cdanner09 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Alright. So a little background on us. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2+ years. We live together and usually things are great. I have some issue with his ex. She can't seem to stay out of his life. We've had several fights over this before. I've found texts/phone calls between the two and although I know they haven't met up together behind my back, I'm afraid that he might still have feelings for her. I have expressed how much it really bothers me that he is still in contact with her and told him he needs to stop. SO. A day or two ago, he went home for the holidays (we live about 6 hours away from the town we grew up in). I drove in last night. I had plans to stay with my parents, but last minute they weren't home, so I decided to make my way over to his house for the night. His parents were also out of town, so he had the house to himself. I pull up and let myself in. He had a few friends over drinking some beer and BBQ-ing, no big deal, BUT his ex girlfriend is also there. I couldn't believe it. I told him we're over and I don't want to talk to him anymore. I haven't talked to him since. I'm most pissed at the fact that I've TOLD him how much it hurts that he's still in contact with her. Talking to her is one thing, but meeting up with her without me knowing? They weren't doing anything, but come on, inviting her over to drink when he has the house to himself? Am I overreacting?
Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Some people can be friends with ex's assuming the breakup was mutual. I know I'm still on decent terms with everyone I've dated with the exception of one chick that kept trying to make me jealous while in a relationship with her. Not to say I'd invite all of them over for a bbq but a I can think of at least two girls that I dated for maybe 3 months each that I would consider inviting over if I was doing something. I'd say the less time they were together the more likely it is they can still be friends and its just platonic so I don't know how you can have a problem with it.
Author cdanner09 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 I agree. Platonic relationships with exes are totally possible. But what if it is at the expense of your current girlfriend's feelings? And I would also like to add - the previous texts I have found have been NOT-so-platonic in nature.
tlegend Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 1) You told him how you felt about his situation with his ex. 2) I'm also assuming you let him know you wouldn't tolerate it (hence the fights). 3) He KNEW what he was doing when his ex showed up. 4) You deserve better. If he can't be honest with you about having a platonic friendship, it begs to question, why is he hiding it? 5
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I agree. Platonic relationships with exes are totally possible. But what if it is at the expense of your current girlfriend's feelings? And I would also like to add - the previous texts I have found have been NOT-so-platonic in nature. Everything you've said indicates that you have a reason to be concerned. You've told him how you feel and he basically ignores that. Also, what was said in these messages? 2
bmh Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 How long did they date and also how long were they broken up before you two started dating? Any more information on the "not so platonic" text? Regardless he knew how you felt about her and disregarded your feelings...that is not ok. 2
Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I agree. Platonic relationships with exes are totally possible. But what if it is at the expense of your current girlfriend's feelings? And I would also like to add - the previous texts I have found have been NOT-so-platonic in nature. Well if he's sending flirty/kinky texts I understand why you'd be upset. I thought you were just being one of those girls that gets all irritated when I guy manages to be friends with an ex.
mrs rubble Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 You have told him how much his contact with her bothers you and he has met up with her behind your back....he's showing a total lack of respect for your feelings. I'd be pi$$ed off big time if my partner did this! 2
ThatMan Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) I'm going to do what I want & I don't care how you feel. Yeah... No thanks. I don't think you're overreacting to his nonsense at all. Do you plan to maintain zero contact? Edited December 20, 2013 by ThatMan phone 2
Blade96 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If just friends I'd say you was overreacting. But this "he's sending flirty/kinky texts" and you have a reason to flip the f out. So flip the F out. You have my blessing. That is just wrong! 1
Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If just friends I'd say you was overreacting. But this "he's sending flirty/kinky texts" and you have a reason to flip the f out. So flip the F out. You have my blessing. That is just wrong! Um that was was my line you quoted, I don't think it has been confirmed he's sending such texts. That really is the important part here. If she has any real reason to suspect infidelity its understandable but if they're just talking and being friends then she has no reason to be upset.
GoreSP Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I agree. Platonic relationships with exes are totally possible. But what if it is at the expense of your current girlfriend's feelings? And I would also like to add - the previous texts I have found have been NOT-so-platonic in nature. I was going to say you over-reacted until I read this part (about the not-so-platonic nature of the texts) SO yeah - **** him.
mammasita Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 The problem is he didn't know you'd be showing up and she was there. HUGE red flag IMO. How did he react when you showed up? 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Alright. So a little background on us. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2+ years. We live together and usually things are great. I have some issue with his ex. She can't seem to stay out of his life. We've had several fights over this before. I've found texts/phone calls between the two and although I know they haven't met up together behind my back, I'm afraid that he might still have feelings for her. I have expressed how much it really bothers me that he is still in contact with her and told him he needs to stop. SO. A day or two ago, he went home for the holidays (we live about 6 hours away from the town we grew up in). I drove in last night. I had plans to stay with my parents, but last minute they weren't home, so I decided to make my way over to his house for the night. His parents were also out of town, so he had the house to himself. I pull up and let myself in. He had a few friends over drinking some beer and BBQ-ing, no big deal, BUT his ex girlfriend is also there. I couldn't believe it. I told him we're over and I don't want to talk to him anymore. I haven't talked to him since. I'm most pissed at the fact that I've TOLD him how much it hurts that he's still in contact with her. Talking to her is one thing, but meeting up with her without me knowing? They weren't doing anything, but come on, inviting her over to drink when he has the house to himself? Am I overreacting? Oh c'mon, unless they share kids together, there is exactly one reason why he has any interest in mere 'friendship' with this ex, and that's to get back into her pants at some point. Just stay on your path and keep going... 1
CptSaveAho Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 As a guy, I'd instantly break up with a girl that was in casual communication with an ex much less hanging out with them I've been in a relationship where I should have broken up with a girl when this was going on. Save yourself some time OP and just move on and ignore his excuses 1
regine_phalange Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Being shady always destroys a relationship. Ignoring your love's very valid request destroys it even more. If you take him back, you will keep wondering "what if right now he is doing something behind my back?". Which will result in lots of stress, tension and fights. 1
Janesays Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Regardless of his 'friendship' with his ex, this guy has proven already that he is a liar and a sneak. Both dealbreakers in my book. Liars don't generally quit lying. They just get better at covering their tracks. Let the ex keep this 'prize.' You can do better. 3
veggirl Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 He watched you go so he could let her stay. That shows where his feelings lie. You weren't wrong at all. 4
Onethirtyeight Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 He watched you go so he could let her stay. That shows where his feelings lie. You weren't wrong at all. Not knowing the whole story the guy could have the same thought process I would in that situation. Which would boil down to "If my GF is going to make a big deal out of me being friends with an ex she can leave before I dump her for being such a pedantic pain in the ass". Not sure if that's what's going on because I'm not into cheating or hiding things, so it would be pretty clear we're just platonic friends. I also don't do well with people demanding I do something I didn't agree to. There is that possible side to it and I wouldn't be in such a hurry to make the guy look bad.
veggirl Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Not knowing the whole story the guy could have the same thought process I would in that situation. Which would boil down to "If my GF is going to make a big deal out of me being friends with an ex she can leave before I dump her for being such a pedantic pain in the ass". Not sure if that's what's going on because I'm not into cheating or hiding things, so it would be pretty clear we're just platonic friends. I also don't do well with people demanding I do something I didn't agree to. There is that possible side to it and I wouldn't be in such a hurry to make the guy look bad. Okay well in the OPs story she has already found inappropriate texts between them, so obviously it is not platonic/innocent and she has every right to be concerned.
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