Religion: Still ACTUALLY relevant?

[BLS]

The second to last day of the semester I decided to give a girl I'd been casually talking to my phone number. I waited to meet up with her outside of the classroom, asked her if she was single with a response of "yes". Following this, I said that if that was the case, she should take down my number. She obliged.

 

Later that night she texted me and identified herself. We shot a few texts each others way before I let her know I was busy and couldn't talk. She was consistent with her conversation and obviously wanted to talk more another time.

 

I saw her the next day on the final day of class. We chatted a bit then parted ways. I waited about 24hrs from then to text her again, she responded and we engaged in some conversation through out the day.

 

She had previously discussed her religion and how she went to a Jewish school, only ate Kosher and observed the Sabbath. All seemed well, I called her and asked her to hang out with me sometime. We semi-arranged a date and she seemed totally willing and we bsed on the phone briefly. At this point I had established I was not a Jew.

 

About an hour later I received a text from her stating that she "forgot to mention" that because she's "religious and all..." and "didn't want to give the wrong idea" and she "can just be friends and would love to hangout as friends" "thought i should say that in case of anything".

 

At this point I was baffled. I responded saying I wasn't looking to "marry her or anything". She responded saying she just wanted to put it out there for the record and asked if i understood why she had to say something.

 

I responded saying I was a little confused. Then immediately stated I understand that its her religious dedication. She told me she's "not really supposed to date non jews" but still wants to hang out as friends. I told her it's okay and not to worry about it and the conversation was pretty much over there.

 

I'm really unsure of what to do at this point. I still wonder how things will work out if I decide to take her out and if she has some legit feelings back. I can't believe religion is actually still relevant.

[ChessPieceFace]

She told me she's "not really supposed to date non jews"

 

I can't believe religion is actually still relevant.

 

2 things very wrong with the above.

 

1.) "Jew" doesn't just mean religion, but a multitude of things. Bloodline, heritage.

 

2.) You seem to be a hardcore atheist in your negative views on religion. Maybe you should focus your dating efforts on other hardcore atheists such as yourself, if you have such a negative opinion of the majority of humanity that believes in something.

[BLS]

2 things very wrong with the above.

 

1.) "Jew" doesn't just mean religion, but a multitude of things. Bloodline, heritage.

 

2.) You seem to be a hardcore atheist in your negative views on religion. Maybe you should focus your dating efforts on other hardcore atheists such as yourself, if you have such a negative opinion of the majority of humanity that believes in something.

 

#1. I understand this. I don't understand the problem with interfaith dating

 

#2. Re: "Still actually relevant" implies i am surprised it is relevant in the dating game. I'm not anti-religion or even "hardcore atheist". You're extrapolating irrelevant details and turning it into something much bigger than it is. I am stating that I am shocked somebody would not date somebody they appear to be interested in on the basis of their religion.

 

Would it be just as intolerant had I said, "I cannot believe race is still an issue"?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I'm really unsure of what to do at this point. I still wonder how things will work out if I decide to take her out and if she has some legit feelings back. I can't believe religion is actually still relevant.

 

It will always be relevant.

 

Jewish families can still be pretty hardcore, but most girls will quickly break the rules if they like you.

 

Just take my advice and avoid atheist women. For some reason I've noticed they tend towards materialism or bat**** crazyism.

 

If you lean atheist yourself... I suggest Buddhist, Hindu, or agnostics.

[BLS]

I call myself an Atheist. I don't talk religion to people and have genuine respect for those who practice it, I really don't care AT ALL the religious affiliation of my partner, it's almost 100% irrelevant.

 

Jewish families can still be pretty hardcore, but most girls will quickly break the rules if they like you.

 

Think I should still take her out and try my luck then? She seemed pretty persistent on wanting to still hangout.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I call myself an Atheist. I don't talk religion to people and have genuine respect for those who practice it, I really don't care AT ALL the religious affiliation of my partner, it's almost 100% irrelevant.

 

Think I should still take her out and try my luck then? She seemed pretty persistent on wanting to still hangout.

 

So... would you attend a church every weekend with your SO?

 

I say go for it. You really have nothing to lose here. She is probably just testing you to see if the Jewish thing makes you run. Show her your willing to walk through some fire for her!

