ElectricTangerine Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 and also smelling similar scents. like the spray/cologne he used to wear. anytime I smell it, so many memories. :/ That too. It's always like a small punch in the stomach smelling a scent associated with him.
Cocochai Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 The morning text and texting each other what we're doing through-out the work day just about everyday. Hooking up during our lunch break and relieving stress to help get through the day sometimes... It was so sexy to me. I'm doing NC but standing firm this time but I know this time he'll miss me more then I may miss him. His selfishness out ways all of the goods we had together. 1
Popsicle Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I had a weird trigger yesterday. I went out with a friend yesterday to see a band perform, and their performance was in this white tent... At some point during the evening a thought randomly popped into my head of xMM and BS at their wedding reception (where I live wedding receptions ate often in white tents)... How happy they must have been, how they danced... I just wanted to hit myself with a stick for having this thought, it took the rest of the night to get rid of it. I hate this, it's the worst feeling ever to know that she was first and I wasn't, and I landed smack in the middle of their rough patch in the marriage. And what makes it worse is that he didn't even care to inform me of this. Layers of feelings that I wasn't first, topped with a thick layer of betrayal and iced with anger at myself for being too naive and at him for being such a coward and a liar to me and BS. A big mess that's occasionally getting stabbed by the memories of how sweet and harmonious our relationship used to be and what a kind and generous man he usually was. :sick::sick::sick: I so look forward to the day when I'll feel less bitter about this. Poor girl. . I hope you feel better soon.
Cocochai Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I would like to know what are some triggers for the MM... 2
BrokenPrincess Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Passionate kissing scenes ^^This has been the hardest trigger for me to overcome or even lessen. As soon as I see it, I immediately get flooded with vivid mind movies that consume me like it happened yesterday. All the other stuff...music, places, foods, activities, etc have faded a little or even a lot but that passionate chemistry still smacks me good.
BrokenPrincess Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I would like to know what are some triggers for the MM... When we got back together after a 4 month break post DDay, my xMM told me that he felt like he saw things everywhere that reminded him of me all the time. Not too different than what the ladies have posted here already...driving by a hotel we stayed at, "our" song, music by my favorite band, any news story about infidelity, my favorite beer that's a little obscure, certain foods, etc etc 1
Cocochai Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 When we got back together after a 4 month break post DDay, my xMM told me that he felt like he saw things everywhere that reminded him of me all the time. Not too different than what the ladies have posted here already...driving by a hotel we stayed at, "our" song, music by my favorite band, any news story about infidelity, my favorite beer that's a little obscure, certain foods, etc etc Wow really? Interesting I always thought the family would always keep them occupied. Geez I feel for my XMM we use to have s*x in his truck during work hours. I wonder how he'll cope now that we're doing NC.. 1
BrokenPrincess Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Wow really? Interesting I always thought the family would always keep them occupied. Geez I feel for my XMM we use to have s*x in his truck during work hours. I wonder how he'll cope now that we're doing NC.. Yep! That's exactly what I thought too & told him so. He said it was a far cry from riding off into the sunset with his family, although he & W rug swept the entire A a few weeks after DDay, so it's not like he was truly dealing with at "hard work". During this convo, he actually then emailed me a couple pictures of things he'd snapped with his phone over the months that had reminded him of me Of course, now we're done for good and from the peeks I've taken on social media, he looks super happy & loving with his W (& family) so I'm guessing he's totally over the triggers. I'm sure your MM can't help help but enjoy some flashbacks while he's cruising around. His loss!!!!
Guardedheart Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 The gym or working out... We always worked out together and I would go to the gym or the park to run and would become emotional or paranoid that I would see hm there. I started going to a new gym and have new gym friends that don't know about the situation that are encouraging. But to thnk that one of the healthiest things that we can do for ourselves is such a huge trigger for me. 1
Nothisgirl Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 The gym or working out... We always worked out together and I would go to the gym or the park to run and would become emotional or paranoid that I would see hm there. I started going to a new gym and have new gym friends that don't know about the situation that are encouraging. But to thnk that one of the healthiest things that we can do for ourselves is such a huge trigger for me. Yes, the gym is my biggest trigger as well.. Haven't figured a way around this yet
Cocochai Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Very few MM post on here. I think the majority of cheating men are not self-aware enough to seek out and participate in support message boards. I know that's why I wish more MM would chime in on that question. Unless their a robot sure they have reminders/triggers. Not sure if they are the same reasons the OW does tho. Mines is emotional caring and sexual. My XMM more so sexual I'm sure...
