Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I'm a fairly desirable man, I'm not going to make a self promoting list but I know I'm a decent "catch". That means I don't really have a problem with interacting with and dating women I'm interested in provided they're single. I don't really have to settle for someone I don't really want, which is a position I'm happy to be in. What is a problem for me is I don't meet a whole lot of women I'm really that interested in my daily life so I figured I'd try online dating where I could meet more people. After using OKCupid and POF for about a month I've only gotten a couple replies from women I thought were attractive and those didn't go anywhere. At the same time I tested to see what kind of women I would regularly get replies from and found the slightly below average looking and overweight women were fairly interested in me. Now I'm not going to settle for that when I can do better in real life. Is this just how online dating is? or is there something wrong with my profile? I'm not interested in spending more time on this if I can do better just by hanging out at Starbucks. Before people jump on me for being shallow, yes I care about personality but I've found that there really isn't much of a relationship between personality and looks and I'm going to have just as hard of a time finding a nice girl that weighs 125 as one that weight 210. Looks are really proving to be the challenge here and I accept that given I want what I want.
Philosoraptor Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Yes, online dating is full of people who know something possibly better is just a message away. And women more than men have saturated inboxes full of messages from guys. My advice. Get more social in the real world. Join a club, find a new hobby, just walk around parks. You'll find better odds walking up to a stranger than you will messaging one online. 6
winny Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I'm a fairly desirable man, I'm not going to make a self promoting list but I know I'm a decent "catch". That means I don't really have a problem with interacting with and dating women I'm interested in provided they're single. I don't really have to settle for someone I don't really want, which is a position I'm happy to be in. What is a problem for me is I don't meet a whole lot of women I'm really that interested in my daily life so I figured I'd try online dating where I could meet more people. After using OKCupid and POF for about a month I've only gotten a couple replies from women I thought were attractive and those didn't go anywhere. At the same time I tested to see what kind of women I would regularly get replies from and found the slightly below average looking and overweight women were fairly interested in me. Now I'm not going to settle for that when I can do better in real life. Is this just how online dating is? or is there something wrong with my profile? I'm not interested in spending more time on this if I can do better just by hanging out at Starbucks. Before people jump on me for being shallow, yes I care about personality but I've found that there really isn't much of a relationship between personality and looks and I'm going to have just as hard of a time finding a nice girl that weighs 125 as one that weight 210. Looks are really proving to be the challenge here and I accept that given I want what I want. You cannot really expect attractive girls to flock your profile coz "you" think you are a catch.. LOL You are competing against many other guys who might be better than you and hitting up the same girls. 2
GemmaUK Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 What does your profile say? I'm 44 and generally get mail from the 25 year olds who look about 12, 35 to 40's who either look much older than they state, live with their parents and are unemployed or the 45 plus brigade..up to age about 80. The mid to late 40's to 70's are generally the most perverted and most angry/abusive in first mails or second mails (if you have been brave enough to reply with a polite 'no thanks').
Keenly Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 You cannot really expect attractive girls to flock your profile coz "you" think you are a catch.. LOL You are competing against many other guys who might be better than you and hitting up the same girls. This is the attitude that ruins it. He tried to ask a question, and you had to bring him down, because god forbid a man acknowledge that he might actually make a good boyfriend. 5
MrCastle Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 There's way too much sausage online. Bottom line. There have been experiments to show just how bad the disparity is in messaging between men and women. Women can get messaged without having pictures up. Guys are too thirsty for sex or female interaction of any kind that they'll message girls who don't even have pictures up. When you realize how deep this thing goes, you have to take it as the joke it is. I question any man using OLD as his main source to find quality dates. Real life will always yield you better results. Don't take it from me, take it from this woman. A self described feminist. Online Dating Sucks For Men Because Of Women Like Me 3
Lobouspo Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Winny is just telling it like it is online dating is a pure numbers game that is terribly skewed towards females, and even mediocre, plain Jane types can be picky
winny Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 This is the attitude that ruins it. He tried to ask a question, and you had to bring him down, because god forbid a man acknowledge that he might actually make a good boyfriend. Truth is bitter. He has to know the truth about online dating and how it works. And the reason I stated is actually why he is not getting many replies. We do not have control on what the person in front of us finds attractive. 1
Keenly Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Truth is bitter. He has to know the truth about online dating and how it works. And the reason I stated is actually why he is not getting many replies. We do not have control on what the person in front of us finds attractive. If ladies pass on a good dude , for any reason other than incompatibility / red flags, its really their loss. Does the truth bother me? Not really. I'm patient, and can wait for a girl that would truly appreciate me for me. The psychological effect it has on a lot of women is similar to a power trip. An attractive girl notices she can get away with being a terrible human being and still get hit on. Have you read some of these profiles ? Its pretty mind blowing. Also, those women who get creeper out when you try and talk to them.... get off of a dating site. 1
