at the high of it all, and now... christmas break!

[lamaga]

The guy I've been dating for the past month finally told me last night that he likes me. He literally said "Lamaga, I like you" twice after we came home from a night out at a friend's birthday party & a end-of-the-semester party. We were for the first time 'professing' our 'relationship' (not sure what kind of relationship it is, but i guess we are on the way to becoming a couple?) in front of everybody from our study... we kissed on the dance floor & held each other at the birthday party. Our study is pretty gossipy, so I assume everybody knows now.

 

I feel very happy with him & things are great. However, Christmas break is coming up and we won't see each other for at least 2 weeks. While we have been dating, he was very bad at communicating via text, rather calls actually, but sometimes wouldn't contact me for a day or two, but was also stressed from studying (as I told you guys in earlier posts).

The "Initiating contact"-dilemma is something I am overthinking to a great extent, and I am bad at figuring it out, even at age 26.

But, I've stayed cool, gave him space and he is more into me than ever.

 

Yet I was again too shy to ask about how we are going to stay in touch over the break. I love sharing things and talking to each other at least once a day or every second day, so going 2 weeks without communication would freak me out.

I have no clue how to tell him that I need that, because I am not sure if I am at a moment in our relationship yet where I can say "I need" (can I?). Everything has been at a healthy pace & now that he finally told me he likes me, I feel more confident, but still reluctant to ask in a non-needy way.

I've just had ****ty relationships in the past where I quickly turned very clingy, and it took me 6 years to become the woman I want to be, and become tough and independent enough to be happy on my own... but still have this insecurity of coming across needy because of how I used to deal with these issues in the past - I am socially beyond awkward.

 

Do you guys have good advice as to how I can maybe lead a conversation about this topic with him without scaring him? I am overthinking it, I know, but some motivational words are appreciated, as usual. Thanks, you guys.

Edited December 21, 2013 by lamaga

[MidwestUSA]

If I recall, you two are having sex. It always amazes me that people can get naked, down and dirty, communicating wants, needs and preferences in bed, but can't just speak up about something like this.

 

You're projecting your past experiences onto this guy, assuming he's going to see you as clingy.

 

Yes, you have the right to say 'I need' at this point. Maybe better expressed as 'I'd really like it if....'. Lead in with 'Wow, two weeks apart, I'm going to miss you!' Suggest whatever means of communication you prefer. If it's not practical for him to call (based on phone plan), tell him you'd like to text every couple of days, just to 'hear' his voice. 'We've had such a great time these past few weeks, even with the pressure of finals, I wish we could spend the holidays together'. Let him know you may indeed initiate texting, to let him know what you got for Christmas, how you're doing, etc.

 

Missing someone does NOT equal being clingy. You are GOING TO MISS HIM! Nothing wrong with telling him that. Right NOW!

 

(You will have to get over that freaking out if a day or two goes by, however. A day or two is nothing at this stage of your relationship)

[d0nnivain]

I don't know. When I was in college we didn't have all these ways to stay in touch. Over break if you got one phone call from somebody via the corded wall phone in mom & dad's kitchen that was huge.

 

It's ONLY 2 weeks. You don't have to talk every day & maybe you shouldn't. It shouldn't freak you out. You will have more to catch up about when you see each other next semester.

 

Don't discuss it. Don't fret about it. Call him 2-3 times over the break but back off. See what happens.

[winny]

The guy I've been dating for the past month finally told me last night that he likes me. He literally said "Lamaga, I like you" twice after we came home from a night out at a friend's birthday party & a end-of-the-semester party. We were for the first time 'professing' our 'relationship' (not sure what kind of relationship it is, but i guess we are on the way to becoming a couple?) in front of everybody from our study... we kissed on the dance floor & held each other at the birthday party. Our study is pretty gossipy, so I assume everybody knows now.

 

I feel very happy with him & things are great. However, Christmas break is coming up and we won't see each other for at least 2 weeks. While we have been dating, he was very bad at communicating via text, rather calls actually, but sometimes wouldn't contact me for a day or two, but was also stressed from studying (as I told you guys in earlier posts).

