Going to his house on first date

[truth_seeker]

This does concern my situation, but I am not going to give out any specific details. I went on a date with a guy, and after we spent 3 hours talking over coffee, he invited me over to his place. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and agreed, and we watched a movie at his place. He then wanted to cuddle, so we did. I straight up said, I'm not ready for sex. He said he likes me a lot and wouldn't want to make me uncomfortable or freaked out so he was ready to take things slow. Then he kissed me, which I was annoyed about.

 

And then he basically pushed me to go upstairs to his room so we could watch a video on his comp. Which happened on his bed. After the vid, he lies there and looks at me and says "aren't you going to enjoy me?". I was super annoyed at that point. We then made out again, and I said that I'm not ready for sex so no heavy petting/sex occurred. From our convos, I did end up liking the guy, but I feel like he wanted to use me for sex. Especially since I explicitly told him he's my first, and that we need to take things slow because a lot of this is a new experience and I might get overwhelmed and end up running away. He doesn't have that much experience with women either.

 

He was nervous that evening and also seemed very gushy about how much he liked me, etc.

 

Can someone confirm?

 

Are you f-cking serious? I mean really? Please, go jump in front of train! This guy is a complete scumbag and yet little by little you go along with his charade. He feels he can get you and you're falling for it! Wake the F--K up! You're going to get used and abused by this creep! Why are you making out with him? You don't do anything with him! You LEAVE! You show him with your actions that you mean business - NO means NO!

 

Get your sh-t together, woman.

[CrystalCastles]

No, you didn't really make it clear to this guy that you didn't want sex...because you WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE ON YOUR FIST DATE where you went up to his bedroom!!!! All signs point to "I'm ready to have sex with you." Your actions contradicted your words.

 

And I find it ironic that you would dare be annoyed with him for pushing you for sex, when clearly that's what your actions told him you were okay with, by going over to his house.

 

I don't know how old you are OP, but c'mon, use your noggin.

 

Do you or do you not, want to have sex with this guy? Be honest.

 

Common sense dictates that your actions MUST align with your words if you want to CLEARLY COMMUNICATE with someone your intentions. In this situation, you sent him mixed messages. That's on you. Take ownership of that and try to remember not to do that sort of thing again.

 

If you don't want to have sex on a 1st, 3rd, or 5th date or whatever DONT GO OVER TO THE GUY'S HOUSE.

 

Sheesh! For someone who says they're a virgin, you sure don't act like one. You act all tough and call this guy a POS, which is pretty lame considering your choices in this situation.

 

P.S. When you date someone, you don't go over to their house until you're ready to get intimate with each other. And stop sending mixed messages with your actions or you'll never find the right kind of guy to be with.

 

Guess I don't have much of that then.

 

But really, wow.

 

I really don't know what to say to that but, wow.

 

You act like I'm not new to the dating game. I am. I've now gone on a grand total of 3 dates in my whole life (first date ever was with someone else). I do have boundaries. Yes I'm not good at enforcing them, but I'm still working on it. A lot of this took me by surprise.

 

I sure as hell am a virgin, I'm 21. I'M AWARE THAT I MADE MISTAKES TOO. I'M AWARE THAT DUE TO MY COMPLETE AND TOTAL INEXPERIENCE, I'M ALSO AT FAULT HERE. I wasn't asking for a bashing, ok? Instead of talking to me like I'm a dirty whore (which would make no sense since I didn't have sex with him), you could give me constructive advice like everyone else on here did (you should leave him, etc etc).

 

And yes I do like to masturbate and I do think about sex. What's wrong with that? I didn't screw up here because of that. I screwed up because I got befuddled and it seemed to me like he didn't register what I was saying.

Edited December 19, 2013 by CrystalCastles

[CrystalCastles]

Maybe the OP just really liked the guy and was unsure of what to do so she went to his house on the off chance that he is being sincere and doesn't just want to use her. She was right to identify the signs and stand her ground. I think that shows she does have boundaries.

 

OP, it isn't normal for a guy to want you to come to his house so much so early on. He needs to be asking you on real dates if he really liked you. I have dates guys who only wanted to use me and ones who really liked me and wanted to make me their gf. You can tell the difference based on how much effort they put in to dating early on.

 

I would wait until you hear from him again and see if he asks you on a real date. If he just asks you to come over once again I'd tell him your not interested sorry. Trust yourself that you are right about this and if he doesn't step up his game ASAP kick him to the curb.

