SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Should I Tell My Wife I know a lot of people on here subscribe to the theory that there should be no secrets from your spouse. Yes, and be sure to tell her if you find a quarter on the street next Saturday as well (even if you have to phone her while she is getting her hair done to pass along the news) 3
Author John-Dough Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Yes, and be sure to tell her if you find a quarter on the street next Saturday as well (even if you have to phone her while she is getting her hair done to pass along the news) LMAO - that is very funny! 2
BetrayedH Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Zyban is crazy stuff! I took it as Wellbutrin (antidepressant) last year. Turns out I wasn't depressed, just felt down when my husband was a jackass to me regularly. Although, in a sense the Wellbutrin fixed that. It caused me to rage instead of feel down. In theory, he would've raged back at me and caused a super-fight. But instead it was like he could empathize with me and see that I was hurt when I was angry. Very weird emotional context there. Hurt and crying= manipulating me Raging = "I saw that lasagna go flying across the table, honey what's wrong? What's bothering you?" Yep, glad I stopped that prescription. BUT the effects were reasonable. It got my husband to listen to me. And not because he was "afraid." Sigh..... I hated it. I was getting edgy and upset at cafeteria ladies, parking lot attendant, my teacher. Ugh. But I did learn that aggression (as opposed to assertion) really does work on a lot of people. I don't subscribe to it in general but I can really see now how aggressive people really can and do push forward with little consequence. It's just way too far outside of my personality range to make people that uncomfortable on a regular basis. Zyban made me edgy and unable to sleep - which is perfect when you're trying to quit smoking. Sometimes I was so edgy that my hands would shake. Yeah, time for a smoke. Although I can't say I remember throwing lasagna. 1
Oldspiceywolf Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Go JD Go! You can do it just believe that you've had enough. I think going it alone is the only way. Even if she notice and joins in just believe her attempt has nothing to do with yours. Go at your own pace and believe that you've made the right choice. I smoked for 10 years a pack and a half a day. When I quit I switched to dipping Cope Pouches. I did it exactly for one year. I just needed to break the habit. For some reason smelling like crap and having bad breath is less disgusting to people than spitting brown juice apparently. Feeling disgusting for dipping made it easy to quit the chew. I've been done for over 8 years, but it's what I wanted aNd I wanted it deperTely.
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Yuck, hearing the side effects of zyban scares me and another reason why I will never ever go on it for quitting smoking. I'd rather suffer going cold turkey and shakes of nicotine withdrawal than go through rages and throwing food! (Though that is kind of funny, lasgna, what mess to clean up! lol)
nescafe1982 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I'm not married, so take this with a grain of salt, but quitting smoking is always a good thing and if you need to do it privately for the first couple of weeks (by not telling your wife at first), I'd say that's a forgivable omission. I quit smoking seven years ago... was over a pack a day before that. I used nicotine gum, just long enough to minimize the cravings (about a week). Like you, I didn't mention my intentions to quit until I was two weeks in. I was worried about jinxing myself. But no one-- not my friends, parents, or boyfriend-- was offended by my move to quit smoking in secret. When you do tell the wife, you can package this decision up as something you had to do privately, to prove to yourself that you could. And good luck! It's not easy... but it's totally worth it.
