Is this just how online dating is?

[Onethirtyeight]

It's the Last Chance Saloon. Girls that can't catch the man of their dreams and guys that just can't catch anyone.

 

If you clean up in real life you will do OK online.

If you do OK IRL you will do poorly OLD.

If you do poorly IRL you will do poorly OLD.

 

There are probably a few goodlooking guys who are total losers that can smoothly operate girls into bed or short term flings. They are either hiding from their wives or they are too poor or something IRL.

 

This sounds about like what I've experienced. Pretty much expect to be a step or two down from real life. Which tells me to just go get girls in real life rather than compromise after wasting a bunch of time online.

[Onethirtyeight]

I must be in the rare group where I clean up in real life and get nothing in OLD. In my defense, I don't play the numbers game -- or didn't, back when I used it. I refused to copy and paste the same generic message to 30 women a day, although more than likely, that would probably help me. I was sending unique, carefully crafted messages to 5 women a week, if that (I'm picky) -- nothing.

 

I'm not gonna shamelessly whore myself around online and message hundreds of women in the hopes that one or two respond. But I suppose if you're a guy and want to see results, you have to do that.

 

I didn't take it very seriously and only saw it as a supplement to my real world dating life. But the difference was too stark. I had to leave. I was landing awesome women in real life and getting nothing online.

 

This is about what I'm seeing but I'm not getting anything out of it. That said after what other people have said here I'm only going for the same kinds of girls I'd go for in real life, which are kind of the top rung. So that could be it, if I'm only messaging the top 5% of women on the site and they're getting tons of other attention they could just be picky, or there to waste time, or maybe fake.

[Onethirtyeight]

I don't know. I had no issues with OLD. With POF I sent out about 3 or 4 messages a week and normally set up 1 to 2 dates from it. My response rate was about 30% or so. I didn't find the women bitchy or stuck up. Most just seemed tired of sorting through all the crap.

 

Lets face it... Either there are a mass number of bizarre dudes or just a few that really get around. I can't believe how many married guy stories I heard.

 

On OKcupid the ladies are super aggressive. They would fill my inbox so fast I couldn't politely reject them fast enough. Women of all attractive levels too. I think the mass influx of Asian people has made dating here weird.

 

I really think where you are trying to date is important.

 

Weird, where are you from? I'm in the Midwest and there aren't a ton of people in my area, especially not Asian women.

[MrCastle]

This is about what I'm seeing but I'm not getting anything out of it. That said after what other people have said here I'm only going for the same kinds of girls I'd go for in real life, which are kind of the top rung. So that could be it, if I'm only messaging the top 5% of women on the site and they're getting tons of other attention they could just be picky, or there to waste time, or maybe fake.

 

I mean, for me personally, I know what I like and I go after it. I do that in real life, and I won't change that.

 

Like -- I'm not gonna see a girl and say "wow she's super hot, there's no way she'll see my message. Let me message someone I find less attractive to improve my chances of being seen."

 

If she gets 100 messages a day, it is what it is. All I can do is toss my hat in the ring. If she doesn't see it, oh well. If she read it and ignored it, her loss.

 

Regardless of why OLD didn't work for me, the main point is that it didn't work. And real life dating is. The decision was virtually made for me. Even when I go through dryspells in real life, it's still better than banging my head against a computer screen. I'm never going back to OLD. Lesson learned.

[Onethirtyeight]

What does your profile say?

 

I'm 44 and generally get mail from the 25 year olds who look about 12, 35 to 40's who either look much older than they state, live with their parents and are unemployed or the 45 plus brigade..up to age about 80.

The mid to late 40's to 70's are generally the most perverted and most angry/abusive in first mails or second mails (if you have been brave enough to reply with a polite 'no thanks').

 

Missed this at first. I'm a part time student at one of the best universities in the country as I'm paying my way through school (I'm just leaving the name out to be incognito). I'm getting a degree in mechanical engineering. I also listed my hobbies, filled out all the boxes about what I like to eat, read, and watch, I also included some decent pictures of myself. I had a hard time finding ones that looked ok and didn't include a bunch of my friends in them, that may be my problem.

