qb2 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 My story is so messed up it honestly sounds like a soap opera. Unfortunately, it's not. I divorced my ex 3 years ago partly because of his cheating, but there were other issues too. We have kids together. He is still with the OW and we have a good relationship. I remarried, unfortunately part of my decision to remarry was based on finances. I truly could not afford to be a single mother ( I have no support from friends or family. It's just me. ) I also didn't realize exactly the type of person he was, which is of course because we moved too quickly. He is not a good person and I have wanted out of the M almost immediately after I married him, but even though I work FT I do not make enough to make it on my own with my kids - so I am stuck . I am trying to avoid anymore turmoil for them, such as another move or a change in schools. I feel like a terrible mother pretty much all the time, and like I have failed them for getting into another bad M. Somehow in the midst of this bad situation I found myself having an A with a MM, which I cannot believe I would do since it happened to me. I know it is very selfish and wrong, but I have tried to end it several times and I just cannot. I wish he and I had met under different circumstances, because we are very right for each other. I know that can never happen though - so I know the right thing to do is try and end it 100% , even if I never feel this way about anyone else ( did not feel this way about my first H or current.) How do I find the strength to do this? I know he is basically my crutch because the rest of my life , aside from my kids, is so bad right now- and I know it's similar for him.
Eggplant Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Is the father of your children supporting them enough? You need more money to raise your children. Does he provide money and childcare?
experiencethedevine Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I fear it is more a question of your need for therapy to get to the root of what it is that makes you so dependant on others (finances aside). Marrying someone for financial support is unhealthy and why you are now in this position. You need to understand your own behavioural patterns in order not to repeat them, and develop useful coping tools so that you don't end up this way again. 2
Author qb2 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Is the father of your children supporting them enough? You need more money to raise your children. Does he provide money and childcare? He pays his support, but he makes so little that it is not that much. All of the money goes toward daycare expenses . He takes them one night a week and in the AM before school, and during the day on all school breaks ( he works evenings/nights).
Author qb2 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 I fear it is more a question of your need for therapy to get to the root of what it is that makes you so dependant on others (finances aside). Marrying someone for financial support is unhealthy and why you are now in this position. You need to understand your own behavioural patterns in order not to repeat them, and develop useful coping tools so that you don't end up this way again. I have been counselling, unfortunately it was not that helpful. I do realize marrying someone for financial support is unhealthy, that wasn't the only reason though, just part of it. I thought it would be a better life for my children with him, but he potrayed himself while we were dating as someone he is definitely not.
Author qb2 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 I should also mention, my H does not know about the A - but he does know I am very unhappy in the marriage because of his issues. We sleep separately and have not had sex for months, and do not talk hardly at all.
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