Another slap to the face.

[Leigh 87]

SER, I promise you that this guy is just not that into you.

 

When a man is into you, he wants to see you most weekends.

 

When a man is into you, he wants to spend most of his space time with you.

 

When a man is into you, he will invite you along to Friday and Saturday outings with his friends most of the time, with only the occasionally " boys night"

 

 

Here are a few things your boyfriend does to YOU because he is just not that into you, and he has BOUNDARY issues as to what is appropriate in a relationship:

 

- hangs one on one with is ex. Worse still, ALONE with ex:sick:

-you mentioned he had his online dating profile still active

-he seldom texts or calls you while he is away for Thanksgiving

 

The lists just goes on... Not ever seeing you Friday or Saturdays and ONLY reserving it for strictly his friends? Going online dating to?

 

Look, this guy is NOT crazy about you.

 

I can tell you want a guy who is nuts about you and who shows it.

 

I can tell you want a guy who makes you FEEL like he feels the same way about you as you do about him.

 

Staying with this guy will not make him suddenly change his tune. He won't suddenly realise that he is really into you and wants to suddenly spend the best part of the weekend with you.

He won't suddenly want to maintain contact with you at least once a day.

He will always be good with going days without contacting you again in the future, because he is just not THINKING about you all that often.

 

 

Look, we have all been where you are. You just don't rock his world. Although I am sure he very much LIKES you as a person, and perhaps he has little self awareness to even REALISE he is just not that into you?

He could possibly think he really loves you.

 

Whether he knows it or not, he will leave you when he finds a girl who knocks his socks off.

 

 

 

 

 

Please leave HIM before he leaves YOU.

 

Do you honestly think he is head over heels for you, based on his actions?

 

Do guys who feel crazy in love with their girls do the things your boyfriend does to you?

[Leigh 87]

He isn't into you. I don't even know why he bothers to date you.

 

I treat my dog better than he treats you. Find someone worthy and fall in love... Broom this guy.

 

 

I often asked myself the same thing: why do these guys date girls who they are CLEARLY not into? They don't really think of the girl when they are not with them, they don't miss them when they are apart, they would rather spend time with their friends than with her...

 

I think this guy probably does LIKE her, as a person. I don't thin these guys would forge a relationship with a girl they couldn't stand.

 

A lot of guys lack a good level of self awareness, and as result, they date girls they are not into because they like them as a person, and enjoy having them around some of the time.

 

It does not factor in, for some men, that they should aim to date women they are crazy about and who really get heir hearts racing; who they want to see a lot and who they miss when they are apart.

[devilish innocent]

When you spoke to him last time, did you specifically mention wanting to be invited to the same events as these friends? I'm wondering if he may have just read it as you wanted him to spend more time with you, but not necessarily when other people were around as well. Maybe he's embarrassed by some of his friends. Maybe he thinks you guys wouldn't have anything in common. Or maybe he just assumes you don't want to befriend his ex. I'd definitely ask why he didn't think to invite you to these events before you make up your mind about the situation.

 

My husband is similar to how you describe your boyfriend. Intellectually very smart, but sometimes can be dumb socially. Definitely a nerd. He's wonderful about making sure I'm always included in social situations now. But I did have to explain some things to him in the beginning that he didn't realize on his own.

 

So I would make sure your boyfriend understands that you want to be included with these friends, and listen to his reasoning as to why he doesn't so before you give up the entire relationship. I don't think he would be spending three nights a week with you if you weren't important to him. Of course, I could be wrong. I just don't see how it could hurt to talk things over one more time before giving up on an otherwise great relationship. Good luck!

[truth_seeker]

I often asked myself the same thing: why do these guys date girls who they are CLEARLY not into?

 

Simple: they want to get laid.

[winny]

Simple: they want to get laid.

 

Yes, I completely agree.

If they don't get that they leave you. If they get it... they still leave you... LOL:D

[emva07]

ditto....

