dating a woman 6 years older

[loverboy1984]

Hey guys, I need some advice.

 

I'm 28 years old and a doctor currently dating a nurse who is 34. Since my breakup with my ex 2 years ago I have become extremely picky and have a hard time trusting girls, yet I've dated a lot. This nurse I'm seeing is really nice and I like a lot about her but I don't want to get involved and get hurt like I did with my ex. Here are the things that I'm concerned about:

- she's 34, I'm 28 and I feel like she's around that time when women need to start a family and I'm not ready for that. She denies this.

- She was married for several years and I don't want to be serious with someone who has been married before.

- she has dated one of my co workers for a short time and that makes me feel weird.

 

 

Now I've dated older women all my life and went through a cougar phase but for serious relationships I want someone slightly younger or at least my age or a couple years older. I'm not ready to settle until at least when I'm 30 but by then she will be 36. She is fine with us being intimate friends and dating but has expressed wanting to be more. I feel bad and don't know if I should just see her as a friends with benefits or seriously date her. I also doubt given her age and prior marriage that my parents would be ok with it even though usually they go with what I like. So what do you guys think? Continue to see her or make it serious or just drop it? Again she says she's fine with us not putting a label on it but wishes it was more. Just worried when and if the right girl comes along she will be hurt.

[Ruby Slippers]

You clearly aren't into her for something serious, and she is. Be honest and tell her you don't see yourself getting serious with her, and break it off.

[d0nnivain]

Her age isn't the problem. The "problem" is you know that you are simply dating her but that you have no interest in having a LTR relationship that could possibly lead to marriage with her.

 

 

That's not really a problem unless you are making her believe that you are up for things that you clearly want no part of.

[loverboy1984]

I've offered to break things off several times saying I don't want to lead u on and not looking for anything serious but she says she understands and doesn't mind having what we have but she has expressed that she wishes it was more. She said she considered ending it but is ok with dating with no label. Yes I don't want to have an LTR but wish to have her as a friend and don't want a bad rep in the hospital. But the reason I don't want an LTR is her age and fact that she is divorced. I've told her about the age thing and she says I shouldn't judge her and she is t looking for anything urgent but I don't believe it.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes I don't want to have an LTR but wish to have her as a friend and don't want a bad rep in the hospital.

This is an excellent reason not to let things go any further. The last thing you need is an angry, hurt ex talking crap about you at work once you find someone you do see yourself getting serious with and dump her.

 

I tried to have casual dating partners a few times when I was in a lonely, cynical time in my life, and got involved with guys I definitely saw no real future with - just fun and companionship for the short term. In 2 out of 3 cases, the guy got very angry and emotional when I ended it, even though I was totally honest from the very beginning about not seeing us as a long-term match.

 

You can see this kind of story documented over and over on this forum.

 

The longer you draw this out, the more attached she's going to get and the more drama it's going to cause.

[FitChick]

Tell her you don't think it's a good idea to date a coworker and while you like her as a person, you are no longer into casual dating. Then look elsewhere. She will probably gossip about you anyway, but better now than later when you've dated her a long time and will look like the villain for dumping her.

 

Haven't you heard the expression, "Don't foul your own nest?"

[Mariposa10]

Do not waste this woman's time, please.

[nescafe1982]

So, OP, do you want a relationship? Do you want to find a woman to be in an LTR with, maybe a woman who you might see yourself marrying one day?

 

If so, your qualms about her age/ divorced status are moot. If you want more than casual dating, and you don't see an LTR with her, then end it.

 

If casual dating is all you want, and she's cool with that, then leave her free to date other men as well. Make that very, very clear (that you two are NOT going to be exclusive).

 

But something makes me think you are worried that 1) you don't want an LTR with her, but you 2) do want an LTR and are worried about being tied down to her when the right woman comes along. If that's the case, you gotta end it with her and make room for the right person.

[Noproblem]

So, it's ok for guys to have younger girlfriends!

but when it comes to older women. Guys have to come and write about it. Like it's really a huggggggggggggggggggggggge problem, the end of the world kind of problems.

