Kayla7 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I confronted my boyfriend about it months ago, and he was the one who promised he'd never do it again. "Our relationship means more to me than any of that crap." I found out he lied, and was just finding better ways to hide it. I don't know how to solve this. He's upset, I'm upset. We obviously can't agree on porn, and it's obvious he'll eventually do it again. I love him, and don't want to break up. What am I suppose to say? When I'm not around, watch cartoons instead? I don't want to break up, but I feel like I'll always have anxiety when he's alone in the bedroom, which is ridiculous!
Keenly Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 You need to find out why him watching porn in a normal, healthy, loving relationship bothers you. If its because you need to be the only woman he looks at or thinks of, you are the one with the issue. If its because he never wants to have sex, he is the one with the issue. 6
charlietheginger Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 How about walking in and having sex with him ! 1
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 You don't solve it without breaking up. If you can't deal with it & he won't stop, you are fundamentally incompatible. 4
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I've never had an issue with a bf watching porn- it has never made me feel jealous or uncomfortable. I don't equate watching porn with cheating- I've never viewed it that way. 1
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Well why do you care as long as your needs are being met? If he wants some supplemental sexual release why is that an issue? Its bad that he lied and did it anyway though.
CarrieT Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 What the others said; you either accept the porn, its existence, and your boyfriend's involvement or you break-up with him.
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Its bad that he lied and did it anyway though. Well, he has to lie- or risk losing her. She hates that he is inclined to watch porn, and he really likes to watch porn. I think it's a compatibility issue. 1
Author Kayla7 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 That's what I figured. I'm hoping to fix my insecurities or maybe I should just see what all the fuss is about. We never fight, and porn is the only problem we've ever had in our relationship. I hate to break up because of it..
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Well, he has to lie- or risk losing her. She hates that he is inclined to watch porn, and he really likes to watch porn. I think it's a compatibility issue. Well lying isn't the way to handle that because it almost always comes back to bite you. I'd think if he just sat down with her and they had a talk about it they could work it out. Its not really a big deal. I mean most men watch porn because they are hornier than their GF/wife.
Author Kayla7 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 Well why do you care as long as your needs are being met? If he wants some supplemental sexual release why is that an issue? Its bad that he lied and did it anyway though. I think the lying hurt me more than what he actually did. 1
Debanked Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Quick question Kayla... if your boyfriend gets off solo without looking at porn, are you OK with that? 1
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I think the lying hurt me more than what he actually did. Yeah, I'd agree that's not cool. So talk to him about it. You're not demanding he doesn't watch porn are you? That would be an impossible demand for any man.
Author Kayla7 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 Well why do you care as long as your needs are being met? If he wants some supplemental sexual release why is that an issue? Its bad that he lied and did it anyway though. Quick question Kayla... if your boyfriend gets off solo without looking at porn, are you OK with that? That doesn't bother me, no. 1
MalachiX Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 If he's watching huge amounts of porn and not having a sexual relationship with you (or if it interfering with his work or other stuff); then it is a problem. If it's not interfering with your relationship or his work life, then you either need to get over this or start searching for a man with a below average sex drive. What your BF gets off to really isn't your concern if it's not affecting your sex life. Plenty of women ready erotic romance novels and get sexual satisfaction out of them. For all I know, some get off to professional wrestling. It's really not my business what turns my GF on or what she decides to think about when satisfying herself. I just want her to be present when the two of us are being intimate. If you really think your BF isn't going to be attracted to anyone but you, then you're just not being realistic. Only people with abnormally low sex drives aren't going to find other people sexy. 5
CarrieT Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 porn is the only problem we've ever had in our relationship. With all due respect, I don't believe you… You would not have posted this thread if porn is your only problem. 5
somedude81 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I've never understood why porn is a problem for women. If the guy is not choosing porn over you and is always willing and eager to have sex with you, what is the problem? 2
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Well lying isn't the way to handle that because it almost always comes back to bite you. I'd think if he just sat down with her and they had a talk about it they could work it out. Its not really a big deal. I mean most men watch porn because they are hornier than their GF/wife. Are you kidding me? It's a "big deal" to the OP. I'm betting the OP makes a big deal of it with the bf as well. No one is right or wrong here- but there are two fundamentally different needs clashing in this relationship. A guy that likes to watch porn is never going to stop watching porn. A girl that doesn't like her boyfriend watching porn is never going to change how that makes her feel either. He's going to hide it and feel shame for doing it- that will breed major resentment She's going to be looking over his shoulder all the time worrying and feeling insecure... It's not a right or wrong thing going on here- it's a compatibility issue. 2
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Are you kidding me? It's a "big deal" to the OP. I'm betting the OP makes a big deal of it with the bf as well. No one is right or wrong here- but there are two fundamentally different needs clashing in this relationship. A guy that likes to watch porn is never going to stop watching porn. A girl that doesn't like her boyfriend watching porn is never going to change how that makes her feel either. He's going to hide it and feel shame for doing it- that will breed major resentment She's going to be looking over his shoulder all the time worrying and feeling insecure... It's not a right or wrong thing going on here- it's a compatibility issue. I don't see why she couldn't just not care... Just realize its tool to get your rocks off. Maybe I'm expecting too much.
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I don't see why she couldn't just not care... Just realize its tool to get your rocks off. Maybe I'm expecting too much. How do you ask a person to stop caring about something that affects them so deeply? It's never going to happen. It's definitely a tool for him to get his rocks off- nothing wrong with that from my standpoint and yours. If you put two people together that disagree on sexual stuff- you have a problem that isn't likely to get solved.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 How do you ask a person to stop caring about something that affects them so deeply? It's never going to happen. It's definitely a tool for him to get his rocks off- nothing wrong with that from my standpoint and yours. If you put two people together that disagree on sexual stuff- you have a problem that isn't likely to get solved. I guess, but it depends on where her problem is coming from. Its a cultural or religious thing she's not going to change but if she's just upset because he's looking at naughty pictures of women that aren't her then maybe she could get over herself. Worth a shot at least.
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I guess, but it depends on where her problem is coming from. Its a cultural or religious thing she's not going to change but if she's just upset because he's looking at naughty pictures of women that aren't her then maybe she could get over herself. Worth a shot at least. Never going to happen. This relationship will never work out. It's interesting that you frame this as "her problem". So could we as easily argue that he should just get over porn and stop watching it to save his relationship? Neither of them need to change- they are just incompatible. 1
salparadise Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 How do you solve a porn issue without breaking up? Autofocus!
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Never going to happen. This relationship will never work out. It's interesting that you frame this as "her problem". So could we as easily argue that he should just get over porn and stop watching it to save his relationship? Neither of them need to change- they are just incompatible. Only reason its her problem is because most men watch porn and most women get over it. Also its a lot easier for her to just ignore something that's not actually destructive in anyway than it is for him or any guy to not watch porn. I mean something simple like this shouldn't end a relationship if its going well in the other aspects that matter.
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