 

Ugh and the sadness/anger that it brings to wait, wait, wait, hoping that ONE day his words will be true because yes, everything about him is super nice and sweet. The "i'll change"s turn into, "you know this is who I am!", I even went through the phase where I told myself to shut the **** up and deal with it, and eventually, for those of us who are strong enough, leave when I realized I couldn't just "shut the **** up" about it and deal with it.

 

I was in this for 3 years. I know people who were in it for longer. And for what? Just to be almost 30 by the time they break up and having to start all over again which was the whole point they took so much BS in the first place, to have that person be their "forever". Deep down inside, though, we know that THAT person isn't the one, but we try so hard to hold on to it but the fights just keep making everything worse, you want to stop fighting but you can't because you are so hurt! You annoy yourself, you know THEY'RE annoyed of you, and all around you just become sad, angry and insecure.

 

Then one day you realize, it's not me, it's HIM! I don't need to nag a man for him to get what I want. As a matter of fact, I don't need a man at all if this is what it entails!

 

The end.

 

He will never listen to your very valid request, because he simply does not want to do so. Men always say how they want women to be direct. But when we are direct and explain why we are annoyed, some brush us off saying they will not do it again.. Only to keep doing it.

 

When it happened to me, and before calling it quits (I'm a bit stubborn before giving up hope), I tried the following;

 

1) Told him I would love to be included in this part of his life as well

2) Inviting him to hang out with my own friends

3) Discussing the fact that I really mean I want to hang out with his friends

4) Stopping inviting him to hang out with my friends

5) Getting mad at him because he still continued doing it

6) Left him! Nothing else left to do.

[winny]

ditto....

 

Ugh and the sadness/anger that it brings to wait, wait, wait, hoping that ONE day his words will be true because yes, everything about him is super nice and sweet. The "i'll change"s turn into, "you know this is who I am!", I even went through the phase where I told myself to shut the **** up and deal with it, and eventually, for those of us who are strong enough, leave when I realized I couldn't just "shut the **** up" about it and deal with it.

 

I was in this for 3 years. I know people who were in it for longer. And for what? Just to be almost 30 by the time they break up and having to start all over again which was the whole point they took so much BS in the first place, to have that person be their "forever". Deep down inside, though, we know that THAT person isn't the one, but we try so hard to hold on to it but the fights just keep making everything worse, you want to stop fighting but you can't because you are so hurt! You annoy yourself, you know THEY'RE annoyed of you, and all around you just become sad, angry and insecure.

 

Then one day you realize, it's not me, it's HIM! I don't need to nag a man for him to get what I want. As a matter of fact, I don't need a man at all if this is what it entails!

 

The end.

 

WOW.. I could never have explained it better than this.

Completely true...

[Untouchable_Fire]

Untouchable_Fire: I might ask him just that - why he bothers to date me. Ugh.

 

I don't think you want that question answered.

 

I often asked myself the same thing: why do these guys date girls who they are CLEARLY not into? They don't really think of the girl when they are not with them, they don't miss them when they are apart, they would rather spend time with their friends than with her...

I think this guy probably does LIKE her, as a person. I don't thin these guys would forge a relationship with a girl they couldn't stand.

A lot of guys lack a good level of self awareness, and as result, they date girls they are not into because they like them as a person, and enjoy having them around some of the time.

It does not factor in, for some men, that they should aim to date women they are crazy about and who really get heir hearts racing; who they want to see a lot and who they miss when they are apart.

 

Perhaps you are correct and they are not self aware, but then again they may have a fairly good idea what they are doing.

 

Consider this... Many men have in the back of their minds an ideal relationship model that involves a wife and a mistress. Additionally, a large feelings mismatch from an SO can create a favorable power dynamic in a relationship.

[Leigh 87]

Absolutely - some men lack self awareness, where as other men KNOW full well that are dragging things out with women they are NOT much into at all, and sometimes actively DISLIKE. To get sex, they do this.

 

Personally, I could never be with a guy I was not crazy about and who I didn't regard as a best friend who I loved to just be around, even without sex on the agenda.

