Anger might finally be gone

[mtnbiker3000]

Might be jumping the gun, but I think I am finally out of the anger stage. I was there for a loooong while. Months and months. Had its positives and negatives. But I am finally accepting it for what it was. I was deeply invested in our RS and believed in our future. And she was less invested and probably didn’t see it from the same angle I did. She always seemed to hold me out at arm’s length. But, it was what it was. I did what did and she did what she did. I am no longer angry or resentful and I am not mad at her either…

 

We’ll see what happens in the next few days, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed

[cavalier99]

Woo hooo. Your finally turning the corner. Youll be done with this soon enough. Took you long enough!!! Kidding. Good job. Cav

[mtnbiker3000]

Woo hooo. Your finally turning the corner. Youll be done with this soon enough. Took you long enough!!! Kidding. Good job. Cav

 

Dude. I truly, sincerely hope so! I really do!!!

[EuTuBrute]

Stay in the anger stage dude... its the best one!

[BC1980]

I'm in the acceptance stage also. Thank goodness is all I can say. I think you are doing well, and you seem to be trying to find the positive and working on yourself.

[Mariposa10]

Anger was my "favorite" stage, the least painful I should say. Denial was when I suffered the most... I remember how I used to wake up every morning wanting everything to just be a nightmare How in the middle of the day I would think and remember that everything was over, but without really believing it...Denial was such a weird stage...

 

Anger pushed me to do things to improve myself. I was able to channel that anger into something constructive. Of course there was one day after I talked to my ex when I wanted to break something...

[LostConfused123]

God, I'm so happy for you!!!

Best of luck baby

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

That's great!! I'm so different than ya all, I feel all stages in one day!!

 

But most of the time I think I'm in denial because most of the time I am pretty happy and am able to function (eat, sleep, no panic attacks, go out and have fun)

 

But I guess anger stage I would think would be a horrible stage, to be angry all the time?

 

Don't they say after the anger stage, is ACCEPTANCE?! :-)

[mtnbiker3000]

That's great!! I'm so different than ya all, I feel all stages in one day!!

 

But most of the time I think I'm in denial because most of the time I am pretty happy and am able to function (eat, sleep, no panic attacks, go out and have fun)

 

But I guess anger stage I would think would be a horrible stage, to be angry all the time?

 

Don't they say after the anger stage, is ACCEPTANCE?! :-)

 

Yup. That's usually how it goes. And everyone seems to go through it at different rates. Seems like I have been taking a bit longer than some to gain acceptance as I am at 9+ months post BU and NC.

 

But I also used this as an opportunity to do a lot of self analysis and self reflection, which created more things for me to deal with And, I was absolutely committed and invested in my ex and loved her a great deal. I made my happiness dependent on her and the way she treated me. Which I now know is a huge mistake. I think this all added to the time I was angry and felt victimized

 

It is what it is and I do still feel like I have finally kicked the lingering anger and resentment. Which is good, as I am not that type of person, and I really didn't like carrying that crap around...

[BC1980]

That's great!! I'm so different than ya all, I feel all stages in one day!!

 

But most of the time I think I'm in denial because most of the time I am pretty happy and am able to function (eat, sleep, no panic attacks, go out and have fun)

 

But I guess anger stage I would think would be a horrible stage, to be angry all the time?

 

Don't they say after the anger stage, is ACCEPTANCE?! :-)

 

It took me 7 months to get to the acceptance stage after a 3 year relationship. I used to go back and forth between the stages in the beginning. You really need to use this time to do self-reflection and figure out why you would stay in the relationship you were in. I learned a lot about myself that was difficult to admit.

 

I really don't feel anger towards my ex any longer. I dealt a lot with "why." Why me? Why would my ex act this way? Why did our paths cross? What was the purpose of this relationship if it was going to end this way? You won't find any magic answer out there. You simply accept this as part of your history, and you can give it a bigger reason is you choose. That has been theraputic for me and allowed me to cope a little easier. I have made a conscious effort to see some good in this, but it's not easy at times.

[BC1980]

It is what it is and I do still feel like I have finally kicked the lingering anger and resentment. Which is good, as I am not that type of person, and I really didn't like carrying that crap around...

 

It was burdensome to carry that anger around. I had never had such feelings of hate towards another human being, and I was shocked at myself. I felt a lot of guilt at my level of anger. Those feelings are very overwhelming and can be confusing because this was a person you once loved.

 

Acceptance is weird. It's sad, but it's a different kind of sad for me. It's not that soul crushing sad where you don't want to get out of bed. It's more of a muted sadness where you truly acknowledge that all of this actually happened to you. I've had bouts of disbelief that all of it even happened. It's surreal at times. It seems like yesterday that were were living together, and we were deciding what to cook for dinner that night. Other times, it seems like a different lifetime.

[mtnbiker3000]

^^ Good analysis of the way it feels. I can relate Strange and difficult to understand and process at times