Moving on...FINALLY!

[mendsley]

It's been over two months and I can feel myself moving on. The gym, starting to date again and NC is what I would say made this happen. I do still think about the ex and feel it's a shame she left, but I'm starting to see hiw much drama she brought to the relationship. I also feel my 12-week emorional bootcamp is almost everything I needed to get out of depression and actually function. No longer is every thought about her and what happened.

 

After talking to other women I can see my worth and I am wanted by women. It's amazing how your self esteam is affected by being kicked to the curb. It truly is something you HAVE to work hard at over coming. Do not try to let it run its course with out setting goals and milestones.

 

Just three weeks ago I felt like I was not ready to date, but after GRADUALLY talking to women I felt better about it. I'm going on a few dates this weekend and have tons of other women wanting to talk. It's amazing how I went from from thinking my ex was the only woman to being able to pick from a many beautiful woman who put my ex to shame.

 

It does get better, but you have to want it to get better first!

[TylerDurdenn]

A few dates this weekend!?!

 

Good luck my friend, glad you're feeling better.

[ponchsox]

I'm approaching three months and I feel ready to move on myself. I have a second date on Saturday and I'm very excited to meet someone new. Starting the entire process over again is tough but I'm optimistic that I will find the right person for me.

 

The biggest lesson I learned from my last relationship is not to worry and let Gods will work itself. I'm going into this open minded and stress free.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I'm happy for you and I don't mean to bring on a downer but what's wrong with being single? You don't have to find someone else to move on.

 

It seems when people get dumped it's their ego and self worth that hurt the most, not actually losing someone they love.

 

Funny how some can easily move on and forget someone once they get replaced.

[Mariposa10]

I'm happy for you and I don't mean to bring on a downer but what's wrong with being single? You don't have to find someone else to move on.

 

It seems when people get dumped it's their ego and self worth that hurt the most, not actually losing someone they love.

 

Funny how some can easily move on and forget someone once they get replaced.

 

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with being single. However, this breakup was different. My self-esteems was really damaged. I think when the breakup is really painful everything is a little bit different. For example, I had the chance to date people even when I was in a relationship or when my ex and I had just broken up, but deep inside I knew I was not gonna be able to do it. Plus, I didn't want to "snap myself out" of the painful breakup. I wanted to mourn and heal on my own. But like someone on this forum once said, sometimes at the end of all that mourning you need that new person to give you the last push.

 

I've started talking to this guy and talking to him has been super fun, and has helped me not put my ex on a pedestal anymore. It's giving me hope, showing me there are still some nice guys out there.

 

Am I ready for a LTR? Of course not, after being with my ex for soooooo looooong, there's no way in hell I'm rushing into having another LTR any time soon. But overall, talking to this guy has shown me there are so many good guys out there...

[mendsley]

The last couple of weeks I've been on top of my game. I felt strong, ready to move on trying the dating scene things were looking good. Then all of a sudden everything hit me once I found out she is seeing someone else. I obviously knew this was going to happen, I mean she's human and has moved on. My problem is once I actually heard the news I was torn apart. For some reason I just assumed she would come crying back not being able to handle the "real world", well this is what I get for thinking like that.

 

My thoughts are consumed with what they are doing, I know it's very destructive thinking, but I cannot seem to get a handle on it quite yet. I have become really depressed feeling worthless, inadequate, alone, disappointed and very angry. I've been working very hard at the gym and that helps for a minute, but then my mind gets the best of me. Just like a ton of other people on here, I'm wondering how the fûck can she tell me I'm the man of her dreams and she'll never leave one day then tell some other dude the same shït the next. I feel so disposable.

 

I know this all will pass, but it hurts extremely bad for the moment and I want to contact her and pour my heart out. I WILL NOT do that because I understand she is falling in love with another person and life is great for her right now, so it would be pointless. I guess this is me just venting, but I am glad this site is here so I can do this :-)

 

Oh and if another fûckin person tells me that I'm crazy for missing her because I have soooo much to offer other woman and they should be lined up to meet me I'm going to choke the shït out of them!!! If that was true I wouldn't be single and feeling so alone, ugh.

 

Peace!

 

Mike

Edited December 27, 2013 by mendsley

[JDPT]

I too get upset when people tell me that. I'm not certain how you found out about her seeing someone but make every and all attempts to adhere to NC. Protect yourself, ignorance is bliss. I don't care to know about my ex or look for her I know if I was to find anything out about her I will immediately go back to the hell hole of depression. Remember it's all about guarding your emotional atte from this point forward. Dust yourself off and get back on the wagon.

[FortunateSon]

You are not alone Mike! Samething happened to me, I was moving on well from my BU, starting to date, then she contacts me and let's me know that she is dating someone. It set me back. It hurt, although not as much as I thought it would, but I was surprised she was moving on that quickly. She commented that she probably shouldn't be in the relationship because of the issues she is dealing with from our past, so that made me feel a little better, like she wasn't happy, just filling a void. Keep in mind you ex may not be nearly as happy as you are imagining and just keep moving forward!

[mendsley]

Thanks JDPT, I went snowboarding with a friend on Christmas who's friends with her and I asked if she was seeing someone. I don't know if that constitutes as breaking NC, but in a way I needed to hear it. Yeah it hurts, but all the wondering if she's seeing someone is over. It's sad to me because I honestly thought she was the "one" and we were going to get married. At this point the only thing I can do is accept she's gone and it's time for me to let her go and move on.

[mendsley]

Thanks FortunateSon and I'm sorry you are feeling the pain I'm feeling, not fun. I know I have the urge to replace the ex thinking it will remove the pain from my life, so I would imagine that's what's running through their heads as well.

 

At first I was fûckin pissed because my ex is smoking hot and she'll find another dude quick! But, in reality she'll struggle. All she is to these dudes is a piece of ass and she'll get kicked to the curb for a bit until a real man comes along and wants a relationship. Yeah, it may take me longer to find that connection again, but I'll never use a woman and I truly want a relationship so I may find love quicker.

[JDPT]

Accept and let go, you got it. These are crucial components that we at times struggle with but in time end up internalizing. For me, it helped so much to get through my head since day one that there was no turning back, the relationship was so tainted and ruined, in smithereens. As the saying goes "love is like broken glass, sometimes it's best to leave it alone than hurting yourself trying to fix it"

[StringsAttached]

Quick question how long did it take to you get motivated enough to get off the couch and start working out? I haven't worked out for 2 years because my ex was a person who used up most of my energy...I so want to use all this rage and negative energy for a positive purpose but can't seem to get motivated.

[mendsley]

To be honest, it's all about mind over matter. I've been working out pretty hard for the last 5 years so now it's part of who I am. I wish I could say "just get up and go!", but it's something that will click in your head and you'll just want to go. I would recommend to set a day, maybe twice a week (Tuesday and Thursady to begin with) this will allow you to get back into working out and it won't overwhelm you. Do the twice a week routine for about three to four weeks until you establish a habit or desire. Once you're ready, add an additional day or two. Your target is to get to the point where you can workout four to five times a week. The only way this will work for you is if you change your diet. You have to eat properly in order to see improvements with your mind and body. If you eat like ***** you will get discouraged and give up. Plus once you start eating healthy it will actually give you motivation to workout. Lastly, you may want to find a routine online that will give you direction. At first you may not feel confident because you're not sure where to begin or if you have the correct form. Go to bodybuilding.com and search the hundreds of routines that looks good for your goal. If you have any other questions please feel free to ask.

 

Mike