Religion: Still ACTUALLY relevant?

[BLS]

If you were legitimately unaware, my sincerest apologies. My atheist and agnostic friends have generally been well aware of the conflicts this causes so pardon me if my personal experience molded my expectations of others.

 

I am Christian and have dated men of various religions or no religions. When I get married, it will definitely be to another Christian bc as others have stated my faith molds my perspectives and I want my children to grow up in the same faith although I am willing to have open and impartial discussions about other faiths because I don't want to force it on them; I want them to see for themselves the way I did by studying various faiths.

 

Some people will date whomever but when it comes to getting serious beyond religion some will only date within their race/nationality/tribe/caste etc. I would think her/her family would most likely expect a conversion should you

want to get serious but that would be putting the Cart before the horse because you are still trying to get to know her. Stay friends and take it slow. Worst case scenario you made a new friend with a cool girl.

 

This response was more along the lines of what I was looking for. Thank you

[Eclypse]

It's a difficult topic. I guess you have to ask yourself if you're willing to church with her or participate in all sorts of religious activities with her might make you uncomfortable. Maybe she'll only let you do it missionary style with the lights off and only for making a child. Also if you're not looking for marriage, maybe she is and she should date someone on the same page as her.

 

Personally, I'd have a hard time dating a "believer" who actually goes to church and does religious activities. As hard as I might try I'm not sure id ever be able to respect someone who took this stuff seriously. Addititionally, there's the issue of kids and how to raise them. Do you want them raised in a religious emvironment?

[Onethirtyeight]

Its relevant at the extremes.

 

A religious zealot will only date someone of their own religion preferably as extreme as they are

A hardcore Atheist will not date anyone of any religion

A sane person will not date either extreme

 

See where I'm going with that?

 

Also I'd say she's not testing you and was just being upfront. She's not going to say she doesn't want to date you and you can only be friends if she does want to date you. Or maybe if she is she is playing games but again a normal person wouldn't do that.

[MalachiX]

Your question seems rude and out of touch. It amazes how the very same people that accuse people of faith as being "out of touch" are often the most out of touch. Do you not know about world affairs? Israel and Palestine at war? Do you not see the marches? Are you

Out of touch with politics as a whole?

 

I'm confused by what the Isreali Palestinian conflict really has to do with this girl. I should probably let you know that I'm 1/2 Palestinian before you answer. I'm not Muslim though, my family is actually Christian Palestinians (and some Aethiest Palestinians). My beliefs are somewhat Christian, a little Hindu, and I'm currently trying to learn a bit more about Nichiren Buddhism at the moment. I say this because none of that has ANTYHING to do with my take on the Isreali/Palestinian situation (only people without a real understanding of that situation actually think it's about religion), so i'm a bit confused as to what that has to do with her dating a non-Jew. I also know a fair number of Jews who date non-Jews.

 

It's a difficult topic. I guess you have to ask yourself if you're willing to church with her or participate in all sorts of religious activities with her might make you uncomfortable. Maybe she'll only let you do it missionary style with the lights off and only for making a child.

 

Come on dude. Here I am trying to argue that believers and non-believers can get along and then you have to make some totally speculative assumptions about sexual practices (and, FYI, Jews tend to be a lot more open than Baptist Christians.)

 

Personally, I'd have a hard time dating a "believer" who actually goes to church and does religious activities. As hard as I might try I'm not sure id ever be able to respect someone who took this stuff seriously.

 

And there it is again. I've met lots of truly brilliant people who believed in things I didn't. I've also met lots of truly brilliant people who believed in nothing (spiritually). I don't have a problem respecting either group because faith is something very personal (like sexuality). I may not be gay but that doesn't mean I can't respect someone who is attracted to things I'm not. I sure as hell don't have all the answers to the meaning of life and how the world was created. Why should I judge someone for trying to find truth in their own way?

[Noproblem]

The issue with religious people is

 

It's either heaven or not

 

Like if they didn't follow the rules they will miss on heaven

 

You see what I mean?

 

In your case, she will stop herself from feeling for you and tell you right away so you can kill any feeling you have toward her......

 

Because to her, it's you vs heaven?

 

 

Who wins? you decide!

[Graduate]

I knew she was religious- i just didn't think it extended to dating. Marriage, diet and philosophy is a different story.

 

The reason I am "not showing much interest" is playing the game. I barely talked to her because I'm pretty socially awkward. When I gave her my number (not realizing this was a beta ass thing to do) my fingers were legitimately trembling, so much so that I was afraid I typed the wrong number. I don't want to ruin my chances by coming on too strong.

 

If you can, respond to this post.

 

Sweetie, the number one priority for a religious person is marrying someone of the same faith. Someone who can help you raise your children with the same beliefs and who you can share your religious experiences with.

