Cinnimon Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 After walking away from a 3 1/2 year A that I was completly consumed with, I have finally let go. Do I still hurt at times and miss him? Yes I do, BUT I decided that as much thought I was putting into the A, into him, into us, into the whole thing, I HAD to let it go and start thinking about me, my life, my wants and needs. I force my thoughts to go somewhere else. I force myself to say it's over for good. I went out on a date last night and instead of thinking about mm I thought about myself and my date, and you know what, I had a wonderful time. We laughed, talked, went for a walk, we looked at christmas lights, had dinner and a drink. He held my hand and he gave me a kiss at the end of the evening. He wasn't rushing to get home. He wasn't hiding me, he wasn't talking about his marriage, he was into me and I into him. Not one time did I check my phone. Not once did I think about mm, not once did I ask when it would be okay to call or text. It was freeing.I'm starting feel like I am coming back to life. 2 months ago, I felt like this would NEVER be the case, that I would never recover but I realized it was my own mind holding me prisoner. You can't control the heart but when you control the head, the heart will soon start to follow. YAY ME !!!!!!! 21
Nothisgirl Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 After walking away from a 3 1/2 year A that I was completly consumed with, I have finally let go. Do I still hurt at times and miss him? Yes I do, BUT I decided that as much thought I was putting into the A, into him, into us, into the whole thing, I HAD to let it go and start thinking about me, my life, my wants and needs. I force my thoughts to go somewhere else. I force myself to say it's over for good. I went out on a date last night and instead of thinking about mm I thought about myself and my date, and you know what, I had a wonderful time. We laughed, talked, went for a walk, we looked at christmas lights, had dinner and a drink. He held my hand and he gave me a kiss at the end of the evening. He wasn't rushing to get home. He wasn't hiding me, he wasn't talking about his marriage, he was into me and I into him. Not one time did I check my phone. Not once did I think about mm, not once did I ask when it would be okay to call or text. It was freeing.I'm starting feel like I am coming back to life. 2 months ago, I felt like this would NEVER be the case, that I would never recover but I realized it was my own mind holding me prisoner. You can't control the heart but when you control the head, the heart will soon start to follow. YAY ME !!!!!!! I love this post so so proud OF YOU!!!!! Glad you had a great time, you deserve all those things and more! You're journey and healing make me feel like I can do this!! Ty for sharing! 5
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 i proved to myself over the last few weeks it isnt impossible for me to feel good being with someone ......i can laugh i can have fun...doesnt mean i forget....but i have always believed in learn to love the one you are with if you cant be with the one you love......and while you develop feelings for someone else, your focus shifts........i love having soemoen to talk to , to laugh with to share with, make food for...feel skin under my fingertips.........and perfect kisses....crap i have missed them...they rock....smilin...i will bring out the best in someone i am getting to know i look for all the positives anyway...and i hope that is returned no matter who i am with they bring out the best in me....happiness then is natural......best wishes..live your life like tomorrow might not happen..deb 2
yellowmaverick Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 You certainly sound better, Cinnimon. You may take two steps forward and one step back for a while, but you are headed in the right direction. Good luck to you! 5
experiencethedevine Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 After walking away from a 3 1/2 year A that I was completly consumed with, I have finally let go. Do I still hurt at times and miss him? Yes I do, BUT I decided that as much thought I was putting into the A, into him, into us, into the whole thing, I HAD to let it go and start thinking about me, my life, my wants and needs. I force my thoughts to go somewhere else. I force myself to say it's over for good. I went out on a date last night and instead of thinking about mm I thought about myself and my date, and you know what, I had a wonderful time. We laughed, talked, went for a walk, we looked at christmas lights, had dinner and a drink. He held my hand and he gave me a kiss at the end of the evening. He wasn't rushing to get home. He wasn't hiding me, he wasn't talking about his marriage, he was into me and I into him. Not one time did I check my phone. Not once did I think about mm, not once did I ask when it would be okay to call or text. It was freeing.I'm starting feel like I am coming back to life. 2 months ago, I felt like this would NEVER be the case, that I would never recover but I realized it was my own mind holding me prisoner. You can't control the heart but when you control the head, the heart will soon start to follow. YAY ME !!!!!!! What a fabulous way to begin the festivities C! How liberating! I am truly delighted to hear that you are lighter of heart and mind with your 'tigger's tail' firmly back in place!!!! 1
Daisy2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 That is GREAT news, so happy for you! Thanks for sharing! 2
Author Cinnimon Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 Thanks you guys. Like I said, I am not quite all the way there yet but I'm fighting with all my might to climb out of the darkness and I am beginning to see a little tiny light. I just wanted to share this because I know that I felt so broken as many of you are feeling now and I just wanted you to know that it won't last forever although it feels like it will. I am still convinced that there is a sequence of events in these A, from reading and reading these forums I could kind of guess what was coming next. Didn't make it feel any better but from it definitely gives one a little relief knowing your not crazy, this is just how it usually works. I'm still pulling for myself and all of you too........... Hugs 11
OldRover Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Cinnimon, Good for you, and the best for your situation, hope it works out well. So often an A with a MM is very difficult to end up long term and permanent, after he's done with the divorce, if ever..... Hope you heal well and enjoy a good relationship. 1
vanellope Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I like this post very much, and really happy for you. we don't meet each other is real life, but your post really warm and encourage me a lot. he is a lucky man. 1
MissBee Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 After walking away from a 3 1/2 year A that I was completly consumed with, I have finally let go. Do I still hurt at times and miss him? Yes I do, BUT I decided that as much thought I was putting into the A, into him, into us, into the whole thing, I HAD to let it go and start thinking about me, my life, my wants and needs. I force my thoughts to go somewhere else. I force myself to say it's over for good. I went out on a date last night and instead of thinking about mm I thought about myself and my date, and you know what, I had a wonderful time. We laughed, talked, went for a walk, we looked at christmas lights, had dinner and a drink. He held my hand and he gave me a kiss at the end of the evening. He wasn't rushing to get home. He wasn't hiding me, he wasn't talking about his marriage, he was into me and I into him. Not one time did I check my phone. Not once did I think about mm, not once did I ask when it would be okay to call or text. It was freeing.I'm starting feel like I am coming back to life. 2 months ago, I felt like this would NEVER be the case, that I would never recover but I realized it was my own mind holding me prisoner. You can't control the heart but when you control the head, the heart will soon start to follow. YAY ME !!!!!!! Yaaaay for you!!! I remember that exact feeling the first time I went out with someone I really liked post-A. I was in the A for 2 years and change or so and I think after a while you get used to all the allowances and little weird things you have to do and you don't even realize it, as the A relationship is your new normal. The first serious relationship I had after the A I remember being in awe sometimes of the little normal things, like wow, we're going to his nephew's birthday party and his family will be there! His mom is on the phone and she's telling him to say hello to me! We're going out to lunch with his son! We're planning a trip and there doesn't have to be any weird codes and skirting around things etc. Having a relationship with no elephant in the room was an amazing feeling. It felt soooooo freeing and it was like I really didn't see how the A dynamic had stifled me until I wasn't doing it anymore and saw the huge contrast! Hold on to that as you're moving forward and in case you want to look back! 4
WrinkledForehead Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I'm VERY, very happy for you and your heart! 1
happy stillmore Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Cinnimon, It was wonderful to read your post. I'm so happy for you! Enjoy this one life you have. 1
blue963 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I am so so happy for you. And this is an excellent way to start 2014! Keep it rolling. 1
dustystar Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Cinnimon, you're so strong... I hope to be like you someday soon. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 Thank you Dusty, if I can do it you can do it I promise. 1
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