irc333 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Often times, and this is geared more toward the single ladies in dating profiles, I keep seeing how they emphatically try to make it sound like they aren't desperate for being a dating site. They tend to say things like, "I don't NEED a man, but it would be nice to have one". They usually follow it up every time with a "...but". "I don't need a man to make me complete me, but....it would be nice to have one around". It's these defensive stances that could be off putting in a sense, but why are women SO defensive about being on a dating site? "My friends put me up to this and told me this is a great site as this is how they met their boyfriends". Some have even admitted that they were somehow had their arm twisted to join a dating site. lol
Mrlonelyone Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Believe it or not the pressure on women to always have a man is way more intense. If they are not in a relationship with a socially approved boyfriend, or after a certain age married, and then have kids they are a failure in many eyes. As a male you can be single, not married online date random chicks and to many be a success as long as you have dates. You have one upper hod over women . No expiration date.
bene Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 (edited) They probably don't want to come across as desperate to find a man. Even if a woman is interested in long term relationship, it is too much pressure to start communication with a total stranger with such expectation. I'd say it is not defensive stance but rather healthy stance along the lines of 'let's see what happens'. It is quite common advise to women to keep living a busy and meaningful life and not fixate on finding a man obsessively. Also, there is still some stigma related to dating sites as if you have failed meeting people in real life or there must be something wrong with you. Personally I don't see it that way because internet use is so common these days, I don't see much difference in talking to a total stranger in grocery store or online. Edited December 21, 2013 by bene
Imported Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I always lol when I see people proclaim they are a "busy professional" and don't have the time to meet people. I work a **** ton of hours and I take my work home with me and I am on-call status a lot and my work drains me, yet I got time to meet women in the real world and date them. I think what they mean is they are obligated @8 hours a day to make $$ to live, @8 hours a day to relax and sleep and are so use to doing nothing all the time that they also need over 8 hours of "me" time. Rethink your "me" time and stop being lazy, because you got the time if you really want it. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Er....it's not defensive. I am happy being single until or if I meet someone who is right for me. I don't need a man about to feel complete at all- a great guy would be an addition to my life but I don't feel I lack anything while being single. I don't feel there is something missing. I think it comes from preferring to be happy and single rather than in a relationship that is miserable. I chose just that after my last relationship ended in April. It was seven months with 5 being stressful and I could only see things getting worse. I can look after myself perfectly well and don't need 'looking after'. I don't suddenly need your help with everything once I start dating you. I don't suddenly become incapable of looking after myself. Many men in their profiles state that they hate being single, need their lives to be completed by finding someone and cannot be happy without a woman in their life. Those are the kinds of men I would avoid like the plague if I were aware that was how they felt. Sadly this was the kind of guy I was in the relationship with and I was his hobby/obsession. I couldn't keep up with his neediness and his expectations and he desperately tried to change me - make me adhere to his rules and how he expected me to behave and react (based upon how his past girlfriends behaved and reacted to things). It was an immense relief once I actually split with him - heck even my hair stopped growing greys! So yep...based on that (just as one example) - I don't need a man but yeah I would like to have a good man around - if that doesn't happen then at least I know I will be living a happy and pretty much stress free life!
StanMusial Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I think they wouldn't take the time to go on OLD if they truly believed that. I also think they are probably harder to please than women who have met someone in the ordinary course of their lives.
RedRobin Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 When I did OLD, I never understood why people put so many negative things in their profile. Space is limited. Definitely need to fill it with a list of DO's, not a list of DON'Ts.
Author irc333 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 I work a **** ton of hours and I take my work home with me and I am on-call status a lot and my work drains me, yet I got time to meet women in the real world and date them. Right, I know of a local nurse...over 40...has no kids, been on POF forever...she's quite negative in her profile and says, I'm a nurse, so I work many hours so you have to be okay with that". She has no kids, so I don't see how it is even an issue. People coming off as a "busy professional" when on a Fri night they spend the entire night logged into a dating site. lol
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