winny Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Winny is just telling it like it is online dating is a pure numbers game that is terribly skewed towards females, and even mediocre, plain Jane types can be picky Thank you! And let me add here that, I being a female and one who is on an OLD site, I do get lots of messages. But so what? Are they quality men? MOSTLY NO. I get so many requests for casual hook ups and certain things I cannot even write here.. LOL... And then some are boring and some are so desperate... many do not have a job or education... some argue with me... some I do not find attractive... Sometimes I find 2-3 people worth of a chat but few days later there is nothing to talk about... And finally when I found one guy who seemed great, he pulled a disappearing act.... LOL My personal experience - OLD is brutal So getting a lot of messages or not getting many are no indication of being successful in finding a good person to have a relationship with. You can meet the right person anywhere... so keep all options open... Just be positive... 1
d0nnivain Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Consider using a for pay site. That may change the interactions. As others have pointed out to you, OLD is a tool. It shouldn't be the only one you're using. 2
Phantom888 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Don't use these FREE sites. You get what you pay for. Go to sites where you have to pay for a subscription like match or eharmony. People there are more serious about finding someone because they invested money into the search. These free sites are filled with people who are just bored or not really serious about dating. I have had nothing but great success on this online dating. I met the love of my life on it, and have dated so many wonderful women from my searches. I think it's the only way to meet quality women after your college years. 1
winny Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 If ladies pass on a good dude , for any reason other than incompatibility / red flags, its really their loss. Does the truth bother me? Not really. I'm patient, and can wait for a girl that would truly appreciate me for me. The psychological effect it has on a lot of women is similar to a power trip. An attractive girl notices she can get away with being a terrible human being and still get hit on. Have you read some of these profiles ? Its pretty mind blowing. Also, those women who get creeper out when you try and talk to them.... get off of a dating site. Not all attractive women are terrible human beings. And not all attractive women feel great when lotta guys hit on them.... As long as the right guy is not hitting on me... I really don't care who else is... ! 1
StanMusial Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 It's the Last Chance Saloon. Girls that can't catch the man of their dreams and guys that just can't catch anyone. If you clean up in real life you will do OK online. If you do OK IRL you will do poorly OLD. If you do poorly IRL you will do poorly OLD. There are probably a few goodlooking guys who are total losers that can smoothly operate girls into bed or short term flings. They are either hiding from their wives or they are too poor or something IRL. 1
winny Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Don't use these FREE sites. You get what you pay for. Go to sites where you have to pay for a subscription like match or eharmony. People there are more serious about finding someone because they invested money into the search. These free sites are filled with people who are just bored or not really serious about dating. I have had nothing but great success on this online dating. I met the love of my life on it, and have dated so many wonderful women from my searches. I think it's the only way to meet quality women after your college years. You are right. Agreed.
Keenly Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Paid sites are little different than free ones. You just get less fake profiles. I paid for a year of eharmony and 6 months of match. I never got a single response or message on match. Not even one. Eharmony got me a " friend" on the opposite coast, a girl that dropped off the face of the earth after a month ( she also refused to meet up, even though I was going to drive 200 miles to see her for a few hours ) I also met up with a girl that I had absolutely nothing in common with, and on the very last day, met a girl 2,000 miles away that I'm currently talking to. So that's about 150 $ and a year later, and other than this nice girl I'm talking to, got absolutely nothing out of it. I wouldn't recommend any form of OLD at all, to anyone. Its just not the right environment for that kind of stuff. Like trying to swim in a pile of sand. 1
MrCastle Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 It's the Last Chance Saloon. Girls that can't catch the man of their dreams and guys that just can't catch anyone. If you clean up in real life you will do OK online. If you do OK IRL you will do poorly OLD. If you do poorly IRL you will do poorly OLD. There are probably a few goodlooking guys who are total losers that can smoothly operate girls into bed or short term flings. They are either hiding from their wives or they are too poor or something IRL. I must be in the rare group where I clean up in real life and get nothing in OLD. In my defense, I don't play the numbers game -- or didn't, back when I used it. I refused to copy and paste the same generic message to 30 women a day, although more than likely, that would probably help me. I was sending unique, carefully crafted messages to 5 women a week, if that (I'm picky) -- nothing. I'm not gonna shamelessly whore myself around online and message hundreds of women in the hopes that one or two respond. But I suppose if you're a guy and want to see results, you have to do that. I didn't take it very seriously and only saw it as a supplement to my real world dating life. But the difference was too stark. I had to leave. I was landing awesome women in real life and getting nothing online.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 If ladies pass on a good dude , for any reason other than incompatibility / red flags, its really their loss. Does the truth bother me? Not really. I'm patient, and can wait for a girl that would truly appreciate me for me. The psychological effect it has on a lot of women is similar to a power trip. An attractive girl notices she can get away with being a terrible human being and still get hit on. Have you read some of these profiles ? Its pretty mind blowing. Also, those women who get creeper out when you try and talk to them.... get off of a dating site. I don't know. I had no issues with OLD. With POF I sent out about 3 or 4 messages a week and normally set up 1 to 2 dates from it. My response rate was about 30% or so. I didn't find the women bitchy or stuck up. Most just seemed tired of sorting through all the crap. Lets face it... Either there are a mass number of bizarre dudes or just a few that really get around. I can't believe how many married guy stories I heard. On OKcupid the ladies are super aggressive. They would fill my inbox so fast I couldn't politely reject them fast enough. Women of all attractive levels too. I think the mass influx of Asian people has made dating here weird. I really think where you are trying to date is important.