[CrystalCastles]

I'm really unsure of what to do at this point. I still wonder how things will work out if I decide to take her out and if she has some legit feelings back. I can't believe religion is actually still relevant.

 

The point is, it's relevant to her. Maybe it's not your thing but it is important to her. She might also get annoyed if you brush off this importance like it's nothing. I'm not saying to have to convert, but rather understand her and not push.

 

I'd go and hang out anyways. You don't know this girl, so you don't even know if you'll like her once you get to know her. OTOH, she might like you so much, once she gets to know you, that your non-faith won't matter to her.

 

I'd also keep my options open. Don't get tied to her.

[regine_phalange]

Maybe she wants to get to know you better as friends before deciding to date you. If I really liked her, I think i would make her my friend and see what happens.

[BLS]

The point is, it's relevant to her. Maybe it's not your thing but it is important to her. She might also get annoyed if you brush off this importance like it's nothing. I'm not saying to have to convert, but rather understand her and not push.

 

I'd go and hang out anyways. You don't know this girl, so you don't even know if you'll like her once you get to know her. OTOH, she might like you so much, once she gets to know you, that your non-faith won't matter to her.

 

I'd also keep my options open. Don't get tied to her.

 

I'm definitely not brushing it off. I did say I was surprised and confused because it was unexpected, but stated that I understood it as part of her religious dedication before she even got the chance to respond. I have genuine interest in it's role in her life.

 

I think I'm going to take her out (as new "friends"), as others have said I have nothing to lose here.

 

It's kind of ironic actually, I feel less pressured to act the role and more at will to be myself which could end up working in my favor.

 

As far as other options go, I always keep that in the back of my mind.

[Graduate]

Yes, religion is still important to many people. I am surprised you did not think it mattered to her after she told you she "went to a Jewish school, only ate kosher and observed the Shabbat." To me that is pretty much the definition of someone being religious.

 

It sounds like she must really like you if she is still willing to hang out with you. Even if we forget about her being religious and you being atheist, you did not show much interest. I.e. instead of taking her number you gave her yours, you told her you were busy when she contacted you, you waited 24 hours to contact her again,...

 

Nowhere in your post it states that you really like her, that she is smart, and funny, and cute, ... and that you can't stop thinking about her. Sounds a bit to me like you are just trying to play the field and maybe 'add her to your rotation'.

 

My advice would be to either let her go and find someone else who is more compatible with you, or genuinely try to be her friend.

[StanMusial]

I met a girl once who said she was a Jap. I said "You look American to me".

[runningfar]

 

Just take my advice and avoid atheist women. For some reason I've noticed they tend towards materialism or bat**** crazyism.

.

 

Excuse me!

 

 

Better advice might to be avoid crazy women.

[Shepp]

Jewish families can still be pretty hardcore, but most girls will quickly break the rules if they like you..

 

This Is what I was going to say!

 

Your basically 1-0 down at half time mate - you've still got a good 45mins left in the game!!

[emva07]

to many it still is. I know there is a massive wave out there to make religion seem old fashion and backwards now, but the truth is to a lot of people it is still relevant. And to those who are non-believers it is also very important to find another non-believer.

So yes it still is relevant.

I go to my family's church but I guess you can consider me unitarian. I don't have to date someone from my same religion but I would prefer someone who does believe in a greater being.

I find that in my experiences, those who believe in nothing are a lot more cynical....as I said IN MY EXPERIENCE. That doesn't mean I wouldn't give another atheist a chance, but they also can't make my mother feel inferior around Christmas when she puts the little nativity up.

Edited December 19, 2013 by emva07

[StanMusial]

The short guys, poor guys, and ugly guys know they are screwed LOL but the atheists still haven't figured it out. I guess they get some sort of satisfaction out of being smug or whatnot, whereas the others just suffer.

[carhill]

IME, people's belief systems are integral to their perspectives, methods and preferences regarding interpersonal relationship interaction, on any level, from friendship to being married.

[deathandtaxes]

Bless her heart - she's being very open and forward with you about her religious upbringing. That she's willing to be friendly with you and give you that heads up is a good sign. Proceed with your eyes open.

[BLS]

Yes, religion is still important to many people. I am surprised you did not think it mattered to her after she told you she "went to a Jewish school, only ate kosher and observed the Shabbat." To me that is pretty much the definition of someone being religious.

