countryrider13 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Ok so there's tons of attractive people in this world. A all notice them day to day a well as non attractive ones. My question to you is, do you say something or show you're bf/gf if you see someone really attractive? Or do you keep it to yourself? I ask out of curiosity cause I had one bf who would never admit to someone other than me looking good. The test would mention if an actress looked good. My now bf mentions when he sees someone he finds attractive....actresses not ordinary people. Sometimes I feel awkward cause I'm plus size and know I'm not the body type he would normally go for. I've told him a little my concerns, he assures me that he loves me that I'm beautiful and that he cares most about the while person not just looks. I believe him, I just still can't help but feel self concious
purplesoccer34 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) My ex would always comment on how hot other girls were, but mostly actresses. He once told me that a certain actress is the most attractive girl he's ever seen, and that no one has ever lived up to her standards. And then when he was with his friends he'd say, "my girlfriend isn't exactly hot or the best-looking girl out there, but she has an amazing personality." Really I didn't know how to interpret any of that, so I'd constantly go on about how hot certain male celebrities were---he hated it, but I liked revenge haha. Objectively speaking, there definitely were celebrities that were hotter than the guy I was dating, but when I was with my bf, I liked him so much that in my eyes, no other guy compared. I said all those things about hot guys purely to get back at him. I think there was one time he said to me, "You looked gorgeous the other day," but that was only once. Needless to say, he's my ex for a reason haha. Trust your gut instinct in situations like these. I wish I had trusted mine and broken up with him earlier. Before my ex, there were two guys who really liked me, although I didn't date them. Both guys would always tell me that I was the most beautiful girl they had ever seen. It wasn't necessarily true speaking objectively, but it spoke volumes about the types of guys they were, and how they felt about me. Edited December 19, 2013 by purplesoccer34 2
charlietheginger Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Give it back... brad Pitt Clooney Orlando bloom Jonny depp etc .... Example.. if he says a women in a film is hot... say back " yea she is lucky because Orlando bloom does it for me one of the hottest men on the planet "... Don't be is subordinate stand up for yourself and give it right back
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Actually, I think its very unromantic to do so. But I dont think he or anyone else really means it, maybe he just wants to see your reaction. If you feel threatened he will feel like a somebody I usually dont comment on someone's remarks about female celebrity hotness... But maybe after a week or so I will feel free to mention how captivating Tom Hiddleston's eyes or Ryan Gosling's arms are.
ThatMan Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 What world do you people come from? I'm amazed that some of you feel comfortable making jabs like this. Most women I know grew up and moved on from these antics after high-school. You fight like little girls. Relationships are supposed to be fun and passionate. You shouldn't have to play games and 'test' somebody by asking if an actress is attractive. There are men and woman out there who find actors and actresses attractive. Not something that I dwell on myself but it is what it is. If you don't appreciate this point of view there's better ways to handle the situation. Being passive-aggressive and deliberately going out of your way to say something vindictive isn't going to help you. Unless you simply have an awful personality and you treat people this way to feel better about yourself. 2
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Ok so there's tons of attractive people in this world. A all notice them day to day a well as non attractive ones. My question to you is, do you say something or show you're bf/gf if you see someone really attractive? Or do you keep it to yourself? I ask out of curiosity cause I had one bf who would never admit to someone other than me looking good. The test would mention if an actress looked good. My now bf mentions when he sees someone he finds attractive....actresses not ordinary people. Sometimes I feel awkward cause I'm plus size and know I'm not the body type he would normally go for. I've told him a little my concerns, he assures me that he loves me that I'm beautiful and that he cares most about the while person not just looks. I believe him, I just still can't help but feel self concious Getting all hot and bothered about someone you are not dating seems stupid to me. If I talk about how attractive a particular person or actress is... I do it with the same non-sexual tone and thought process as if I were critiquing a painting. Additionally, I'm just as apt to make comment on other men as I am on women, because to me this kind of thing isn't sexual at all. Does a beautiful garden make you desire sex with it? I hope not. We should be able to look at people the same way. Perhaps working as a paramedic in my youth... I tend to see people objectively.