 

Simple answer, since you don't want real thing with her, tell her that and just be friend with benefit or end it while it still doesn't hurt

 

because trust me, it will hurt once you start caring for her or she does

 

and then your problem with (aging, & ewee wrinkled skin) will start to irritate you and cause you to hate her for not a reason of her doing.

[ThatMan]

I've offered to break things off several times saying I don't want to lead u on and not looking for anything serious but she says she understands and doesn't mind having what we have but she has expressed that she wishes it was more. She said she considered ending it but is ok with dating with no label. Yes I don't want to have an LTR but wish to have her as a friend and don't want a bad rep in the hospital. But the reason I don't want an LTR is her age and fact that she is divorced. I've told her about the age thing and she says I shouldn't judge her and she is t looking for anything urgent but I don't believe it.

Can you at least take a moment to practice being more assertive?

 

You're being unfair to yourself.

[todreaminblue]

let her go......she is not right for you

[soccerrprp]

OP, you CLEARLY don't want to have a LT relationship with her. End it. Simple.

[Ruffian1]

Continue to see her or make it serious or just drop it?

 

. . . .Drop it.

[StanMusial]

Hey guys, I need some advice.

 

I'm 28 years old and a doctor currently dating a nurse who is 34. Since my breakup with my ex 2 years ago I have become extremely picky and have a hard time trusting girls, yet I've dated a lot. This nurse I'm seeing is really nice and I like a lot about her but I don't want to get involved and get hurt like I did with my ex. Here are the things that I'm concerned about:

- she's 34, I'm 28 and I feel like she's around that time when women need to start a family and I'm not ready for that. She denies this.

- She was married for several years and I don't want to be serious with someone who has been married before.

- she has dated one of my co workers for a short time and that makes me feel weird.

 

 

Now I've dated older women all my life and went through a cougar phase but for serious relationships I want someone slightly younger or at least my age or a couple years older. I'm not ready to settle until at least when I'm 30 but by then she will be 36. She is fine with us being intimate friends and dating but has expressed wanting to be more. I feel bad and don't know if I should just see her as a friends with benefits or seriously date her. I also doubt given her age and prior marriage that my parents would be ok with it even though usually they go with what I like. So what do you guys think? Continue to see her or make it serious or just drop it? Again she says she's fine with us not putting a label on it but wishes it was more. Just worried when and if the right girl comes along she will be hurt.

 

You're worried you will get hurt, worried she will get hurt, she has some baggage, you're all over the place. Either you're some kind of worry wart or you don't really like her that much. You should break it off with her and get your head straight, I don't see how this is going anywhere.

[d0nnivain]

I've offered to break things off several times saying I don't want to lead u on and not looking for anything serious but she says she understands and doesn't mind having what we have but she has expressed that she wishes it was more. She said she considered ending it but is ok with dating with no label. Yes I don't want to have an LTR but wish to have her as a friend and don't want a bad rep in the hospital. But the reason I don't want an LTR is her age and fact that she is divorced. I've told her about the age thing and she says I shouldn't judge her and she is t looking for anything urgent but I don't believe it.

 

You were upfront with her but the fact remains that she's lying to herself (& you) about what's she's OK with. She's settling & secretly hoping you'll come around. That's what's making you upset because you know that the right thing to do is end it.

 

You're being a bit of an ageist & the divorced thing gets harder to avoid as you get older but at 28 I can't really call you out on it. You're right to be sensative to her biological clock no matter how many times she hits snooze.

[Phantom888]

Why is this a question? You don't even want to start something with her. Quit being selfish and tell her the truth. She has every right to know how you don't see her as relationship material.

[veggirl]

Dude, grow up.

 

You don't "offer" to break up with someone, you JUST BREAK UP WITH THEM.

 

You have dealbreakers that include: women more than 2 yrs older than you and previously married women.

 

So, why would you get involved with someone who is both of those things?

 

 

Finally, you don't want a "bad rep" at the hospital yet you date a co-worker?! Like are you really serious? I thought everyone over the age of like 21 knew not to sh*t where they eat if they want to be taken seriously.

[FitChick]

He likes the easy availability of frequent sex. He is thinking with his little head.