 

Now I'm only going for women my age in my area too so there shouldn't be too many issues like you were talking about.

[Onethirtyeight]

I mean, for me personally, I know what I like and I go after it. I do that in real life, and I won't change that.

 

Like -- I'm not gonna see a girl and say "wow she's super hot, there's no way she'll see my message. Let me message someone I find less attractive to improve my chances of being seen."

 

If she gets 100 messages a day, it is what it is. All I can do is toss my hat in the ring. If she doesn't see it, oh well. If she read it and ignored it, her loss.

 

Regardless of why OLD didn't work for me, the main point is that it didn't work. And real life dating is. The decision was virtually made for me. Even when I go through dryspells in real life, it's still better than banging my head against a computer screen. I'm never going back to OLD. Lesson learned.

 

This is exactly where I'm at right now. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't just me. I know there are tons of guys who complain about OLD but I've just assumed they weren't doing that well in real life anyway, looks like that's not the case.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Weird, where are you from? I'm in the Midwest and there aren't a ton of people in my area, especially not Asian women.

 

I'm in Seattle.

 

West coast colleges have almost 100,000 Asian students working their way through. Many of them are from rich families so the boys all have GF's back home.

 

It's really a great place to date. Lots of educated quality women from all over.

 

Missed this at first. I'm a part time student at one of the best universities in the country as I'm paying my way through school (I'm just leaving the name out to be incognito). I'm getting a degree in mechanical engineering. I also listed my hobbies, filled out all the boxes about what I like to eat, read, and watch, I also included some decent pictures of myself. I had a hard time finding ones that looked ok and didn't include a bunch of my friends in them, that may be my problem.

Now I'm only going for women my age in my area too so there shouldn't be too many issues like you were talking about.

 

If you are not in a big city then dating is going to be a bit tough, but most universities are over 60% female. Why even bother online?

[Under The Radar]

Although OLD is difficult for most men, I'd speculate that the younger demographic (early to mid 20's) might have more challenges. It wouldn't surprise me to find men in their 40's and beyond having better luck.

 

My thought is that with a 50% divorce rate, and a further percentage having had bad experiences in the dating world, many women could be more open to individuals, who in the past, were ignored.

 

I think the younger generation CAN be more fickle and indecisive. Thus, OLD can significantly magnify superficiality in people because an "upgrade" is only one simple click away.

 

Women in their late 30's, 40's, and beyond (not that this helps the younger population) might be less picky and want a genuinely good guy to form a connection with. Consequently, the selection criteria is reevaluated because of being burned in the past (nail and bail) or having a series of failed relationships with a certain type of guy.

 

I mean, individuals are meeting and getting married off of these sites, right? Obviously it does work for some people ...... even if the success stories are heavily skewed to a minority.

 

Then again, maybe I'm far off the mark.

[Aquanut]

Strange. I'm one of the rare ones that maybe did a little better on OLD than real life. I am a man in my 40s and I did just fine on OKcupid when I was there but I was only supplementing my dating pool. I never took it too seriously. In fact, not once did I send a message to a woman unless I was replying to her. My profile was more of a trot line that I'd put out and mostly forget about. A couple of times a week I'd get a new message. While I was on I WOULD visit the profiles of interesting women so they knew I was checking them out but I wouldn't send them messages. Most of the initial meet-ups were duds but I did net two longer term dating partners/relationships out of it.

 

I'm not in the market but when I was I preferred meeting people the old fashioned way- through alcohol and poor judgement but OK Stupid was not a bad way to supplement.

[Onethirtyeight]

I'm in Seattle.

 

West coast colleges have almost 100,000 Asian students working their way through. Many of them are from rich families so the boys all have GF's back home.

 

It's really a great place to date. Lots of educated quality women from all over.

 

 

 

If you are not in a big city then dating is going to be a bit tough, but most universities are over 60% female. Why even bother online?

 

Being from the best coast makes a lot of sense then. I grew up in Seattle too and I noticed that, not even at the schools but in general the tech industry out there attracts a lot of Asian people.