 

Thanks, I was trying to say that. I did like the guy, and I was hoping that the invite to his house was innocent, I guess I don't even know what I was hoping because my like for him clouded my judgement and I acted stupidly.

[GemmaUK]

It's time for you to not only talk the talk but also walk the walk. You indicate boundaries. He totally ignores them. The only right thing to do here is stand up and immediately leave his house.

 

Why are you even keeping contact with this guy? He just wants to have sex, that's very clear.

 

Stop all contact with this sleezeball.

 

Agree..completely!

 

My jaw hit the floor reading your posts Crystal, I'm not joking.

 

Until you value yourself no one else will.

 

Block this guy everywhere.

 

You can say no...you can act on your instincts and not go to a man's house.

You have a choice.

 

Stuff all the words he uses, actions speak volumes!!!!

 

He is a sleazer.

Get rid now.

[CrystalCastles]

@Gemma- not a problem. In fact I'll delete his number and block him on fb right now. Done and done.

 

I thought about my actions some more. Not that they really require thinking. I just remember when I went on a date with a sleazeball last time, he ended up sexting me after the first date and I told him to fck off and never contact me again. I had my doubts as to whether I did the right thing and I went on LS and asked. People flamed me and said I was wrong, and that he was just flirting badly and I was in the wrong.

 

I don't always know 100% what is wrong and what is right until I reflect back on the situation. I'm still learning, and I have a lot of learning left to do. My apologies that I don't have 40+ years of experience. Things that seem transparent and "common sense" to 40 yr olds don't always look like that to pipsqueaks like me. Yes I did like the guy, and as I said, I wanted to believe that he was a good guy because I enjoyed talking to him and I felt we had good chemistry.

 

I also got confused when he ignored my refusals. I suppose I also didn't want him to run away either. It's not the worst thing I could have done, I mean I could have gone all the way but I didn't. This mistake might seem obvious to some people, yet I often see boards on here like "Slept with him on the first date, what do I do?". So clearly it doesn't always look so clear cut to people who are just getting the sense of the dating game, rather than the seasoned players.

[InnocentMan]

As a general rule, the next time someone says 'aren't you going to enjoy me', laugh and then leave. In that order.

[CrystalCastles]

I was wondering if this holds any significance as well.

 

I should also have mentioned, does it matter if he's someone with no experience either? He's 20. He's had an STR some years ago, then only casual dating for two years, then nothing for two years. So perhaps he's acted the way he did because that's all he really knows how to do. I know it's absolutely no excuse and that dating isn't rocket science, but when you're out there doing it, it's a lot different than just writing about it.

 

I'm not trying to defend him, or justify his behaviour or mine, I'm just trying to understand why I did what I did and why I didn't stop when I knew I should have. Everyone on here is right, even the posters with the harsh responses. I suppose I'm upset for having acted like an easy girl because I know I'm not that type.

[writergal]

Guess I don't have much of that then.

 

But really, wow.

 

I really don't know what to say to that but, wow.

 

You act like I'm not new to the dating game. I am. I've now gone on a grand total of 3 dates in my whole life (first date ever was with someone else). I do have boundaries. Yes I'm not good at enforcing them, but I'm still working on it. A lot of this took me by surprise.

 

I sure as hell am a virgin, I'm 21. I'M AWARE THAT I MADE MISTAKES TOO. I'M AWARE THAT DUE TO MY COMPLETE AND TOTAL INEXPERIENCE, I'M ALSO AT FAULT HERE. I wasn't asking for a bashing, ok? Instead of talking to me like I'm a dirty whore (which would make no sense since I didn't have sex with him), you could give me constructive advice like everyone else on here did (you should leave him, etc etc).

 

And yes I do like to masturbate and I do think about sex. What's wrong with that? I didn't screw up here because of that. I screwed up because I got befuddled and it seemed to me like he didn't register what I was saying.

 

You lack serious common sense. One doesn't need 40+years of dating to get better common sense!

 

I didn't come down hard on you. I pointed out in a BLUNT way that your actions didn't sync up with your words and NO ONE is responsible for THAT except you!!!

 

You screwed up with this guy because you told him one thing but thought another. Then you come to complain about why he pounced on you as though you are the victim. The reality is, you are a victim of yourself if you choose not to follow through on your words with the right actions. I'm not a sugar-coater poster either. I tell it like I see it.

