Losing it

[Thamesz]

Hello everyone

 

I don't exactly know where to start, but seeing as I am a first timer on these forums I'll try to keep it short. I could really use some advice, because for the last few days I have been extremely depressed, I hardly eat any food, and I spend most of my day staring at my ceiling and drinking at night.

 

I have been in a long distance relationship with a girl from South America for half a year. I met her here in Europe during the course of last summer, and everything was amazing. We kept up contact since the day she left, and I felt that it was great. She let me know a few months ago that she would be in my hometown for 8 months starting yesterday. We have never been so happy when we heard the great news.

 

About a week ago, she hasn't been texting me as often, and when we did everything seemed a bit weird. I didn't make too much of it, because I figured she was stressed out because she's leaving her family and friends for such a long time. I called her a few days back to arrange things, asked when she wanted to meet me etc. but all I got from her were a few 'I don't know's, 'I can't really say yet because I have some plans' and all that.

 

This obviously hurt me, because I thought she would want to see me as soon as she's in the country. She has been here for 2 days now, and I haven't received a single text of phone call. It feels as if I'm talking to a brick wall, and she seems to have lost all interest in me. I have no idea IF she still wants to see me (god knows why...), and I'm driving myself insane. It seems as if she's broken up with me without even telling me..

 

I keep asking myself why she would do this to me, I have always been an A+ guy to her, I helped her with everything that was bothering her and I have never ever had a fight with her.

 

I just don't know what to do, it's a pretty tricky situation but I could really use some input here.

 

Thank you so much in advance

[JDPT]

A lot of things are changing for her clearly and perhaps she needs some space to sort herself out. Keep in mind that the bond that you believed you had with her May not be as strong as you thought, I'm not suggesting that she isn't interested either but at time point time will tell how things truly unfold between you too. I know easier said than done but try not to stress over an unknown. Being depressed and drinking at night specially exacerbate your current emotional state. Be gentle with yourself and keep yourself occupied.

[jennysuzie]

Hey

 

If I were you I'd contact her one last time and ask her outright if she wants to see you or not whilst she's in the country. I'd just be totally straight with her, you need to know one way or another so you don't waste anymore of your time stressing over her.

 

I'd send that last email/text etc and then delete all contact info you have for her!! She has yours and will get in contact if she wants.

 

It will be hard but you need to know one way or another.

[Thamesz]

Thank you both for the advice. I guess I'll just have to wait it out, only time will tell how things will go.

 

As far as the drinking is concerned, it reflects my self-destructive character. But it is the only thing so far that can clear my mind off bad thoughts for now. I know that drinking does not solve problems, but it does help to keep my temper when I need it most.

 

Thank you so much everyone, any further advice is greatly appreciated. It's also nice to feel so welcomed before even having posted anything.

[headinthecloud]

I would give it a week, let her settle in. Then I would send her a text something to the effect of,"hope your move went well and you've settled in ok. Let's plan to get together for drinks next week to celebrate." just be nonchalant. And you need to start focusing your energy in other things because it sounds like you're a little too fixated on this girl which can make her feel smothered. It takes so little to scare people nowadays.

Edited December 19, 2013 by headinthecloud

[Robbyrob]

where exactly is she from?

 

basically what you need to understand is that LATINAS are very emotional, sensitive and family oriented people! whenever they leave home, they feel totally overwhelmed and dont know to deal with this situation! beleive me it can take up a year or more until they will acclimatize.

 

What you basically need to do is to give her time and be patient. If she makes the step forward talking to you, dont get mad which she wasnt in touch with you. see if she wants to meet you and youll realize how she reacts.

 

if shes into you she will show that to you, if nothing is coming let her go.

at the end itll be very difficult anyways cause they might miss home. plus another reason could be that she had someone back home and she never told you. everything is possible

 

stay confident and most importantly concentrate on your happiness you dont always need to make the move. she will know it already that you are a good guy, if she cant appreciate...its better you are not with her

 

mucha suerte - good luck man

[Thamesz]

Thank you so much for your great replies, I couldn't have asked for more.

 

Until now we have talked very little, she always seems to be preoccupied and I had a chat with her a few days back asking her why she's been so distant. She gave me a whole explanation about moving out of her country and being stressed out and stuff. Ever since then we haven't spoken at all.

 

She is planning a whole bunch of trips and visits while she's in my country, and we still haven't set a date for meeting. When I tried to set one, she would just give me another 'I'm not sure when'. The more this goes on, the more I want to just end it. This stuff has been stressing me out way more than it should, but I still want to give her some time to get her mind in the right spot and I would still love to meet her (seriously love this girl..).

 

I'm just not sure where I should go from here.. Should I wait another couple of days? I've written her a bunch of stuff 2 days ago and she still hasn't replied.. It really seems like we're on the edge of breaking up right now