texted me a pic of our dogs.....

[wildirishchick]

okay so I'll try to make this short and sweet. my ex and I have a love hate relationship and can't seem to live together. I moved out at the end of October, and blocked him so he could have no contact with me. However on our anniversary I sent him a text...I sent him another one a week or two later, but he couldn't respond because I still had him blocked. I know, not very nice but I had to tell him how I was feeling. Well low and behold some how some way a text that he sent me was able to come through my phone on Sunday. it was a picture but I could not open it. I called Verizon and they told me I had to unblock him in order to open the text. I unblocked him but still was unable to open the text. The very next day I received a call from him. he wanted to know if I had taken my engagement ring when I left. He asked me questions about my new job. I just asked me a bunch of questions. I told him I didn't want to be friends that I had to go and Merry Christmas. I know that asking me about the ring was just a reason to call because I know damn well that ring was there the day I left. I just want to know does he love me and still want me in his life or is he messing with me? Oh.... and when I did talk to him he told me that the picture he sent me was a picture of our dogs why did he do that?

[xUnknown]

Sounds like he is trying to check up on you, keep tabs. They're just breadcrumbs to see if you're still there.

[wildirishchick]

so I sent him a text yesterday asking him why he wanted to hurt me all over again by send me a picture of the dogs? he said I told him to send me pictures on occasion of the dogs. that is totally not true. Why would I block him if I wanted him to send me pictures? He said he wouldn't send anymore. I sent him another text saying to him I thought that the picture and the phone call meant that he missed me. He never responded to that text, so there's my closure.

[BC1980]

so I sent him a text yesterday asking him why he wanted to hurt me all over again by send me a picture of the dogs? he said I told him to send me pictures on occasion of the dogs. that is totally not true. Why would I block him if I wanted him to send me pictures? He said he wouldn't send anymore. I sent him another text saying to him I thought that the picture and the phone call meant that he missed me. He never responded to that text, so there's my closure.

 

These texts are just nonsense, and there is no need to keep engaging with him. Don't ask him why he is sending the texts. This is the textbook situation of breadcrumbs.

[wildirishchick]

Forgive me, but I don't know what breadcrumbs means? It just hurts to let go of many years of memories w/ someone I loved and still do very much. I know I have to though...

[BC1980]

Forgive me, but I don't know what breadcrumbs means? It just hurts to let go of many years of memories w/ someone I loved and still do very much. I know I have to though...

 

Breadcrumbs are little pieces of a relationship as opposed to the whole loaf. He is offering you some communication but is uninterested in an actual relationship. Other classic examples are an ex texting to say hello or ask how you are doing. They can even refer to more insidious examples like stringing someone along for sex or money. Throwing the person just enough crumbs to keep them hooked but having no intention of being in a relationship.

 

My ex used to send me pictures of the flowers I had planted in our yard or pictures of his son playing soccer. He would throw out just enough to give me hope but, when pressed, he would say he had no intentions of making a commitment at this time. Most dumpers do it out of guilt or to help themselves move on. Some do it to act nice and keep the door ajar in case they change their minds. Regardless, it needs to be shut down immediately.

[wildirishchick]

Oh....are you a therapist? Are you educated in why people do this? I'm just curious, because you come across like you know all people and their intentions. My ex and I have gotten back together in the past due to "breadcrumbs", if you will. I guess I had hope that was going to happen this time as well.

Believe me, I am going to move on, he made it sound like he won't contact me again.

Thanks for your thoughts!!

[BC1980]

Breadcrumbs are little pieces of a relationship as opposed to the whole loaf. He is offering you some communication but is uninterested in an actual relationship. Other classic examples are an ex texting to say hello or ask how you are doing. They can even refer to more insidious examples like stringing someone along for sex or money. Throwing the person just enough crumbs to keep them hooked but having no intention of being in a relationship.

 

My ex used to send me pictures of the flowers I had planted in our yard or pictures of his son playing soccer. He would throw out just enough to give me hope but, when pressed, he would say he had no intentions of making a commitment at this time. Most dumpers do it out of guilt or to help themselves move on. Some do it to act nice and keep the door ajar in case they change their minds. Regardless, it needs to be shut down immediately.

 

No, I'm not a therapist Trust me, I had no idea what breadcrumbs were or why people sent them until my breakup. I found a lot of people in similar situations as myself on this website, and, time and time again, it was the same story. I also wondered why in the world a person would continue contacting someone they had dumped. It just didn't make sense to me, so I fell into the trap of false hope.

 

Well, after reading numerous stories in this website and some things on the internet, I soon realized that sending breadcrumbs is common behavior for a number of reasons. Of course, no one can really know another person's intentions, but the reasons I listed seem to be the most common ones I've seen on this site and with my ex.