The "Initiating contact"-dilemma is something I am overthinking to a great extent, and I am bad at figuring it out, even at age 26.

But, I've stayed cool, gave him space and he is more into me than ever.

 

Yet I was again too shy to ask about how we are going to stay in touch over the break. I love sharing things and talking to each other at least once a day or every second day, so going 2 weeks without communication would freak me out.

I have no clue how to tell him that I need that, because I am not sure if I am at a moment in our relationship yet where I can say "I need" (can I?). Everything has been at a healthy pace & now that he finally told me he likes me, I feel more confident, but still reluctant to ask in a non-needy way.

I've just had ****ty relationships in the past where I quickly turned very clingy, and it took me 6 years to become the woman I want to be, and become tough and independent enough to be happy on my own... but still have this insecurity of coming across needy because of how I used to deal with these issues in the past - I am socially beyond awkward.

 

Do you guys have good advice as to how I can maybe lead a conversation about this topic with him without scaring him? I am overthinking it, I know, but some motivational words are appreciated, as usual. Thanks, you guys.

 

Go home and spend quality time with your family.

Don't stress so much about the guy u know since a month. If he likes you he will initiate contact over break.

If he doesn't, don't obsess.

By the way saying - I like you can mean absolutely nothing.

Lower your expectations.

If he is interested in real, things will go fine.

[xxoo]

You've been dating a month, and now will have two weeks apart. It's still part of the "getting to know you" period, and how he handles the time apart helps you "get to know him". Instead of freaking out about it, relax and see how it goes. The idea is to see if this is the right guy/relationship for you, not try really hard to make it work with him.

 

As winny says, if is truly interested, it'll be fine regardless of how much contact you have over the break. Enjoy your holidays!

[writergal]

While I agree that 2 weeks isn't that much of a time period to be apart, it also shouldn't be an excuse for him not to stay in touch with you. I mean, back in my day, all we had was a LAN line phone to stay in touch; we didn't have internet, cable tv, or cellphones. Can you imagine? How horrible! But still, I stayed in touch with friends via the phone.

 

If he can't use Facebook, e-mail, chat, twitter, texting and actual phone calls to stay in touch with you over X-Mas break then he's a donkey's bottom.

 

Don't give your boyfriend an ultimatum of "you need to call me every day or else." Just call or text him when you feel like it over the 2 week period that you're geographically apart, and if he never responds, well, then you need to NEXT him.

 

It's situations like these where you find out just how much of a priority you are in someone's life.

 

If he doesn't stay in touch and gives you excuses, you're not his priority. And then you have to ask yourself: do you want to be with a guy who doesn't make you a priority?

[lamaga]

I don't know. When I was in college we didn't have all these ways to stay in touch. Over break if you got one phone call from somebody via the corded wall phone in mom & dad's kitchen that was huge.

 

It's ONLY 2 weeks. You don't have to talk every day & maybe you shouldn't. It shouldn't freak you out. You will have more to catch up about when you see each other next semester.

 

Don't discuss it. Don't fret about it. Call him 2-3 times over the break but back off. See what happens.

 

 

Well, he actually even told mere was thinking about coming back earlier to spend time with me. We have break til 2nd week of February, but I am only going home for 3 days and he said he might wanna come back in less than a week as well so we can spend New Years together (and especially since I am one of the few people in our city who don't leave for long over break).

So, I am gonna take it easy and maybe we will see each other even sooner

He will be very busy with his family and friends, so it's cool if he doesn't contact me too much, I suppose. But I will still call him and hope he will too.

[d0nnivain]

Coming back early to spend NYE with you is waaaaayyyyy better than calling you every day. Wouldn't you rather have a kiss at midnight then a text?

[Versacehottie]

Giving him space is exactly what got you what you wanted with him so far. It won't hurt to enjoy the 2 week break without much contact. Guys process so much differently than we do. And space is their friend.

[lamaga]

Coming back early to spend NYE with you is waaaaayyyyy better than calling you every day. Wouldn't you rather have a kiss at midnight then a text?

 

YES and I will cross my fingers that this is how things will be!!!!