BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I wanted to make a journal, but it won't allow me on here. So this will be my thread for all the things I wish I could tell him, but WON'T because I'm remaining No Contact!! Please just let me write what I feel without criticizing it. I don't want to hear how "wrong" I am to feel the way I feel. I just want somewhere to put my feelings and be able to look back at them. Getting it off my chest will help me to let that thought go and eventually let him go. It's better than contacting him, right? It will be interesting to see where I am at 30 days of NC and then 60 days and so on. Alright, let's start with today, Day 5: Dear ____, Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. I’ve been…busy. And yes, I’m staying with a friend and I’m doing well. I wish things would have ended differently, but I’m not sorry for how they happened. Goodbyes are never easy and that one was exceptionally hard. There was no easy way out, and I wouldn’t have been able to if you were there. I hope you’re okay. I have been using this time apart to think about a lot of things. I don’t know how to feel or what to say. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this. I just felt like I needed to tell you.
Why so consistent Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Well I'm watching you ! Stay strong cotton
stillafool Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Would you prefer that no one comment on this thread so it will be only your writing? Just let us know.
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Would you prefer that no one comment on this thread so it will be only your writing? Just let us know. Oh I don't mind. As long as it isn't mean towards how I feel. I mean, at least I'm not telling him how I really feel, right? We all feel things that aren't probably the best for us, but I just want to be able to write mine down rather than keeping it in my head. It feels good to let it out and maybe one day I can look back at this and gain something from it.
Phoe Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Write it out as much as you like, it truly helps. In time you'll look back on your writings and think "really? I felt that way? How silly" and then you'll know that you've moved on from it. 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) I remember the night I cried in your arms after you told me that you didn't love me that way. We laid on the couch holding each other and I just soaked your shirt with my tears. I remember clinging on tight, I didn't want you to let me go. I never cried like that before. In fact, I hate crying in front of people, but it just came out. I could feel your heart beating faster and I know it hurt you too. You squeezed me tight and kissed me. I know you didn't want to hurt me. You can't help the way you feel. I'm beginning to understand this. I remember my heart just shattering. I finally lifted myself off of you and ran to my room and collapsed onto my bed wishing you could love me back. I was shaking and my head was fuzzy. My eyes were blurry and I wish my bed could lift me away... You came in after me and laid next to me and just hugged me. You kissed the back of my head. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I know you cared. But god, this is hard. I forgive you. Edited December 20, 2013 by BlessYourCottonSocks
legion113 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Wow, wish my ex would write something like that about me, but oh yeah, she's nuts, I forgot. Oh and if that's you in the pic....HOLY CRAP! You're gorgeous! :-)
KatZee Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I honestly can't believe this cycle is still going on!! 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 I understand why you didn't answer my text or call last night. I really did need your help though. But I understand because it is over and I shouldn't have expected you too call. But in a weird way, thanks for not answering because who knows what would have happened after that. I might have even regretted it more. Unfortunately, now I'm back to DAY 1 I don't want to write to you anymore right now.
Recommended Posts