I am not sure how rampant this phenomena is; guys lacking in self awareness, which leads to them being in unfulfilling relationships with girls they are not into. For the sex and company, because it is "nice", but still not filled with love and any acute emotions.

....I believe I have experienced a guy or two who WERE into me initially based on my first impression on them... only to change their mind, and either promptly disappear OR, lead me on another week or two to get a few more hook up sessions.

 

 

 

Some guys are not self aware and don't realise they are with women they are not all that crazy about; OR they know it but don't put a great deal of thought into it; nor do they think they should aim for a woman they ARE nuts for.

Some guys lie from the start to get sex, knowing full well they will leave them once they meet a girl they are into. Can you say "sociopaths". No one with a lot of empathy would do that. They would go to a club for a ONS and not lead some poor girl on. Often times very convincingly.

Other guys are into a girl initially only to change their minds; and not care to inform the girl, in order to coast along in the relationship OR get free sex knowing they will leave later....

 

 

 

 

What type of guy is the OP'S?

 

Cos he sure aint the type of guy who is crazy about her.

 

He probably somewhat likes her, but is not all that into her - yet keeps with her for NON malicious reasons, in my opinion!

[truth_seeker]

 

Then one day you realize, it's not me, it's HIM! I don't need to nag a man for him to get what I want. As a matter of fact, I don't need a man at all if this is what it entails!

 

What's sad is that women will put up with these loser men hoping they will change, but overlook the good guy who will be there for them and take him for granted. In a way, it's almost a karmic effect in play.

[emva07]

Leigh87 you are spot on,

 

BUT it is also key to note that as THE GIRL that is getting slighted we also drag out the relationship until we meet a guy that we are crazy about. I'd meet a great guy that was into me and think "damit emva07! Why can't you let that stupid guy go and give someone that can make you happier an opportunity!". It's scary! And sad! Breakups are sad!

There is a Spanish saying "better bad but known, then good to be known"....aka, a relationship that is making you unhappy is better than the unknown. And it's true, that's what we do as humans. Drag it out until we KNOW something better has come our way. My "something better" was being single, lol. But to a lot of girls, being single isn't an option.

 

My ex one time told me (after having broken up) that guys drag out mundane relationships because they have nothing to lose from it, unlike girls, they aren't desperate to be hitched and don't feel that being in a relationship for stable sex is a waste of time like girls do. But naturally, once they find a girl they are crazy about comes along, they will end it with you.

 

He was super nice and sweet, when we were together he was very loving, caressing, called me cute names, always answered the phone, etc. Even today, he would go out of his way for me, he would buy me anything I wanted, if I was stranded in Canada and I needed a ride, he would drop everything and go pick me up, he was super attentive and loving. I guess he just wasn't IN LOVE nor respect me (why would he? I took it for 3 years) and all the fighting really goes back to that point....knowing that it's true but trying to force it to not be true.

 

And where it gets even more confusing is when you break up with them and then they do the begging for you to get back with him so you get all fuzzy inside and think that HE DOES LOVE ME! No....it just goes back to the same. The more you take them back, the less they respect you. It's stable sex and affection for them...AND getting dumped is a blow to their ego, so getting us back is an ego boost, but we read far more into it then what it really is.

 

Either way whether it's you or him, it will end.

 

And I knew this, I just didn't want to admit it to myself, so how did my brain deal with it? Crazy jealousy and paranoia.

 

Now I am not a jealous person but after 3 years of what OP is going through, it's inevitable.

 

Jealous bc all my friends, coworkers, and random girls at the club were always there with their bfs, I never was....jealous because I knew that my constant nagging was pushing him away and that easily could put him in the arms of another (GIGS is rampant in relationships like these). It was a terrible part of life, I am so glad that I am out of it and so much happier.

Edited December 20, 2013 by emva07

[Leigh 87]

Leigh87 you are spot on,

 

BUT it is also key to note that as THE GIRL that is getting slighted we also drag out the relationship until we meet a guy that we are crazy about. I'd meet a great guy that was into me and think "damit emva07! Why can't you let that stupid guy go and give someone that can make you happier an opportunity!"

