I broke NC after 3 months why???

[MorbidFever]

Why do we do this??? I saw something and just had to reach out. Ok, I didn't have to, but it was bothering me and I just wanted to say I care.

 

I had a lot of issues with him doing weird crazy things and being mean after NC by posting things on Facebook in cryptic messages. Yet, I still did this.

 

He wrote back so surprised! Told me how much he misses me and thinks about me morning and night and hopes to see me somehow again one day.

 

Why did I do this?? I couldn't stop crying and have been crying on and off for days.

[happy stillmore]

I can relate. You miss him. You love him even. I want to reach out myself but I force myself not to. Literally, struggle not to. Is he still married? If so, let him know you can't talk unless he is free and clear of his marriage. Easier said than done.

[MorbidFever]

I can't say too much, but it is health related. I don't look at his personal page only have his professional page liked, as I don't want to give up that part of him.

 

We are on different sides of the country, so there isn't any likelihood of us hooking up for flings. Shining, he actually was going to leave, and I was the one that stupidly said no. Of course, I'm always going to live with that mistake. His whole family knew, but I sent him back home and said we should wait a bit.

 

happy stillmore, I feel like a hypocrite, because I always told others here not to do it. But, please don't! It's right back to Day 1 pain.

[happy stillmore]

You are human. Our hearts talk louder than our head sometimes. I can't lie. I posted things on my Facebook page that I wanted him to see. It was directed at him. Facebook was never something we did. He has a page but doesn't update it. If I could talk to him again, I would (against my better judgement). I miss him. I can relate to your pain though. Is he truly happy with his marriage? If not, maybe he should get real with his life and make the necessary changes. Then, you can talk.

[MorbidFever]

I know and I'm so sorry for what you are going through, too. You are so strong, please keep on, because it was a huge mistake breaking it no matter if I just meant to reach out with empathy and NOT start up again. I will always care about him, even after all the FB drama stuff he posted.

 

He is still married at home. First time, he was here and was going to stay and I was scared and sent him home. It was awful, he was calling and texting the whole travel time back crying. Second time we were maybe 2 weeks out from being together and I got pissed at him and called it off. Third time we were together again in a different state and looked for a place and he begged me not to leave as he was afraid our plans would crumble again. I assured him it wasn't going to happen. Then he had a health issue come up a few days later and well, that was that. It's not a serious health issue, just career debilitating.

 

I'm definitely not writing back.

[happy stillmore]

Let me just figure this out, do you love MM? Does he love you? Why aren't you together?

 

In my case, MM chose to stay with his wife. If he made the efforts as your MM, I would be with him. I'm serious about that.

[MorbidFever]

Yes, we both do, though we have put each other through so much pain and heartache.

 

He has taken a leave from his professional career for this health issue. It probably won't be resolved for another few months. He told me he wasn't going to start a life with me with this going on and needed to keep things cool at home so he wasn't thrown out. I didn't really care so much about him not having an income, but my Mom did. She went off on him asking him how he was going to support himself with me. :mad::mad: It really hurt him so he stayed at home while we still communicated from across the country and it wore me down and him as well I'm sure. I couldn't take anymore of it so told him I needed to let him go. That was 3 months ago.

 

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I do know this. I will not be a second choice. If he ever wants to try again, he will have to do so when he is on his own. Period.

[MorbidFever]

happy - how long has it been since you saw or spoken to him?

[MorbidFever]

Shining - first, there are no children involved. His wife is very well aware of me (was that is) and yes, she did keep welcoming him back. He told her many times he was in love with me and wish it didn't have to hurt her. She knew everything. I can't explain her. She is early 30's three times divorced. I've seen her post things prior to this marriage, asking how to keep a man and keep him loving you. I don't know, I think she is insecure and obsessed with him, because he told her everything and she still treated him like a king.

 

Also, he is a sociopath, so I don't think he fully 'got' what he was doing to her.

 

Only he knows why he is staying, or what the truth is. He has told me it's because of financial reasons, for now. I'm sure it's probably because he loves her and sees a life with her only.

[MorbidFever]

Also, I dont any man that would ever give up a girl b/c the girls mother pissed him off. C'mon -- thats a ridiculous excuse he gave you for not leaving his marriage to come to you.

