Iguanna Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Yes, but at the same time he does need to be attracted to his potential date. Lowered standards just to sidestep being single can foster unhappiness just as quickly for both people. I'm not saying he should go to the other side and date someone he finds ugly. But saying that he doesn't want to compromise on the looks department but at the same time he can't meet women through both OLD and real life, this is contradictory, don't you think? Plus, I didn't know that happiness comes through how beautiful you find your partner. I never was happy cause my bf is good looking. I am happy cause he is a good person and he loves me and cares for me, and not cause he is attractive...
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 It's really hard to say which way to go on this without seeing his profile and their profiles. I don't know your gender either, (if female, you probably have a different perspective on OLD). TBH I don't want to give out more of my information on the internet than I already do. That's why I asked this question in the way I did. If we can just agree to assume that I'm going for the same type of women I can get in real life but I'm having trouble on the web. Am I seeing that because my profile sucks or is that the nature of the game? If its my profile I'll go ahead and anonymize it and ask people to critique the wording.
crederer Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) I'm not saying he should go to the other side and date someone he finds ugly. But saying that he doesn't want to compromise on the looks department but at the same time he can't meet women through both OLD and real life, this is contradictory, don't you think? Plus, I didn't know that happiness comes through how beautiful you find your partner. I never was happy cause my bf is good looking. I am happy cause he is a good person and he loves me and cares for me, and not cause he is attractive... Yah, I have to agree. If you cant cut it on OLD is one thing, cant cut it IRL either, then your standards are probably too high. Many of the women you're dismissing probably think they're pretty good catch as well (and probably are). EDIT: didn't read the whole thread, just parts of it. I think to most people on here it's quite obvious why you can't find someone. Good luck, you'll need it. Edited December 19, 2013 by crederer 1
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 I'm not saying he should go to the other side and date someone he finds ugly. But saying that he doesn't want to compromise on the looks department but at the same time he can't meet women through both OLD and real life, this is contradictory, don't you think? Plus, I didn't know that happiness comes through how beautiful you find your partner. I never was happy cause my bf is good looking. I am happy cause he is a good person and he loves me and cares for me, and not cause he is attractive... There is a misunderstanding here. I don't have a problem with the fact that I live a life where I'm surrounded by men and women who I'm not attracted to. I don't mind that I'm single for extended periods of time because of that. When I do meet women I like I am capable of dating them, just with less frequency than I would consider ideal. My solution to that is to increase the amount of women I meet, not to just lower my standards and go for whatever is easy. See I'm happy how I am and value what I do, I only want to add to that by dating someone I think is great, otherwise why bother? There is a lot of happiness to be found when you're with someone you know is great, or the best you're going to do. Its the inverse of feeling down because you settled and know you can do better.
Under The Radar Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I'm not saying he should go to the other side and date someone he finds ugly. But saying that he doesn't want to compromise on the looks department but at the same time he can't meet women through both OLD and real life, this is contradictory, don't you think? Plus, I didn't know that happiness comes through how beautiful you find your partner. I never was happy cause my bf is good looking. I am happy cause he is a good person and he loves me and cares for me, and not cause he is attractive... Understood. I'm talking about attraction to a multitude of factors ...... not just the physical. As well, though I'm happy your boyfriend is a good person, loves you, and is caring, you found him at least reasonably attractive to begin initially dating. Obviously looks tend to magnify for the better when a loving connection is involved.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Yah, I have to agree. If you cant cut it on OLD is one thing, cant cut it IRL either, then your standards are probably too high. Many of the women you're dismissing probably think they're pretty good catch as well (and probably are). EDIT: didn't read the whole thread, just parts of it. I think to most people on here it's quite obvious why you can't find someone. Good luck, you'll need it. I must not have made this clear enough. I can date attractive women, I have in the past and will in the future. I just spend a ton of time doing school work for my sausage fest of a major in my sausage fest of a school. Rather than being that guy that goes to the library to hit on chicks I figured I would try OLD. It seems to suck, and to the library it is.
Under The Radar Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I must not have made this clear enough. I can date attractive women, I have in the past and will in the future. I just spend a ton of time doing school work for my sausage fest of a major in my sausage fest of a school. Rather than being that guy that goes to the library to hit on chicks I figured I would try OLD. It seems to suck, and to the library it is. How ironic would it be if your future wife is OLD in the library? Just Sayin ......
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Less desirable says who? how's it working out for you? They are less desirable to me and the general population agrees that excess weight is unattractive. Things are going fine for me actually. I'd rather be available than date a fat chick, on top of that I do get out and I do date attractive women when I see them, I don't see how people are missing that. This is not the "I'm so lonely I deserve a hot chick but have no basis for feeling this way" thread, this is the "Attractive girls are into me IRL but not my OLD profile" thread.
StanMusial Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 When you go to OLD, you are fighting bad odds. It's common sense. If you go to a bar RIGHT NOW and see a few cute girls, you can talk to them. There might be 2 guys or more for each girl, BUT many of them aren't going to try. Not true in OLD. Same thing in a coffee shop or at the dog park or anywhere. It's easier to stand out of the pack when you're willing to actually look her in the eye. 3
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 How ironic would it be if your future wife is OLD in the library? Just Sayin ...... Using OLD in the library? Or is OLD in the library a member here? I feel like I'm missing something.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Who is this 'general population'? more evidence the general public is a bunch of nitwits Fine, you like big girls and I don't. We can say that with certainty. I shouldn't have brought every day trends into this.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 When you go to OLD, you are fighting bad odds. It's common sense. If you go to a bar RIGHT NOW and see a few cute girls, you can talk to them. There might be 2 guys or more for each girl, BUT many of them aren't going to try. Not true in OLD. Same thing in a coffee shop or at the dog park or anywhere. It's easier to stand out of the pack when you're willing to actually look her in the eye. Sounds reasonable.