 

My ex one time told me (after having broken up) that guys drag out mundane relationships because they have nothing to lose from it, unlike girls, they aren't desperate to be hitched and don't feel that being in a relationship for stable sex is a waste of time like girls do. But naturally, once they find a girl they are crazy about comes along, they will end it with you.

 

He was super nice and sweet, when we were together he was very loving, caressing, called me cute names, always answered the phone, etc. Even today, he would go out of his way for me, he would buy me anything I wanted, if I was stranded in Canada and I needed a ride, he would drop everything and go pick me up, he was super attentive and loving. I guess he just wasn't IN LOVE nor respect me (why would he? I took it for 3 years) and all the fighting really goes back to that point....knowing that it's true but trying to force it to not be true.

 

And where it gets even more confusing is when you break up with them and then they do the begging for you to get back with him so you get all fuzzy inside and think that HE DOES LOVE ME! No....it just goes back to the same. The more you take them back, the less they respect you. It's stable sex and affection for them...AND getting dumped is a blow to their ego, so getting us back is an ego boost, but we read far more into it then what it really is.

 

Either way whether it's you or him, it will end.

 

And I knew this, I just didn't want to admit it to myself, so how did my brain deal with it? Crazy jealousy and paranoia.

 

Now I am not a jealous person but after 3 years of what OP is going through, it's inevitable.

 

Jealous bc all my friends, coworkers, and random girls at the club were always there with their bfs, I never was....jealous because I knew that my constant nagging was pushing him away and that easily could put him in the arms of another (GIGS is rampant in relationships like these). It was a terrible part of life, I am so glad that I am out of it and so much happier.

 

 

 

 

Holy cow. Your story sounds identical to the story of me and my ex...

 

He adored me as an individual. He would go out of his way for me even today. He cares deeply for me.

 

He just wasn't in love with me. Yet he did love me deeply.

 

He loved being held in bed at night, the regular great sex... someone always being there to look after him.

 

 

 

These types of relationships ALWAYS end.

 

....... unless both people are not passionate about love or romance and thr never actually encounter a person theyre crazy about.

 

Im sure there are many couples who really like bekng together, yet are by no means in love of taken by each other.

They are made very happy with a loving life partner who they aren't that in love with.

[emva07]

These stories all sound identical because as human beings we ALL have to go through this, not every person we are with can be madly in love with us, just as we won't be madly in love with everyone we're with. But it's also human nature to want to hang onto someone that doesn't love us because nobody wants to admit to themselves they aren't loved. With a lot of females, there is the added bonus of "omg I'm in my mid 20s I have to marry any random Joe that comes my way because he's nice!!!" without realizing the inevitable impact for the future. In my opinion it's better to end things as bf/gf then being married with kids in your 40s, but hey, different strokes. Denial is a powerful thing.

 

But no....there are plenty of men out there who are crazy about their girls and go out with them and go to events

 

Holy cow. Your story sounds identical to the story of me and my ex...

 

He adored me as an individual. He would go out of his way for me even today. He cares deeply for me.

 

He just wasn't in love with me. Yet he did love me deeply.

 

He loved being held in bed at night, the regular great sex... someone always being there to look after him.

 

 

 

These types of relationships ALWAYS end.

 

....... unless both people are not passionate about love or romance and thr never actually encounter a person theyre crazy about.

 

Im sure there are many couples who really like bekng together, yet are by no means in love of taken by each other.

They are made very happy with a loving life partner who they aren't that in love with.

[truth_seeker]

 

But no....there are plenty of men out there who are crazy about their girls and go out with them and go to events

 

This is why I'm single - I want to be with someone I'm crazy about. Not someone I feel hindered by.

