Lost the love of my life to someone who is at long distance

[Some lost guy]

Hello forum, my situation is that my girlfriend of 3.5 years has left me for some dude she has met in a game, on the other side of the world... We had an amazing relationship, i always thought I have treated her right (pampered her abit) doing what I can as a student and on my part time pay to take her out every week and yada yada.. We met when she was 15 and i was 16 and through the years together we were not only amazing lovers together but we were each other's best friend. The break up for me was out of the blue, and as the dumpee I was in real shock and got needy and trying to get her back. WE initiated no contact as per suggestion of a mutual friend of our and maybe try the relationship again. The NC was 2 weeks long and when we did get back and started to try again she called it off saying it wont work. A few days later I confronted her again and asked if she was seeing someone else and in my shock she was but the guy was over the internet and she said he is making her happy as i was not. I was about to call it off/ all hope is lost until she started to give me breadcrums saying that if I was to get her back i have to give a reasons to come back, that i have to change better to her expectations. We have remained friends right now but the contact has dropped to hardly any (maybe a few texts) been out together for christmas shopping too and she was the one who invited me .. so lost and dont know what to do, any help would be greatly appreciated

[Some lost guy]

I still love her but that is slowly faiding everyday...

Well what she said was that we had got comfortable, that we were taking each other for granted. I was also in a finincial problem lately too and was asking her to pay for things eg ( dinner i pay 40 she pays 15) which I was temporary until i got my own **** solve such as saving for drivng lesson, she would also be the one who would drive which is why im saving for lesson and a car and mostly place we go to public transport is easiest... which i thought she was willing to understand guess i was wrong. I guess what my real question is should i fix my self up and wait for her to get over her long distance relationship ( which i doubt would last too long) or should I just give up all together, learn from my mistakes and move on to someone new.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

The impact, especially on young minds, of internet-originated relationships can be extremely significant. Young females who are used to being hounded for sex by the society all around them, suddenly sense/perceive somebody from across the miles showing seeming restraint while saying all the right things, and it is easy to be swept away in that.

 

You don't say/know? for how long this internet romance has been brewing, but if it has been many months, then chances are, despite your statements to the contrary, you haven't been in-ter-act-ing as you should have, as a couple.

 

I have no idea whether you could win-back her affection, but if that is your interest, then the first move has to be to avoid "getting needy" and doing spontaneous things to sabotage any hope you have.

 

She probably gave you some reasons why she was no longer satisfied with you... (and they likely had zero to do with the guy on the internet) so it is quite probable that you know where to start...

[Some lost guy]

Thanks for the quick reply

 

But yeah i guess youre right, she probably didnt feel it anymore as we were pretty stagment and comfortable and took each other for granted..

[Some lost guy]

Well she has never played that game until 2 weeks before we broke it off so i presumed it was then, its probably around 2 month now that we broke up. I would like to change and win her back and hopefully fix my problems, i was thinking maybe she has the Grass is Greener mindstate, where what we had was good but thinking maybe there is better?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Wow, if it is true that she "never played that game" until about two weeks prior to the break-up, then I am encouraged by this news.

 

However, it really exudes a vibe of a woman perhaps truly neeeeeeeeeeding more interaction (on every level) with you, than you were facilitating (that she could be so quickly swept-away by the image she mostly created in her mind of the very real person on the other side of the (earth) ).

 

Of course there could be undercurrents of your teen relationship sorta having run its course for the two of you... but if that destiny isn't yet etched in stone... you could probably do well to make the effort at inviting her to inexpensive, yet substantially interesting and unique dates, no matter your financial situation.

 

In my city, that could be a small lake you could walk around together (3 1/2 mile circuit)... hiking trails... various parks and beaches... boat ride to a nearby island to spend all or part of a day... etc.

 

A wise man once said: "For women, sex begins at dinner..."

 

(and if that's the case, then I'm guessing your 19yo mind hasn't quite ascended the heights of understanding what you can gain in the way of regard FROM a woman merely for seeming to apply your mind and interest (in her) to plans for an outing with her )

[Some lost guy]

Well our current state right now is being just friends, I have gone out with her the last 3 weeks where it was a one on one sitation, I have tried to be the nice guy to be around and yeah it has been great. But since last week if we ever do communicate there was a lack of interest on her part, like I would have to always try and grasp topics to talk about and she would give a short answer. We have not contact so far this week ( I have been reading threats and people say NC/ LC is the way to go) and yesterday night at 2 am in the morning she suddenly texted that she misses my hugs and they are good. I simply replied today in the midday saying thanks and you do as well. Is this the right call or should I just ignore it next time ?

 

I guess the way im considering to do this is:

1. Work on myself, get my act together and become a better person both inside and out so I once again can be lovable and in the game

2. Let her try it out with the new guy, since it is LDR it doesnt bother me too much

3. Give her a years time ( she said next year around about now she might go visit him) but in the mean time once again fix up my own issues,

4. find someone new, learn from this experience and hopefully not apply it to future dates. Take her off the pedestal and into the crowd, whatever happens, happens.

 

Would this be a wise move on my part? Any suggestion would be grateful !!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You probably don't neeeeeeeeeed too much 'work', really... but you just have to remind yourself (time and again) that nothing is likely to be more important to your entire future than to value (for your own sake) the idea of continuously investing in ONE parter... for as long as fate allows you that option ).

 

One seemingly thrilling, future weekend of ice fishing/skeet shooting/strip-clubbing/gambling with the boys will simply never be as important as is the continuous investment (of yourself) which you might make in one partner.

 

And this girl might not be the one girl who is really your destiny... but you still have to learn to think like that, in preparation for whatever partner the future holds for you.

 

The time to *get it* is now!!

 

 

 

Outside of mastering that... you need only refrain from inserting your frustration/(any immaturity) over the break-up into HER life right now and for the near future.

 

You WANT to effectively beeeeeeeee the same guy she has always sensed you to be... because human nature has now programmed HER mind to {just-short-of-idealize}-that!!!

 

 

So many evolve to express so much frustration, as a reflex... and then evolve to look stupid/desperate as a result... seeming only to 'cure' the other person of ever being drawn to them.

 

So just... "slow your roll".

[Some lost guy]

Thanks I will take it slow

 

I guess only time will tell what would happen and there is no use rushing it !!

 

For now I am just going to give her space and take care of myself.