 

It's fine to be defensive with me because I pointed out the obvious. But the truth is, you're going to repeat this pattern in your dating life (and probably social life) until you figure out how to create boundaries with men when you first meet them. Do NOT go to their house on the 1st date unless you want to sleep with them. No man in the history of men will expect anything other than sex, if he invites a woman home, whom he just met. It's called a one night stand. He tried to have a ONS with you at his house. Did he force you to go up to his bedroom to watch a movie? No. Why did you do it? Did you not think for one second, "I don't know this guy that well and I'm uncomfortable going up to his bedroom because it could lead to sex or worse, rape." Because let me tell you something, you are LUCKY he didn't rape you or do worse. It doesn't matter if he's only 20 either.

 

Until you learn how to put up boundaries, and sync your actions with your words, I think you'll just continue to create trouble for yourself with dating men because you'll put yourself in dangerous situations, where the mixed messages you send will have a seriously negative outcome that could mean real harm comes to you. And I speak from experience. A friend of mine went home with a man she met through online dating on their 3 date and he raped her.

Edited December 19, 2013 by writergal

[CrystalCastles]

Until you learn how to put up boundaries, and sync your actions with your words, I think you'll just continue to create trouble for yourself with dating men because you'll put yourself in dangerous situations, where the mixed messages you send will have a seriously negative outcome that could mean real harm comes to you. And I speak from experience. A friend of mine went home with a man she met through online dating on their 3 date and he raped her.

 

Yes, thank you for that.

 

You're making a lot of assumptions based off one experience. Ok I made a mistake. I'm agreeing with you. I'm aware. So could you stop reiterating what I already know.

 

You're assuming that I have no common sense and also I get the feeling you think I'm stupid, hence "I think you'll just continue to create trouble for yourself with dating men". Er, this is a one-time thing. It's not something that has happened over and over. Your angry rants would make sense if I was constantly getting myself into messy situations. This is the first time this has happened. I will not have it happen again. I don't need to repeat a mistake to know its a mistake. Ok? Maybe it was a very stupid one, but please, don't tell me you haven't done dumb things that you didn't think through in your life either.

[Blade96]

If you do not wish sex, then for the love of a saint bernard do not go to a guy's house until you are ready to get intimate with them. You did make a mistake, and give guy some mixed signals. I did that too before. Alas. But it is a mistake and everybody makes mistakes. But you can set boundaries now.

[writergal]

Yes, thank you for that.

 

You're making a lot of assumptions based off one experience. Ok I made a mistake. I'm agreeing with you. I'm aware. So could you stop reiterating what I already know.

 

You're assuming that I have no common sense and also I get the feeling you think I'm stupid, hence "I think you'll just continue to create trouble for yourself with dating men". Er, this is a one-time thing. It's not something that has happened over and over. Your angry rants would make sense if I was constantly getting myself into messy situations. This is the first time this has happened. I will not have it happen again. I don't need to repeat a mistake to know its a mistake. Ok? Maybe it was a very stupid one, but please, don't tell me you haven't done dumb things that you didn't think through in your life either.

 

I don't think you're stupid. I think you made a few bad choices and you avoided what could have potentially been a dangerous situation. I'm frustrated with you because you don't seem to realize just how bad things could have gone -- you could have wound up like my friend, who is in her early 30s.

 

You may not think you have to repeat a mistake to learn from it. But setting boundaries is not always easy, especially when you involve hormones, assumptions, and insecurities about yourself or what you think the guy may want from you. Dating is not a black and white game, especially when you choose to do online dating with complete strangers. You never know what you're gonna get.

 

And you're wrong if you think I didn't make my own share of mistakes when I did online dating. I did. I didn't get raped, but still had a very creepy online dating experience. I met the guy at a restaurant for our first date. Then he invited me to go for a walk along a 2 mile circumference lake at night. We walked for a short bit and then sat down on a bench. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a joint and a condom and asked me if I wanted to high and then have sex with him. 0_0. I jolted to my feet, said I had to get back and pretty much sprinted the 1/2 mile to my car and drove home completely weirded out b/c on paper, he presented himself as a highly educated guy who seemed normal. But he turned out to be the opposite.

Edited December 20, 2013 by writergal

[anna121]

"Aren't you going to enjoy me?" ??!

 

RUN.