Author John-Dough Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 I have been on Chantix for about 2 1/2 weeks. I was smoking a little less than two packs a day. Right now for the past 3 days, I have smoked 6 cigarettes each day. I haven't been anxious or grouchy. I am sticking here for a few more days, then I will drop down some more. So far, wife has not noticed. 1
Fluttershy Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 My grandma quit smoking by saving the money for something special. 40 years ago extra money was a big deal so that worked for her. My grampa wanted it enough to say "enough". My husband's father died of lung cancer. He was a chain smoket and when he got sick he quit cold turkey to give himself a little extra time with his family. Good luck JD. I'm cheering you on. I have no idea what it is like because I have it easy... I never started not even a one. Though I have smoked other things.... 1
BetrayedH Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I have been on Chantix for about 2 1/2 weeks. I was smoking a little less than two packs a day. Right now for the past 3 days, I have smoked 6 cigarettes each day. I haven't been anxious or grouchy. I am sticking here for a few more days, then I will drop down some more. So far, wife has not noticed. Thanks for the update. I was able to get down to about 3 a day (one after each meal) before it became a problem. Beyond that and I started to lose it. Good luck. Cheering for you. 1
Author John-Dough Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Thanks for the update. I was able to get down to about 3 a day (one after each meal) before it became a problem. Beyond that and I started to lose it. Good luck. Cheering for you. That makes me worry a bit. I have been trying to not have one after a meal, to try to break that connection. So, we will see. Thanks for the support.
liliana17 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I think you should express your feelings and tell her what you told us. If she sabotages you one more time next time don't tell her.
anna121 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I'm sorry, I don't understand AT ALL why John-Dough should give his wife another opportunity to sabotage a important health decision. In fact, I'd go so far as to say John-Dough's decision to quit smoking (as opposed to say, starting or re-starting the habit) is, in the truest sense of the term, none of his wife's business. 1
Author John-Dough Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 I don't quite understand this hyper-openness thing. Why would you feel obliged to tell your partner about everything you think or do? If you are not doing anything wrong, aren't you entitled to just say nothing about it. I know, some would call that a 'lie of omission'. I just really don't understand this thought process.
BetrayedH Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I don't quite understand this hyper-openness thing. Why would you feel obliged to tell your partner about everything you think or do? If you are not doing anything wrong, aren't you entitled to just say nothing about it. I know, some would call that a 'lie of omission'. I just really don't understand this thought process. For me, it comes from a marriage that failed and that the root of the failure was conflict-avoidance on the part of my exwife. While no one wants to be a nag, when you don't address problems, it almost certainly builds resentment. And unresolved resentment will kill a relationship (or marriage). Eventually the resentment comes out and many times it's in a much less controlled fashion (big fights, affairs, etc) than if you'd just had the courage to address the problem in the first place. I have learned that anytime I even start to get uncomfortable about something between my SO and I, that means I have to address it. I may choose not to do it today (if I'm emotionally upset about it) but it does need to come up soon so we can resolve it. In your case, I think some slight resentment has probably built up over this issue. Instead of resolving that conflict, you're going around it. If she were to bring it up today, you might have a tendency to get defensive about it. If the problem recurs and you keep avoiding the conflict, resentment will eventually follow. I've learned to identify conflict-avoidance and make a point to address things sooner rather than later. I'd rather have an uncomfortable conversation than risk the chance that either of us gets resentful over something. Your case is a relatively innocent one where you're weighing the achievement of successfully quitting smoking pretty high (and for pretty good reason). Personally, I'd like the best of both worlds: resolve the conflict (her failure to adequately support your decisions to quit smoking) AND accomplish the goal of quitting. Conflict-avoidance is many times done with the best of intentions. But it's insidious and something I've learned to address. With half of marriages failing (my own being one of them to do so unexpectedly), I don't take it lightly anymore. I'm not judging you for your approach because this one is relatively benign compared to some other issues but it's a pattern to be wary of. Just my $.02
