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My ex girlfriend is pregant with my baby and i want to be involved with the baby!!

josephangel00

By josephangel00
in Parenting

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josephangel00 Member

josephangel00

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Ok my ex girlfriend is now 3 months pregnant with my baby. We broke up last week. She has said that " you dont have to be in the babys life and/or have to be responsible for the baby I'll raise it on my own". She made it clear to me that she doesn't want to be with me any and likewise I would like to make it work and be with her but in reality she is VERY difficult to deal with and I am VERY difficult for her to deal with so being together isn't going to work no matter how I slice it. As of right now my number one priority is to make sure the baby is healthy and to be there as a good father. I offered to pay for medical appoints in concern to the baby but mom has refused my money. I attempted to call the clinic she visits but will not accept my money without her consent as it is illegal. I don't know weather to seek legal action in this matter or not. I prefer we come to a out of court agreement that I am allowed to come to medical appoints, time of birth, and be allowed to visit my child. I also would like to pay for any medical expenses related to the baby. Thing is it better to seek legal action or should I attempt to talk to her to get a agreement that i can pay baby medical expenses, provide baby necesities, give baby gifts, and be allowed to visit my baby and get the agreement in writing? Also have a excel like document for anytime she accept money from me she signs for it?

 

Help please this is stressing me out.

DaisyLeigh1967 Established Member

DaisyLeigh1967

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Please be smart and talk to an attorney.

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Elliotte Established Member

Elliotte

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Please be smart and talk to an attorney.

 

THIS. Get to know your legal rights and start taking action NOW!

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DaisyLeigh1967 Established Member

DaisyLeigh1967

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Do not come in with guns a blazing, demanding this and that. Just quietly see about your rights.

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scorpio1978 Established Member

scorpio1978

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Good for you for being a stand-up guy and wanting to be a good father. I would let things calm down a little with her. Pregnant women can be very hormonal and if you just broke up last week, there is no telling if she is hurt/angry, etc. That said, talk to a lawyer. You do have rights here too. Quietly get to know these rights, give her a little space, and try again and see if she is willing to compromise.

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Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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I don't know you, but unless you're a psycho, she should be happy her child's father wants to help out. That's what is best for her child. It seems cruel to deny you access unnecessarily. I assume the break up was a bad one or something.

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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Please be smart and talk to an attorney.

 

This. And take the money that you're willing to give now for doctor appointments and such, and put it away in a special account. It will be there later if/when you are allowed to spend it on your baby as well as if you end up paying child support. Rumor has it that kids are expensive!

 

Congratulations!

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Tayla Established Member

Tayla

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In the USA for most men who are seeking paternal rights, it activates once the child is birthed and not before (unless you are in california which has the nutties laws around!). Seek counsel and understand this is a LIFE commitment not something that tickled your fancy as a momentary announcement. I come from old school where its not whether the man provides monetary funds so long as he provides a positive role in the childs life ....Be there.

DaisyLeigh1967 Established Member

DaisyLeigh1967

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Fathers should be involved, but they should provide financially for the children they help to create as well. That is also "old school"

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

Posted
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In the USA for most men who are seeking paternal rights, it activates once the child is birthed and not before (unless you are in california which has the nutties laws around!). Seek counsel and understand this is a LIFE commitment not something that tickled your fancy as a momentary announcement. I come from old school where its not whether the man provides monetary funds so long as he provides a positive role in the childs life ....Be there.
I know you meant well, and maybe I'm over-sensitive, but this almost comes across as condescending. Of course having a child is a "LIFE" commitment. And you seem to be implying that the guy has a legitimate choice that he should think carefully about here. While it's a reality that some parents occasionally abandon their children, I don't know why it's automatically assumed that it's something a respectable human being might even consider, unless he or she is somehow impoverished or terribly unfit.
Kizza Established Member

Kizza

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research your legal rights.

research your ability to contribute to the baby for life

 

from this point keep a journal/diary documenting all of your interaction, good and bad with the mother.

 

Most of all make sure you are willing to be an honourable parent and fight for the right to be in your kids life.

 

Don't fight fire with fire, do the right thing from the beginning and the rest should work out.

Tayla Established Member

Tayla

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Fathers should be involved, but they should provide financially for the children they help to create as well. That is also "old school"

 

Daisyleigh- Only in america (usa) are laws varied on when the paternal parent starts financial responsibility. Its definitely not during pregnancy which is what I was speaking of legalities wise. As to the "old school", if the gal doesnt want the father around to help in raising the child...then he shouldnt be the bank either ...its a hand in hand deal....

Tayla Established Member

Tayla

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I know you meant well, and maybe I'm over-sensitive, but this almost comes across as condescending. Of course having a child is a "LIFE" commitment. And you seem to be implying that the guy has a legitimate choice that he should think carefully about here. While it's a reality that some parents occasionally abandon their children, I don't know why it's automatically assumed that it's something a respectable human being might even consider, unless he or she is somehow impoverished or terribly unfit.

 

Thank you for in a sense needing clarification...I can see how you read it as condescending....text can be misconstrued. I apologize if it came out that way...The rational side was speaking ....and you deserved a more reasonable and supportive commentary. And yes, men do have legitimate choices....ask any lawyer. (not condescending, its a fact sad to say). But it takes a sit down agreement early on to make important decisions...such as medical treatments, schooling, babysitters, even dietary concerns. And yes even respectable humans have the choice to support or not....Some human adults just aren't cut out to parent....if the laws requires them to pay then so be....

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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If she really didn't want you involved at all, she shouldn't have told you that she is pregnant. Some women just don't think.

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