irc333 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I was wondering, if you're getting to the point where even your own friends or relatives are beginning to think you're being unrealistic in your expectations, isn't it about time you threw away that "list" of yours? There was even a time in my life (high school or college aged) that I wouldn't date a woman unless certain really off the wall traits I wanted in a woman. Kind of reminds me of that scene in "Shallow Hal" where he's stuck in a elevator with Anthony Robbins, and he's spouting off what he's looking for in a woman. I think I recall an article about a woman who was a member of a matchmaking service, she was highly superficial/shallow....the matchmaker was having difficulty matching her up....then she found a guy that was VERY close to what she was looking for, but not of the height she wanted. He decided to call her in for a meeting to talk to her about her new match-up. WEll, turns out....the woman being called said "No way" and the matchmaker, being the expert that they are in their field, said, "Listen, you've pretty much blown off every guy I tried to match you up with, this guy is VERY close to what you're looking for...you think you're just being a tad shallow?" The client barged out of the office. The answer this matchmaker gave had a similar opinion of the friends and relatives, "Yeah, our sister, she's the only one left in our family that doesn't have a boyfriend...she's always 'dating', but can never seem to find a guy due to her unrealistic expectations'" Some are afraid for their last "single" daughter out of 8 kids in the family that'll be a spinster the rest of their lives. But anyhow, do you think there comes a point that you'll throw away your "list" of unrealistic expectations and just go with the flow....be more open minded? Esp. if friends and relatives are taking you aside to have a little "Chat" wiht your criteria?
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Somehow I like to be surprised and I don't want a predictable clone of what I've dreamt of. I want to believe that reality is underrated and it can be much nicer than some fantasy. Of course, after some failed relationships, there are a few basic traits in my check list; honesty, gentleness, sense of purpose, sense of humour... But those can be combined with a thousand other traits, a million of different likes and dislikes, a billion of facial features. That's the nice part of being with other people, you have things to discover, even after 50 years; because they are not a mere checklist, they are human.
Author irc333 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Yeah, there is that old platitude of "Opposites attract", I think it's an excuse thrown out there for those who can't figure out why those with common beliefs and other important ideals haven't coupled up. There are some things that are important at being a match at. Somehow I like to be surprised and I don't want a predictable clone of what I've dreamt of. I want to believe that reality is underrated and it can be much nicer than some fantasy. Of course, after some failed relationships, there are a few basic traits in my check list; honesty, gentleness, sense of purpose, sense of humour... But those can be combined with a thousand other traits, a million of different likes and dislikes, a billion of facial features. That's the nice part of being with other people, you have things to discover, even after 50 years; because they are not a mere checklist, they are human.
Blade96 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 That's cute coming from someone named Santa.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I don't have a list, I just have a policy of I'm not going for it unless I think she's great. That means I just have to accept that means I might be single for extended periods of time. I'm fine with that though, and if someone who has a list is ok with being single for a while, or maybe even indefinitely that's their call. What's bad is when someone who is very picky or even demanding gets upset when they don't have the people they want crawling all over them. Its their fault for putting themselves in that position.
mammasita Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I've never had a list of particulars........I think it's ridiculous to not give someone a chance simply because they aren't as tall/muscular/young/old/short/whatever as I hoped for. I mean....sense of humor, honesty - stuff like that are necessary IMO....but physical traits are negotiable.
Author irc333 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 I don't have a list, I just have a policy of I'm not going for it unless I think she's great. That means I just have to accept that means I might be single for extended periods of time. I'm fine with that though, and if someone who has a list is ok with being single for a while, or maybe even indefinitely that's their call. What's bad is when someone who is very picky or even demanding gets upset when they don't have the people they want crawling all over them. Its their fault for putting themselves in that position. Exactly, and often times, I"m seeing these women grow bitter in their POF dating profiles as they continue to become a permanent fixture of that dating site. They keep making additions to their profile whining about the kind of pervs and losers that had contacted them up to this point, when they probably ignore the relative decent men who had.
Elias33 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 A list is for the folks at the HR department.
mammasita Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Exactly, and often times, I"m seeing these women grow bitter in their POF dating profiles as they continue to become a permanent fixture of that dating site. They keep making additions to their profile whining about the kind of pervs and losers that had contacted them up to this point, when they probably ignore the relative decent men who had. I know a man like that....although he wasn't moaning and groaning about physical traits. He's been on POF for 5 Years looking for a relationship whining about not wanting to wait for a month for a woman to decide to have sex with him because he needs to know that she's not a flop in bed. Yes his profile says this. Yes I went on a date with him. I am permanently shamed for this NO, I didn't have sex with him (posted about how he nexted me months ago Lol)
Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Exactly, and often times, I"m seeing these women grow bitter in their POF dating profiles as they continue to become a permanent fixture of that dating site. They keep making additions to their profile whining about the kind of pervs and losers that had contacted them up to this point, when they probably ignore the relative decent men who had. Highlighted that last part as I don't even write those women a message because I know that's what's going on.
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