NewlySingle1975 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Hey everyone: First I want to say this group is great and helpful. I'm going through a breakup that just occurred yesterday. I've been through breakups before and some even really bad ones. Right now I'm feeling the full force of this break up. Here's my story. I met my ex a couple years ago off a dating site. We'll call her Sharon. She was 4 years younger than me, a Christian, never been married, and no kids....basically everything I was looking for in a relationship. We exchanged emails and then set up our first coffee date. Everything was going great. I met her family, fell in love with them too, and my life was wonderful. The only problem at the time was she lives over an hour away, but we still managed to find time to see each other. Well to make a long story short, today Sharon called me yesterday and told me she had been thinking a lot about us and said she felt like she just wanted to be friends. I asked her why she felt that way, and she told me she didn't feel like we were on the same page "spiritually". Also, she said she never wants to move out of her town (again, an hour away) because her family, friends, church, and everything are there. I told her I was not 100% opposed to moving to her town, but I would have to find a job better than the one I have now, which means more money, and I would want to be able to afford a house nicer than the one I have now. I mean if you're going to move, the whole point is to make your life better. She, on the other hand, has been unemployed for a while and now lives with a roommate, and her parents have been helping her make ends meet. So it would only seem logical for her to move to my town if we got married, since I own my own home, have a job, a business, and am well established. Anyway, I was upset and shocked. I said some things I probably shouldn't have in the heat of the moment. She said "Couldn't we try being friends and see where things go? I think I need to be single for a while to get some things straight." I've been down this road before, that won't work. I explained to her how it wouldn't work and if we are breaking up, it needs to be a clean "break". I told her she needs to make sure this is exactly what she wanted because when I break up with someone, I want to make 100% sure it is the right thing. I want to be able to look back with no regrets and know we did everything we could. I then said if this is what she wants, then it's over...there is no playing this game of going "back and forth" because I will only give her the chance to hurt me once. She said she felt we are better off as friends. I told her I needed to go. I then immediately went to Facebook and changed my relationship status, then unfriended her. I just think the healing process will be better if we weren't friends on FB. Later in the day, I texted her and told her I said some things earlier I probably shouldn't. I then told her I respect her decision and there are no hard feelings. I told her she was right, and if God wants us back together, He will make that happen. And that's where I left it. I acted calm, cool, and collected after I had time to calm down. Now for the reality, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I love her and miss her. We were supposed to spend Christmas together but she said she didn't feel "right" going through Christmas and making me think things are ok. I'm just torn right now and realize the major hurt hasn't even begun. Part of me wants her back, is in love with her, and is thinking "Just be cool. Use NC, she will miss you, and she will be back." Another part says "No, stick to your guns. You told her if she ended it that would be it. Don't take her back under any circumstances. Move on to someone new after you get over this." So I'm just confused. I honestly want to get in the car, drive over to her house, and be with her. But I'm not going to do that, that's just one of the wild thoughts running through my head just like wanting to text her or call her (again, just thoughts. I'm not acting on them.) I had a good female friend of mine tell me to maintain NC and when I get the urge to call Sharon, call her instead and vent all I want. I think my best option is do nothing. I think if we are meant to be together, let God handle it and we will get back together. If not, then there is someone else out there. That still doesn't make it any easier. Any thoughts? Suggestions?
legion113 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Boot her, it doesn't sound like she'll ever leave her town or friends. If a woman really was into you, nothing would stop her from being with you. the fact that she's unemployed, living with a roommate, getting help from her parents, and doesn't see moving to you with your own home, business, job and being well established, as a blessing from God has got to raising the hairs on the back of your head. Something is just not right don't you think? If you moved to her town and gave up all that you currently have, you would resent her sooner or later. That and you would feel trapped. If you married her and tried to leave she would probably bail on you, except at that point you might have kids. Run FORREST RUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!! 1
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