 

Now, people who are just dating for fun and not looking towards a long-term relationship or marriage are often happy to date people with other religious backgrounds. But that is mostly men, and usually not religious people. For a religious Jewish woman, who cares about her religion (and eating kosher and observing the Shabbat is quite observant) to date a non-Jew is extremely rare, in fact I can't even imagine that. To add to that, if she is truly religious, she will also probably not be interested in having sex before marriage.

 

So I reiterate my point, she must really like you if she is willing to spend time with you, but for various reasons (religious differences, modesty, etc.) she is not ready/willing to 'date' you. Just to spend time with you as a friend. If you can accept all that, then go for it, if it sounds too complicated and like drama, better tell her you would love to hang out, but then be busy and not contact her anymore until you are actually ready to just be friends.

 

About your other comment - seeming distant to play the game. This only works with a certain type of woman, often someone who is insecure and who rarely receives any male interest. In general I would always advice to be honest and authentic in showing your interest, without going overboard. (e.g. texting her 3 times in a row if she has not replied, asking her what she is doing every day, sending her good morning and good night messages daily even if you are not even dating yet, etc.)

[ponchsox]

Why would it not be still actually relevant? Because the secular world says so?

As a Christian man, the most important thing in a woman is she is active in a Christian church. If not, I'm not interested. It's that simple. Plenty of women have the same views I do, I have found.

[nomadic_butterfly]

I'm confused by what the Isreali Palestinian conflict really has to do with this girl. I should probably let you know that I'm 1/2 Palestinian before you answer. I'm not Muslim though, my family is actually Christian Palestinians (and some Aethiest Palestinians). My beliefs are somewhat Christian, a little Hindu, and I'm currently trying to learn a bit more about Nichiren Buddhism at the moment. I say this because none of that has ANTYHING to do with my take on the Isreali/Palestinian situation (only people without a real understanding of that situation actually think it's about religion), so i'm a bit confused as to what that has to do with her dating a non-Jew. I also know a fair number of Jews who date non-Jews.

 

 

 

Come on dude. Here I am trying to argue that believers and non-believers can get along and then you have to make some totally speculative assumptions about sexual practices (and, FYI, Jews tend to be a lot more open than Baptist w?

 

my subsequent post expounded on the point that I was trying to make initially being that of course religion on a broader level is still very "relevant" and then I was making a simple illustration of how one of very many examples proves it is still near and dear to people's hearts all over the entire world. Irrelevant/incosequential things from a broader aspect don't cause wars, protests, etc.

 

FYI I have found a lot of religious people of various faiths can get freaky. It is completely individual unless it specific states things like "you should have sex with you wife with a white sheet over her with two holes for her eyes, etc." my ex boyfriend was unorthodox Jewish but eventually converted to Christianity and he rocked my world and taught me things my husband will thoroughly appreciate. I am pretty adventurous myself (though not Baptist) but still Christian.

Edited December 20, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly

[Allumere]

I thought it was actually an honest question. If you don't know or it isn't something you are familiar with then certainly reasonable. There are tons of variables. Some folks who are practicing in their faith are more than willing to date someone outside of it. I have a Hindu friend that married someone of Jewish faith. They both participate in the others different events/services etc and have exposed the kids to both. They have tremendous respect in regards to the other's beliefs, even when there are many points they do not agree on. They have been married 15 years. Same deal with another couple, she is atheist and he is Jewish and it's the same deal. Loving, respectful marriage....and photos up of them celebrating Hannakah as a family. The flip-side I have experienced. I'm a Christian and meet a gent online that stated he was the same. Early into the relationship he expressed concern that I wasn't Christian enough but we talked about it and I assumed he was OK with where I was in my faith. He dumped me after 9 months because he said he needed to be with a certain type of Christian. So it can be all extremes. In my mind, this is a tough world and if you are presented with the gift of someone (and all the things of value are there) and have respect for each others views then move forward with them. Of course if the other person is in the position that their faith dictates who they must marry and they are devote, then move on.

[MissBee]

The second to last day of the semester I decided to give a girl I'd been casually talking to my phone number. I waited to meet up with her outside of the classroom, asked her if she was single with a response of "yes". Following this, I said that if that was the case, she should take down my number. She obliged.

 

Later that night she texted me and identified herself. We shot a few texts each others way before I let her know I was busy and couldn't talk. She was consistent with her conversation and obviously wanted to talk more another time.

 

I saw her the next day on the final day of class. We chatted a bit then parted ways. I waited about 24hrs from then to text her again, she responded and we engaged in some conversation through out the day.

 

She had previously discussed her religion and how she went to a Jewish school, only ate Kosher and observed the Sabbath. All seemed well, I called her and asked her to hang out with me sometime. We semi-arranged a date and she seemed totally willing and we bsed on the phone briefly. At this point I had established I was not a Jew.