[SER]

Update:

 

So I went over yesterday and talked to him. I first told asked him why I wasn't included on his plans with his friends on Friday. His response was that he didn't know, that he just didn't think about inviting me. I asked him if it was because he didn't want me around and he said that they had planned to start cooking around 1 and he thinks that I just wasn't in his mind to join them because I had work Friday so I wouldn't be able to go. I guess that's a valid response, but I told him that he could have at least told me that it was going on and asked if I was able to go. I have over 200 hours of vacation time and at the job I'm at, I can leave and pick up duties later if I want. He knows this - we've played hookie twice this year and had a picnic day/a fun outing time those days. Plus, Friday (today) is the last day before the holiday break - not normally the most productive anyway. I told him I could've gone if he had asked.

 

I told him that I didn't have enough time to process that morning that he asked about his ex going over and I told him that he shouldn't have even needed to ask that question. He immediately said yea, he didn't have time to process it either and realized after he drove off that it was a dumb thing to ask and he knows that it wasn't appropriate and that he was planning to talk to me about it when he saw me. I got to him first.

 

I told him that I couldn't take much more of this and that we already discussed this issue of me not being invited to any of his friend things - he responded by saying that he was trying and that he invited me to the thing last weekend. I told him but I feel like I'm always excluded from your childhood group of friends, that's different! I gave him examples of previous times I was excluded and how s****y they made me feel. He looked down and kind of shook his head at himself and just said he was sorry.

 

I asked him why he is having such a hard time with this and he said he's trying to figure that out himself. He said that this is the first time this problem has come up for him in a relationship and he didn't know why. He said that maybe because all of his past gfs were all friends that hung around in his social circle and when events happened, they were always just there anyway. So he never really had to think about inviting them along, because they were always just there. I see what he means... with my ex, we would both get a text about an event with our mutual long time friends and we would just show up together. There wasn't much of inviting either, we were just always both invited to things.

 

I thought about that for a little while and I can see where that makes some sense. At the same time, I feel like I've put him on notice twice about this. But again, this second time was only 3 weeks ago, so he hasn't had much time to fix it. Though he did mess up with this Friday thing. I sat for awhile to think about it, meanwhile he's just sitting there looking pretty sad and defeated.

 

So after thinking this through, I told him that I've already told him twice about this. I told him this time that I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I told him that it's not that I want to be invited to everything, it's just that I want him to want me to be around and I don't feel like he's showing that. I told him that I'm tired of feeling like s*** every couple of months and that I won't take feeling like this any more. I told him that I'm not a stranger to knowing that relationships take work, but that this much at the beginning of a relationship is not right. The work/problems usually come after a few years. I told him if it's already like this now, how much worse is it going to get? I told him I'm just tired. I told him this is his last chance, I can't keep feeling like s*** all the time. I said if he doesn't change this then I'm done. I asked him if that was clear to him.

 

He got even more defeated, lost his posture, and said that he understood and that he was sorry that he keeps making me feel this way.

 

I'm not sure if I'll get a lot of flak for the decision I made (or maybe if I was too harsh with him), but I kind of think that him not being used to having to ask is a valid thing.

 

I know a lot of you think he's stringing me a long/not into me, but other actions of his say otherwise, I think. We had had a serious discussion about a month ago about our future since I'll be graduating soon and want to look for job opportunities out of state. He said that he'd follow me wherever I wanted to go and we're looking at places that have job opportunities for both of us. He is very affectionate and not only with an agenda for sex (which we have almost every time we see each other if I'm not dead tired from working all day and going to school all night). Sometimes he just wants to cuddle and kiss on the couch and hold each other and watch shows or just have long conversations about random things in life. I've been over with him to his parents house a few times and he spent last Saturday all day with my family hanging out and playing games and told me afterward how much he enjoyed it since he hasn't had many opportunities to really sit and get to know them. This doesn't reflect someone who is just not into it, I think. He's made an effort in every other way, it's just this inviting me to things with his friends or really anything involving his friends that he's done a s*** job at.

