winny Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If a guy requests me not to date anyone else apart from him, even before our first date, how should I respond to him. I intend on meeting other guys too.
StanMusial Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If a guy requests me not to date anyone else apart from him, even before our first date, how should I respond to him. I intend on meeting other guys too. Tell him, "I intend on meeting other guys too." 8
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If a guy requests me not to date anyone else apart from him, even before our first date, how should I respond to him. I intend on meeting other guys too. i think its fair to state what you want in regards to dating from both sides if you are not compatible dating becomes a moot point.....before i date a guy i normally have tied up all those questions.....thats why i date friends..normally one at a time...i would prefer to exclusively date......guys who dont want me to be exclusive are generally incompatible with me....deb
Cinnimon Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I say he is already showing signs of insecurity, jealousy and has control issues. JMO 7
Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 That's a personal call. Do you want to do that or not? I think it would show you actually do like him and don't just want to date a bunch of dudes because you can. 2
GoreSP Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Well I can somehow relate because I'm the kind of girl who dates one guy at a time... Personally I don't expect the other person to do the same until we have the 'exclusivity talk' it's just the kind of person I am... However, if a guy told me, even before the first date, he expects me to date only him, I would see it as an attempt at controlling which would freak me the hell right out - even if this is what I would have done anyways... So just tell him you intend on dating other guys. His reaction will say a lot about the kind of man he is...
Keenly Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I say he is already showing signs of insecurity, jealousy and has control issues. JMO Or maybe he just doesn't want to deal with any of the BS, drama, run around, or feel like he is competing with a pool of other men for your attention / desire ? Nothing insecure about boundaries. 6
GoreSP Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Or maybe he just doesn't want to deal with any of the BS, drama, run around, or feel like he is competing with a pool of other men for your attention / desire ? Nothing insecure about boundaries. True. It's still kind of a red flag. Say it's a yellow flag....lol 2
Author winny Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Or maybe he just doesn't want to deal with any of the BS, drama, run around, or feel like he is competing with a pool of other men for your attention / desire ? Nothing insecure about boundaries. I know but, I am yet to meet him. Once I meet someone then I know whether I want to meet others or not. I also prefer to date someone exclusively... I cannot multi date... don't have time for that also. But for me to date someone exclusively, I have to be sure about my feelings for him. And that won't happen without few dates. I found his request bit unreasonable at this point. I didn't want to sound rude to him in my answer. 2
Author winny Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 True. It's still kind of a red flag. Say it's a yellow flag....lol I know Let's see....
Author winny Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Well I can somehow relate because I'm the kind of girl who dates one guy at a time... Personally I don't expect the other person to do the same until we have the 'exclusivity talk' it's just the kind of person I am... However, if a guy told me, even before the first date, he expects me to date only him, I would see it as an attempt at controlling which would freak me the hell right out - even if this is what I would have done anyways... So just tell him you intend on dating other guys. His reaction will say a lot about the kind of man he is... Well.. I did, and his text response was - OK so I have competition.. haha.. 2
deathandtaxes Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Cancel on him like a mother****er and immediately go nc. Huge red flag. It's just the tip of the iceberg for controlling behavior. 3
GoreSP Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Well.. I did, and his text response was - OK so I have competition.. haha.. There you go lol
Author winny Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 By the way, he also asked me earlier, how many people message me daily on the OLD site. And how picky am I. First time any guy on the OLD site asked me these type of questions... LOL Anyways, since I already said yes for a movie date with him tonight, so I am going to keep that date. Will see how it goes and let you people know.
GoreSP Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 By the way, he also asked me earlier, how many people message me daily on the OLD site. And how picky am I. First time any guy on the OLD site asked me these type of questions... LOL Anyways, since I already said yes for a movie date with him tonight, so I am going to keep that date. Will see how it goes and let you people know. If it's making you uncomfortable, just tell him. He's probably just worried he won't be 'good enough for you' and assuming crash position.
deathandtaxes Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If it's making you uncomfortable, just tell him. He's probably just worried he won't be 'good enough for you' and assuming crash position. His insecurities are blowing past his barriers. Yikes. I would be so weary that he's asking these sorts of questions. 3
Keenly Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 His insecurities are blowing past his barriers. Yikes. I would be so weary that he's asking these sorts of questions. You are making this black and white, when it isn't. If a woman said that to a man, it would be " oh you did the right thing, good job, you value yourself and know what you want " But when a man does it, he's jealous, insecure, controlling, and just a horrible person. Ridiculous. 1
pteromom Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If a woman said that to a man, it would be " oh you did the right thing, good job, you value yourself and know what you want " But when a man does it, he's jealous, insecure, controlling, and just a horrible person. Ridiculous. No, if a woman said "I don't want you to date anyone else" to a guy before meeting him, I'd think she was jealous, insecure, and controlling too. I don't think either are horrible people. Honestly, the guy sounds weird though. How does he even know he wants to date you if he hasn't even gone on a date with you yet? It's... odd! 7
ThatMan Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 You are making this black and white, when it isn't. If a woman said that to a man, it would be " oh you did the right thing, good job, you value yourself and know what you want " But when a man does it, he's jealous, insecure, controlling, and just a horrible person. Ridiculous. I think it might be more reasonable to say, "I'm a one-woman sort of guy. Just thought you'd like to know that I'm not a multidater." You'll give her more options without nudging her along. 3
mortensorchid Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I find that very odd that that guy would say something like that to you. Even before the two of you were to meet, and in the OLD world as well? That's nuts. You have to assume that people are all interacting somehow even if it's just Internet emails/chatter. He sounds controlling and jealous. Hope you consider this and have yet to meet him. If so, then consider not meeting him again.
Graduate Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 If a woman said that to a man, it would be " oh you did the right thing, good job, you value yourself and know what you want " But when a man does it, he's jealous, insecure, controlling, and just a horrible person. I think ANY person, whether male or female, who tells someone else to not date others BEFORE the first date is out-of-line. You have not even met yet, how do you know if you are going to even like the other person? If you want to date them exclusively that is something to bring up AFTER the first date. When you ask them out for a second date. (Not that I am saying you should ask for exclusivity after date one, but I feel that is the earliest time to bring this up.) The problem I have is not with the request, but with the timing of it. It is different if you met in real life, but if you met on an OLD site, than requests like that are premature. Just my 2 cents. 1
Keenly Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 He probably should have added a large dose of eloquence that, for sure. 1
ThatMan Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 He could also ask her if she's into multi-dating. If he doesn't like the answer then he can walk away. Plenty of people enjoy focusing on just one person at a time, even some on online dating. But I basically agree with what your saying here. He shouldn't have to be shamed. 2
StanMusial Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I find that very odd that that guy would say something like that to you. Even before the two of you were to meet, and in the OLD world as well? That's nuts. You have to assume that people are all interacting somehow even if it's just Internet emails/chatter. He sounds controlling and jealous. Hope you consider this and have yet to meet him. If so, then consider not meeting him again. I kind of wonder if it's not BECAUSE it's OLD. Like maybe he has read this forum and realized if he ever got a response he would have to lock her down fast. OP, don't be surprised if this guy pushes for sex and/or makes a marriage proposal within minutes of meeting. 1
GoreSP Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 You are making this black and white, when it isn't. If a woman said that to a man, it would be " oh you did the right thing, good job, you value yourself and know what you want " But when a man does it, he's jealous, insecure, controlling, and just a horrible person. Ridiculous. I completely agree. Huge double standard.
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