 

My school is mostly men and my major is even worse and to compound that I'm always working at networking to get a good job out of school. I'm not really complaining so much as stating that as a fact. Not that its the worst thing even but it means I really have to go out of my way if I want to meet attractive women that aren't bar chicks. I actually don't even mind them that much but I'm reaching a point where I want something more serious and I'm not really finding that at the bars or when I rushed a frat and was part of greek life. The book store, coffee shops, and other daytime hang outs are good but its a small pond. I was really hoping to find some nice chicks that weren't party animals and resorted to OLD to find less fratty guys.

[Untouchable_Fire]

.

Women in their late 30's, 40's, and beyond (not that this helps the younger population) might be less picky and want a genuinely good guy to form a connection with. Consequently, the selection criteria is reevaluated because of being burned in the past (nail and bail) or having a series of failed relationships with a certain type of guy.

 

I was dating a lot at 30 and the women over 35 have lost most of their physical attractiveness. It's a meat market for the ones that are still hot. Most are less superficial because they can't be, not because they don't want to be. That's just my experience with it.

[Under The Radar]

Strange. I'm one of the rare ones that maybe did a little better on OLD than real life. I am a man in my 40s and I did just fine on OKcupid when I was there but I was only supplementing my dating pool. I never took it too seriously. In fact, not once did I send a message to a woman unless I was replying to her. My profile was more of a trot line that I'd put out and mostly forget about. A couple of times a week I'd get a new message. While I was on I WOULD visit the profiles of interesting women so they knew I was checking them out but I wouldn't send them messages. Most of the initial meet-ups were duds but I did net two longer term dating partners/relationships out of it.

 

I'm not in the market but when I was I preferred meeting people the old fashioned way- through alcohol and poor judgement but OK Stupid was not a bad way to supplement.

 

 

So, YOU are a man in his 40's ...... maybe my hypothesis is correct about the older demographic.

 

I have a feeling that if MrCastle was OLD, in his mid forties, the results would be different. In fact, I wager he'd be cleaning house, like IRL.

 

I just might have to log onto LS 20 years from now to see if my new hypothesis is correct .

[Untouchable_Fire]

Being from the best coast makes a lot of sense then. I grew up in Seattle too and I noticed that, not even at the schools but in general the tech industry out there attracts a lot of Asian people.

My school is mostly men and my major is even worse and to compound that I'm always working at networking to get a good job out of school. I'm not really complaining so much as stating that as a fact. Not that its the worst thing even but it means I really have to go out of my way if I want to meet attractive women that aren't bar chicks. I actually don't even mind them that much but I'm reaching a point where I want something more serious and I'm not really finding that at the bars or when I rushed a frat and was part of greek life. The book store, coffee shops, and other daytime hang outs are good but its a small pond. I was really hoping to find some nice chicks that weren't party animals and resorted to OLD to find less fratty guys.

 

You are probably just in a tough area.

 

I dated a Sigma Kappa once... The nickname Snakey K's is very well deserved. Do yourself a favor and avoid the sorority girls. The peer pressure and alcohol leads to very bad behavior and I think some emotional scar tissue.

[Iguanna]

I'm going to have just as hard of a time finding a nice girl that weighs 125 as one that weight 210

 

Yeah cause the world is full of models with great personalities. We see that every day, don't we?

 

If you think you can "do better" in real life, then go for it. What is stopping you? Unless you are not such a great catch after all...

[MrCastle]

I have a feeling that if MrCastle was OLD, in his mid forties, the results would be different. In fact, I wager he'd be cleaning house, like IRL.

 

I don't understand it. Outside of as I mentioned, plain old having my message buried under others. In real life, I'm a media major at school. And I do freelance photography. So a good portion of the women I deal with are aspiring models, actresses, etc, or have already done some professional modeling. And they dig me.

 

This is not me bragging or anything, I'm just saying -- for me to do decent with women who could virtually have any man they want (in terms of looks) in real life -- to go online and have 0 messages in my inbox, is somewhat mind boggling.

 

One girl I've spoken to about OLD admitted that she had to clean her inbox every day or several times a day. They're just getting bombarded with messages. It's hard to break through.

[Under The Radar]

I was dating a lot at 30 and the women over 35 have lost most of their physical attractiveness. It's a meat market for the ones that are still hot. Most are less superficial because they can't be, not because they don't want to be. That's just my experience with it.