 

Morbid, if I may gently say so, is it possible that what we have hear is a long distance relationship with a married man, that gave you excuse and excuse of why he couldnt leave, and in fact you very much wanted him to, but in the end it has been his choice to stay in this marriage?

 

Shining, that did happen. He took it very personal and blocked her.

 

I'm not sure I understand your last comment. We had plan on three separate occasions and I explained them. The last time we met in a different state, I left and he had this health issue come up. And no, he was and is not lying about it, and I never questioned it, yet he sent me copies of doctor's reports and stuff. and his surgery notes. I never doubted it.

[MorbidFever]

And you are witness to these conversations in which he "told her everything".

 

How do you know she is "very well aware" you, other than MM telling you that?

 

You do realize the MM usually makes all this up. (Especially if he is a sociapath)

 

Unless you have heard it from the wife's mouth, consider it unverifiable.

 

Some of them yes, I've even seen screenshots of her text messages to him. I've been on the phone with him while she was there asking me questions.

 

I think it's creepy you think I'm lying about this. She KNEW all about me. Deal with it.

[MorbidFever]

Also, she contacted me on FB from her own account. It was her.

[Clay]

I am really sorry you are going through this but the more I read the more I think you really should just run away from him. I know its hard for you. Don't be so hard on yourself for messing up. Your only human. You are just going to have to figure out a better way of control it.

 

This does not sound like it will end well even if he does come to be with you.

 

Clay

[MorbidFever]

well Im sure your mother did say that, and Im sure your MM did "block her" on facebook or whatever.

 

But Im also sure than no man truly in love would give up a relationship with a woman b/c his mother said something to upset him.

 

I just think you maybe are not seeing things 100% clearly. I think you are romanticizing the situation... "Oh we are star crossed lovers, and want to be together, but cant because of my family, his health, his wife, etc etc"

 

Truth is, if a man wants to be with you, he will be with you. People divorce all the time.

 

I'm definitely not romanticizing anything. At first, yes, but I wasn't going to hang around and be a second choice while he recovered from his health issues. I let him be.

[MorbidFever]

I am really sorry you are going through this but the more I read the more I think you really should just run away from him. I know its hard for you. Don't be so hard on yourself for messing up. Your only human. You are just going to have to figure out a better way of control it.

 

This does not sound like it will end well even if he does come to be with you.

 

Clay

 

Thank you, Clay and you're so right. I made a stupid mistake and am regretting it greatly. I just look at it as starting from Day 1 again.

[Clay]

Thank you, Clay and you're so right. I made a stupid mistake and am regretting it greatly. I just look at it as starting from Day 1 again.

 

We all make mistakes. Its never easy to admit it and it is so sad that you will suffer over this holiday. Try to focus on the fact you were very strong for three months and you can do it again. As time goes on it will get easier.

 

Try going out and dating. It is a great way to take your mind off of things.

 

Clay

[MorbidFever]

She knows that you exist perhaps, and snippets of this and that. But believe me, the MM is keeping both you and she in the dark. He is managing and controlling each of you lady's perception of the situation. Seeing a few texts, hearing a few words by no means gives ANYONE the full pictures of "knowing all about" a situation. Your'e falling for it text-book style.

 

Its classic MM method of operation -- make the OW think the wife knows all about her. When in fact he is doing everything he can to hide it or let his wife know as very little as possible. She only knows the tip of the iceburg, I assure you.

 

I think you are being highly manipulated and managed, and I wish you werent falling for it.

 

Shining - that simply is not the truth. I was in this triangle, I think I know what was going on, so please, don't try to twist anything or try to make it out like he lied to her or me about certain situations or feelings. I'm telling you, I've been on the phone with both of them at the same time on different occasions. She flat out asked him, with me on the phone, what he loves about me, why he's in love with me. She also asked me why I love him. We also remained FB friends after she found out. She of course asked him to delete me, but he refused. She had her friends tell him to as well. Then she contacted me and went off so I blocked her.

[happy stillmore]

Morbid fever,

Gee, a lot of discussion while I made dinner. It has been six months since I last spoke to MM.

 

You are right not to ever be second. You deserve more. I'm sorry I raised the question. I would have done backflips if my MM would have left his wife. Honestly, now I realize I only want him to leave his marriage on his own accord, not because of me. His wife is the breadwinner and he couldn't survive on his own financially. I get that things happen and your MM couldn't leave due to health issues. It is always something. I understand where you are coming from. Even though the situation seems impossible, you still want to be with him. It breaks your heart to want something so bad.