 

I think the holidays coming up are going to be the ultimate test for him. He's going to have multiple opportunities to invite me over to his hometown to hang out with his friends and I'll be on watch to see how that plays out. If he fails that, then like I told him, I'm done.

Edited December 20, 2013 by SER

[Janesays]

You are delaying the inevitable. The fact that he just sat there 'looking defeated' instead of tripping all over himself to organize something with you and his friends asap (thus SHOWING you he intends to fix this) tells me all I need to know about his feelings for you. Ugh, and don't even get me started on his lame excuses that you apparently swallowed hook, line, and sinker....he wasn't even TRYING to come up with plausible excuse. My thoughts are he's hoping you dump him. He wants out, but is too cowardly or comfortable to pull the trigger.

[SER]

Janesays: You think? You don't think that there is a possibility of being a genuine answer to why he thinks he does that? As for him not tripping over himself, he did invite me to the event on Saturday at some point in the beginning of the conversation, so it's not like he didn't try to fix anything for this weekend. I left that out, I forgot about that.

[Janesays]

Janesays: You think? You don't think that there is a possibility of being a genuine answer to why he thinks he does that? As for him not tripping over himself, he did invite me to the event on Saturday at some point in the beginning of the conversation, so it's not like he didn't try to fix anything for this weekend. I left that out, I forgot about that.

 

It was literally the lamest excuse ever. And accompanied by no actions? Just more empty promises? Please.

 

Did the Saturday event include all his friends and was it organized specifically for you to prove to you this was just a lapse of judgement and you will be included from now on?

[veggirl]

Oh god. He's trying to "figure himself out"

 

You are making way too many excuses for this guy. Unless he really is VERY stupid, no one "doesn't realize" that maybe they should include their SO in social events. I mean come on. Is your bf very stupid? I'm guessing not.

 

Anyway, everyone has said things very well & yes you are delaying the inevitable here.

 

Bottomline, if you have to TELL your BOYFRIEND to include you in his social life, he's just not that into you!

[SER]

It was literally the lamest excuse ever. And accompanied by no actions? Just more empty promises? Please.

 

Did the Saturday event include all his friends and was it organized specifically for you to prove to you this was just a lapse of judgement and you will be included from now on?

 

True, no actions other than inviting me on Saturday. I'll know if they're empty promises soon, but for now I can't assume that he's going to fail/not try.

 

It includes some of his closest friends but it wasn't organized specifically for me; that seems like something that would be done for a girl requiring high maintenance measures for fixing this. All I want is to be invited/thought of/wanted, not completely reorganize his friend's set plans just for me.

 

But maybe I'm too low maintenance? I don't know, for me requiring him to organize some grand event with all of his friends seems a little excessive. But I could totally be the odd one out here thinking this, you might be right in that it's an appropriate action.

[SER]

Oh god. He's trying to "figure himself out"

 

You are making way too many excuses for this guy. Unless he really is VERY stupid, no one "doesn't realize" that maybe they should include their SO in social events. I mean come on. Is your bf very stupid? I'm guessing not.

 

Anyway, everyone has said things very well & yes you are delaying the inevitable here.

 

Bottomline, if you have to TELL your BOYFRIEND to include you in his social life, he's just not that into you!

 

Well, to be fair, he had to tell ME to include him in my social life at the very beginning. My excuse was that my ex boyfriend hated going out with my friends (he was always ok with our mutual friends), it was always a struggle and kind of depressing, and so I just was not used to inviting an SO to events. I didn't want to deal with it and I was used to not doing it. If he went onto a board and told other people my excuse without context, I'm sure he would get the same answer or others: She isn't that into you, she should want to show you off to her friends, if she wanted you in her life she'd take you, what a lame excuse you're a different person etc. etc.

 

But in reality, I wasn't used to inviting an SO and I also didn't want to go through the pain again of inviting an SO and having them dislike my friends. I genuinely liked him and wanted things to move forward with him, though. Sometimes "not that into you" isn't the case, there might really be a valid (perhaps perceived as stupid) excuse... Looking back, yea, my excuse seems pretty crap too. But it was real to me and it was genuine.