 

 

That was definitely another reason I thought the "male 35 plus age group" might have better luck.

 

It's sad that some women only give a certain type of guy a chance because their looks are fading.

 

The REALLY sad part about that scenario, is I'm sure THEY look at it like settling, when in fact, their new choice is actually much healthier than previous male selections.

 

Interestingly, who wants someone whose looks have faded, but is just as ugly, indecisive, and shallow as they may have been in their early 20's?

 

I'll take an average 40 year old any day with a heart of gold and a killer personality over a washed up prima donna .

[Onethirtyeight]

Maybe it's the overweight who are too good for you.

 

LOL, definitely not true.

[Onethirtyeight]

Yeah cause the world is full of models with great personalities. We see that every day, don't we?

 

If you think you can "do better" in real life, then go for it. What is stopping you? Unless you are not such a great catch after all...

 

I'm a busy person and surrounded by dudes. Its my own doing. I just wanted to expand my dating pool using the web.

 

I'd actually say there are more irritable and snide fat people than thin bitchy people but that could just be my experience:cool:

[Under The Radar]

I don't understand it. Outside of as I mentioned, plain old having my message buried under others. In real life, I'm a media major at school. And I do freelance photography. So a good portion of the women I deal with are aspiring models, actresses, etc, or have already done some professional modeling. And they dig me.

 

This is not me bragging or anything, I'm just saying -- for me to do decent with women who could virtually have any man they want (in terms of looks) in real life -- to go online and have 0 messages in my inbox, is somewhat mind boggling.

 

One girl I've spoken to about OLD admitted that she had to clean her inbox every day or several times a day. They're just getting bombarded with messages. It's hard to break through.

 

Sure, OLD DOESN'T allow YOUR charisma to shine through the same way it does IRL.

 

I have no doubt your profile pictures and essay were top notch with plenty of charm, wit, creativity, and humor.

 

Nevertheless, that can never take the place of genuine human contact and interaction like your freelance photography allows.

 

The OLD environment would serve to actively dilute the natural intonations and body language you possess ( a strength).

 

Because that particular medium is words on a screen, the effect is not nearly as potent or successful as the methodology employed IRL.

 

...... Though their filled inboxes aren't exactly helping matters .

[Onethirtyeight]

What makes you think there's anything wrong with being fat?

 

I'm not interested in fat women. Not that they're bad people they're just not for me and are less desirable to the majority of men.

[Iguanna]

I'm a busy person and surrounded by dudes. Its my own doing. I just wanted to expand my dating pool using the web.

 

 

Then you should lower your standards instead of upping them. Don't you find it more reasonable?

[crederer]

The truth of online dating is that women get ridiculous amount of attention. Most of them are from shady dudes but they're attractive and or have other "desirable" characteristics that can be faked online (and don't realize that these are shady guys).

 

Men have to "apply" to a ridiculous amount of women and get limited responses.

 

I've gotten quite a few dates from OLD, but most of them have had very VERY shallow ideas of what a relationship is. Didn't sit well with me. The other ones I've gotten dates with are very......how do I say it respectfully......socially stunted women.

 

In conclusion, OLD is quantity and not quality. I don't do it anymore but log in for the "lol"s" once in a while. Best way to find women in your age bracket is to talk to friends and family (in other words, network) and let them know you're actively looking and if they know anyone, throw em your way.

[Under The Radar]

Then you should lower your standards instead of upping them. Don't you find it more reasonable?

 

 

Yes, but at the same time he does need to be attracted to his potential date.

 

Lowered standards just to sidestep being single can foster unhappiness just as quickly for both people.

[Onethirtyeight]

Then you should lower your standards instead of upping them. Don't you find it more reasonable?

 

Why would I do that? I'm not dying to have a GF and I know I'm capable of getting an attractive good girl. I accept I may have some dry spells due to my choices. I hope I don't come off as desperate or winy.

[crederer]

Then you should lower your standards instead of upping them. Don't you find it more reasonable?

 

It's really hard to say which way to go on this without seeing his profile and their profiles.

 

I don't know your gender either, (if female, you probably have a different perspective on OLD).