winny Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Hey and thanks for a guy's perspective You're right. But here is my dilemma. As you guys have probably gathered, I am not North American and am not in North America I live in a Mediterranean country but was raised in Northern Europe. As much as I adore it here, the dating game and mentality is pretty tough. People speak their minds and if you don't, it is considered a weakness. So I am straddling this weird line between two cultures - how I was brought up and how things are in the country that is my home, for the last 2.5 years. I never know how much is not enough and how much is too much. When I ask people "was that too much?" they laugh at me and say "are you kidding? We're all crazy here. Keep on going..." Women here are super-highly strung by and large and telling a man what to do is pretty normal. On the other side, men here can be arrogant, chauvinistic and macho. The women are tough to contend with this. It's eat or get eaten...The limits are blurred and things are very volatile. It's certainly not boring, but it makes dating so much harder as the cultural/dating norms I am used to have no application here. Welcome to my world! Don't think so much. Just remember that when u meet the guy who is for you he will find your mistakes adorable and everything will work out fine :-)
Author CrossroadsGirl Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 Don't think so much. Just remember that when u meet the guy who is for you he will find your mistakes adorable and everything will work out fine :-) Thanks, Winny. My ex is seeming more and more appealing in the midst of all of this! He found everything about me adorable, but towards the end I did not feel the same way about him. I am losing hope that this elusive man who is the ideal combination of what I seek is out there. How do you continue to OLD when the evidence points to the contrary? Is it my methods that are at fault? It might be time to disclose that I have been on Tinder for these DBs. The other one that I dated for 7 weeks I met the old fashioned way, but he brings the crazy in another way (asking me after 1 date if I want kids and what would I say if he asked me to marry him...)
winny Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Thanks, Winny. My ex is seeming more and more appealing in the midst of all of this! He found everything about me adorable, but towards the end I did not feel the same way about him. I am losing hope that this elusive man who is the ideal combination of what I seek is out there. How do you continue to OLD when the evidence points to the contrary? Is it my methods that are at fault? It might be time to disclose that I have been on Tinder for these DBs. The other one that I dated for 7 weeks I met the old fashioned way, but he brings the crazy in another way (asking me after 1 date if I want kids and what would I say if he asked me to marry him...) By taking one day at a time and having loads of fun with my friends... Keeps me happy Working hard... Trying to achieve my work related goals... Keeps my mind diverted...
Author CrossroadsGirl Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Great advice, Winny! I find that I focus on myself and my interests, become more confident and appealing, attract interest from men, say yes to dates which turn out terrible and then my confidence/faith in men comes crashing down again. I must be doing something wrong. Perhaps I am saying yes to the wrong guys and ignoring those ubiquitous red flags.... Has anyone ever met anyone serious/not just looking for a hook-up through Tinder?
okc85 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I don't think he intentionally ditched you as a way to 'get revenge.' I mean, that would be bordering on mentally unstable behavior. I think he just changed his mind, and he's a jerk, so he didn't bother canceling the date. He figured, 'Eh, I met this girl once. Not a big deal if I blow her off.' People make NO sense, really. They change their minds. They don't know what they want. They don't know what is best for them. I went out with someone for a few weeks. It got super intense super fast. She asked me to be open with my feelings, stop being so closed up, etc. she said she would be patient with me. So I let my guard down (mistake) and told her how I felt. a few days later, she said she intuitively realized we weren't a match and dumped me. It SUCKS and I am definitely taking a break from online dating now, but I've also been thinking about the types of people I go after. I think I tend to go after my 'total opposite' because I do not like myself too much. So the key for me is to start to like myself more, and then I will hopefully attract better partners.
Author CrossroadsGirl Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 okc85 - Thanks for your input! I think you're right -- I don't think this guy was scheming to stand me up all along. I just think he changed his mind or got a closer offer! We'll never know... About your situation - I don't think you should be afraid to let your guard down in the future. Just try to be more selective of who you try to date and have a better opinion of yourself so that you are more attuned to what fits and what is right. Perhaps those "big red flags" have been waving around too for you, but you have chosen to ignore them regarding women you have dated?
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