[bubbaganoosh]

This does concern my situation, but I am not going to give out any specific details. I went on a date with a guy, and after we spent 3 hours talking over coffee, he invited me over to his place. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and agreed, and we watched a movie at his place. He then wanted to cuddle, so we did. I straight up said, I'm not ready for sex. He said he likes me a lot and wouldn't want to make me uncomfortable or freaked out so he was ready to take things slow. Then he kissed me, which I was annoyed about.

 

And then he basically pushed me to go upstairs to his room so we could watch a video on his comp. Which happened on his bed. After the vid, he lies there and looks at me and says "aren't you going to enjoy me?". I was super annoyed at that point. We then made out again, and I said that I'm not ready for sex so no heavy petting/sex occurred. From our convos, I did end up liking the guy, but I feel like he wanted to use me for sex. Especially since I explicitly told him he's my first, and that we need to take things slow because a lot of this is a new experience and I might get overwhelmed and end up running away. He doesn't have that much experience with women either.

 

He was nervous that evening and also seemed very gushy about how much he liked me, etc.

 

Can someone confirm?

 

I can confirm something. Your going to be the headline on the 11PM news some night. The story about a girl with no common sense was assaulted for allowing herself to be in the wrong place at the wrong time for lack of thinking.

 

Big mistake going to this guys house after knowing him for 3 hours. Wants to cuddle and you let him. Then you tell him no sex and he kisses you. Then he PUSHED YOU to his room to watch a computer on his computer on his bed. Tells me it was a lap top. He could have brought it down stairs but the point is your telling him no sex, you cuddle, he kisses you then pushes you to his bedroom then on his bed. Am I right so far?

 

Don't know how old you are but I know for a fact that I'm way older and wiser. I have two grown daughters and would tell them the same thing I'm going to tell you.

 

Your a walking, talking, living example of a girl whose going to find herself in more trouble that she ever imagined if you don't soon wake the hell up and start using your God given brains.

 

You can't seem to bring yourself to say "no". and your walking a fine line and one slip and I wouldn't want to be you for all the tea in China.

 

If I sound harsh, it's because I am. I don't want to see anything happen to you because of your bad decisions. Honest to God I don't and if you don't wise up real soon, you'll be a statistic. Please, please, please don't make this same mistake again.

[CrystalCastles]

I don't think you're stupid. I think you made a few bad choices and you avoided what could have potentially been a dangerous situation. I'm frustrated with you because you don't seem to realize just how bad things could have gone -- you could have wound up like my friend, who is in her early 30s.

 

You may not think you have to repeat a mistake to learn from it. But setting boundaries is not always easy, especially when you involve hormones, assumptions, and insecurities about yourself or what you think the guy may want from you. Dating is not a black and white game, especially when you choose to do online dating with complete strangers. You never know what you're gonna get.

 

And you're wrong if you think I didn't make my own share of mistakes when I did online dating. I did. I didn't get raped, but still had a very creepy online dating experience. I met the guy at a restaurant for our first date. Then he invited me to go for a walk along a 2 mile circumference lake at night. We walked for a short bit and then sat down on a bench. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a joint and a condom and asked me if I wanted to high and then have sex with him. 0_0. I jolted to my feet, said I had to get back and pretty much sprinted the 1/2 mile to my car and drove home completely weirded out b/c on paper, he presented himself as a highly educated guy who seemed normal. But he turned out to be the opposite.

 

Online dating does have a reputation for having a lot of creeps lurk on there. I don't know if it makes a difference, but this guy is a student at my university. We met at the uni gym. He didn't get my number right away, he got it after we talked two times. So that's why I didn't get the weird vibe right away. I did have a little voice in the back of my head the whole time telling me to GTFO when he first put his arm around me but I am still wondering why the fck I stayed put.

 

However, I am in no way minimizing what you said. I understand it. I think your point is very valid. I do think you're enlarging this a bit since he is still young and stupid just like I am, and yeah ok we're both horny and got caught up in the moment. I obviously have a thing or two to learn about putting myself in these kinds of situations, and also about self-control. I can just as easily accuse you of having no common sense since there's no way in hell I would go for a walk in the dark with a stranger around a lake. But you did. It was a mistake. It could have been dangerous but wasn't. I suppose I'm just irked because I feel attacked.

Edited December 20, 2013 by CrystalCastles

[writergal]

Online dating does have a reputation for having a lot of creeps lurk on there. I don't know if it makes a difference, but this guy is a student at my university. We met at the uni gym. He didn't get my number right away, he got it after we talked two times. So that's why I didn't get the weird vibe right away. I did have a little voice in the back of my head the whole time telling me to GTFO when he first put his arm around me but I am still wondering why the fck I stayed put.

