SarahJames Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I've read about the BS having "triggers" - things that remind her and bring up feelings about the infidelity and the affair. What are your triggers as the OW? What are things you can no longer do, or avoid, because it reminds you of the MM? Personally, i've realized: #1 I can't eat certain meals as they remind me of the MM since I've eaten them with him #2 driving by a hotel gives me a "weird" feeling for lack of a better word #3 certain alcoholic drinks #4 other men with similar features I'm sure I could go on - does anyone feel the same?
Daisy2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Driving to work as that's when he would call. Friday after work as that's when we saw each other. When I pass by the park at which we'd meet.
Author SarahJames Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Ugh, yes. Morning texts I hate the feeling of waking up and having him be the first thing on my mind. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of me too - thinks of how he no longer texts me good morning. 4
happy stillmore Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) We had little routines: every Thursday we are lunch together, every Friday I sent him a text saying "it's Friday and I'm in love" based on the Cure song. Watched Ghost Adventures on TCL every Friday night. (I know. I need a life) Any Boston song because we went to that concert Tall, skinny, balding men remind me of him (6'3") The building he works in is a historic landmark. I can see it from any window where I work. My work building is directly above it. I can also see it from all over the city. In fact, I can see it from my street. I can't get away from it. His daughter works at a hair cutting place right down the hill from my house. I see her car. The same car I have ridden in with MM. The hair salon is a chain and I see another one of its salons, I think of her. The song, landslide, by Steve nix reminds me of his BS. The lyrics. It makes me incredibly sad when I hear it. We texted every morning and every night. Countless times throughout the day. We never woke up or went to bed without good morning and good night. Edited December 20, 2013 by happy stillmore 1
solostand Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 The song Who's your Daddy by Toby Keith Any black Sierra truck and there seem to be hundreds of them! The beach. Tourism Advertising for the beach. Getting a phone call every morning at 9:16 a.m. and another one at 4:15. Seeing certain people that we both know.
Popsicle Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Just about everything. But it's getting better by the week.... 1
AutumnMoon Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) I would have to move and change all of my friends to avoid triggers, listen to all new music and movies.. Since we share the same tastes in so much. It would be heartbreaking and almost impossibly to go through life trying to avoid things that remind me of him. My favourite bands are his favourites, I will think of him every time I listen, don't know how to avoid it. Edited December 20, 2013 by AutumnMoon
halfalive Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Everything. The tv shows and movies we used to talk about. The food we liked to eat. Music that makes me think of him. Every single car that remotely looks like his. Any man with salt & pepper hair. My dreams. Any time I think of something funny that I want to tell him...and then realize I can't. The list goes on and on.
bentleychic Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I'm still an OW, but there are things that remind me of him, of course. Certain songs, certain bands, certain places. He works in my town (though doesn't live here) and so there are places we used to meet up for a quick hug and kiss or just chat that always remind me of him. Any time I drive by his work (which is basically every day since it's on the way to my office). They're not normally negative things, though right now we haven't seen each other in a bit due to some medical stuff going on and I burst in to tears when one of "our songs" that we always listen to together came on the radio last night.
veryhappy Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) TV scenes that involve affairs Passionate kissing scenes Phrases that were said in the A (like the trailer for Safe Haven that ended with some variant of "you are safe with me") Commercials or people resembling his W (the one know with she's the center of my universe for diamonds drives me nuts) Rain - especially heavy rain. We used to like kissing when it was raining and we both came to associate the two. I'm sure it all eventually fades. Edited December 20, 2013 by cutedragon
ElectricTangerine Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 So. Many. Things. Right now I'm having a pretty bad time remembering all the memories and plans we made just a few weeks before the BU. I was the one that ended things 2 weeks ago, and as far as missing him, today's the worst day so far. The worst trigger now is thinking about the plans we had together for the holidays. We were supposed to spend them with my family, walk the dog, interact with my cat... And now it's just me here. It pains me everytime I see a woman who looks similar to his wife. Especially if she's pregnant or looks really happy and in love. It pains me to even see a random family with a child of similar age. Going past all the places we visited together. Thinking about wonderful things we planned to do together, but now they won't come to be. Seeing and using items that are somehow, indirectly connected to him. Which is pretty much every single thing I own. So yeah, almost too many triggers to count. Today I terribly miss the good parts of our relationship.
