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Girl (study partner) wanted me to stay at her place all night I decline for game

Necris

By Necris
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Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
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A few days ago a girl I know from one of my classes who I know as a friend wanted to study for our final exam together. Originally planned to meet at the local school library but she told me she wanted to study at her apartment.

 

So I go to her apartment and we study together there. Unfortunately it wasn't as productive as I hoped, it became more of a tutoring session where I was basically teaching her everything I knew from the class (she hardly shows up) but wasn't getting much out of it myself. I wanted it to be more of an actual study session but she would just play around on face book waiting for me to come up with solutions for practice problems. She also kept asking me questions on how to deal with some gay guy she knows who she believes is taking advantage of her, and what kind of presents another gay guy she knows would like for Christmas. I'm not gay myself so unsure why she is asking these questions.

 

She was nice though offering me food and drink. Eventually it starts getting late so I tell her I have to go. She pleads for me to stay until at least midnight and wanted me to stay there all night it seems. I decline saying I have to go, and she asks if I don't like being around her, I tell her that's not the case its just that its getting late, and she asks what I'm going to do when I get home and I just tell her I'm going to relax rewind and go to bed. She then gets somewhat annoyed and says I'm going to play videogames. I tell her the truth I'm going to play League of Legends.

 

We study for a few more minutes and I leave saying good bye and play League till 3am.

 

But after thinking about it I was wondering should I have stayed later and was she trying to come on to me? I'm totally clueless about women, relationships and such so I can't see these things. Or was I doing the right thing and just going home after an unproductive study session.

  • Like 1
Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted

Don't second guess yourself. You did good.

 

She was not coming on to you unfortunately. She was using you as a tool to help get her work done , especially now that the semester is at its end.

 

 

Also, 2 more points. If she wanted you, she wouldn't be talking to you about other guys , AND YOU if she liked you, you two wouldn't have been " studying " for very long.

 

You did the right thing, even though DOTA was way better than league.

  • Like 1
365daysgone Established Member

365daysgone

Posted
Posted

In my opinion, based on what you said, you definitely could have had sex with her. Invites you to her place. Wants you to stay. If you had of stayed and made a move, no question it could have happened.

  • Like 1
Eivuwan Established Member

Eivuwan

Posted
Posted
Don't second guess yourself. You did good.

 

She was not coming on to you unfortunately. She was using you as a tool to help get her work done , especially now that the semester is at its end.

 

 

Also, 2 more points. If she wanted you, she wouldn't be talking to you about other guys , AND YOU if she liked you, you two wouldn't have been " studying " for very long.

 

You did the right thing, even though DOTA was way better than league.

 

No way, League is better if just for the existence of Teemo.

 

To the op: I hate those situations in which me and someone else is suppose to be studying together and then it just turns into me helping the other person. I won't do a study session again unless I actually need help on something.

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
In my opinion, based on what you said, you definitely could have had sex with her. Invites you to her place. Wants you to stay. If you had of stayed and made a move, no question it could have happened.

 

I think that is what she wants him to think. The picture I'm getting is this girl asks this guy who seems to have an understanding of the class to study with her. Then when he shows up she doesn't really pay attention to him or even what he's saying about the class and just mooching answers off him. She then uses him as someone to chat to like girl friend not like a guy she's interested in, as in there doesn't seem to have been any talk about mutual interests or if he's single or whatever.

 

I had a girl do this to me once, really pissed me off. She flirted with me enough for me to allow her to spend the night at my place and for me to help her with her work. I totally thought I had this one in the bag. I even went to the trouble to fire up the bbq and get some nice beer. All she did was talk to me about the stuff I was helping her with and then leave. She didn't want to do anything else, not even go for a walk or watch a movie at my place.

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Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Don't second guess yourself. You did good.

 

She was not coming on to you unfortunately. She was using you as a tool to help get her work done , especially now that the semester is at its end.

 

 

Also, 2 more points. If she wanted you, she wouldn't be talking to you about other guys , AND YOU if she liked you, you two wouldn't have been " studying " for very long.

 

You did the right thing, even though DOTA was way better than league.

