lilmisscantbewrong Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 The best advice is to ignore it. She is in pain and since it hasn't even been a year, with holidays coming up, she is having a difficult time. You were the one she decided to lash out at - because she could. More than likely there is even more information coming out that she didn't know at dday - trickle truth so to speak - so it is even harder now. She was in pain and she wanted you to feel pain as well. Let it go. 1
Sub Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I think she just wants you to acknowledge her presence, on a one-to-one level. Like, "Hey. There was another human being involved here." I understand the advice to ignore her, in a way, but I don't know if that's going to stop anything. She may even feel offended by that. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I think she just wants you to acknowledge her presence, on a one-to-one level. Like, "Hey. There was another human being involved here." I understand the advice to ignore her, in a way, but I don't know if that's going to stop anything. She may even feel offended by that. But what would she say even if she returned the phone call? She didn't ask her to return the phone call. I mean, if she wanted to talk, she would have said "Hello, this is BS. I know that is has been awhile, but would you mind giving me a call. I have a couple of questions." Or something to that effect. She didn't want to talk - she just wanted to let her know that this situation has wreaked havoc and she is still in pain. In my opinion, it wasn't a smart move on the BS's part, but it was probably an impulse. 1
imfine Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 She's still hurting months later & the holidays are just making it worse. In her mind, you escaped unscathed. Just as the OW often thinks the xAP gets to go back to his marriage with no consequences while she's going through hell alone. She probably was saying, "How nice your life is just fine & I'm over here dealing with the mess you made." I would suspect she's mad at herself for letting you know she's hurting & you won't hear from her again. 5
Sub Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 But what would she say even if she returned the phone call? She didn't ask her to return the phone call. I mean, if she wanted to talk, she would have said "Hello, this is BS. I know that is has been awhile, but would you mind giving me a call. I have a couple of questions." Or something to that effect. I don't think anyone knows. She obviously wants to say something, though. And more than hearing anything specific from the OP in response, I'd guess she just wants to make sure the OP hears what she, the BW, has to say. If it were me, I'd give her one conversation to vent on me, ask me questions, then we move on. If she doesn't move on after that, explore other avenues. In my opinion, it wasn't a smart move on the BS's part, but it was probably an impulse. I agree. Definitely impulsive.
MorbidFever Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 People that are truly happy, move on. She is miserable and wants to do a gotcha and make you think they are happy.
MorbidFever Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I dont know anyone who is "truly happy" after discovering an Affair. Why would she be happy? She probably has a goal of happiness and reconcilliation, and is working towards it. Youv'e got it wrong. She is not trying to show she is happy. As the OP said, her tone was sarcastic. She is showing the OP that she is hurting and in pain, and that she blames the OP to a large extent. All you're doing is speculating.
MorbidFever Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Shining, I agree…it was the 'you got it wrong' that got me. I was just answering her inquiry as to what we all thought. I apologize.
experiencethedevine Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Or send her a christmas card Oh of course, how thoughtful.....................................
violet1 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 What I don't get is, isn't NC supposed to be followed by ALL parties involved? I can understand the BS contacting the OW right after D Day, but 9 months later? OP, you did the right thing by ignoring her. If she calls you again just change your number. IMO, if you and her H are on strict NC, she should be too.
Raena Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 You said she's never tried contacting you before... it could be that she's now at a point where she feels ok with reaching out to let you know how much you did in fact hurt her. She may not have wanted to contact you at first. The way she did it is strange though. 1
Author browneyed Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Thank you to everyone for all of your responses! Violet - I agree and figured all parties should follow NC. I guess if you're the BS and made the rule though you can break it. Raena - Possibly true, but like you said a very odd way to do it. Like others have said, I feel that she'll regret it. If she was in fact letting me know how much I hurt her and how much pain I've caused, it kind of conveys some information. My pride would never let me admit to someone just how much they got to me, especially after this much time had gone by. But again, she's angry and in pain and it's hard to say what someone will and won't do in that situation, and I have no idea of the state of things with them. I agree with others in that it was an impulse. Strangely an impulse that stuck with her long enough to call me a second time, almost an hour after I didn't answer the first, to try to get ahold of me again. Either way, I continue to move forward and if it happens again I will probably be back here to share. I just figured after all the stories I've read here, if anyone was going to break NC it would be MM....not the BS.
Arieswoman Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Vanellope, You said some BSs tend to blame OW for destroy their relationship with their husband, instead of admit their marriage already failure before the man met us. Whilst you are entitled to an opinion I don't hold with your viewpoint, which to me sounds like some kind of justification for an A with a MM. If a marriage is a "failure" as you put it, then the mature and sensible course of action would be for both parties to sit down and talk about it, and see if it can be fixed. If it can't be fixed then it would be sensible to separate as amicably as possible. If the husband chooses not to do this then he has failed his wife (and the mariage) morally, legally and emotionally. Why would womean want to get involved with such a man. Ask yourself, if the marriage was such a failure, why did he not leave ?
vanellope Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) Whilst you are entitled to an opinion I don't hold with your viewpoint, which to me sounds like some kind of justification for an A with a MM. I don't say affair is right thing, what i mean is if the marriage is suceesful, I can't find any point that married person need to find love outside, i mean love, not sex. If a marriage is a "failure" as you put it, then the mature and sensible course of action would be for both parties to sit down and talk about it, and see if it can be fixed. If it can't be fixed then it would be sensible to separate as amicably as possible. If the husband chooses not to do this then he has failed his wife (and the mariage) morally, legally and emotionally. Why would womean want to get involved with such a man. Ask yourself, if the marriage was such a failure, why did he not leave ? I think everyone can define the marriage failure in different way. I also agree what you talk above is right if your marriage failure mean divorce. for me, marriage failure mean the wife and husband already not heart closer, they stay in marrige is not becasue of love, it's because kids, finance or self reputation. why i involve in such a man is becasue simply he make me feel I am the one and I thought he truely love me. I was loyal to this person and i was pretty serious in this relationship. of course, reality prove i am wrong, and i got a lesson from it. honest talking, in whole this affair issue, i really think the most wrong person is married man instead of OW, becasue is he have commitment to be loyal to his wife. for me, I am single, and it's not me have commitment to his wife, isn't it. I never marry before, so many things i didn't experienced and the viewpoint might just too narrow and not mature, but I just talk what i think here. i just simply don't like to hear wife say, oh! it's you destory my marriage. in fact after this, I feel i save their marriage in fact. Edited December 20, 2013 by vanellope 1
spiderowl Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Christmas is a landmark time. She has retained her husband until Christmas and they nearly broke up. I have a feeling she was reminding you to keep away by this rather odd message. It sounds like at some level she still feels threatened by you. People often contact exs on special occasions like Christmas, to wish them Happy Christmas. Maybe she's aware of that and suspects he might try to. She could be pre-empting him and reminding you she's still firmly in the picture.
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