Popsicle Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I think it's creepy you think I'm lying about this. She KNEW all about me. Deal with it. There are a lot of BW's and MW's who've never been part of an affair on this forum. They do a lot of shaming. Sometimes it seems like there are more of them on this forum than OW's, even though the forum is meant for OW/OM and to give support to them. No way they can empathize. 3
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Why do we do this??? I saw something and just had to reach out. Ok, I didn't have to, but it was bothering me and I just wanted to say I care. I had a lot of issues with him doing weird crazy things and being mean after NC by posting things on Facebook in cryptic messages. Yet, I still did this. He wrote back so surprised! Told me how much he misses me and thinks about me morning and night and hopes to see me somehow again one day. Why did I do this?? I couldn't stop crying and have been crying on and off for days. Painful lesson learned. And, now you know the pain it's caused you and you won't reach out to him ever again. You'll now understand the importance of NC and get that it's for your own protection, your own good, for you to heal and get over him completely. NC is not punishment TO him, to teach him a lesson. It's all about you and protecting your precious heart and emotions... I'm sure in a day or two you'll be fine. You have 3 months of NC under your belt, so you've been on the healing path for a while now.. Make sure to get out and have some fun with friends and LAUGH. I mean laugh and be silly, stay positive and put exMM out of your head. 2
Author MorbidFever Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Shining - I can only reiterate what he would tell me. She was “dedicated” “obsessed” with him. He “felt sorry” “loved her, but not in love with her”. She would also have low moments and be critical of him, I saw some of it. I know she suffers from depression and anti-social behavior. Her life is HIM. She doesn’t go out, she doesn’t have hobbies. She wasn’t involved in his professional life. He used to make fun of her that she would stay home and stare at the walls and how boring she was. BUT, she was “dedicated”. He is a very jealous man and once told me he would stab another man in the neck if he ever saw them flirting with me. He went psycho on some mutual friends on FB and would constantly watch interactions with guys he thought I was interested in (we have 100+ mutual friends), even though I wasn’t at all. SHE was not like that. 100% all about him, no male friends, no friends in the industry, just him and family. Only on FB for image crafting and showing her dedication. happy - It’s really unfortunate finances make someone stay in a relationship or they won’t leave unless there is a safety net. It reminds me of that song..If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Has he ever been with another woman before you that you know of? Popsicle - I basically said that I saw his announcement on his page and that I was sorry and care about him (I refrained from saying I loved him) and offered words of encouragement and I was there for support. I am totally getting the shaming thing now. I’ve seen it here and there, but wow. whichwayisup- so true! I’m doing this again and soon it will be 3 months again. Thank you for your encouragement! 1
Clay Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I can see how it would be attractive to have a woman on the side. Someone to give you the rush of affection and love that you are missing from your current relationship. Makes you feel wanted and adored. I think the level of lieing would have to be great. I am not a good lier so I can see that would be a issue. Another thing I know I am not good at and that is watching a woman cry. It kills me. I hope you move on from this man. It sounds like he is good at playing with your emotions and setting your hopes up and then crushing them. Clay 2
Author MorbidFever Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Shining - I am definitely not going to defend him. As I said, I care about him and love him and can't help it. It won't stop. At least now. Maybe one day it won't be as intense. If there was a huge blow out fight, and ended, maybe it would be different. The whole, if you love someone set them free, is f*ing painful. He is not a prince. He is not perfect. And no his jealousy never gave me any sort of thrill, it was alarming and I stated as much. I am not perfect either. You ask what I like about him. Do you want a list?
Cocochai Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Why do we do this??? I saw something and just had to reach out. Ok, I didn't have to, but it was bothering me and I just wanted to say I care. I had a lot of issues with him doing weird crazy things and being mean after NC by posting things on Facebook in cryptic messages. Yet, I still did this. He wrote back so surprised! Told me how much he misses me and thinks about me morning and night and hopes to see me somehow again one day. Why did I do this?? I couldn't stop crying and have been crying on and off for days. I often tell folks to not hit yourself over the head of falling again. I even wrote to LS asking what's wrong w/ me. After I had NC with the MM.. I started to miss him greatly. The guy I started seeing was everything I ever wanted in a guy but I couldn't stop thinking about the MM still. MM reached out to me almost the next day I started crying over this. I lost the battle broke it off w/ the guy I was seeing and started talking back to him again. I guess what I'm saying is when you truly have had enough, you will stop the affair. It seems like when it's a forced stop it makes it even harder to stop. Anyone looking on the outside will see me and many others in my situation as week, low self esteem. Perhaps it's true but when you get tired of the bread crumbs you will lose your breaking point and cut it off for good. I guess I'm not truly tired yet but.... I've been on the receiving end of feeling depressed when we try to break the affair. I'm still a work in progress. 2
psm04 Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I guess what I'm saying is when you truly have had enough, you will stop the affair. It seems like when it's a forced stop it makes it even harder to stop. Yes, couldn't agree with this more. It truly sticks when you have reached that breaking point. And most people will. For some people like myself, one breaking point wasn't enough. I had to humiliate and disrespect myself several times in order to get to a healthy place.
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