 

It sounds like she must really like you if she is still willing to hang out with you. Even if we forget about her being religious and you being atheist, you did not show much interest. I.e. instead of taking her number you gave her yours, you told her you were busy when she contacted you, you waited 24 hours to contact her again,...

 

Nowhere in your post it states that you really like her, that she is smart, and funny, and cute, ... and that you can't stop thinking about her. Sounds a bit to me like you are just trying to play the field and maybe 'add her to your rotation'.

 

My advice would be to either let her go and find someone else who is more compatible with you, or genuinely try to be her friend.

 

I knew she was religious- i just didn't think it extended to dating. Marriage, diet and philosophy is a different story.

 

The reason I am "not showing much interest" is playing the game. I barely talked to her because I'm pretty socially awkward. When I gave her my number (not realizing this was a beta ass thing to do) my fingers were legitimately trembling, so much so that I was afraid I typed the wrong number. I don't want to ruin my chances by coming on too strong.

 

If you can, respond to this post.

[Arabella]

The short guys, poor guys, and ugly guys know they are screwed LOL but the atheists still haven't figured it out. I guess they get some sort of satisfaction out of being smug or whatnot, whereas the others just suffer.

 

I've never had any guy turn me down for being an atheist... but I've turned down a few for being religious nuts.

 

As far as I'm concerned, it's just another ideology, just like a religion... except in our case, it's the absence thereof.

 

Not quite sure how atheists are screwed, according to you.

[nomadic_butterfly]

The second to last day of the semester I decided to give a girl I'd been casually talking to my phone number. I waited to meet up with her outside of the classroom, asked her if she was single with a response of "yes". Following this, I said that if that was the case, she should take down my number. She obliged.

 

Later that night she texted me and identified herself. We shot a few texts each others way before I let her know I was busy and couldn't talk. She was consistent with her conversation and obviously wanted to talk more another time.

 

I saw her the next day on the final day of class. We chatted a bit then parted ways. I waited about 24hrs from then to text her again, she responded and we engaged in some conversation through out the day.

 

She had previously discussed her religion and how she went to a Jewish school, only ate Kosher and observed the Sabbath. All seemed well, I called her and asked her to hang out with me sometime. We semi-arranged a date and she seemed totally willing and we bsed on the phone briefly. At this point I had established I was not a Jew.

 

About an hour later I received a text from her stating that she "forgot to mention" that because she's "religious and all..." and "didn't want to give the wrong idea" and she "can just be friends and would love to hangout as friends" "thought i should say that in case of anything".

 

At this point I was baffled. I responded saying I wasn't looking to "marry her or anything". She responded saying she just wanted to put it out there for the record and asked if i understood why she had to say something.

 

I responded saying I was a little confused. Then immediately stated I understand that its her religious dedication. She told me she's "not really supposed to date non jews" but still wants to hang out as friends. I told her it's okay and not to worry about it and the conversation was pretty much over there.

 

I'm really unsure of what to do at this point. I still wonder how things will work out if I decide to take her out and if she has some legit feelings back. I can't believe religion is actually still relevant.

 

Your question seems rude and out of touch. It amazes how the very same people that accuse people of faith as being "out of touch" are often the most out of touch. Do you not know about world affairs? Israel and Palestine at war? Do you not see the marches? Are you

Out of touch with politics as a whole? Yes MOST of the world is religious one way or another. I cannot believe this is a serious question when it is so obvious. I think atheists are best suited for atheists/agnostics/unorthodox/ non-judaeo people. It is most practical.

 

I highly doubt in the long run she will jeopardize her faith for you considering she and her family are more on the Orthodox side. Find someone else with more "progressive" and less "antiquated" views as per your perspective.

[StanMusial]

I knew she was religious- i just didn't think it extended to dating. Marriage, diet and philosophy is a different story.

 

The reason I am "not showing much interest" is playing the game. I barely talked to her because I'm pretty socially awkward. When I gave her my number (not realizing this was a beta ass thing to do) my fingers were legitimately trembling, so much so that I was afraid I typed the wrong number. I don't want to ruin my chances by coming on too strong.

 

If you can, respond to this post.

 

Believe it or not, some people still date in order to find a spouse or at the least a long term partner.

