WP4046 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Ok whew. Guys like to make a stink about how women are gold-diggers (though I've heard enough cases that I can hardly blame them) so I don't want to give off that impression. I don't want to sound like I'm using him, but is it really so wrong of me to want to be romanced? It doesn't even have to be expensive! He could just cook something and ask me to cook something and we can meet up at a park and have a picnic or something. Or go to the Christmas market downtown. Or take a walk somewhere. I'm not an expensive or demanding girl at all. I feel like besides making out, we're not really doing anything. This is not ok to me. Now that I'm writing all this down, I'm realizing that this makes me a lot more angry than I thought. It's also not the first time someone tried pulling that trick, but the first time they got this far. I remember asking him, why'd you come over to talk to me? (when we were at the gym). And he says "because you were hot". Haha, brilliant. When u say not doing anything do you mean just sitting there?
WP4046 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 He was clearly hoping for sex and trying to set the situation up that way and despite you saying you didn't want to he was hoping he could get you to change your mind. If a man suggests I go to his house on the first date I will be immediately turned off frankly. Like even suggesting it, why??? One of my major tips to women esp is: if you feel like a man was using you or you feel uncomfortable you're 9/10 times correct! We spend more time talking ourselves out of what a jerk a guy is and try to see the "bright side" instead of our initial alarm bells. I have dated enough to know that there are certain things that are a no: don't ask me to "hang out" as a date at your house, or watch a movie at your house, or the seemingly sweet but premature "cook for you" first or second date, or ask me at 11:30pm to go out and don't invite me to your bedroom to "play games" --- ALL of that is very immature and/or a man not serious about getting to know you on neutral territory without sex clouding things. I reserve going to a man's house for after we've gone out on several dates, it is NOT 1st date territory at all IMO. Unless he was a friend you knew before and maybe have been to his house already, but even so, no. even if he cooks dinner?
MissBee Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 even if he cooks dinner? What? I just said on a first date the whole "cook for you" thing is premature. If we have further dates you will have many an opportunity to showcase your kitchen talents, but for me, it's not first date territory. I prefer us to do things on more neutral grounds in the early stages of dating as another trap is building fake intimacy prematurely by doing certain things too soon that should be reserved for a more serious setup. It makes the relationship feel more advanced than it really is when you do certain things, but as much as it feels advanced it is still you and a stranger or someone you don't know well and I have experienced and seen so many times where that is one of the major pitfalls...articles have also been written about this and the whole "hang out" culture of dating which unlike formal dates allows people to feel too close too quickly but the closeness isn't actually genuine.
WP4046 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 What? I just said on a first date the whole "cook for you" thing is premature. If we have further dates you will have many an opportunity to showcase your kitchen talents, but for me, it's not first date territory. I prefer us to do things on more neutral grounds in the early stages of dating as another trap is building fake intimacy prematurely by doing certain things too soon that should be reserved for a more serious setup. It makes the relationship feel more advanced than it really is when you do certain things, but as much as it feels advanced it is still you and a stranger or someone you don't know well and I have experienced and seen so many times where that is one of the major pitfalls...articles have also been written about this and the whole "hang out" culture of dating which unlike formal dates allows people to feel too close too quickly but the closeness isn't actually genuine. From experience, a girl was more willing to come to my place when I didn't ask
Author CrystalCastles Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Thanks guys for all the responses! I agree 100% with you all. @blonde- no worries, people can be harsh here, but what they say is true. And the more I'm mulling over what they say, the more I am turned off by him. I suppose my thinking was along the lines of Elswyth's. The thing is, this all happened on my university campus. We're up on a mountain and pretty isolated from the city. So I figured he invited me over because it was already late in the evening, and also because it's a norm of res students. I've been to so many student residences (many of my buddies live on campus). So I didn't want to assume that sex was all that he was thinking because he was just acting like any res student. Safety is also stressed on campus all the time. We have campus security patrolling the grounds throughout the day until very late in the evening. I might be young, but thankfully I don't repeat my mistakes. I know I won't allow for this to happen in the future, and hopefully I'll use my smarticles so that I don't end up in sticky situations because I didn't use my common sense. @MissBee- the hangout thing is completely accurate, and I felt this guy was trying to use that to create a false closeness with me. And you're exactly right, he was hoping to get me comfortable enough to take my pants off.
WP4046 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Thanks guys for all the responses! I agree 100% with you all. @blonde- no worries, people can be harsh here, but what they say is true. And the more I'm mulling over what they say, the more I am turned off by him. I suppose my thinking was along the lines of Elswyth's. The thing is, this all happened on my university campus. We're up on a mountain and pretty isolated from the city. So I figured he invited me over because it was already late in the evening, and also because it's a norm of res students. I've been to so many student residences (many of my buddies live on campus). So I didn't want to assume that sex was all that he was thinking because he was just acting like any res student. Safety is also stressed on campus all the time. We have campus security patrolling the grounds throughout the day until very late in the evening. I might be young, but thankfully I don't repeat my mistakes. I know I won't allow for this to happen in the future, and hopefully I'll use my smarticles so that I don't end up in sticky situations because I didn't use my common sense. @MissBee- the hangout thing is completely accurate, and I felt this guy was trying to use that to create a false closeness with me. And you're exactly right, he was hoping to get me comfortable enough to take my pants off. Maybe you should have stayed downstairs
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