Mimsicles Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I really do struggle to comprehend how a man's mind works. I met a guy who I thought was perfect, date 1 was brilliant, as was date 2. For the third date he suggested coming to mine to meet my family! The date went well. I'm quite an honest girl, so I told this guy that if all he's after is sex he's picked the wrong girl, he told me not to be so stupid. After our 3rd he has not contacted me at all. I wouldnt mind normally but now i've got the added stress of family members asking where he's disappeared to! What is it with guys disappearing after the third date?! I have never ever got passed thr 3rd date. I'm beginning to think its me! 1
soccerrprp Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 ....or it's b/c you're holding out on sex. Once they hear that, they scramble. Are you sure it has anything to do with it being the 3rd date? Sex you think? If sex, then you're weeding out those guys who do not meet your needs. It's a plus, but still a little depressing and upsetting, huh? 1
winny Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Don't worry... U r just weeding out wrong guys as said above.... Keep hope alive... am also trying to 3
InnocentMan Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Be grateful he bailed before you slept with him then. You would feel much worse if he ignored you after that. Also, maybe stop introducing randoms to your family after 2 dates. Just a thought. 3
CrystalCastles Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 ....or it's b/c you're holding out on sex. Once they hear that, they scramble. Are you sure it has anything to do with it being the 3rd date? Sex you think? If sex, then you're weeding out those guys who do not meet your needs. It's a plus, but still a little depressing and upsetting, huh? Well said. Not all men are like that. The ones who want more than sex will stick around even when you tell them, not now.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 This is just me but if a girl has introduced me to her family by the 3rd date and told me she's not putting out I'd be a little put off by that. Not to say I'd really want a girl that gives it out easy but if she's bothering to tell me that and she's already introduced me to her family I'd be thinking she's probably kind of needy and might give her some space. Maybe instead of that you can play things a little cooler and not blatantly tell guys that you're not sleeping with them yet. 4
soccerrprp Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Onethirtyeight has a point... Why would you introduce a guy you've only just met to your family? That could be another reason why THIS guy bailed. Heck, I would be a little nervous too if a girl had me meet her family only after 2-3 dates. Don't do this again.... 1
Versacehottie Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I really do struggle to comprehend how a man's mind works. I met a guy who I thought was perfect This is the first problem> try to refrain from deciding a guy is "perfect" when you don't really know him yet. No one is perfect and you are not really putting yourself in a negotiating stance but a committed one before the game has even begun. Even though you are honest and probably loyal, the negotiating part comes in when each of you is deciding whether or not the other is worthy and has earned the right to be in your life--the right to your complete honesty and loyalty. If you see someone as perfect, you can't really be in the right mindset to see them for what they are and what they are offering. It just reads as desperate without a word. It's a viscious circle.
SarcasticAbby Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Wait...did anyone else notice that she said HE suggested coming over to meet the family. This wasn't her idea to bring her future husband to meet the parents... Maybe something happened while he was visiting and decided you and your family weren't his thing after all??? 2
winny Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Wait...did anyone else notice that she said HE suggested coming over to meet the family. This wasn't her idea to bring her future husband to meet the parents... Maybe something happened while he was visiting and decided you and your family weren't his thing after all??? Or maybe he thought - OMG I met her family and now expectations are gonna be high... and I am not that serious yet for her... and bailed... But I don't understand why he would suggest meeting your family so soon... maybe he wasn't thinking properly and later on realized it was a mistake...
Mascara Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Or maybe he just didn't like being told off and treated like a potential sex pest. Bit like if out of the blue he'd said to the OP "by the way, if you're after a man just to buy you free dinners I'm not that kind, I won't date a gold digger". 8
Eggplant Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 For the third date he suggested coming to mine to meet my family! Inviting himself over to meet your family after 2 dates seems presumptuous on his part. I wouldn't waste any time worrying about this one. 1
Eggplant Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Or maybe he just didn't like being told off and treated like a potential sex pest. Bit like if out of the blue he'd said to the OP "by the way, if you're after a man just to buy you free dinners I'm not that kind, I won't date a gold digger". Yes, actually, I advise you not to tell a guy outright, "I won't have sex with you," before he even has asked about it. Why should he be rejected when he hasn't even made the move in the first place? Just assume men will act like gentlemen, and then when you meet a pig who doesn't, THEN you react. 1
Author Mimsicles Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 Sorry I forgot to mention thst in between the first and second date all he spoke about was sex and how he couldn't wait to sleep with me. I simply said that I was actually after a relationship and not just sex, thought I'd give him the opportunity to walk if that was all he wanted. I would also never invite a date to meet me family, he suggested it and I thought, why not? I thought he liked me that much he wanted to meet the family.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I think holding out on sex is the single best weapon in a woman's dating arsenal. I always say go at least a month. The right guy will hold out for it, no question. That said, there are two types of men in the world: 1. Men who want to have sex with you. and 2. Men who want to have sex with you and have a loving relationship with you. If you're not eventually going to be enthusiastic about bringing the bedroom party, you're gonna have a rough relationship life. I have a problem with this as a guy. I don't have any problem building a relationship first, I actually prefer the women who don't sleep around. That said if you're telling me that you're holding out rather than just letting it be a natural part of the relationship I'm going to be a little irritated. Why should there be rules and requirements on that? Why not just do what you feel when the timing is appropriate? I also don't like the concept of using sex as a tool to get someone to do something. That's a red flag that this will continue into the relationship and I'm not going to be a part of that.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Sorry I forgot to mention thst in between the first and second date all he spoke about was sex and how he couldn't wait to sleep with me. I simply said that I was actually after a relationship and not just sex, thought I'd give him the opportunity to walk if that was all he wanted. I would also never invite a date to meet me family, he suggested it and I thought, why not? I thought he liked me that much he wanted to meet the family. Well based on that the guy just sounds weird and this one isn't your fault if that's really how it was.