[BLS]

Your question seems rude and out of touch. It amazes how the very same people that accuse people of faith as being "out of touch" are often the most out of touch. Do you not know about world affairs? Israel and Palestine at war? Do you not see the marches? Are you

Out of touch with politics as a whole? Yes MOST of the world is religious one way or another. I cannot believe this is a serious question when it is so obvious.

 

Your constructive remarks I have edited out of the quote.

 

I grew up in a non-religious household. I hold secular opinions and I don't share my beliefs with people who do not specifically inquire to me.

 

Had you read this entire thread, you would understand that OF COURSE RELIGION IS RELEVANT IN THE WORLD. I stated that my question was specific towards the implications of a person's religious affiliation and who they choose to date.

 

Who did I accuse of being "out of touch"? I grew up in a household where I was taught that religion and skin color were not reasons to act any specific way towards somebody. My entire life I have acted on and been treated in this manner, so it is reasonable that this is my expectation of a random girl I met at college.

 

I am LEGITIMATELY hurt and surprised that a person has actually ruled me out of the dating pool on the basis of my religion when she has shown signs of having interest in me.

 

It is possible that I have some misunderstandings about the way the world works. OBVIOUSLY, if I knew everything, I would feel no need to pose this question and share my predicament with strangers over the internet.

[StanMusial]

Your constructive remarks I have edited out of the quote.

 

I grew up in a non-religious household. I hold secular opinions and I don't share my beliefs with people who do not specifically inquire to me.

 

Had you read this entire thread, you would understand that OF COURSE RELIGION IS RELEVANT IN THE WORLD. I stated that my question was specific towards the implications of a person's religious affiliation and who they choose to date.

 

Who did I accuse of being "out of touch"? I grew up in a household where I was taught that religion and skin color were not reasons to act any specific way towards somebody. My entire life I have acted on and been treated in this manner, so it is reasonable that this is my expectation of a random girl I met at college.

 

I am LEGITIMATELY hurt and surprised that a person has actually ruled me out of the dating pool on the basis of my religion when she has shown signs of having interest in me.

 

It is possible that I have some misunderstandings about the way the world works. OBVIOUSLY, if I knew everything, I would feel no need to pose this question and share my predicament with strangers over the internet.

 

You don't follow a religion. In this case, Judaism.

 

Yes, you do have misunderstandings - people in the thread have pointed this out.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Your constructive remarks I have edited out of the quote.

 

I grew up in a non-religious household. I hold secular opinions and I don't share my beliefs with people who do not specifically inquire to me.

 

Had you read this entire thread, you would understand that OF COURSE RELIGION IS RELEVANT IN THE WORLD. I stated that my question was specific towards the implications of a person's religious affiliation and who they choose to date.

 

Who did I accuse of being "out of touch"? I grew up in a household where I was taught that religion and skin color were not reasons to act any specific way towards somebody. My entire life I have acted on and been treated in this manner, so it is reasonable that this is my expectation of a random girl I met at college.

 

I am LEGITIMATELY hurt and surprised that a person has actually ruled me out of the dating pool on the basis of my religion when she has shown signs of having interest in me.

 

It is possible that I have some misunderstandings about the way the world works. OBVIOUSLY, if I knew everything, I would feel no need to pose this question and share my predicament with strangers over the internet.

 

If you were legitimately unaware, my sincerest apologies. My atheist and agnostic friends have generally been well aware of the conflicts this causes so pardon me if my personal experience molded my expectations of others.

 

I am Christian and have dated men of various religions or no religions. When I get married, it will definitely be to another Christian bc as others have stated my faith molds my perspectives and I want my children to grow up in the same faith although I am willing to have open and impartial discussions about other faiths because I don't want to force it on them; I want them to see for themselves the way I did by studying various faiths.

 

Some people will date whomever but when it comes to getting serious beyond religion some will only date within their race/nationality/tribe/caste etc. I would think her/her family would most likely expect a conversion should you

want to get serious but that would be putting the Cart before the horse because you are still trying to get to know her. Stay friends and take it slow. Worst case scenario you made a new friend with a cool girl.

[Elias33]

Yes, religion is relevant in the dating scene. Just ask yourself, what if it becomes more? From the start you two are incompatible, and she already has let you know. You have a slight chance.