georgieg Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 One of my good friends got out of an 8-year long relationship about 6 months ago. She's always been a big flirt, but it was never really an issue because everyone knew she was in this relationship and everyone in our circle of friends is flirty to a degree. What I'm noticing now, though, is that she's flirting more, and she's flirting with a lot of other friends' boyfriends/husbands. While I know she's not actually trying to hook up with these guys, I also know that she's kind of pissing off some of our mutual female friends because of the way she is toward their boyfriends. She even started annoying me by being a little too friendly with this guy that I'm talking to (but not really dating yet). He's totally not her type, she swears up and down she's not ready to date anyone yet, etc., but it still got a little bit grating. To the point I was glad when she left the party early. I really feel like I should say something to her. I don't think she even realizes that she's basically sending out "I want to sleep with you" signals to a lot of guys. And then she turns around and complains that it seems like guys only ever want to try to sleep with her. I'm a huge flirt, but I'm also careful about the impression I'm giving when I flirt and how it might be interpreted. She doesn't seem to be as discerning. She's one of my closest friends, so I think I could talk to her about it, but I'm not really sure how to bring it up...or how to approach it without just making her defensive. Ideas?
d0nnivain Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I'd say something. I think it's OK to point out that her level of flirtiness has seemed to have been ratcheted up a notch & isn't universally appreciated. Since you know she isn't really a man stealer, recognize that she's probably just seeking positive attention since her relationship ended but I think it's OK to tell her. Think of it sort of like telling her she has lipstick on her teeth or TP on her shoe; you're doing her a favor but there's no need to be mean about when you have the conversation.
Author georgieg Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 I'd say something. I think it's OK to point out that her level of flirtiness has seemed to have been ratcheted up a notch & isn't universally appreciated. Since you know she isn't really a man stealer, recognize that she's probably just seeking positive attention since her relationship ended but I think it's OK to tell her. Think of it sort of like telling her she has lipstick on her teeth or TP on her shoe; you're doing her a favor but there's no need to be mean about when you have the conversation. That's a good way to look at it. I honestly don't think she even realizes it. But she made a joke about how she was "going to go make out with your boyfriend" to another friend, and while she was just joking around, it really rubbed our other friend the wrong way (her relationship is kind of rocky at the moment, which didn't help).
Kizza Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I am a terrible flirt...but never with other peoples partners! I understand how that would make people feel about me. You should speak to her. Tell her you know she means no harm and know she wouldn't do the dirty but it is rubbing people up the wrong way and paying mind to who she is overly friendly with is the way to go. I am sure she will appreciate the heads up on how her actions are affecting others and if she doesn't then she needs an attitude adjustment. That could be a little harder to tell her though so I would just leave her to work it out for herself.
preraph Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) I don't buy that she doesn't know what she's doing. I have an old friend/roommate who was like that. If you think she can't derail your romance and that of your friends, you are wrong. She takes the attention away from them because she likes to be the center of attention. My old roommate if she wanted to go after someone else's man, she did and just tried to keep it under the radar by being super friendly with the girlfriend. I don't believe your friend is guileless. If I were you I wouldn't tell her much about your love life and I'd keep her away from anyone you care to hold the attention of. If you warn her, all it's going to do is make her double down to make sure you don't catch her at it and also feel like you deserve it. Your friend is an attention whore who needs to grease her ego on a regular basis. I have remained friends with my old roommate, but she has strained more than one relationship. One of my old roommate's tricks was she would try to steer my attention onto a different man to distract me while she worked whoever she was working. One of her most childish and embarrassing ploys is out at a club, if I was talking to some guy and she wanted to talk to him, she might make it look -- well, feel like -- I grabbed the ass of another guy in the vicinity by doing it herself and then blaming it on me. Then while I was dealing with that, she'd move in on the one I WANTED to talk to. Flirts can be treacherous -- especially in the workplace. Edited December 20, 2013 by preraph
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