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 What world do you people come from? I'm amazed that some of you feel comfortable making jabs like this. Most women I know grew up and moved on from these antics after high-school. You fight like little girls. Relationships are supposed to be fun and passionate. You shouldn't have to play games and 'test' somebody by asking if an actress is attractive. There are men and woman out there who find actors and actresses attractive. Not something that I dwell on myself but it is what it is. If you don't appreciate this point of view there's better ways to handle the situation. Being passive-aggressive and deliberately going out of your way to say something vindictive isn't going to help you. Unless you simply have an awful personality and you treat people this way to feel better about yourself. People have always the tendency to push limits and see your reaction, especially if you just started dating. To see what they can get away with, see how much self esteem you have. No one is a saint. Everyone wants to see what the real deal is, as quickly as possible. Also some of us dont wear their heart on their sleeve from the beginning. Which is actually very helpful in allowing the other person to unveil, see what his tendencies are. There is a thin line between manipulation and allowing someone to unveil. Mentioning male celebrity attractiveness after someone else did the same for a female celebrity, is not vindictive; is a way to say "there will be no double standards in this relationship. You get what you give". Much more effective than just saying or writing it, as it will be easily forgotten.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Mentioning male celebrity attractiveness after someone else did the same for a female celebrity, is not vindictive; is a way to say "there will be no double standards in this relationship. You get what you give". Much more effective than just saying or writing it, as it will be easily forgotten. Does that mean he should reach into her purse and split the bill for her? 1
ThatMan Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 You get what you give is the hallmark of a person who does not value respect. Nobody is perfect and I've known women share senseless, thoughtless, and cruel ideas. I'm not going to smear her words right back in her face. My friendship does not come at the price of what someone gives. If I'm dating a woman then I enjoy her company. My decent and respectful treatment of her doesn't come at a price. She deserves to be treated with respect even if she says something hurtful. I'm a grown adult who actually knows how to stand up for myself without getting even by tearing others down a notch.
Shepp Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Not much but I'll make an exception for my beloved Cheryl cole or Michelle Keegan. I don't think it's bad though, because my girlfriend is very my type. she has a lot of the features they do, if she was famous she'd be straight at the top of that list of celebrity crushes.
todreaminblue Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I dont mind a guy noticing beauty in a woman, saying she is beautiful i would most likely agree........but........i dont like it when it turns sexual.......I notice people some times....more in a look they have, sad mad glad.......ill think she is beautiful.......i wouldnt say it aloud.....i look for beauty in the world......but when it turns sexual it taints beauty for me.....that woman becomes an object........if a man i was with, objectified a woman it makes me incompatible.....gives me a back taste...i like a man who respects beauty and ultimately....the woman in question....... if that man then also, never made me feel beautiful.......then thats a problem too....i know i am not conventionally beautiful but i have some good points..i have kermit eyes i think thats cool........he better see me and them or move on...and chase what he likes.........deb
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 You get what you give is the hallmark of a person who does not value respect. Ok mom. 1
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Does that mean he should reach into her purse and split the bill for her? Yes, and after that she should drive him to his home and ask him if she can go inside for a while
Haydn Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Nothing wrong with finding others attractive this is a trust issue and how comfortable you are. My ex was insanely jealous of everyone including gay men who i know. Too much. Much too much. I can get jealous but not to the extent of punching someone. (Like her). Glad shes gone.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Yes, and after that she should drive him to his home and ask him if she can go inside for a while I like the way you think! Would you like to do dinner on Friday? Seriously, we can't just pick the double standards that benefit us. They exist and we should just deal with them understanding that its just as bad for everyone else. If you are going to reject them.... Then you have to reject them for everyone else too.
runningfar Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 This does not bother me at all. And, while if you found someone attractive it wouldn't be wrong for you to say something either, doing it as some sort of revenge is NOT how you conduct a grown up relationship. I think in general its harmless as long as it's not done in a way to intentionally make you feel bad or make you feel like "less"
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I like the way you think! Would you like to do dinner on Friday? Seriously, we can't just pick the double standards that benefit us. They exist and we should just deal with them understanding that its just as bad for everyone else. If you are going to reject them.... Then you have to reject them for everyone else too. I dont disagree with you, but equal does not mean "identical". Its allright about the money, i totally agree. At the same time I d like the man to pay for the first date, because i dont know, makes a good masculine impression on me, not because i think he is stupid. I also wont start swearing in front of a baseball match, because there is a thing called femininity. But if he wants to rate actors, Im in. Its not a revenge, it is having fun with your date's facial expression. Doing such things is not evil, because in the end they are NO BIG DEAL! Its not like revenge cheating or something! I mean, if someone actually flirts with a woman in front of me, I wont stay to do the same, I will leave. Doh!