 

 

Yeah probably, talking to me about other guys like I'm another girl doesn't strike me as interest, almost seems as if she thinks I'm gay asking me about her troubles with her gay friends.

RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

Posted
Posted

Oh, holy crap....

 

Guy....you left a girl throwing herself to go play video games. Just say that to yourself out-loud a couple of times.

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
Oh, holy crap....

 

Guy....you left a girl throwing herself to go play video games. Just say that to yourself out-loud a couple of times.

 

He so didn't. I don't think she ever even said he can spend the night, I think he's just guessing that.

  • Like 1
ShyGuy5 Established Member

ShyGuy5

Posted
Posted

When am I going to catch a break like this?

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

Call her up, ask her how she did on the final. Talk a little about that.

 

Make plans to see her again.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted
Oh, holy crap....

 

Guy....you left a girl throwing herself to go play video games. Just say that to yourself out-loud a couple of times.

 

You need to get your eyes checked. No one three themselves at anyone.

  • Like 1
ShyGuy5 Established Member

ShyGuy5

Posted
Posted
Call her up, ask her how she did on the final. Talk a little about that.

 

Make plans to see her again.

 

I second this guy. Great plan because you can find out if she was using you for the final or if she likes you based on how she reacts. Hopefully if she likes you the flame didn't burn out when you left her for LoL

  • Like 3
Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted (edited)
A few days ago a girl I know from one of my classes who I know as a friend wanted to study for our final exam together. Originally planned to meet at the local school library but she told me she wanted to study at her apartment.

 

So I go to her apartment and we study together there. Unfortunately it wasn't as productive as I hoped, it became more of a tutoring session where I was basically teaching her everything I knew from the class (she hardly shows up) but wasn't getting much out of it myself. I wanted it to be more of an actual study session but she would just play around on face book waiting for me to come up with solutions for practice problems. She also kept asking me questions on how to deal with some gay guy she knows who she believes is taking advantage of her, and what kind of presents another gay guy she knows would like for Christmas. I'm not gay myself so unsure why she is asking these questions.

 

She was nice though offering me food and drink. Eventually it starts getting late so I tell her I have to go. She pleads for me to stay until at least midnight and wanted me to stay there all night it seems. I decline saying I have to go, and she asks if I don't like being around her, I tell her that's not the case its just that its getting late, and she asks what I'm going to do when I get home and I just tell her I'm going to relax rewind and go to bed. She then gets somewhat annoyed and says I'm going to play videogames. I tell her the truth I'm going to play League of Legends.

 

We study for a few more minutes and I leave saying good bye and play League till 3am.

 

But after thinking about it I was wondering should I have stayed later and was she trying to come on to me? I'm totally clueless about women, relationships and such so I can't see these things. Or was I doing the right thing and just going home after an unproductive study session.

 

 

 

 

Dude....

 

 

 

NOTING ANNOYS A WOMAN LIKE YOU NOT WANTING TO 4UCK HER IN THAT SITUATION.

 

 

I would agree she was using you but I have had two long lasting hetero relationships start like that. (My on and off EX "S", and my last lover "M"). This kind of study session is how people hook up.

 

 

They aren't going to spell it out for you.

 

 

Try what SD said. She might refuse you feeling that you already rejected her.

Edited by Mrlonelyone
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Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
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Posted
He so didn't. I don't think she ever even said he can spend the night, I think he's just guessing that.

 

She never actually said I can spend the night.

 

She said, "you aren't leaving, please stay until at least midnight, we need to study."

ShyGuy5 Established Member

ShyGuy5

Posted
Posted

What were you doing in the first place? It seems like you knew the material, so weren't you over there to spend time with her? Possibly impress her with your skills? You knew she didn't go to class, so why were you expecting her to go Albert Einstein on you? Then she put the ball on the tee for you by inviting you over to her place. She talked about everything other than the material too. What I would give to be in your position, especially if I was attracted to the girl.