StanMusial Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Paid sites are little different than free ones. You just get less fake profiles. I paid for a year of eharmony and 6 months of match. I never got a single response or message on match. Not even one. Eharmony got me a " friend" on the opposite coast, a girl that dropped off the face of the earth after a month ( she also refused to meet up, even though I was going to drive 200 miles to see her for a few hours ) I also met up with a girl that I had absolutely nothing in common with, and on the very last day, met a girl 2,000 miles away that I'm currently talking to. So that's about 150 $ and a year later, and other than this nice girl I'm talking to, got absolutely nothing out of it. I wouldn't recommend any form of OLD at all, to anyone. Its just not the right environment for that kind of stuff. Like trying to swim in a pile of sand. 2000 miles away? What kind of shhht is that?
Keenly Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 2000 miles away? What kind of shhht is that? Sacramento was in the top 5 of worst cities to live, as far as the people go. Lucky me !
pteromom Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I was sending unique, carefully crafted messages to 5 women a week, if that (I'm picky) -- nothing. Really? Do they know WHO YOU ARE? If they saw your posts here, they'd be lining up to write you back. LOL 1
Under The Radar Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 There's way too much sausage online. Bottom line. There have been experiments to show just how bad the disparity is in messaging between men and women. Women can get messaged without having pictures up. Guys are too thirsty for sex or female interaction of any kind that they'll message girls who don't even have pictures up. When you realize how deep this thing goes, you have to take it as the joke it is. I question any man using OLD as his main source to find quality dates. Real life will always yield you better results. Don't take it from me, take it from this woman. A self described feminist. Online Dating Sucks For Men Because Of Women Like Me Thanks for the link ...... interesting article. Perhaps it should be required reading for any human males considering OLD. Sifting through the comments section was both depressing and entertaining at the same time .
MrCastle Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Really? Do they know WHO YOU ARE? If they saw your posts here, they'd be lining up to write you back. LOL Haha, thanks! I'm both a photographer and a writer so it wasn't profile issues. At least not in that sense. My pictures looked professional and my page was well written. Also not a matter of physical attractiveness as I do well IRL. It very well could be my messages got buried under all the others but at this point it doesn't matter. They missed out.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 You cannot really expect attractive girls to flock your profile coz "you" think you are a catch.. LOL You are competing against many other guys who might be better than you and hitting up the same girls. I'm not expecting them to find me and talk to me first. I'm not just sitting around on my hands. I actually do get a fair amount of page views from decent looking girls and I'll sometimes respond if I like them, and then sometimes they respond back. That said I feel like the women online either have unrealistic expectations or my profile sucks. I feel like the quality of women I attract and pursue in real life is better than what I've gotten online. The only reason I turned to online dating is because I don't want the bar chicks and there aren't a lot of women in my social circle. That means I have to blatantly pick up on chicks, which is fine but it also means I need to always be looking and go out of my way to put myself into situations where there are attractive women.
MrCastle Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Thanks for the link ...... interesting article. Perhaps it should be required reading for any human males considering OLD. Sifting through the comments section was both depressing and entertaining at the same time . Guys really need to understand the innerworkings of OLD and how badly the odds are stacked against them. You absolutely cannot have the same expectations as you would in real life. I found the article interesting too. The comments had some insight as well. Some comments lol.
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