tchrgrl Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I had asked MOM to tell me what reminders he had as I felt I had ALL the reminders constantly thrown in my face. He surprised me with a few which I guess made me feel better but I know I am more hurt by the A ending than he is. It's hard to picture him being happy with his wife and knowing I home crying in the shower over so many stupid little triggers.... 2
Cocochai Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Okay... I do remember telling my XMM once when we did NC that I missed him. He responded right away saying "Missed you too, at least you thought of me too" And.... The harder you try to fight forgetting that person. It comes 10x's harder to forget. 1
inappfriendly Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Certain bands on the radio. The word Fancy. Chuck E Cheese. Bill O'Reilly. Toyotas. Target. Moonbounces. Pizza. The backseat of my truck. Paper airplanes. Tattoos. The list is as random as it is endless. Very few things aren't triggers. How can I move on when I am constantly reminded?! I wish on every wishable occasion for the memory equivalent of a stomach pump!
RickFox Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yep! That's exactly what I thought too & told him so. He said it was a far cry from riding off into the sunset with his family, although he & W rug swept the entire A a few weeks after DDay, so it's not like he was truly dealing with at "hard work". During this convo, he actually then emailed me a couple pictures of things he'd snapped with his phone over the months that had reminded him of me Of course, now we're done for good and from the peeks I've taken on social media, he looks super happy & loving with his W (& family) so I'm guessing he's totally over the triggers. I'm sure your MM can't help help but enjoy some flashbacks while he's cruising around. His loss!!!! don't be so sure that we don't suffer as well. I'd say my xmw doesn't care or think about anything just as much as y'all believe your xmm's don't either. three years out and the triggers are still there
Nothisgirl Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 don't be so sure that we don't suffer as well. I'd say my xmw doesn't care or think about anything just as much as y'all believe your xmm's don't either. three years out and the triggers are still there THREE YEARS?! oh no:(
imperfectangel Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 - any car like his - what he drinks - not calling me like he used to - certain scenes in movies etc - music that he used to send me the list is endless and it wrecks every day for me for some reason if I thought he struggled too it would make it easier but I really don't think he does
Learningtoletgo Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Hi....new here. Well, actually I have been lurking for a few months. However, I have never posted anything on any online forum before. This is my first. So here I go.... 1) Make and model of his car. It's awful because we live very close to each other so I see his car occasionally. I am always secretly on the lookout for it and when I see one my heart jumps. 2) Various songs. He is an entertainer who performs particular type of music and when I hear it, I turn it off ASAP. The thing that sucks is that I can't always change it (it's very popular music and I hear it everywhere!) but I'm slowly learning to deal with it. 3) the name of the town that we met up in. 4) men who look like him. Dark hair, big build, well dressed 5) Certain words or phrases that he used to text or say 6) various places where we have kissed or had moments. 7) Certain clothes I wore when we met up I could go on and on....but I will say, it's been about 5 months nc and over a year since our last serious hookup and, although I still struggle, it has gotten a lot easier to cope with all of my triggers!
Lady2163 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I would like to know what are some triggers for the MM... I've been in a seven year fwb, with a MM. We don't love each other, but after that length of time, he is part of my daily routine. This relationship will quite probably end in 1.5 years, but I'd rather not say why. It may be sooner, he hasn't been keeping up his end of the conversation and I don't know I'd because this is his busiest time of year and work is stressful OR if he is unhappy. I doubt he will have many triggers. I think in the morning when he wakes up with his morning arousal, that will make him miss the sex. This last week we were together and I was wearing a new sweater. Twice he told me how nice I looked. It flashed through my mind that I will never be able to wear the sweater again after we end things. We have an inside joke about FedEx trucks. We are long distance, but when I see his vehicle type and color, I still think of him. I had an ex boyfriend who ruined every song I'd ever liked and all current tv shows. I ended up changing genres. For years I listened to instrumental music and Christian songs. It was a long time before I saw the last seasons of The West Wing. He broke up with me during an episode of Charmed.
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