SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Hello everyone. I just wanted to present my scenario to you all and see what others think...I have recently been talking to a woman that is 37 years old. I am 22. It is difficult for me to even describe how much I enjoy talking to her. I realize my relationship history isn't that extensive at the age of 22, but I have never enjoyed talking to a female as much as I enjoy talking to her. She is just on a completely different realm than anyone I have talked to before. I woke up this morning after about 4 hours of sleep thinking about her and couldn't go back to sleep because of it. I've never felt anything like that for a girl before. It is uncanny how many interests we share...and how well we connect. At this point, I am unsure if she wants to pursue a relationship with me or not. From my perspective, I am thinking I do want to regardless of our age difference...The way we met just feels like we were meant to be together (for privacy, I don't want to get into the details of that). I presented myself with the following options: 1) I date her and deal with the age difference. 2) I don't date her and my subconscious torments me day and night about wanting to. If I don't pursue this relationship, I know I won't be able to stop thinking about her and wish that I had. I have acknowledged several of the negatives associated with a 15-year age difference. But what do you guys think? I would appreciate hearing some second opinions on this case.
Mascara Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 There's a scenario you haven't considered. She may not be interested in YOU, although you acknowledge she may be unsure. To me that is the most likely outcome. I'm 42, and I broke up with someone 12 years younger than me because I'm not interested in that kind of age difference. And this is even more extreme. At 22, you are a boy. A 37 year old will most likely have little interest.
mortensorchid Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I say go for it! I'm a woman, about to be 39 in another week or so, and I'm having a good time seeing younger men now if and when. Isn't that a fantasy that a young man wants to go out and meet a mature, sophisticated, older woman? And who knows? It may be awesome for both of you, and I'm not just talking about sex either. You never know, go for every opportunity you come across. 1
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Mascara, that is true. I am a boy. Stating that I am different than your average 22-year old is a cliche that you probably don't want to hear. However, I am 5 months away from a Master's degree at the age of 22. I am applying for a Ph.D. program shortly afterwards. I feel like I truly am different than your average "boy." Academic achievements do not make me mature by any means. Nonetheless, I think that I am now a composed adult, capable of handling a relationship with a 37-year old woman. She may not be interested in me...But if she IS? 1
gaius Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 To me that is the most likely outcome. I'm 42, and I broke up with someone 12 years younger than me because I'm not interested in that kind of age difference. And this is even more extreme. At 22, you are a boy. A 37 year old will most likely have little interest. Why would you even date him in the first place if you weren't interested or thought he was nothing special because of his age? Soaring, I don't really get why this is so confusing for you. Are you worried about what people might think? Is it a having children thing? You connect with her and if shes so busy talking to you all the time she gets something out if it too. Just treat her like any other sexy woman you want and pursue her. Don't let the age difference intimidate you. 1
Mascara Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Because I dated him, and then discovered I wasn't interested because of the age difference. Until I dated him, I wasn't aware that it would be an issue for me. Turns out it was.
pteromom Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If you are just interested in FWB or a short-term thing, I'd go for it. But if you think you want a LTR, I would definitely think twice. Not only about the kid thing, but the difference in your age is going to accelerate as you both get older.
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 This post was mainly out of curiosity...I just wanted to see what everyone else thought about this. Actually, I am looking for something long-term out of this...
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 A question that I would like to know your opinions on is: Is a 15-year age difference something that should keep me from pursuing a relationship, when not pursuing that relationship would make me completely miserable?
mammasita Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Does she have kids? I'm 38 and wouldn't come close to considering a LTR with a 22 year old. I know you think you're different and more mature than your fellow 22 year old male crushing beer cans on their forehead and burping the alphabet.....but are you really? Have you truly experienced your early 20's?
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 She does not. What do you mean by have I truly experienced my early 20's?
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 And what are the reasons that you would not even consider it?
mammasita Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 She does not. What do you mean by have I truly experienced my early 20's? Partied, acted stupid, dated a bunch of girls, typical guy things?
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 No I have done none of that...at all.
Mariposa10 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 For me this is a no-no. If the woman or the guy is old enough to be his/her parent. It's too weird. Before things get more serious, confusing, I would run away from this.
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 For me this is a no-no. If the woman or the guy is old enough to be his/her parent. It's too weird. Before things get more serious, confusing, I would run away from this. What if you had feelings for them unlike feelings you have had for anyone else before? What if that person set the standard for who you could be happy with in the future?
Mariposa10 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 What if you had feelings for them unlike feelings you have had for anyone else before? What if that person set the standard for who you could be happy with in the future? I don't believe in soul mates, so I would risk it and try to find someone who's closer to my age. Don't get me wrong, I dated someone who was 10 older than me. But I think the limit is 10 yrs, or as long as they are not old enough to be your parent. This situation sounds too complicated, I'm trying to run away from complicated in my life. Maybe I'm being biased. If I were her, I'd run from you too.
