Windy Sage Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Figured I would throw this out on this thread.. Broke up after a 7 yr relationship that had its break/back togethers,She would move downsatirs or I would for a few eeks.But somehow we always ended up back together..we would always sit down and decided that we needed to make changes and agreed,but never actually did anything. So in Sept I snapped and said that if we weren't going to throw in the effort we should maybe break up and i asked to pack her #$%^. She moved downstairs for a few days then back upstairs,but then after a month of me sort of begging and telling her it was a mistake to say,and we should try one last time,she finally packed it all up with a friend,grabbed her money and split. I realized my mistakes and would really like to try and work it out..I have been in no contact for the first month,then she got a hold of me for the "how you doin call". Her e-mails never asked about me only told me how she was doing..I couldn't take it and went back to no contact(2 weeks). soo...question is..does that make me the dumper or the dumpee for putting my foot in my mouth and then back pedalling to try and save it,only to see her leave?
flitzanu Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 sounds like she called your bluff when you told her to move out, as i'm sure you were expecting her to stay and not follow through with it. at this point though, does it really matter who dumped who? she's being pretty clear she doesn't want to be with you by her moving out completely.
Mariposa10 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Are you sure you still want to be with her? Please, go NC for awhile, until your mind is all clear. You'd be amazed to see all the things you start to realizing when you're doing NC. 7 years is a looong time... It's normal to be having such a hard time letting go. Start hanging out with friends and spend more time with your family. You two need some time apart. If you guys were to get back together right now, you would break up again. I'm sure that's not what you want. Do not rush into things.
Author Windy Sage Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 yes she moved it all out,so I can assume the realtionship is done for good with no hope,,,big bummer, I just thought when she came by to pick up a couple of things she left,she was sad and touchy feely and when I asked to talk sometime she just "needed time"..so I guess I'm reading tooo much into that.. With christmas I figured she might be a little lonely and if i should call? thats why I'm trying to determine where I stand cause as the dumper I should call her one day?..or as the dumpee,I should wait for her call one day?
devilish innocent Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Seven years, and you were still having disagreements that caused you to break up and get back together? This relationship should have been over with years ago. It's obvious the two of you aren't compatible. You've been trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It makes no sense to expect "one more try" to change things when you haven't been able to fix them in seven years. Don't contact her. It doesn't matter whether you're the dumper or the dumpee. No contact means no contact. The dumper wouldn't be doing the dumpee a favor by getting in contact with them so soon. It's just holding the dumpee back from moving on. Besides, it sounds like there's a big part of you that wants to go back to the relationship. I'm willing to bet the problems would just continue if you went back, and it would all be a toxic mess. I know it may not seem like it, but she did you a big favor by actually moving out this time. You actually have a chance to move on with your life like you should have done a long time ago. Don't squander it and waste more years of your life with a girl you don't get along with.
ponchsox Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Good grief that is way too much drama. Relationships shouldn't be that difficult. Move on and find someone who is a better fit.
Author Windy Sage Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Your all soooo right,what was I thinkin? I read my own post at first and first thing I thought was wow...and all the thoughts were what your all saying. It was toxic,like a constant bad vibe,i could never figure it out.Then when she left I had this rush of relief,all my frustration went with her seemingly. Now I have a hole in my life but no frustration and anger..hmmm But I am going back NC..I had it for a month after she left till she e-mailed me about her life and such,but it's just not right..13 days NC(it's actually getting easier)
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