Author winny Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 You are making this black and white, when it isn't. If a woman said that to a man, it would be " oh you did the right thing, good job, you value yourself and know what you want " But when a man does it, he's jealous, insecure, controlling, and just a horrible person. Ridiculous. At least one meeting is required before anyone - a man/woman, even brings up this topic. That's what I feel.
Author winny Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I think ANY person, whether male or female, who tells someone else to not date others BEFORE the first date is out-of-line. You have not even met yet, how do you know if you are going to even like the other person? If you want to date them exclusively that is something to bring up AFTER the first date. When you ask them out for a second date. (Not that I am saying you should ask for exclusivity after date one, but I feel that is the earliest time to bring this up.) The problem I have is not with the request, but with the timing of it. It is different if you met in real life, but if you met on an OLD site, than requests like that are premature. Just my 2 cents. Exactly!!!
Author winny Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 UPDATE - Just now received a text from him that he has to cancel the date coz he twisted his ankle at gym! Weird he didn't call to cancel... The one time I had to cancel on someone, I called the guy, said 100 apologies, fixed another date with him and made sure I was there. Am kinda feeling relieved though Anyways, should I talk to him anymore?... his text didn't even have the word sorry... Am wondering whether I should reply to it or not.....
soccerrprp Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Just tell him to feel better and leave it at that, nothing else. If he's really interested and really did cancel ONLY b/c he twisted his ankle, he'll contact you again. As per the initial question, I really think that asking someone if they'd only date you is a little odd, but people who don't multi-daters often bring this up on the first date. I really believe that this should be something to bring up at least after the first date. Then if he doesn't like it that you plan to continue to date others while having agreed that you two have a connection and looking to see each other again, then he(she) can decide to end it. When I multi-dated, I was honest and told the ladies that I was seeing others. They made the choice to continue seeing me until I decided. I did and it sucked. Deciding between more than one woman, all being great in their own way, was difficult and I promised never to put myself in that position again. 2
Versacehottie Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Tell him, "I intend on meeting other guys too." Yes, say this with the explanation that it's too soon to make that sort of promise. If he doesn't accept this explanation, sounds like he is controlling or a weirdo or both (well he sounds a little like that already, but you get my point).
Versacehottie Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 UPDATE - Just now received a text from him that he has to cancel the date coz he twisted his ankle at gym! Am kinda feeling relieved though Anyways, should I talk to him anymore?... his text didn't even have the word sorry... Am wondering whether I should reply to it or not..... he sounds like a narcissist as well. You have your answer in what I bolded. Between that and no sorry, I'd say it's a no brainer to let it go.
Author winny Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 he sounds like a narcissist as well. You have your answer in what I bolded. Between that and no sorry, I'd say it's a no brainer to let it go. I have Being on this Forum, reading what others are going thru.. helped me enormously
nomadic_butterfly Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 If a guy requests me not to date anyone else apart from him, even before our first date, how should I respond to him. I intend on meeting other guys too. If he is living by this virtue it means he is looking for something more serious. You said "requested" not demanded so I don't think this is controlling. I usually talk for a week or two before meeting up with someone and I personally eliminate multi-daters. His attitude speaks volumes of his decisiveness and knowing exactly what he wants. I am in that boat! I don't have time for people with GIGs or the runaround. I think you should be honest about your philosophy and it appears you guys are on two different pages so that might be a telltale sign of incompatibility right off the bat. I generally tell guys straight up I am not a multi-dater or into multi-daters before the first date. I usually know by or before date 3 (if it even gets to that point) if there is long term potential. I don't however, request he doesn't go out with other chicks until our date though. 1
Author winny Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I don't however, request he doesn't go out with other chicks until our date though. That's the only weird thing. I am all into exclusive dating... but no commitment on same before meeting someone. Anyways, right now am no more concerned, since he cancelled.
FitChick Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I am guessing the guy and gal in question are very young and inexperienced. I've had one nut demand in his first email that I not email any other guys and take down my profile immediately if I wanted to hear from him again. Yeah, that'll happen.
SarcasticAbby Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I say he is already showing signs of insecurity, jealousy and has control issues. JMO This......
regine_phalange Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Requesting from you is a bit weird right now and could be just a dirty little game, but if he just announced his preference it would be very valid. I mean, deep inside I want the other person to like and want to date only me, since Im also a strictly "one at a time" person. But I wouldnt say it even before going out, it can indeed come off as a bit creepy. 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I am guessing the guy and gal in question are very young and inexperienced. I've had one nut demand in his first email that I not email any other guys and take down my profile immediately if I wanted to hear from him again. Yeah, that'll happen. and he still expected you to go out with him? He must have been having a laugh as the Brits say...now THAT is crazy, controlling and presumptuous!!
nescafe1982 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Texting (instead of calling, like an adult does) to cancel a date is a clear dealbreaker in my book. But then, so are unreasonable requests like "no multidating" before the first meeting. And so are weird messages prying into my OLD habits. Guys that do that sort of questioning ("how many guys message you?" "how many are you talking to right now?" etc) are usually insecure at best, aggressive at worst. It's risky to meet one like this in public. I think I'd scratch this one off the list if I were you, OP.
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