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"If you really love someone set them free, if it's meant to be they will come back"

Justanotheruser

By Justanotheruser
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Justanotheruser New Member

Justanotheruser

Posted
Posted

Hey everyone! I'm new around these parts.

 

I seek for help! This will be a very long story, but I would appreciate it if some of you could read through and maybe help me find my way. Thank you!!!

Anyway, here goes

 

So, there is this girl I met around 3 months ago (I'm 20, she is almost 20). It started off easy, we enjoyed eachothers company, but we didt spend that much time, hung out every now and then. We did talk ALOT tho, usually into the night in facebook. The thing is she always took me as a friend. I on the other hand developed feelings for her. I started caring for her alot. I listen to her, I am there for her any way I can, whenever I can.

One day I went to her place, to find out if she had a spark for me aswell. It was quite obvious to me that she didn't. Talked to me about other guys :S Just a simple movie night, had a few drinks. I did have to sleep in her bed, since there really wasn't any other option, but under seperate covers. (She lives alone, moved into town cause of school)

The next day I decided to tell her how I feel, she doesn't feel the same. We still kept alot of contact, she saw me as a very significant person in her life.

But I started to notice that she doesn't communicate with me as if we were just friends. She called me ALL the time. We were just too damn close, whenever we sat next to eachother, practically in eachothers arms. She always talked to me as if I were her boyfriend, said things you wouldn't normally say to a friend.

 

So I told her pretty straight forward: If she wants to keep communicating with me, she has to back off, because she's making it really hard for me to be her friend.

And that got her thinking. Soon enough she didn't know what she was feeling towards me. And here is where I went wrong, I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HER SPACE. But no, I became as clingy as ever, and in some ways, impatient. I did tell her to take her time, let her decide how she feels, but the way I acted didn't really show it. I was hurting, shouldn't have showed it.

 

One day she asked me over again for the night. This time things went further. We slept under the same covers, did ALOT of talking. In the night we cuddled alot. Our legs crossed, we were practically rubbing against eachother like crazy. Near the morning, I even kissed her, she kissed back, we got pretty passionate.

Things took a turn, I jumped to conclusions. I thought that this was it, YES, I'm in the clear. How wrong I was. The following afternoon she told me she still doesn't know how she feels. I took it pretty hard, got all sad. I shouldn't have showed it, but I did, and I think it only pressured her and pushed her away from me.

 

Some time passed, ofcourse we were still friends, we still talked alot. So one day, she calls me over for the night yet again. Things go even further. Extremely passionate, we didnt have sex ofcourse , but there was absolutely no air in the room when we were done. Okay fine, I fingerbanged her, but she pulled me to it. We fell asleep at around 7 a.m. We had talked alot, and got crazy like 4 times.

That night I surprised her with alot. She herself is a very experienced woman. And she knows that she was the first woman I had ever been with. The previous night, when I first kissed her, it was my first kiss EVER. She couldn't get over it, she told me I was an amazing kisser, and she couldn't believe that I had never been with a woman before, that I was pretty bold and did things right.

 

So, I went home in the morning. Again thinking, hell yes, things are going great. That night she tells me, that after I left, it didn't matter to her. She didn't miss me....AT ALL! SHE DIDN'T MISS ME AT ALL! That struck me like crazy, again I showed it. I'm a musician and that night I felt extremely messed up and ended up writing a great bunch of lyrics. (I've even written her a whole piece, she loved it, eventhough the nature of it was sad)

I sent her the lyrics, and she was touched. She told me she feels extremely guilty. She says she can't believe she's letting a guy like me go, but she can't really help it if she doesnt have feelings for me. I guess that was the center of her confusion in the first place.

 

That's pretty much where things stand now. She doesn't have feelings for me. I can feel her backing away, she hasn't asked me to her place, she doesn't call so much anymore

I was still absolutely head over heels for her. I was going absolutely insane, there was not one minute, where I didn't think of her. So I decided to pull the disappearing act.

One morning, I brought her breakfast in school, since she had no time to eat in the morning. We were supposed to hang out that day. But I disappeared. Throughout the day, she called me practically within EVERY hour.

Those stopped halfway through the night. I just didnt answer. The next day she called again, I answered, she was like OMMGGG WHEEREE ARE YOUUU. I told her i was busy, had no time to answer.

She was pretty hurt, i apologized pretty thoroughly, saying I would make it up to her. I felt guilty as hell. She had even cried!! So i started thinking, well, if she still doesn't realise she has feelings, then something is very wrong.

AND SHE STILL DIDN'T. Nobody in the frickin world would CRY and be in panic if their JUST-FRIEND disappeared for one day. Over 10 missed calls!

But no, still nothing. I was tremendously confused.

By that time I was absolutely zombified. My thoughts had left me powerless, everything else in the background, social life at a halt, music at a standstill, things piling up in school. EVERYTHING was about her her her.

 

A few days ago I told her, that I can't be friends with her, and said we shouldn't talk, atleast for a little while. She understood, told me it's my choice.

THE NEXT DAY SHE CALLS ME, AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED. Told me about her things just as usual, I couldn't turn my back on her and decided, **** this, i'm gonna listen to her. There are hundreds of guys runnning after her, she talks to alot of people. But when she has an issue, i'm always the one she calls. She has told me countless times she treasures me and cares for me dearly and can't risk losing me. I've always been there for her, listened to her, helped her, at her roughest times, pulled her out.

 

The same day, out of nowhere we hatched a plan. There was a christmas party at our school. We decided, it would be great to secretly spend the night at one of the classrooms.