todreaminblue Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I think it comes to maturity levels interests goals and life aspirations.......i have always gone out with older men...even as a teen......mainly because i like men who know what they want and go after it.....my shyness inhibits first moves....younger guys are hesitant..............i never say never now though......cause it's stoopid when you don't know what the future holds....... the age gap is significant and you have friends and family who are going to not be on side......that will crop up if you were to date.....looks snide comments that sort of thing...personally i wouldnt give a hoot about looks or comments.......but you may .....she may......actually care........ i went otu with a guy who didnt speak a word of english dated him for quite a while....fabricio.....lol.....we had fun........i think cultural and language barriers are far harder to deal with ......used a lot of sign language......as logn as you relate and connect on more than one level ....you can always try........there is no reason why an ltr might not work more than say, a fwb.....same emotions running there.....but more commitment...are you ready for that........deb
winny Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Hello everyone. I just wanted to present my scenario to you all and see what others think...I have recently been talking to a woman that is 37 years old. I am 22. It is difficult for me to even describe how much I enjoy talking to her. I realize my relationship history isn't that extensive at the age of 22, but I have never enjoyed talking to a female as much as I enjoy talking to her. She is just on a completely different realm than anyone I have talked to before. I woke up this morning after about 4 hours of sleep thinking about her and couldn't go back to sleep because of it. I've never felt anything like that for a girl before. It is uncanny how many interests we share...and how well we connect. At this point, I am unsure if she wants to pursue a relationship with me or not. From my perspective, I am thinking I do want to regardless of our age difference...The way we met just feels like we were meant to be together (for privacy, I don't want to get into the details of that). I presented myself with the following options: 1) I date her and deal with the age difference. 2) I don't date her and my subconscious torments me day and night about wanting to. If I don't pursue this relationship, I know I won't be able to stop thinking about her and wish that I had. I have acknowledged several of the negatives associated with a 15-year age difference. But what do you guys think? I would appreciate hearing some second opinions on this case. If you feel such a connection and she is also okay then ... date her... Life is too short... give it a try.. what do u have to lose anyway...
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I think it comes to maturity levels interests goals and life aspirations.......i have always gone out with older men...even as a teen......mainly because i like men who know what they want and go after it.....my shyness inhibits first moves....younger guys are hesitant..............i never say never now though......cause it's stoopid when you don't know what the future holds....... the age gap is significant and you have friends and family who are going to not be on side......that will crop up if you were to date.....looks snide comments that sort of thing...personally i wouldnt give a hoot about looks or comments.......but you may .....she may......actually care........ i went otu with a guy who didnt speak a word of english dated him for quite a while....fabricio.....lol.....we had fun........i think cultural and language barriers are far harder to deal with ......used a lot of sign language......as logn as you relate and connect on more than one level ....you can always try........there is no reason why an ltr might not work more than say, a fwb.....same emotions running there.....but more commitment...are you ready for that........deb As crazy as it might sound, I am ready for commitment at the age of 22.
FitChick Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 What if she gets pregnant? You don't have any other options or think you don't, so you want this woman to be long term. I say have fun now but think about serious relationships in a few years when you have established your career. If she doesn't want kids, then the age gap is less of a problem. I've dated guys fifteen years younger but we were much older than you two. The age gap shrinks as you get older, especially after forty.
Ratisse Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Hello everyone. I just wanted to present my scenario to you all and see what others think...I have recently been talking to a woman that is 37 years old. I am 22. It is difficult for me to even describe how much I enjoy talking to her. I realize my relationship history isn't that extensive at the age of 22, but I have never enjoyed talking to a female as much as I enjoy talking to her. She is just on a completely different realm than anyone I have talked to before. I woke up this morning after about 4 hours of sleep thinking about her and couldn't go back to sleep because of it. I've never felt anything like that for a girl before. It is uncanny how many interests we share...and how well we connect. At this point, I am unsure if she wants to pursue a relationship with me or not. From my perspective, I am thinking I do want to regardless of our age difference...The way we met just feels like we were meant to be together (for privacy, I don't want to get into the details of that). I presented myself with the following options: 1) I date her and deal with the age difference. 2) I don't date her and my subconscious torments me day and night about wanting to. If I don't pursue this relationship, I know I won't be able to stop thinking about her and wish that I had. I have acknowledged several of the negatives associated with a 15-year age difference. But what do you guys think? I would appreciate hearing some second opinions on this case. I say do it. When I was 22 at one point I was dating a 42 yr old. Older women are pretty mature with not playing games with what they want and since you described things the way you did: "2) I don't date her and my subconscious torments me day and night about wanting to. If I don't pursue this relationship, I know I won't be able to stop thinking about her and wish that I had."- It's probably best for you to follow your desires. When it comes to dating what is important is how YOU feel about what you are doing not what anyone else thinks as well as acting on your desires instead of living in woulda-coulda-shoulda land. 2
Versacehottie Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I guess I have a mentality of more go with the flow. And I say why not? Especially for you. It's not easy to find people that you connect with so well and usually means that there is something significant to it. Go for it! If you don't have a problem with it, she may not either. I think the big question as far as an age difference lies in her court. After all, she takes a bigger risk (in terms of time spent if the relationship doesn't work out). The strength of your feelings for each other is how each of you decide whether it's worth that risk. There's less of an inherent risk when people are closer in age to each other. Or, in reality, when the guy is the older one. But don't let the negative opinions influence you. One of the joys of life, and certainly for being 22!, is that you can go after what you want and you absolutely should. Good luck and let us know what happens! 1
PogoStick Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Sure do it. why not? She could be genuinely thrilled at having a younger guy and will keep you as long as possible. It could go the other way too where she will have some fun and then look for a guy she has a real connection with. Be prepared.
Author SoaringPhoenix91 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I guess I have a mentality of more go with the flow. And I say why not? Especially for you. It's not easy to find people that you connect with so well and usually means that there is something significant to it. Go for it! If you don't have a problem with it, she may not either. I think the big question as far as an age difference lies in her court. After all, she takes a bigger risk (in terms of time spent if the relationship doesn't work out). The strength of your feelings for each other is how each of you decide whether it's worth that risk. There's less of an inherent risk when people are closer in age to each other. Or, in reality, when the guy is the older one. But don't let the negative opinions influence you. One of the joys of life, and certainly for being 22!, is that you can go after what you want and you absolutely should. Good luck and let us know what happens! Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it. It definitely isn't easy to find someone I connect with that well...I have never found someone like that before. I will let you know how it turns out. It could take a while though. I don't want to rush things. 1
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