xxoo Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Not much but I'll make an exception for my beloved Cheryl cole or Michelle Keegan. I don't think it's bad though, because my girlfriend is very my type. she has a lot of the features they do, if she was famous she'd be straight at the top of that list of celebrity crushes. This. The women my partner is drawn toward look and act so much like me that it's impossible to get offended. I consider it a compliment.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I dont disagree with you, but equal does not mean "identical". Its allright about the money, i totally agree. At the same time I d like the man to pay for the first date, because i dont know, makes a good masculine impression on me, not because i think he is stupid. I also wont start swearing in front of a baseball match, because there is a thing called femininity. But if he wants to rate actors, Im in. Its not a revenge, it is having fun with your date's facial expression. Doing such things is not evil, because in the end they are NO BIG DEAL! Its not like revenge cheating or something! I mean, if someone actually flirts with a woman in front of me, I wont stay to do the same, I will leave. Doh! Remember that words have weight. What is said cannot be unsaid. I don't find it a good policy to intentionally manipulate another persons emotions for your own enjoyment. In terms of feminine and masculine expectations... Femininity seems to be personal and not social, while masculinity is the opposite. I pretty much know what everyone expects of me as a man. I can't really define feminine in terms of expectation. I can't tell if that's because there are no expectations or perhaps that the word is meaningless today.
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Remember that words have weight. What is said cannot be unsaid. I don't find it a good policy to intentionally manipulate another persons emotions for your own enjoyment. In terms of feminine and masculine expectations... Femininity seems to be personal and not social, while masculinity is the opposite. I pretty much know what everyone expects of me as a man. I can't really define feminine in terms of expectation. I can't tell if that's because there are no expectations or perhaps that the word is meaningless today. "Monica Belluci has an amazing figure!" "Tom Hiddelleston has lovely eyes!" I cant see any harm or manipulation in these phrases, except maybe a limit that is pushed in our interaction. In the worst case, will be a passion killer, in the best case just a teasing. Is it really so serious and scary? God! 1
ThatMan Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) "Monica Belluci has an amazing figure!" "Tom Hiddelleston has lovely eyes!" I cant see any harm or manipulation in these phrases, except maybe a limit that is pushed in our interaction. That's a normal everyday conversation and it isn't a big deal. Insecurity is a huge motivation behind countless people choosing to be mean, ruthless, vicious, you name it. Lashing out at each other doesn't work. So the next time you hear a significant other comment on a celebrity's attractiveness, and you feel bummed out by that, don't tear them down to get even. So instead of.... Taking down the roof... ...From you know, getting all heavy over here with my views on modern feminism, double-standards, and ****, I thought I'll discuss something else entirely. What can you learn from a guy on one simple date? Honestly? You'll be able to see how he treats restaurant staff and other people. How much effort he places into making sure your comfortable and having a good time. It takes patience but you can learn a lot from a man simply by being around him. Most people learn that playing games has the greater disadvantage. So the real question is; do you doubt his claims of finding you beautiful? Do you see good things in the mirror when you look at it? If not, how can you possibly trust your spouse whenever he compliments you? Edited December 19, 2013 by ThatMan
regine_phalange Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 That's a normal everyday conversation and it isn't a big deal. Insecurity is a huge motivation behind countless people choosing to be mean, ruthless, vicious, you name it. Lashing out at each other doesn't work. So the next time you hear a significant other comment on a celebrity's attractiveness, and you feel bummed out by that, don't tear them down to get even. Morals. no, really. What to say. Cant disagree. I will try not to kill anyone next time! But you have to know, that on the other hand, I really appreciate gentle men. They are like a miracle. When someone is nice and deeply gentle, I just want to reprocicate ten times magnified, because it makes me so happy. I had a 4 year relationship with someone who never made such remarks and we never hurt each other with words. Unbelievable but true. Somehow he set very high standards. And he is the only ex I remember with affection, maybe because he was so gentle. The man who loves my ego, I love him and respect him twice as much, and with endurance, as it seems. Its my achilles heel.
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