Sand Man Dan Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Be grateful he bailed before you slept with him then. You would feel much worse if he ignored you after that. Also, maybe stop introducing randoms to your family after 2 dates. Just a thought. That's it my man Be glad he bailed cause he was bad news if he wasn't willing to stick around
MrCastle Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I think holding out on sex is the single best weapon in a woman's dating arsenal. I always say go at least a month. The right guy will hold out for it, no question. That said, there are two types of men in the world: 1. Men who want to have sex with you. and 2. Men who want to have sex with you and have a loving relationship with you. If you're not eventually going to be enthusiastic about bringing the bedroom party, you're gonna have a rough relationship life. This does nothing. The man can play nice and say "you're right, no sex for a month" -- meanwhile he's screwing other girls while he waits out the one who won't put out. The belief that "good men" wait out and the belief that holding sex from men and using it as a weapon to try to weed certain people out is so misguided it's not even funny at this point. You can wait a month and the guy can still 1.) end up being a douche and/or 2.) end up being bad in bed, now you are emotionally invested in a man who can't satisfy your sexual needs. Good going. Postponing sex does nothing. 1
Eggplant Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 This does nothing. The man can play nice and say "you're right, no sex for a month" -- meanwhile he's screwing other girls while he waits out the one who won't put out. The belief that "good men" wait out and the belief that holding sex from men and using it as a weapon to try to weed certain people out is so misguided it's not even funny at this point. You can wait a month and the guy can still 1.) end up being a douche and/or 2.) end up being bad in bed, now you are emotionally invested in a man who can't satisfy your sexual needs. Good going. Postponing sex does nothing.For some women, it's not just a cold, calculating move. I, personally, physically do not want to have sex with somebody I don't trust yet. It would be very self-destructive to do otherwise. Just taking care of myself first, not trying to manipulate anybody.
MrCastle Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 For some women, it's not just a cold, calculating move. I, personally, physically do not want to have sex with somebody I don't trust yet. It would be very self-destructive to do otherwise. Just taking care of myself first, not trying to manipulate anybody. That's different. People should have sex when they are comfortable enough to do so -- but there are women out there who weaponize sex. You can't force a man to love you. These little gimmicks don't work. Waiting a month for sex doesn't mean you've found prince charming. The guy very well could say "four weeks? I can wait it out." -- then bang her, then leave her -- only now the woman has wasted an entire month of emotions and time on a guy who wasn't worth it. The thing people need to realize is that if people are bad for you, people are bad for you. Making them wait a month won't save you from being dumped, cheated on, etc. Holding out on sex has been proven time and time again to not be an effective tool, or else every woman would do it and they'd all be in happy relationships. 1
StanMusial Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 In my experience, more women use sex to catch a man instead of withholding it to catch a man. Neither one is good obviously. If you find a good one, he won't be talking about sex all the time while getting to know you. LOL. I know it's a cliche but honestly the people who are the most obsessed with sex are the ones who aren't getting any, probably hasn't had much, and won't be getting much. 2
TheGuard13 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Women seem to think that telling men they want to be used as something other than sex makes the men respect them. Maybe some men. Here's what it does for a lot of men. It makes some men think you have an immature/anxiety-based view toward sex and relationships in general. That you are more interested in "rules" than allowing a relationship to unfold naturally. Not all men think casual sex, or sex with someone you aren't going to marry and have kids with makes the women undateable/unmarriageable, etc. But because some of them do, there seem to be a lot of women who SCREAM their insecurity over this during the initial stages of dating. Men pick up on that and bail. Sometimes yes, they just want something more casual, at least at first. But if you don't even give them that opportunity, a lot of men aren't going to do what they consider as wasting their time in some sense or other. 2
Amelia81 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I was seeing a guy a year ago and because of how much I'd been messed about in the past it took me about seven weeks to feel comfortable enough with him to sleep with him, I didn't purposely hold out, I was just cautious and he understood why. Didn't stop the b**tard telling me when we broke up at the three month mark he felt something had been missing all along.. ALL ALONG!
MissBee Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Sorry I forgot to mention thst in between the first and second date all he spoke about was sex and how he couldn't wait to sleep with me. I simply said that I was actually after a relationship and not just sex, thought I'd give him the opportunity to walk if that was all he wanted. I would also never invite a date to meet me family, he suggested it and I thought, why not? I thought he liked me that much he wanted to meet the family. Hi Mimsicles, It doesn't matter how much a man likes you, I wouldn't make the 3rd date a meet the family thing, regardless of if he suggested it. Honestly, it sounds to me like this man was after sex and then tried to fastforward the relationship to get the sex by saying he wanted to meet your family so you'd believe he was after more and was so serious about you, then when you still reminded him there would be no sex, he got upset and bailed, as he figured the family card should have worked, it didn't, he has no more time to waste. I'd cut my losses and forget about him. No decent man who is serious about you will on the first and second date go on and on about not being able to wait to sleep with you. :sick:That should have been your clue that this man is a creep and the family thing was a thinly disguised ploy to have it come to fruition. 2
Author Mimsicles Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 So today he has contacted me, and I've had the most odd text messages ever. He initiated contacted and asked how I was, I replied and the conversation continued. At one point he was asking questions, waiting for a response then replying with one-word! What the hell is that all about?! I replied with 'ok' thinking there was no way he could respond to that but he did with 'haha'?!?! He then went on to say how bored he was. I did ask whether he meant in general or with our conversation. He replied with just in general and asked if I could text him tomorrow. I must always attract the strange ones!!!
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