  • Like 1
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Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
What were you doing in the first place? It seems like you knew the material, so weren't you over there to spend time with her? Possibly impress her with your skills? You knew she didn't go to class, so why were you expecting her to go Albert Einstein on you? Then she put the ball on the tee for you by inviting you over to her place. She talked about everything other than the material too. What I would give to be in your position, especially if I was attracted to the girl.

 

I knew she took the class before and was retaking it so I thought she would have some knowledge of the material, and while I know a good amount of the information there were things that confused me as well in the class so I thought we could get together combine what we know together and find solutions to potential problems that may be on the final.

PogoStick Established Member

PogoStick

Posted
Posted

You won't know because you didn't make a move. Why not suggest a movie and cuddle with her?

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
She never actually said I can spend the night.

 

She said, "you aren't leaving, please stay until at least midnight, we need to study."

 

Yeah that really nails it. I bet she was all batting her eyelashes to get you to stay so she could use your help.

 

How has she been towards you before this?

 

You have to connect the dots here. Does it seem like she was only nice to you to get something out of it or does she give you any attention outside of that?

Elliotte Established Member

Elliotte

Posted
Posted

To me this isn't a matter of 'should you have made a move or not' and more a matter of you clearly didn't care to, you weren't into her, she seems annoying, you go over to work on class stuff together and she just gossips and scrolls through Facebook? If she liked you she has a very odd way of showing it.

 

MAYBE she was trying to get you to have sex with her, but more likely, she was bored and didn't want to be alone. You obviously didn't care much for her company, and no one can blame you for that, so you went home to do something you knew you would enjoy instead of sticking around because she guilted you into it.

 

I really don't like this attitude people have of "take sex whenever a girl offers!", you weren't into her, you turned her down, then you left and had fun instead. Good job, and don't worry about it!

  • Like 4
Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
To me this isn't a matter of 'should you have made a move or not' and more a matter of you clearly didn't care to, you weren't into her, she seems annoying, you go over to work on class stuff together and she just gossips and scrolls through Facebook? If she liked you she has a very odd way of showing it.

 

MAYBE she was trying to get you to have sex with her, but more likely, she was bored and didn't want to be alone. You obviously didn't care much for her company, and no one can blame you for that, so you went home to do something you knew you would enjoy instead of sticking around because she guilted you into it.

 

I really don't like this attitude people have of "take sex whenever a girl offers!", you weren't into her, you turned her down, then you left and had fun instead. Good job, and don't worry about it!

 

This is a very good point. I was assuming the OP would have taken the sex with her otherwise we wouldn't be having this discussion. It very well could be that other people's opinions influenced him and now he's second guessing what he did.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted
This is a very good point. I was assuming the OP would have taken the sex with her otherwise we wouldn't be having this discussion. It very well could be that other people's opinions influenced him and now he's second guessing what he did.

 

It just reinforces the societal berating of a man that turns down sex.

 

 

If a man turns down sex, or a at chance at sex, he is either gay or something is wrong with him ( according to society )

 

Sometimes we are just not into it. We shouldn't have to be robots with on off switches.

  • Like 3
Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
It just reinforces the societal berating of a man that turns down sex.

 

 

If a man turns down sex, or a at chance at sex, he is either gay or something is wrong with him ( according to society )

 

Sometimes we are just not into it. We shouldn't have to be robots with on off switches.

 

Yeah I mean if he's not into her he's not into her. I think a lot of people here were assuming (as was I) that he's bringing this up because he would have at least considered it if she was willing. I know I wouldn't be bringing up something like this if I wasn't interested on some level or was given such a hard time about it was questioning my choice.

ShyGuy5 Established Member

ShyGuy5

Posted
Posted

If he was confident with his decision to go home and play video games, then he wouldn't have brought it up here. He either feels like he missed the signals and is kicking himself/overthinking about it or possibly he was afraid of what might happen and escaped.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted
Yeah I mean if he's not into her he's not into her. I think a lot of people here were assuming (as was I) that he's bringing this up because he would have at least considered it if she was willing. I know I wouldn't be bringing up something like this if I wasn't interested on some level or was given such a hard time about it was questioning my choice.

 

 

 

If he's not into her why start the thread.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted
If he's not into her why start the thread.

 

survivors guilt.

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