 

However, I am in no way minimizing what you said. I understand it. I think your point is very valid. I do think you're enlarging this a bit since he is still young and stupid just like I am, and yeah ok we're both horny and got caught up in the moment. I obviously have a thing or two to learn about putting myself in these kinds of situations, and also about self-control. I can just as easily accuse you of having no common sense since there's no way in hell I would go for a walk in the dark with a stranger around a lake. But you did. It was a mistake. It could have been dangerous but wasn't. I suppose I'm just irked because I feel attacked.

 

I'm very opinionated and as I wrote before, blunt to the point of coming across overly-critical. I feel very strongly about having good boundaries (especially because of my past dating mistakes) when it comes to dating. Your post concerned me and I responded very strongly out of concern and frustration. I'm glad you learned from this experience of what not to do the next time you go out on a date with a guy you have great chemistry with, or that little voice in your head warns you not to go any farther than your hormones want to take you. Just take it slow, try to assert clear boundaries when you need to, and try to avoid sending the guy mixed messages and hopefully you will have some nice dating experiences.

[Mark1]

Why the hell are you going over to a man's house ON A FIRST DATE if you aren't ready for sex?

[FitChick]

A man who is interested in you beyond a quick lay will try to impress you, to make you see his good qualities, try to convince you to pick him over other men. Someone only concerned with his own needs and convenience is telling you that he only wants sex.

 

Remember that on future dates.

 

Don't let a guy come to your place either until you are ready to have sex.

[CrystalCastles]

I'm very opinionated and as I wrote before, blunt to the point of coming across overly-critical. I feel very strongly about having good boundaries (especially because of my past dating mistakes) when it comes to dating. Your post concerned me and I responded very strongly out of concern and frustration. I'm glad you learned from this experience of what not to do the next time you go out on a date with a guy you have great chemistry with, or that little voice in your head warns you not to go any farther than your hormones want to take you. Just take it slow, try to assert clear boundaries when you need to, and try to avoid sending the guy mixed messages and hopefully you will have some nice dating experiences.

 

Thanks I'm sorry I got angry at you, I know you were trying to offer advice, but sometimes the blunt kind is a bit hard to hear.

[writergal]

Thanks I'm sorry I got angry at you, I know you were trying to offer advice, but sometimes the blunt kind is a bit hard to hear.

 

Hey no problem! Your anger was justified however, because let's face it, I did come down hard on you so no need to apologize. It's all good.

[Noproblem]

You want your first to be someone who is not like this guy!

I can see, he only cares for sex and is selfish. No offense!

Edited December 20, 2013 by Noproblem

[what_a_blonde]

@Gemma- not a problem. In fact I'll delete his number and block him on fb right now. Done and done.

 

I thought about my actions some more. Not that they really require thinking. I just remember when I went on a date with a sleazeball last time, he ended up sexting me after the first date and I told him to fck off and never contact me again. I had my doubts as to whether I did the right thing and I went on LS and asked. People flamed me and said I was wrong, and that he was just flirting badly and I was in the wrong.

 

I don't always know 100% what is wrong and what is right until I reflect back on the situation. I'm still learning, and I have a lot of learning left to do. My apologies that I don't have 40+ years of experience. Things that seem transparent and "common sense" to 40 yr olds don't always look like that to pipsqueaks like me. Yes I did like the guy, and as I said, I wanted to believe that he was a good guy because I enjoyed talking to him and I felt we had good chemistry.

 

I also got confused when he ignored my refusals. I suppose I also didn't want him to run away either. It's not the worst thing I could have done, I mean I could have gone all the way but I didn't. This mistake might seem obvious to some people, yet I often see boards on here like "Slept with him on the first date, what do I do?". So clearly it doesn't always look so clear cut to people who are just getting the sense of the dating game, rather than the seasoned players.

 

I'm just on page 2 of this thread, and what I've bolded and underlined above is 100% accurate of what happened with my situation. What made it even more confusing for me was I truly thought he was a good guy, I truly though we were just friends. So when he invited me over to talk about some stuff he was dealing with (vs. going out to discuss over drinks).. I didn't think anything of it.

 

And so crazy, even after I told him I wasn't wanting sex or to proceed with anything physical.. he completely ignored it and kept trying to push himself on me. Being confused with the situation, and not wanting to be a complete b**ch, I just kept pulling back and pulling back. I was SO confused and honestly in SHOCK that even after flat out being told that I didn't want to get physical, he was hearing "I do want to get physical" and continued to press on.

