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why it's so hurt.

vanellope

By vanellope
in The Other Man / Woman

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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

Posted
Posted (edited)

before the relationship with this married man, I have two relationships and both is very intensive and both the ex bfs are nice men too.

 

but why this time is so hurt and seems endless.

 

I even think about to end my life sometime because i want him remember what he did.

 

but i never told him i might do this, becasue i don't want he feel he is so powerful and i don't use it to manipulate.

 

before i love him, i think now i hate him.

 

the cruel thing is after he throw me under the bus, he still tell me, I still love you and I will always love you.

Edited by vanellope
Britain Member

Britain

Posted
Posted

This man is not worth a trade for your life. I remember in disgust reading the story in the news of Mindy MCready who had an affair with some professional baseball player over a 10 year span that started when she was really young and he a few years older, she committed suicide recently. When the news media questioned him at a practice about her death, he barely acknowledged her and what he did was with no compassion. He shrugged it off as simply as swatting a fly off your arm.. This is exactly what most of these MM would do upon hearing such news. They do not care about anything but them them them, it is a me me world to them. You are better than that, him.

experiencethedevine Established Member

experiencethedevine

Posted
Posted
before the relationship with this married man, I have two relationships and both is very intensive and both the ex bfs are nice men too.

 

but why this time is so hurt and seems endless.

 

I even think about to end my life sometime because i want him remember what he did.

 

but i never told him i might do this, becasue i don't want he feel he is so powerful and i don't use it to manipulate.

 

before i love him, i think now i hate him.

 

the cruel thing is after he throw me under the bus, he still tell me, I still love you and I will always love you.

 

 

No other human being is worth your own life.

 

 

You will look back on this one day with awe and wonder at how on earth you performed your part in something so destructive and be in a much better place, I promise you.

OldRover Established Member

OldRover

Posted
Posted
before the relationship with this married man, I have two relationships and both is very intensive and both the ex bfs are nice men too.

 

but why this time is so hurt and seems endless.

 

I even think about to end my life sometime because i want him remember what he did.

 

but i never told him i might do this, becasue i don't want he feel he is so powerful and i don't use it to manipulate.

 

before i love him, i think now i hate him.

 

the cruel thing is after he throw me under the bus, he still tell me, I still love you and I will always love you.

 

Vanellope,

 

Hang in there and use the forum for support, there are people here that care. Many of us have been through similar and do survive and so can you. You sound like a very intelligent and caring person and certainly don't need the pain. We are behind you. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

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Cinnimon Established Member

Cinnimon

Posted
Posted

Vanellope, your not going anywhere sweety. You don't really want to take your own life, you are just tired of hurting and want to end the pain. Think of it this way, if you broke your leg would you take your life? Probably not because you know in time it will heal and mend. Try to look at your heart the same way.

You break your leg (mm is the culprit)

The pain is awful, excruciating , you think OMG I'm never going to walk again!

The doctor puts a cast on it to protect it and let it heal (this is NC)

Even with the cast on, it still aches, still hard to walk and it itches like crazy BUT you take some pain meds, get a coat hanger, and you have to use crutches to walk (those would be friends, family and US :bunny: )

Slowly but surely , your legs starts to feel better and low and behold you learn to live with the broken leg knowing that it won't be broken forever.

THEN one day the cast will come off, no more pain, no more itching and you will be able to stand and walk again...............I know this may sound silly but sometimes you just HAVE to change your thinking to get over the hump. Broken hearts do mend..........

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skywriter Established Member

skywriter

Posted
Posted (edited)
before the relationship with this married man, I have two relationships and both is very intensive and both the ex bfs are nice men too.

 

but why this time is so hurt and seems endless.

 

I even think about to end my life sometime because i want him remember what he did.

 

but i never told him i might do this, becasue i don't want he feel he is so powerful and i don't use it to manipulate.

 

before i love him, i think now i hate him.

 

the cruel thing is after he throw me under the bus, he still tell me, I still love you and I will always love you.

 

 

 

Vanellope,

 

An A in my opinon is of a different dynamic than a relationship that is able to be out in the open. Or so it seems.

 

It's like we need a pay off for being patient, not complaining for having to be patient, and we are so easily gratified by them just giving us their presence.

 

Emotions are more intense in an A relationship. We have to remind ourselves to stay grounded and in reality sometimes.

 

So, it's not surprising that your having been thrown under the bus, and having less contact with the MM has you feeling this way.

 

Decide in your mind, that it's ok if he always loves you, but from afar and without continuing an A. It's just not sustainable for you to continue on if you are entertaining these unhealthy thoughts.

 

Then add to that, he proclaims his love for you. How exhausting for you.

 

In my opinion, Vanellope, you need to pull yourself up from this , stand up tall and firm concerning this A and decide to move on with your life.

Edited by skywriter
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vanellope Established Member

vanellope

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

thank you Britain, experience, OldRover, Cinnimon and skywriter

I can't stop crying when see your posts.

 

I know I need stand up by myself.

 

too much things in my brain, sweet time and sad time,

love and hate feelings twining.

 

I already go no contact but every day, feel heartache before sleeping and wake up with tear eyes. I don't know why god let this man came to my life, i could not understand it. I was a good person before that I never think i would in this situation right now.

 

i did truly love this man, i don't know how he could do this on me. why he don't just told me he just get boring at his marriage at beginning and want some fun on me, so I can know he is just a player and I will definetly not give my heart and trust to this person and can just walk away and think it's nothing.

 

one night he gave me a ring and told me i am his love in this life and in front of me he is single. He told me he do mistake when he is young that he should wait me. I remember at that night, i did tell myself I will always with this man and loyal to him.

 

i know eveything is not important now, I just didn't open my eyes clear. I gave my heart to the wrong person.

 

new year is coming, i just pray i can forget this person totally, i would just think he is dead.

Edited by vanellope
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