selfimprovement Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Met a girl seven months ago. First date was good, but I didnt get to see her for about a month afterward because i went away for home. I don't know why, but I felt such a strong attraction to her when i met her for the first time. Attractive girls are dime a dozen, but she seemed a bit different/special. She looks very good, but she also has a lot of interesting life stories and talents. Some of the challenges in her past she had to overcome lead me to believe she's truly inspirational. We would flirt hard while i was away. Then went on our second date. Makeout sessions were so full of passion, and I could feel it! The following day she said, "second date was good overall, but I felt something strange and i dont know exactly what it is." I asked her, "Shall we stop seeing each other then?" She said, "you tell me." We still agreed to go on dates. Two weeks later, she told me she would keep things on more "friend basis" because something really bad just happened to her ex, and she needed time to process it. Told her i didn't wanna be "just a friend." After that, i kept my distance in attempt to move on. I've gone on a lot of dates since then. "Why invest things on her when I have no problem attracting other girls?" I thought. Now i have a fwb. She is really awesome, but i just never seemed to be able to forget the other girl completely. I would occasionally run into the "heartbreaker" even though i tried to keep my distance, and my feelings and desires for her would come rushing back every damn time. Knowing that I wasn't going home for the Thanksgiving week, she invited me to her family's dinner party. There i felt like the spark got rekindled. I really got this vibe that she genuinely appreciated my presence. Her family friends, thinking we had been dating, told us how great we looked together. A brief snuggling session at her parent's house got me feeling we were getting closer again. So after that night, i asked her to a ball. She seemed so happy and flattered. She started increasing the contact frequency. The day before the ball, she invited me to lunch with her and her dad. After that, she thanked me for "being such a good sport," held my hand, and kissed me. Then on the day of the ball, she texted me so frequently to show how excited she was and etc. her actions got me thinking we were onto something great. Went to the ball together looking amazing. It was fun at first, but she got cold all of a sudden. Something I said to her, of course i had no intention of hurting her feelings, apparently upset her, and she decided to leave the party early. The following day, i wrote her a card with an apology. She supposedly forgave me, but now it appears that things have taken a wrong turn... Several days ago, she messaged me, "I think you are pushing things in a direction Im not comfortable with. We agreed to be friends (which i never did) Also, I have to stay out of any kind of relationship because im working on a lot of personal stuff to improve as a human being. I'm happy to talk about it." I got hurt again like that. I'm seeing her tomorrow briefly for a "closure" so to speak. I need to tell her that this "pseudo-friendship" is not working and that its best we not see each other. I'm not good at this kind of stuff, and I've been hurting lately. What's the best way to cope?
Phantomu Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 The only way to cope with this since things are not going anywhere is to focus on yourself and yourself only. Sometimes things seem too good to be true and you begin to have wishful thinking about how good it could have been. You will find another one day and she will want a relationship with you. Don't worry about that for now. Enjoy yourself, work on your personal improvement. Don't fish for the question of,"Why?" You just have to deal with it and realize that some things are just not meant to be. It doesn't mean they won't be in the future for anyone or even this girl. It's difficult to accept and you don't want to be without this person in that way or probably at all. But she doesn't want a relationship and there's nothing that can be done about this. I'm sorry. Your best ammo here is time and distance. My recent breakup had me on rock bottom but I decided that I would climb up and overcome. Sure, things might still bother me but what can I do? There is one thing! Live your life! It is yours and the days spent not trying to enjoy what is yours are wasted. I hope you can get to feeling better and on the healing side. Things will get better, you just have to accept that there is nothing you can do and if you can't be her friend then that is up to you.
Sam23 Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 You don't need a dramatic talk to distance yourself. What you need is to just walk away to get a clear head. Don't talk to her, don't talk about her, don't Facebook stalk her, nothing. Just do whatever you plan to do to focus on YOU and put zero focus on her. In time, the feeling will fade trust me. Stop pursuing her by all means. It's not helping you at all. You're losing all your power, which is depleting your self worth. If she maybe wants to be with you in the future, decide if you'll accept if it ever happens. By pursuing her more, you push her further away. If you think you hurt now, I imagine if she's the one who walks away and refuses to talk... Just walk away. Don't be the one walked away from.
Guitarisgood Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 1) You fell and committed too early 2) You overthink things and over thought this 3) Drop her ass and move on. There are many more girls out there. Just like her, you should be continually improving yourself and building yourself into a better person 4) We've all been there so don't worry. You're not the only love struck sappy 5) Did I say drop her? There is no way you will have a chance either if you try to stick around, make a big deal about it etc etc. Don't burn the bridges but drop her friendly-style and you never know what happens in the future. Problem is with the future by then you would have found someone new and more amazing 1
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