bubbaganoosh Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 This might sound crazy but I'll tee you what I did and it worked for me. I was a heavy smoker. One or two packs a day. Got a smokers cough and someone told me that I should quit being that I was getting up in years. I thought about it for a while and decided that I really should before it caught up with me. So I made up my mind to do it. That was the first step. You gotta wanna. Then I cut back. I noticed that as soon as I got in my truck I would light up so I made a habit of breaking that habit and waited a while before I had one. When I did have a cigarette I was having the first one in the truck when I should have been having the second one so I cut one out. Then the next one was first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. I waited for a while before I had one and by that time, in reality I was smoking the first one where before I would be starting the second one. Then I started smoking half a cigarette, the butt it, and have the other half later. The biggie was this. The day came when I said no more and what I did was find a big jar and put it on the table. I smoked a pack or two a day so when I quit, I put $5.00 in the jar. next day another 5, and at the end of the week I had $35.00 in that jar and it inspired me. In one week I had $35,00 in the jar. In a month $140.00. The idea of seeing how much I was spending really helped me and and in a year I had almost $1700.00. That's a lot of money to burn in smoking. It worked for me and with some will power it can for you too. Good luck. 2
Author John-Dough Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 This might sound crazy but I'll tee you what I did and it worked for me. I was a heavy smoker. One or two packs a day. Got a smokers cough and someone told me that I should quit being that I was getting up in years. I thought about it for a while and decided that I really should before it caught up with me. So I made up my mind to do it. That was the first step. You gotta wanna. Then I cut back. I noticed that as soon as I got in my truck I would light up so I made a habit of breaking that habit and waited a while before I had one. When I did have a cigarette I was having the first one in the truck when I should have been having the second one so I cut one out. Then the next one was first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. I waited for a while before I had one and by that time, in reality I was smoking the first one where before I would be starting the second one. Then I started smoking half a cigarette, the butt it, and have the other half later. The biggie was this. The day came when I said no more and what I did was find a big jar and put it on the table. I smoked a pack or two a day so when I quit, I put $5.00 in the jar. next day another 5, and at the end of the week I had $35.00 in that jar and it inspired me. In one week I had $35,00 in the jar. In a month $140.00. The idea of seeing how much I was spending really helped me and and in a year I had almost $1700.00. That's a lot of money to burn in smoking. It worked for me and with some will power it can for you too. Good luck. Yes I have been using some of those techniques: I am never having one after a meal and don't have one when I first get up. Of course, I am using Chantix. The way some people had described Chantix to me, was like you wouldn't want to smoke anymore. So, I waited for that to kick in, it never did. Also, I had been told they would taste terrible to you, that never happened either. That's okay though, because I really want to quit. So, I just figured I actually had to do my part. Anyway, I am now down to 4 cigarettes a day. I was smoking around 30 a day. So, that is big improvement. It's been a little over 3 weeks since I started Chantix. It does seem to make it easier than when I had tried before without Chantix. I don't seem to dwell as much on when I will have a cigarette next. 1
Author John-Dough Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 It's about day 32 - I am down to 3 cigarettes a day from 30 when I started.
BetrayedH Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 It's about day 32 - I am down to 3 cigarettes a day from 30 when I started. Glad to hear it. Apologies if one of my previous posts was discouraging (about 3 per day being a barrier for me). I'm rooting for you, as I'm sure a few others here are as well. Keep it up. 1
Author John-Dough Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Glad to hear it. Apologies if one of my previous posts was discouraging (about 3 per day being a barrier for me). I'm rooting for you, as I'm sure a few others here are as well. Keep it up. No problem. But, I'm right at that point now and I know I have to keep going. So, I'll try to get to 2, very soon. Thanks for the support. BTW, W has not noticed or if she did, she hasn't said anything. I'm thinking she had to notice, but isn't saying anything so as not to jinx me. Not sure though. 1
Author John-Dough Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 2nd day on 1.5 per day. LOL - is this getting monotonous yet? 1
Author John-Dough Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) 2nd day on 1 cigarette a day. In the last 32 days, I have smoked 109 cigarettes. If I was smoking like I used to, during this same time period I would have smoked 1280 cigarettes. And in the last 7 days, I have smoked 9.5 cigarettes, compared with what normally would have been 280. Edited February 12, 2014 by John-Dough 1
BetrayedH Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Keep it up, dude. You gott be getting to the point where it's more psychological than physiological. You're breaking the physical addiction and so that means it's pretty much all in your head. I'm not on this forum very often so I missed your updates but I do come back to check on you. What's the wife say? I'd suspect it's common knowledge at this point. 1
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