Why is ex contacting me after so long?

[leonai]

I broke up with my ex a year ago though the relationship was already in trouble at the time coz I believed she had started loosing interest as well. Weeks after the break up she told me that she still loved me, but I decided to remain friends and she took it well and appeared fine with it. 3 months later she asked to meet we did and mostly talked about how we were doing. Weeks later she asked to meet again to talk about us. We did and she said that she wanted us to be friends which was weird coz we were friends already and I never said I wanted her back after talking we realized that we both wasn't sure of our feelings to each other and decide to just leave it to destiny.

 

Fast forward months that followed my feelings for her came back and I wanted her back but did not come out and told her but I guess actions speak louder then words coz I tried to maintain contact, she even invited me for dinner twice but I could not attend. After that we had a little argument we both said stupid things I even deleted her on my facebook. I felt stupid apologies which she accepted and decided to put it behind us. So I asked to meet her she told me that she would get back to me which she did after a week but by then I decided to move on and stop thinking about getting her back so I did not answer her call. What made me change my mind is that I admit I was initiating must of the contacts but she was always there to reply then things started changing I noticed that her behavior had changed she was a bit rude at times and would answer harshly to me teasing her on like before so I believed that she had moved on.

 

Weeks later she contacted me saying that she was going back to her country for 2 weeks coz her grandfather was sick, I ignored, few days later she contacted me again saying that she was at the airport coz her grandfather had finally died, so I offered my condolences. She replied saying that she was feeling something strange on me asking why I did not pick her call and said that she missed me a little and was hoping to see me when she's back. I did not reply coz at the time I was trying to move on, then weeks later she contacted me saying that I had shown her that I did not want to know anything about her and thanked me.

 

After few weeks when I felt I was now strong enough I contacted her to see how she was then she asked to meet me for coffe to update each other I told her I would get back to her coz I was busy at the time. I ended up not contacting her. The last time I contacted her was 4 months ago on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday I was not expecting any reply and she didn't. I believe by now that she had moved on and is in another relationship coz she is extremely pretty, so I wasn't expecting any of us to initiate contact and believed she had forgotten about me until 3 days ago she sent me a request on Facebook and a message saying that she had not heard any news about me for a long time asking how I was, and saying that at the time she had just landed and arrived from Thailand had an amazing experience and hoped everything was fine with me.

 

I accepted her request and replied nicely and briefly, she replied again but I left it like that. Any ways am curious about why is she contacting me after so long to tell me that she had just arrived from her trip and why does it seem like every time she feels she is loosing me from her life she creeps her way back in. With her previous boyfriends before me she had never done that in fact she has never been bothered about how they were, talking of telling them what she has been up to

[headinthecloud]

You seem to have a very non-chalant "whatever" attitude about the RS which means you don't really love her - there are no deep emotions. People with your kind of attitude are called emotionally unavailable. You never truly commit to the RS so as soon as the honeymoon period ends and you have to put effort into the RS, you split....just as you did.

 

It sounds to me like she genuinely cared about you and she wanted to work through the issues, but you never did. You gave up as soon as you realized she made you feel vulnerable and you tried to act like you didn't care (aka. Playing games). So she's likely reaching out to you because she's fishing, trying to find out if you moved on. She still hasn't fully healed from the RS. She may have moved on but she hasn't let you go fully, but that doesn't mean she wants you back.

 

My advice is to respond politely and then leave her be. You can't be friends because you still have feelings for her or you wouldn't be posting. I would suggest you work on letting others "in", being emotionally vulnerable --- in other words, being able to handle rejection. Otherwise, you'll just have a string of RSs where you really like the girls but will always find something wrong after a few months or a year and then you'll ditch them for something easier. Love is about caring about the other person's feelings and wellbeing and doing whatever it takes to protect and provide for them. Anything else is just a vague inclination and one real test kills it stone dead. Good luck.

[Mrlonelyone]

The shiniest red ball is the one that is rolling away or another kid is playing with it.

 

That is the truth of child and immature person psychology. The difference between the child and the immature young adult is that the ball is now a lover or possible lover. There are some people who never want someone who just wants them. It scares them that someone wants them. So they will run when you pursue and chase when you withdraw.

 

Even after breaking up and going NC and dating someone else. If they see that you are really truly moving on from them, they will make a grab for you.

 

My last Ex did the same thing. It does not mean they want you in a mature way that one can rebuild a relationship on.

 

So continue to be non chalant about this woman. Weather she comes or goes do you, try to find someone who wants you and only you and who isn't a scared immature baby. Or if it takes you a while maybe the Ex will grow up and approach you in a mature way. Just don't put life on hold waiting for it.