other on a sunday. After what seemed like forever we moved into temporary accommodation while we saved for something bigger. While this was going on 1 of his family members was loosing a battle with cancer so things were on hold. He gave up his job to go & stay with them for weeks at a time & only talking to me on the phone for a quick 5 min hello how are you chat when I'd finished work. I began to feel unwell & thought I may be pregnant once more & that I was! Time apart & dealing with everything alone I found myself in the same situation as last time except this time he was dealing with his own problems. I was there as much as I could be & when his family member passed away he came back.

 

 

My shoulder to cry on was greeted with the silent treatment but I respected he just wanted space. A few days later though it must of hit home because I was being told I hadn't been there enough for him. I didn't react too much as he'd just lost someone so close to him.

I couldn't get time off to attend the funeral with him which made him angry & in return he missed the scan & I had to go alone.

 

 

He pushed & pushed until there was no more fight in me. I tried to do everything I could. Obviously I still love him but I couldn't go on like this.

We split at the beginning of the month & I was left again alone & pregnant. Scared about what I was going to do & with nobody to talk to I made a hasty decision to have another abortion last week. I didn't want it this way but I didn't know what else to do.

 

 

After no contact from him (he moved to be with his family) he finally asked me what was going on so I told him what I'd done. He rang me later that night just to say basically that we were done.

If your still reading then thank you!

Basically I can't get him out of my head. I know what we've been through it would prob be best for both of us if things just moved on but I don't know that I can!? I don't know that I want to. When we were together things were great the last time & I believe that if the whole family member thing hadn't happened we would still be together expecting our 1st child together. I don't even know where to go from here....

will it get any easier? The last 2 times we got back together I made first contact but should I contact him this time or leave him? He also lived locally before but now he's 4 hours away so not likely to bump into him anytime soon!

Even if I don't get advice from anyone, its helped just typing it all out.

[AlphaC]

breaking up -> abortion; getting back together -> prego -> miscarriage; breaking up, -> abortion again!! Now he is gone and you are missing him. It doesn't sound like this guy is very strong, not very masculine. He can't hold a job, sleeps all day, wants you to take care of his emotional needs and he expects you to contribute monetarily to the household (this you did exclusively when he was not working). When he did work he couldn't handle his family member's demise and a job.

 

You need counseling, you need to ask yourself what it is about this man that you like (more importantly, what it is about this man that you need!).

 

From what you are writing it sounds like this guy is a kid/immature. The part that bothers me most is him staying home all day while you are out working, when you guys break up he goes back to living at home.

 

Ask yourself, how do you expect to raise a child with a man who cannot find work and can barely maintain a job. Think about how many family members he has, every time one of them lands in the hospital he will be unemployed. Sounds loco to me, sorry!

 

My advice, get yourself a man, especially if you intend to bring another child into this world, the economy is tight, government is not helping the poor much these days, one person working is not enough, just my $.02, good luck.