 

My ex sent an onslaught of breadcrumbs my way, but, when I asked him why, he said that he wasn't completely sure about the breakup. He couldn't commit, but he just didn't know about the future. I think his main reason for sending breadcrumbs was to keep the door ajar. My ex actually had the nerve to send me a Christmas card this year. It was a picture of him and his son, and I found it highly insensitive since I was on the card last year. However, in his twisted logic, he probably thought he was being nice.

[thora-tiki]

You wrote my break up buddy BC1980:

Oh....are you a therapist? Are you educated in why people do this? I'm just curious,

because you come across like you know all people and their intentions.

My ex and I have gotten back together in the past due to "breadcrumbs",

if you will. I guess I had hope that was going to happen this time as well.

 

First, have a good read through this forum, and you will see that your unique situation is not unique.

 

Second, stop with the snide remarks.

 

BC1980 is a no contact veteran, that could have supported you through this awful time,

and you just said fu*k off to one of the forum members that could have actually helped you,

actually had the same experience as you.

 

Many of us on here have the same experience as you and BC1980.

 

Even the ones that reconnected with the ex, got breadcrumbs.

So, correct me if I am wrong, your loved up life looked like this:

You are a lovey-dovey couple with just normal day-to-day problems,

then break up, hmmm, why did that happen?

No time for that, we are ON - again! (after a few breadcrumbs from Mr. Wonderful. Awww!).

Then break up... again...

 

And here we are.

 

The reason you keep breaking up is because:

 

You got back with an un-evolved ex, in your case, none of you had evolved past the break up,

or let go of the past, so both of you were un-evolved.

 

If you have rushed no contact - like you did the last time(s) you were broken up -

you are back in the same old failed relationship =

another go at a dying relationship involving the same two un-evolved people.

 

So let's take your time (this time) focusing on you, start thinking and working on you.

 

And stop worrying about him, and what he does and doesn't do.

 

Evolve past the break up, let go of the 8 year old failed relationship, move on and start thinking and working on yourself.

 

Yes, sounds exiting, right?

 

Some advice to use/do during no contact:

 

- Start journaling, write down the hurt and pain, and progress.

And also write down texts you want to send him/her.

- Delete his/her number, e-mail, etc. throw out his/her stuff, or box it up.

- Block him/her from texting etc. (You already did this - good job!)

- Wish your ex all the best (you don't need to wish him/her the best life,

kids and supermodel husband/wife or anything specific, but wish him/her all the best -

just like that, no elaborate life, just: All the best.

I wished my ex, aka dildo face, the best, I didn't picture him with anybody,

I picture him alive and well.)

- Working out

- Laughing

- Reading

- Hanging out with friends

- Not think too much about the past. Nothing lives in the past. It is like visiting a cemetery.

You pay your respects, acknowledge your time together and move on with life.

- Let go of the old failed relationship

- Do something new every day or week or month

- Spending time with your family

- Pet every furry animal that comes your way.

- Explore your city, be a tourist in your own city

- Make a list over restaurants or places you want to go to on dates,

hell, eat/drink at them as well, do the research with a friend, and have fun making the list,

so that if/when you reconnect with ex, or start dating a new guy,

you have this list with great tips!

- Etc.

Rushing to get back together or not taking it s-l-o-w when you reconnect

is usually the biggest reason people break up so many times in the first place.

 

Then after so many breakups, one or the other decides this relationship is permanently broken,

and leaves the relationship, but wants to stay friends.

 

If you’re really serious about «getting your ex back» this is the last thing you want.

Your old failed relationship is where the big/small fight, or mistake, etc. happened.

 

Let’s bury that fu*ker using no contact, learn from your mistakes,

and come back healed (this should take some time),

and ready for a fresh start with someone new or someone you used to date (the ex).

 

He is texting you:

 

Don't even try to understand the ex, it is wasted energy.

 

You'll have up days and down days, just ride the wave, that's all we can do,

it is part of grieving the loss of the old failed relationship.

 

It is natural, so don't fight it, just don't dwell on it too long either, because he wins -

and seriously - he's not worth that or space in your mind.

 

Stop obsessing about your ex, and help yourself first,

you don't need your ex back to be happy.

 

The roller coaster ride (the feelings you are having right now, and will have for months) is normal,

and unavoidable, but as long as you hold on tight (i.e. do not break no contact with, or because of, lame texts),

you will not get thrown out of the roller coaster wagon, and make it through to the end of the ride.

 

And then you get a T-shirt.

[ChinUp]

Sounds like bread crumbs but he may not know how to verablize how he feels and is trying to see if you're still interested.

 

If you love him - get counseling - now. Let him know that and see if he's interested in joining or going separately. If it's meant to be it will but it won't work if you don't address the love hate issue that you guys have going on.

 

We all take issues into relationships - mine was siginficant low self esteem and if I knew now what I didn't know my marriage might have worked out - maybe not as it takes two but a non biased third party can help you just have to be willing to do the work.

 

Best of luck with your situation.

[devastated777]

Yep, Breadcrumbs. Unless he is beating down the door, begging you back and saying how badly he has screwed up, its breadcrumbs.