Turning point/vent?

[heylovey22]

Bear with me here. I've just been thinking a lot about all of this, and first of all I want to say thanks to everyone on here because you have already helped me tremendously. I look at my situation differently.

 

I was running on the treadmill before and I thought to myself "You know, I used to be so happy in this. I was stupid happy. What happened?" And then I tried to think back to when things changed (for me) and it had been Thanksgiving. I was spending it at J's (the guy I've been seeing) and all I could think about was MM. I wondered if he was thinking about me too and this was a new kind of "missing you" feeling. He did text me that day and say he was thinking about me/hoped I was having a good Thanksgiving.

 

But I think that was the turning point. Ever since then I've realized that I'm not really happy in this anymore. The fact that we don't speak as much as we used to, see each other as much, and the fact that he doesn't say the things he used to hurts me to no end. I miss waking up to his texts, I miss him making any spare time he could for me. He used to make me feel so special and cared for and I just don't feel that right now, even if he does care. I miss it so much, I miss HIM so much.

 

Bottom line is I'm not happy and I don't think it's fair to be in this position. I hate being sad because he doesn't text or call or make the time like he used to... aren't I worth it? I've been (devastatingly) heartbroken twice and come out of severe depression twice and I don't want to be back in the place nor do I deserve to be. I love him with all my heart but it's just not okay to feel this way. I want to be happy again, I want our contact to be happy and surprising, even if it's only once in a while.

 

I've decided that after the next time we make love, I'm going to try NC. (I know you're saying that's a terrible idea but this is how I cope with things, I need a last go.) Even if it's just for a little while to get myself together and get my head straight. There was a point when I loved him where I wasn't hurting, where it was just extra love and fun in my life and I was happy. I want that back again. Maybe it will have to be without him, or maybe I can get back to that place once I have some time to myself... who knows. Guess we'll have to see to find out.

[Cinnimon]

Bear with me here. I've just been thinking a lot about all of this, and first of all I want to say thanks to everyone on here because you have already helped me tremendously. I look at my situation differently.

 

I was running on the treadmill before and I thought to myself "You know, I used to be so happy in this. I was stupid happy. What happened?" And then I tried to think back to when things changed (for me) and it had been Thanksgiving. I was spending it at J's (the guy I've been seeing) and all I could think about was MM. I wondered if he was thinking about me too and this was a new kind of "missing you" feeling. He did text me that day and say he was thinking about me/hoped I was having a good Thanksgiving.

 

But I think that was the turning point. Ever since then I've realized that I'm not really happy in this anymore. The fact that we don't speak as much as we used to, see each other as much, and the fact that he doesn't say the things he used to hurts me to no end. I miss waking up to his texts, I miss him making any spare time he could for me. He used to make me feel so special and cared for and I just don't feel that right now, even if he does care. I miss it so much, I miss HIM so much.

 

Bottom line is I'm not happy and I don't think it's fair to be in this position. I hate being sad because he doesn't text or call or make the time like he used to... aren't I worth it? I've been (devastatingly) heartbroken twice and come out of severe depression twice and I don't want to be back in the place nor do I deserve to be. I love him with all my heart but it's just not okay to feel this way. I want to be happy again, I want our contact to be happy and surprising, even if it's only once in a while.

 

I've decided that after the next time we make love, I'm going to try NC. (I know you're saying that's a terrible idea but this is how I cope with things, I need a last go.) Even if it's just for a little while to get myself together and get my head straight. There was a point when I loved him where I wasn't hurting, where it was just extra love and fun in my life and I was happy. I want that back again. Maybe it will have to be without him, or maybe I can get back to that place once I have some time to myself... who knows. Guess we'll have to see to find out.

 

I know how you feel, I really do. I must say that you going back for one more time is like a smoker who is trying to quit saying I'll have just one more. I'm sorry for your pain and what your going through. I have been where you are and I finally just had to rip off the bandaid and let it bleed. Good luck to you.