A very small room, no motion detector, a class where we once had been very closely in the dark for over 5 hours (not something that just-friends normally do, right?). So ofcourse I started thinking again. I just told her we can't talk, and we somehow managed to plan to spend the night secretly in a dark room with very little space, drinking whine. What was I supposed to think??? Ofcourse I thought, again, that YES THINGS ARE MOVING. She bailed on the plan at the last minute. I was hurt again, but this time I didn't show it. And well it was pretty understandable, she had to study. So after the christmas party, we both went out with a big group, had some drinks, had a great time. After that I somehow managed to get to her place. I helped her study. She's not much of a studier usually, facebook distracts and stuff. But I made sure she studied and helped her in every way. She had two tests the upcoming day. We went to bed at around 4:30. This time she made me sleep under a different cover. Yet somehow our legs still crossed, and had a bit of cuddling in the morning, when the alarm went off. (at around 7:30)

I made her breakfast, as she was still in bed, wanted to make things as easy for her as I could. On our way to school she told me she was really grateful, and owes me for helping her. This was today!

 

She had talked with my best friend, who told me, that she told him that she just doesnt have feelings for me and she doesnt want to lose me as a friend.

Again this struck me pretty damn hard. I was filled with alot of negative emotions and even decided to hell her AGAIN that we shouldnt talk, I cant be friends with her. But I haven't shown her, how hard it hit me, nor have i still told her to back off, I still have time to decide what to do next. I can't act out of emotion anymore.

 

I've made alot of mistakes, I wish I could turn back time and do everything differently, starting from where she started doubting in her feeligns for me.

I was just too damn clingy and showed too much emotion!!!!!! I've spent countless hours in tears, I can't let her go! I need to win her heart, and it seems like im doing so, BUT AS A FRIEND. I'm just a shoulder to cry on.

I'm neck deep in the friendzone, but I cant be her friend! All or nothing! She means the absolute world to me! I have never felt like this because of anyone. She brought me to my highest and down to the lowest in a single day! I have never felt so good, yet so bad. The contrast is just mind-blowing.

 

(I should probably point out, that she has been hurt in her past, so it has crossed my mind that maybe she is just super careful and is testing me)

Now browsing for possible solutions, doing research, I came upon this phrase:

"If you really love someone set them free, if it's meant to be they will come back"

 

It got me thinking. This is it, this is what I should do!

So how do I apply it? I can think of just two options:

 

1) I just pull back, become less available, give her space, let things go with the flow.

(Risks are she falls for someone else.)

 

or 2) I tell her I cannot be friends with her and that we from now on we shouldn't communicate.

 

 

Kinda feels like 1) would be more correct

Either way, I know that i have to move on, get her out of my head and focus on other things, get my life back on track! If it's meant to be , she will come back, if not, then it's not meant to be. I GET IT!

What i'm afraid of is that when she does come back, she will do it yet again as a friend.

 

What should I do?? Please help, dear loveshack community :(

 

With best regards,

Oliver

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

Dude, you should've banged her while you were in bed together.

 

 

When you disappointed her by not banging her. Lots of young women want to have lots of sex. Yet they also want to be able to think of themselves as "good girls". So they get just drunk enough and bang guys. They hold back verbal explicit consent and do not take the initiative in a really overt way. Although getting in bed with you really is about as consenting as it gets.

 

 

Forget the feminist narrative about constant active consent. In heterosexual sex, and homosexual man on man sex one person holds the other down and then bangs away unless someone actually says no.

 

 

The following is funny because it's just about the way many women think. This sounds like what she was on.

 

 

 

 

TLDR: When you were in bed together that was your green light to bang her. The green light to bang a woman can be as subtle as them being ok with your had up her skirt to as overt as them getting in bed with you. Very rarely is it ever as explicit. as "will you please 4uck me?"

 

 

Sexually disappointing a woman is a good way to make them not want to talk to you. Satisfy them sexually and they will think of you time and time again.

  • Like 1
BLS Established Member

BLS

Posted
Posted
Dude, you should've banged her while you were in bed together.

 

 

When you disappointed her by not banging her. Lots of young women want to have lots of sex. Yet they also want to be able to think of themselves as "good girls". So they get just drunk enough and bang guys. They hold back verbal explicit consent and do not take the initiative in a really overt way. Although getting in bed with you really is about as consenting as it gets.

 

 

Forget the feminist narrative about constant active consent. In heterosexual sex, and homosexual man on man sex one person holds the other down and then bangs away unless someone actually says no.

 

 

The following is funny because it's just about the way many women think. This sounds like what she was on.

 

 

 

 

TLDR: When you were in bed together that was your green light to bang her. The green light to bang a woman can be as subtle as them being ok with your had up her skirt to as overt as them getting in bed with you. Very rarely is it ever as explicit. as "will you please 4uck me?"

 

 

Sexually disappointing a woman is a good way to make them not want to talk to you. Satisfy them sexually and they will think of you time and time again.

 

Awesome post

  • Author
Justanotheruser New Member

Justanotheruser

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Any other opinions? I really don't think that's it... She told e about a guy from her past, and that she jumped into bed with him quite soon, and said that it was a mistake.

So I understood that she will not rush these things, until it's the real deal.

I could be very wrong ofcourse, maybe it was somekind of mindgame (like in the Louis CK video). But that is the past, i know i screwed up, alot of times. The question is, how do I make it right? Can I even make it right? What should I do?

 

Awesome video btw :D

Edited by Justanotheruser
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