RickFox Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 my car, my house, my cologne, anything vanilla scented, little white cars, music.... everything, every freaking thing 2
ElectricTangerine Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Sorry you are hurting today Are you the one who discovered his lie from his furniture postings on Craigslist where the pictures were taken in the marital home? Also, I couldnt help but giggle at this: you made plans to interact with your cat? Yeah, that's me, the craigslist detective. And it was actually his wife who posted the ads with the full address publicly visible. I should thank her. LOL, my cat is a huge tom who is extremely sweet but absolutely terrified of strangers. Whenever a stranger is present he just hides in the same spot for hours on end and does nothing else. Since MM was going to cohabit with the cat for almost 2 weeks, we made plans how to make this period as painless for the cat as possible. 1
Daisy2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Any black Sierra truck and there seem to be hundreds of them!. Ugh, yes when I see dark Ford F-150s, it makes me want to cry, then throw up. That's where we spent our time, in his truck. And there are plenty of them out there.
Cinnimon Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 As silly as it sounds I was triggered by a stupid Christmas gift bag I saw in a store today. MM used to tell me all the time "you just have to believe", so today I saw a gift bag with a picture of santa on it along with the word BELIEVE spelled across it in big red letters. I believe all right, I believe he is an A-Hole. MM that is. Not Santa, I like him 7
LaceyFace Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Everything. We have known each other for 8+ years and "together" for about 2. We have been going through rough patches more often than not. Everything is a trigger....and I mean everything. How do you manage?! The heartache is horrible. 1
sunburned Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 -Any car that looks like his -My running play list -His office (which I must pass regularly) -Gear from a sport and a hobby we had in common -Ring tones and text notifications (duly upgraded by resident pre-teen) -Certain drives at certain times of day when we would speak -Certain songs ("we" didn't have one, I mean ones that were popular during the A.) - As halfalive said, little things I want to share that he would find funny or noteworthy And the biggest trigger: any random, elderly Neanderthal walking down the street, talking from both sides of his mouth. 1
Popsicle Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Having a trigger right now... The UFC fight that's on tonight. 1
flowingmane Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I have triggers that cause me to go into avoidance mode and shut my brain down. I can't bear any of these: 1. mention of an affair in a movie or on tv or a book, especially the title 2. infidelity jokes by comedians 3. news stories of infidelity It's a sharp pain, reminding me that I am fighting very long odds and no matter what, I came after her. I will always be compared and I have far less room to make mistakes or be human, because she changed his trust in love forever.
flowingmane Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 We texted every morning and every night. Countless times throughout the day. We never woke up or went to bed without good morning and good night. Yes. Us too. Although lately he has slipped a lot when travelling, especially on the good nights. Living together so often the last few months changed things. I don't think he misses me anymore... I feel I'm taken for granted
flowingmane Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Also, like so many others... a car that looks like his, a scent, a beer, certain restaurants, some tv shows and movies, even entire cities now. If we break up most of my life will go into the garbage as intolerable to see for some time to come. It will take healing. Likely I will move somewhere we did not spend time, maybe eventually I could go back. Maybe.
missannoyed Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Now constantly attracted to older men with Irish accents **** and also smelling similar scents. like the spray/cologne he used to wear. anytime I smell it, so many memories. :/
ElectricTangerine Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I had a weird trigger yesterday. I went out with a friend yesterday to see a band perform, and their performance was in this white tent... At some point during the evening a thought randomly popped into my head of xMM and BS at their wedding reception (where I live wedding receptions ate often in white tents)... How happy they must have been, how they danced... I just wanted to hit myself with a stick for having this thought, it took the rest of the night to get rid of it. I hate this, it's the worst feeling ever to know that she was first and I wasn't, and I landed smack in the middle of their rough patch in the marriage. And what makes it worse is that he didn't even care to inform me of this. Layers of feelings that I wasn't first, topped with a thick layer of betrayal and iced with anger at myself for being too naive and at him for being such a coward and a liar to me and BS. A big mess that's occasionally getting stabbed by the memories of how sweet and harmonious our relationship used to be and what a kind and generous man he usually was. :sick::sick::sick: I so look forward to the day when I'll feel less bitter about this.
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