Mikebr10 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I'm new here. I'll try to keep this short. This is my whole story condensed. I've dated quite a few girls since my marriage ended a few years ago. I was the one who initiated it and she also realized we weren't meant for each other so it was pretty much mutual. The girls I've dated since then I have never really been that into and its been 7 years since i've dated someone who I've really liked. Then I started seeing this girl I work with who I'm kind of on opposite work schedules with. She is one of those girls who any guy would want to go out with. Drop dead gorgeous, great sense of humor, and has the most beautiful eyes and smile. After a couple weeks I was really starting to like her and I got the same impression that she was really into me also since she was staying at my place almost every night and we were having a good time together. Only 3 months into us dating I all of a sudden don't hear from her for 3 days straight and I felt like something wasn't right so I decided to just wait to see if I hear from her which I finally did after those 3 days. When I heard from her she broke up with me with what felt like came out of no where and wanted to just be friends. It was so crazy b/c I felt like i was talking to a completely different person who I thought I had known the entire time and was all of a sudden totally disconnected acting towards me. I felt like I was talking to a person I never really knew when this happened. I was stunned and said ok and tried to act like I was fine with it. I honestly thought she would be coming back to me realizing her mistake but she never did. The next couple months were hell for me. I've read so many stories on here and I now I know the pain that people feel. Girls have broken up with me before back in college and i've done my fair share of breaking up with them but I've never experienced anything like this. I eventually found out from a friend of mine that she had gotten back together with an ex who had dumped her and they had been going out for almost 6 months before that. Obviously she was never over him and I didn't even know about it. Even though everything felt very real, I realized I was a rebound which I've never experienced before. I read tons of stuff on the internet for the next month following the break up so I learned I should immediately go no contact. I haven't contacted her since and I purposely avoided running into her at work since I knew where she hangs out. It is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I successfully did so for 3 months until I ran into her again at work. Our work is a very huge place. When I did i said hey whats up and kept walking right by. It was the best acting I've ever done. She seemed like she wanted to stop and talk but I didn't let that moment happen. She texted me for the first time since our break up that same night asking me a random work question. Before I had a chance to get back to her she texted me again saying she found out the answer and told me nvm. So I naturally thought ok I wont respond. Oddly enough, I saw her the very next day at work in a place I never see her and she ignored me when I walked by while talking to a friend of hers even though I know she saw me and looked away. 2 days in a row? I went 3 months before... A whole month went by after that and she texted me again asking me another random work question. At this point I'm like wtf.... So I answered her casually and this happened just yesterday. I didn't ask anything about her and only answered her question and she said "great" to the last thing I said so I didn't respond after that. So the reason I'm posting this is b/c I want to know what you all think her intentions are. If there is one thing I know about her its that she is extremely stubborn and strong minded and would never admit when shes wrong about anything. I've said nothing to feed her ego if thats what this is about even though I would like to give it another try with her. But I don't feel like its my job to pursue her since she is the one who broke it off with me and I think doing so would just turn her away. Does she just want to be friends? Is she interested again? Or is she just seeing if she could get me back for an ego boost? Thanks everyone for reading.. Mike
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I agree that you shouldn't pursue her. She's probably texting you again to see if she has any "pull" or emotional connection left with you in order to make herself feel better about herself. I'm so sorry about that
MrWhite Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Be nice. Text back when texted. Keep it simple. Say hello and talk as friends. Assume nothing. If she wants something, let her initiate it.
organizedchaos Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Be nice. Text back when texted. Keep it simple. Say hello and talk as friends. Assume nothing. If she wants something, let her initiate it. I would add to this...only answer the questions if you answer at all. Don't ask how she's doing. Don't respond if she asks you. Do not engage. If you respond just keep it straight and to the point. no emotion, don't give her anything.
Author Mikebr10 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Thanks for the advice. I've accepted that my chances of us getting back together are slim to none. To raise my chances I don't care what it would involve even if it was rude. Is my best bet to ignore her the next time she texts me and I know being ignored would upset her or just respond short with no emotion? I know ignoring is the most powerful way to get over someone bc its like some small stupid victory but I would rather do the thing that can maybe get her back. What about saying the opposite? something like.. "I'm not sure why you have started contacting me again but I'm just not interested anymore" Or something else along those lines? When I responded the first time I didn't ask anything about her. It was strange that the first time she ever texted me after months of not hearing from her she texted me asking me a question as if we had been in communication all along as if everything was ok between us.
iworthmore Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 i agree with the other answers. its just an ego boost for her. it feels good when she has that confidence that she can appear in ur life with text message and she thinks about certain way that you will react. when i read posts here it seems to me that mostly women do the same after breakup. first time my ex disappeared (we had multiple BU's) she did the same. she even told me she misses me and cant forget me. well. nothing of that was true. i think she was trying to feel good by the idea having me back anytime she wants. and see how much she can affect me by 1 single SMS. well, i'v been in this "mixed signals" stage, don't waste you'r time analysing what she's up to and what she mean's. she broke up with you, then you don't owe her anything even a simple answer. if you want her back. i once read an article that said the best thing to do is living you'r life like she's never coming back. ignore her and don't think of the consequences. if she's into you she'll find her way
Author Mikebr10 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 That's exactly what I'll do then. I'm sure I'll here from her again at some point since I didn't really give her anything at all except for actually replying to her question. The next time I do I just won't respond at all. This part of life really sucks when you feel like there was real potential and there's nothing I can do about it. I'd be trying to compete against history and since that guy dumped her, he had all the power in the world over her in terms of easily getting her back. If I had only known about her ex situation...
iworthmore Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) don't think about her ex.. believe me you'r in a better place than him. you did it all right by not begging her back and feeding her ego. hes the one that broke up with her and she cant trust him like before (100% guaranteed) and you are the good bf that respected her decision and moved on. and this is so attractive to women. ignore her for urself not for attracting her. you can move on and if she really interested she will initiate the contact. i know you considering getting her back. but she must really come back not play games. hit 2 birds in 1 stone, stay total NC. she might run back to you and in worst case you will be moved on. remember, no reason to answer or to say hi unless you run into her by coincidence. Edited December 20, 2013 by iworthmore
Author Mikebr10 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 I know its going to feel inmature when I ignore her next text. Its not like me. But thats exactly what I'll do. Thanks for the advice.
TaraMaiden Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 It's not 'inmature' at all. It's a face-saving, self-preserving exercise. (It sounds right, the way you've spelled it, but it's "Immature".... )
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