Under The Radar Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Using OLD in the library? Or is OLD in the library a member here? I feel like I'm missing something. What's missing are your sarcasm antennae .
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Just wanted to say I'm open to reasonable objections to the theory that its just the way online dating is. Just what I've seen so far though is people either agree with that or miss that I'm going for the same kind of girls I can get in real life. I'm not some lonely single dude that can't get anyone and then went to online dating and is now being super picky. That's not what's going on at all. Like I said I just don't spend a lot of time around the girls I like but when I do I'm NOT faced with rejection that made me turn to OLD
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 What's missing are your sarcasm antennae . Must be what's going on
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I clean up in OLD in terms of how many messages I get. Unfortunately I'm not interested in about 99 % of them. The problem is that you don't have much to go on with picture and a profile. So men that have good stats do better. You can't really gauge chemistry and connection online :/
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 I clean up in OLD in terms of how many messages I get. Unfortunately I'm not interested in about 99 % of them. The problem is that you don't have much to go on with picture and a profile. So men that have good stats do better. You can't really gauge chemistry and connection online :/ By stats do you mean the self essays or things like income, education, height, weight, etc?
Elliotte Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Online dating is a nice supplement to dating people you meet in real life. But let's face it, what's more impressive to a woman? A message in a stuffed inbox, or a guy who meets you in person and asks you out face to face? The latter, every time! Dating sites are addictive, you can skim through profiles, find plenty of attractive people and shoot off 20 messages in an hour, hoping for a response, but women on those sites understand that too, and are very picky. Do not expect a very high response rate, that's just how online dating goes as a guy.
Under The Radar Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 By stats do you mean the self essays or things like income, education, height, weight, etc? She means the latter.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) She means the latter. Though I feel like I would do better than average in that way. My experience is most women like a 5'11" fit white dude that doesn't smoke or do drugs, is ok with pets, and in school (assuming they're in school too). Edited December 20, 2013 by Onethirtyeight
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I'm a fairly desirable man, I'm not going to make a self promoting list but I know I'm a decent "catch". That means I don't really have a problem with interacting with and dating women I'm interested in provided they're single. I don't really have to settle for someone I don't really want, which is a position I'm happy to be in. What is a problem for me is I don't meet a whole lot of women I'm really that interested in my daily life so I figured I'd try online dating where I could meet more people. After using OKCupid and POF for about a month I've only gotten a couple replies from women I thought were attractive and those didn't go anywhere. At the same time I tested to see what kind of women I would regularly get replies from and found the slightly below average looking and overweight women were fairly interested in me. Now I'm not going to settle for that when I can do better in real life. Is this just how online dating is? or is there something wrong with my profile? I'm not interested in spending more time on this if I can do better just by hanging out at Starbucks. Before people jump on me for being shallow, yes I care about personality but I've found that there really isn't much of a relationship between personality and looks and I'm going to have just as hard of a time finding a nice girl that weighs 125 as one that weight 210. Looks are really proving to be the challenge here and I accept that given I want what I want. This isn't about "shallow"... this is about needing to connect your perception of the world around you to reality. Were what you claim true, you would be out in 'real life' demonstrating your babe magnetism for those all around.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 This isn't about "shallow"... this is about needing to connect your perception of the world around you to reality. Were what you claim true, you would be out in 'real life' demonstrating your babe magnetism for those all around. Not if I don't have time to hang out at the places where I attract the women I want all the time. I have a lot of things I need to take care of in a day and I can't just mill around the library or Starbucks looking for chicks to hit on and I don't really like the bar chicks. I mean I can normally get a couple dates a month with the girls I like when I'm looking.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 There is a misunderstanding here. There is a lot of happiness to be found when you're with someone you know is great, or the best you're going to do. You're right... most of us hadn't understood that it was in fact happiness you've been exuding all along during this thread. 2
Under The Radar Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Though I feel like I would do better than average in that way. My experience is most women like a 5'11" fit white dude that doesn't smoke or do drugs, is ok with pets, and in school (assuming they're in school too). To many of the women you are messaging those stats are a dime a dozen. On paper I'm sure you are fine, however ...... Just piggy backing off of what you wrote above, consider this: I'm a 6'1 fit white dude who doesn't smoke, do drugs, is ok with pets, and owns a successful business (I've already graduated from school). You see where I'm going with this? The competition you are up against is overwhelming. There are hundreds of men online that can either legitimately match your stats (surprise: even exceed them) or straight up lie about impressive credentials. Now, if you were a woman whose inbox was FILLED with messages from would be suitors, would you respond to everyone? Even if you wanted to it would be impossible because of the shear numbers that are involved. The same pretty girls your two eyes see are the same pretty girls your male opposition sees. And yes ...... with that much attention many of the women will be relentlessly picky. As the saying goes: Don't hate the player ...... hate the game. Do I think OLD is a complete waste? No, but you will need to be patient and continue meeting women IRL, too.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 You're right... most of us hadn't understood that it was in fact happiness you've been exuding all along during this thread. I only got irritated at the end when people didn't even bother to read my whole post before commenting and ended up jumping to conclusions.
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