 

So, Crystal, sorry that everyone is bashing you. I think I saw somewhere that you are 21. I'm 27, and this happened to me at my age... for the first time ever... so be happy you are learning early.

Edited December 25, 2013 by what_a_blonde

[what_a_blonde]

Also want to note... I'm surprised so many people are saying "don't ever go to a man's house until your ready to have sex". Maybe they're talking about when you first start dating, or especially if you've just met. If that's the case, I agree.

 

However every man who I've ever been to their house, I had built a relationship/friendship with... and when I went to their house sex was not expected, nor was I going to their house for that. For the couple that had turned into serious relationships.. yes, eventually sex came of it. But it was never expected as soon as I stepped foot in their house. (maybe it was and I didn't know, but they never once pushed for it)

 

I think its wrong for men to assume that just because a women accepts an invite to their house that she is inviting the man to take off her pants and stick it in.

 

Again (and you've acknowledged this)... if its someone that you've just met and its a very new "relationship", then I agree. Going to the house could possibly be misleading. However if its someone you've built trust with, have been dating for a while, and is maybe inviting you over to have a BBQ between the two of you then a movie or something... why not?

 

Again though... I don't quite agree with the assumption that women should KNOW that if they go to a mans house, it is assumed that they are ready to give up sex.

 

Whatever happened to respect and the concept of no means "no"? Not every woman that says one thing, means another... what seems to be the common stereotype nowadays.

[Els]

Sex isn't always expected when you go to each others' houses. Some do, some don't. Plenty of my dates have involved houses and no genitals.

 

But insisting on watching a video on his bed and then saying, "Aren't you going to enjoy me?"

 

Yeah.... that's a pretty good sign he's after a quick lay.

[MissBee]

This does concern my situation, but I am not going to give out any specific details. I went on a date with a guy, and after we spent 3 hours talking over coffee, he invited me over to his place. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and agreed, and we watched a movie at his place. He then wanted to cuddle, so we did. I straight up said, I'm not ready for sex. He said he likes me a lot and wouldn't want to make me uncomfortable or freaked out so he was ready to take things slow. Then he kissed me, which I was annoyed about.

 

And then he basically pushed me to go upstairs to his room so we could watch a video on his comp. Which happened on his bed. After the vid, he lies there and looks at me and says "aren't you going to enjoy me?". I was super annoyed at that point. We then made out again, and I said that I'm not ready for sex so no heavy petting/sex occurred. From our convos, I did end up liking the guy, but I feel like he wanted to use me for sex. Especially since I explicitly told him he's my first, and that we need to take things slow because a lot of this is a new experience and I might get overwhelmed and end up running away. He doesn't have that much experience with women either.

 

He was nervous that evening and also seemed very gushy about how much he liked me, etc.

 

Can someone confirm?

 

He was clearly hoping for sex and trying to set the situation up that way and despite you saying you didn't want to he was hoping he could get you to change your mind.

 

If a man suggests I go to his house on the first date I will be immediately turned off frankly. Like even suggesting it, why???

 

One of my major tips to women esp is: if you feel like a man was using you or you feel uncomfortable you're 9/10 times correct! We spend more time talking ourselves out of what a jerk a guy is and try to see the "bright side" instead of our initial alarm bells.

 

I have dated enough to know that there are certain things that are a no: don't ask me to "hang out" as a date at your house, or watch a movie at your house, or the seemingly sweet but premature "cook for you" first or second date, or ask me at 11:30pm to go out and don't invite me to your bedroom to "play games" --- ALL of that is very immature and/or a man not serious about getting to know you on neutral territory without sex clouding things. I reserve going to a man's house for after we've gone out on several dates, it is NOT 1st date territory at all IMO. Unless he was a friend you knew before and maybe have been to his house already, but even so, no.

Edited December 25, 2013 by MissBee

[WP4046]

Hmmm...

 

I agree, dont go to a man's house for a date if you are not ready for sex. He may say that nothing will happen, but maybe he is saying that in order not to make you feel as a "starved" woman. In the beginning one should be careful not to set a lazy pattern in the relationship/interaction. Id say, if he doesnt offer to take you out, even at the park, be busy and say you will go to X movie in Saturday, he can join if he wants. Something like that.

 

 

It's the norm this time of year when it's cold