[MorbidFever]

We all make mistakes. Its never easy to admit it and it is so sad that you will suffer over this holiday. Try to focus on the fact you were very strong for three months and you can do it again. As time goes on it will get easier.

 

Try going out and dating. It is a great way to take your mind off of things.

 

Clay

 

Thank you, <3 I appreciate the words of encouragement! And I'm out of this city for the holiday and cannot wait.

[MorbidFever]

Morbid fever,

Gee, a lot of discussion while I made dinner. It has been six months since I last spoke to MM.

 

You are right not to ever be second. You deserve more. I'm sorry I raised the question. I would have done backflips if my MM would have left his wife. Honestly, now I realize I only want him to leave his marriage on his own accord, not because of me. His wife is the breadwinner and he couldn't survive on his own financially. I get that things happen and your MM couldn't leave due to health issues. It is always something. I understand where you are coming from. Even though the situation seems impossible, you still want to be with him. It breaks your heart to want something so bad.

 

happy - it's ok, it's a very valid question. (()) Do you think your MM is staying because of financial reasons? Are you in the same city or state? The good thing is we aren't, so there is never a chance of running into him, as I see some do that live in same town/city or work together. I cannot imagine that…

 

You are doing great! Six months seems like forever! Three months was like an eternity.

[veryhappy]

Why do you want a R with a sociopath?

 

If he's truly a sociopath, how do you discern what's true and what not?

 

You broke NC because staying NC is incredibly hard.

[happy stillmore]

Yes, we live in the same city, in a different town. I am always looking over my shoulder, nervous about running into him. He lives a 25 minute drive from me.

 

I think he is staying because he is afraid of losing his grown daughters and financial reasons. His 3 daughters are over 19 and live at home still. They have a lot of debt and can't afford the mortgage without his income, even though his income is a third of his wife's. Also, his wife sounds like the BS in your situation. She knew about me. We even had two conversations. She would always ask him what he loved about me. She left a voicemail saying she hates herself. She had self esteem issues. She told him the girls would never talk to him again if he left. He said it would kill her if he left. It was the oddest thing. After over 2 1/2 years of our relationship, she still treated him like a king. She told me no-one can take care of him like she did. That leads me to think they share a co-dependent relationship. She needs to take care of him. No thanks.

[MorbidFever]

happy - wow they are similar! She sounds so much like the BS of my xMM. Once we were together and she texted him "I'm the best thing that ever happened to you" he showed me and said "poor girl". i mean, I felt bad for her and stuff, but she came off as so needy and insecure. I think his attraction to her is her dedication. Right after and for about 2 months after she found out, she spammed her own FB daily with "I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH" "MY HUSBAND IS MY WHOLE WORLD" "MY HUSBAND STOLE MY HEART" and on and on and on. It was so bizarre. He told me she was posting pictures over 3 years old of them together. Including old pictures from a vacation and tagging him in all of them.

 

I'm the COMPLETE opposite. A huge flirt and he hate hate hated that. Whenever I went out or hung out with other musicians he would lose his ****.

 

I think you are right, the daughters and the financial situation. Kids and finances seem to play a part in the majority of men staying in their marriages they claim to not want to be in. The fear of the unknown. Lose so much and possibility of being alone. Well, they say they are 'alone' now. Not too big of risk takers are they.

 

cutedragon- good question as well. Who knows what the truth is. Hell, maybe it was a 'friend' and not really his wife on the phone those times I thought it was her. I could have been fooled by just a liar and con artist. Scary, but possible. But, here I am so now what. I don't think of him anymore in relationship terms or having a future relationship. I care about him and I love him. I don't know how to make it go away.

[happy stillmore]

Yes, that was also something else he said to me as I was ending our relationship. He said his wife would never leave him. I think he was afraid to be alone. He told me once his wife "adores" him. He talked about leaving his wife and right away moving in with me. Like he couldn't be alone. I wanted him to live on his own first. His wife is five years older than him and is motherly with him. I see now that he really is a boy. He disappointed me.

[Popsicle]

What exactly did you say when you wrote to him?