 

About an hour later I received a text from her stating that she "forgot to mention" that because she's "religious and all..." and "didn't want to give the wrong idea" and she "can just be friends and would love to hangout as friends" "thought i should say that in case of anything".

 

At this point I was baffled. I responded saying I wasn't looking to "marry her or anything". She responded saying she just wanted to put it out there for the record and asked if i understood why she had to say something.

 

I responded saying I was a little confused. Then immediately stated I understand that its her religious dedication. She told me she's "not really supposed to date non jews" but still wants to hang out as friends. I told her it's okay and not to worry about it and the conversation was pretty much over there.

 

I'm really unsure of what to do at this point. I still wonder how things will work out if I decide to take her out and if she has some legit feelings back. I can't believe religion is actually still relevant.

 

Yes religion is still relevant.

 

Why wouldn't it be?

 

Religious people exist and religions inform people's beliefs and life choices, including their partnerships.

 

What I don't understand is why people who are not religious even want to date a religious person. One's religious beliefs (or lack thereof) is like any other thing, it's part of your value system and will dictate compatibility.

[MissBee]

The issue with religious people is

 

It's either heaven or not

 

Like if they didn't follow the rules they will miss on heaven

 

You see what I mean?

 

In your case, she will stop herself from feeling for you and tell you right away so you can kill any feeling you have toward her......

 

Because to her, it's you vs heaven?

 

 

Who wins? you decide!

 

All religions do not believe in heaven.

 

Religion doesn't mean Christianity and in this case this woman is Jewish.

[BillJJ]

Speaking as someone who was brought up in a religious family religion still exists and is still relevant in many other countries around the world. My first girlfriend was very religious and we both went to church together and did voluntary work every week and I believed in God but after she passed away I found myself questioning my faith and literally everything and everybody around me. I have trouble believing that a God truly exists anymore when I hear about so many people doing horrible things to other people and they are allowed to live but my first girlfriend was not. I don’t think I will ever get a real answer for that one because she dedicated her life to helping others and was a decent person.

 

I will say this – in my experience religious people tend to be friendlier than atheists and that is not to say there aren’t any decent atheists because I have met a few including one woman that helped turn my life around but it appears to be very prevalent in Generation Y if the person isn’t religious it is often equated with no morals, no values, no manners, no respect for other people, no compassion or even a shred of decency and no actual grasp on the concept of reality. For example, if you struggle getting over losing your girlfriend and best friend in a car accident in the eyes of an atheist you are a loser, if you have ADHD, OCD, Asperger’s Syndrome etc in the eyes of an atheist you are a retard or spastic and it might sound horrible but it is true.

 

There are some exceptions to the above but they are rare and I can honestly say in my country most people that are accepting of those things and don’t judge are religious. My girlfriend is religious and she believes in God and goes to church with her daughter and I do too but she knows the way I feel and she understands and I want to believe there is a heaven because everybody I lost is up there.

Edited December 22, 2013 by BillJJ

[vanek26]

OP, I've been in a similar situation with hardcore Christian girls several times. One thing I've learned is that there's no need to trumpet being an atheist to a girl. It will never get you laid. Just be lukewarm on the subject of religion and avoid talking about it at all costs.

 

I'm as hardcore an atheist as they come, but I never bring it up around women. It's far too polarizing.

 

That being said, there are some people who will still be very tricky. Once I met a smoking hot girl who was a born again christian from some backwoods rural community and her church of 200 people was certain that their church was the only one that could be traced back to Jesus or some BS.

 

She was adamant that she could only date other Christians (and in her mind... the only real Christians were the ones from her church). I just played it cool, kept spending time with her... and let me tell you she turned out to be one of the freakier girls I've ever been with.

 

It's annoying, but just nod and smile and keep doing what you're doing. If she is actually attracted to you she will come around. There's always the chance the religion thing is just a facade because she doesn't really like you though.

[jcrew11]

I call myself an Atheist. I don't talk religion to people and have genuine respect for those who practice it, I really don't care AT ALL the religious affiliation of my partner, it's almost 100% irrelevant.

 

 

 

Think I should still take her out and try my luck then? She seemed pretty persistent on wanting to still hangout.

 

LOL, you can still try to date her but you are probably going to set yourself up for a world of heartache, stress, and getting her family pissed off at you (if you became her boyfriend).

 

College seems to be the place where there are large cliques of Jewish students. Most Jewish kids are taught or pressured into spreading the religion to their children, and marry another jewish spouse.

 

My good friend from college was a Christian guy and dated a Jewish girl all 4 years and wanted to marry her. After college, she broke up with him and told him she could only marry a Jewish guy, and broke his heart.

 

Jewish girls, Christian girls, or any other super-REligious girls usually are pretty committed to their faith. So as an Atheist you probably aren't going to have much luck getting into their panties. Try the hippie Unitarian girls.