 

Although y'all do make me think about whether or not he's too much of a coward to break up with me, in which case, I'll talk to him again when I see him tomorrow and straight up give him an opportunity to do so. I imagine that would clear things up.

[Janesays]

It's not about being high or low maintenance.

 

It's about a major issue that you have put him on notice about TWICE and you have expressed your hurt and disconnect and desire to end this relationship and what has HE done?

 

Sat there like a slug in the couch vaguely mumbling apologies and begrudging offered you the chance to be a tag along?

 

A man that loves you and doesn't want to hurt you or lose you would be jumping through hoops of fire right now because it would be important to HIM to fix the pain he has caused.

 

This isn't about high or low maintenance. This is about effort or no effort.

 

A man that cares about you puts in the effort. He is not. Settle for bread crumbs if you like. But if it acts like a toad, it is a toad. Quit pretending that if you kiss him enough, he will turn into Prince charming. He won't. He doesn't care enough too.

[emva07]

you seem super desperate to hang onto a guy who you know isn't into you

 

so my advice is....

 

stop whining like a little baby and accept the fact that you aren't getting invited to his gatherings. Be happy with the secretive cuddling and conversations while watching tv. He is the only nice and sweet guy this world has to offer so thank heaven you found him and stop complaining.

 

You know what's also sad? the same way we are all telling you he's not into you....it's the same thing his friends are thinking when they never see you at these events, pretty embarrassing if you ask me.

[SER]

you seem super desperate to hang onto a guy who you know isn't into you

 

so my advice is....

 

stop whining like a little baby and accept the fact that you aren't getting invited to his gatherings. Be happy with the secretive cuddling and conversations while watching tv. He is the only nice and sweet guy this world has to offer so thank heaven you found him and stop complaining.

 

You know what's also sad? the same way we are all telling you he's not into you....it's the same thing his friends are thinking when they never see you at these events, pretty embarrassing if you ask me.

 

 

Well, I'm not desperate, that's for sure. I'm not naive, I have experience (especially with lies and deception from previous relationships) and I really think he's genuine in what he's saying. There is always a possibility that someone is, it's a 50/50 chance - whether or not they get shot down for being genuine is up to the person listening.

 

I know some of his past breakups and they never gave him a chance to right his wrongs. Those wrongs that I've been told about that his other breakups were over have been corrected for the relationship I'm in with him now. Maybe he's not falling over himself because he's not into me, or maybe he's not falling over himself because "she's going to break up with me anyway" since that's all he's gotten.

 

I don't apply this just to SOs but for people in general too. I have an employee that I gave a chance to really try to learn something when he just wasn't working out, and now he's terrific. It took a couple of pushes and some warnings, but he's an excellent employee now.

 

I am not looking at it as much from a "boyfriend" perspective as in "I'm desperate and I want him and only him and there's no one else", no! I'm not an idiot. I'm looking it as a "human" perspective in that, this person has been refused chances in the past, has been dropped for no reason, and probably thinks that trying might be pointless. Even if I'm only here temporarily, he has a human deserves an opportunity to have a chance and to correct a behavior and see a reward from it. Maybe it takes more effort (like my employee) and maybe he really isn't into it and should be broken up with (after evaluating, maybe the employee should just be fired).

 

I know it seems like I'm just this whiny girl, but I'm asking for opinions on a relationship and help with other points of view too. Just like with my employee analogy, others work with him... it's like a 360 eval. I need input from others to help make a decision and to see other points of view. But people in general deserve a little bit of credit, behaviors aren't always black and white.

 

That said, sure he could totally be a dbag and not be into me. BUT there's a chance he's not.

[veggirl]

SER, you've posted nothing but threads looking for help during your R with him. He keeps an ex close (secretly) and he logs onto dating sites and he doesn't contact you............. I mean come ON.

 

You sweep RED FLAG, after RED FLAG under the rug!! Over & over!

 

Isn't it exhausting?