moving2fast Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 So, I've been good and kept up with NC after the second Dday. Took the advice of posters and blocked his number and email. I never returned any of his calls as hard as that was to do, I made sure to stay busy. Anyways, I met someone over the weekend, and we've been seeing each other and it's been great to have someone to keep me occupied. I got a call from the ex MM yesterday and I wasn't familiar with the number so I let it go to voicemail. He said he missed me, couldn't stand me blowing him off, we need to talk. I just went about my business, but he came by today. It was so unexpected, though I should have known he would want to talk, he came around noon-ish, and I was getting ready to see the new guy and bring him something to eat(he texted what he wanted so I was ready to bring it to him). The ex MM knocked, I answered, and while at the door told him I was on my way out soon and couldn't talk long. He instead of saying what he wanted to talk about, started asking what I was doing, then who and I had a really hard time looking at him. I just don't like confrontation. I told him he shouldn't come by, that I met someone, and he has a family that he should be with. He said whatever I get into won't last(I know that is true) and that he wants. I told him I didn't want to hear that, and he said he loved me and wants me to try with him instead of someone new. I told him that we were only friends(but not anymore) and that I couldn't try with him. I didn't want to get emotional in front of him, he wasn't keeping composure very well and I didn't want to give any ideas. He said he was going to leave his family. I told him not to do that, his wife loves him. He wasn't picking up anything I was putting down, so I told him I was going to be late and needed to go. I didn't want him to touch me, because I knew I'd just give in. So, I was very cold about it all, he tried for a kiss, I dodged. He said we have something special, that he knows I feel it too, he's not going to just give up on all we could have, he'll be around when I come to my senses. It was hard telling him to leave(and wanting him to stay). I seen him on the way to the car, and that made me feel even worse. I tried to just phase out that encounter while with the new guy. He treats me well, and was helpful in getting my mind off things. I asked him to come over for dinner, he has and that was fun. Weird as it may sound, I asked him to spend the night here, and he agreed, sadly he's asleep so I'm up in here alone. I wish he would actually talk to me about stuff. I'll probably lay down soon too. It's very difficult trying to sort out thoughts. I know I shouldn't be seeing this new guy either, I'm doing the opposite of what I would usually do but getting pretty much the same results.
Baby123 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Please stay strong- well done. Until divorce papers are signed- do not talk to him. All it will ever be is an A. 2
Cinnimon Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I would be very angry that he is still trying to control you and the situation and the way I see it that is what he is trying to do. So he gets to make the decision to stay but yet when you make the decision to leave he has a problem with it. You have every right to be seeing single other men, maybe it will be the catalyst you need to bring you out of this. I am not saying use the single guy but definitely give it a shot and if nothing else let him show you what it feels like to be in a real relationship again. Good luck.Hugs. 2
veryhappy Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) Oh the classic "Don't you dare move on, because I want you hung up on me and available on the side should I decide so, otherwise I'll have to put effort into getting someone else or working on that old predictable marriage. Poor me!" Was any of it about you? Yeah...exactly! Keep it front and center in your mind that if you would do the same and pop by his place, you'd be the crazy homewrecker who won't let go, the police would be called, lawyers retained to make you stay away. He'd be the loudest voice to discredit you. Edited December 19, 2013 by cutedragon 2
Author moving2fast Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Thank you all for the replies. I needed it, I was feeling more than I wanted to from seeing him yesterday. It was very hard, and if I didn't have plans I know I would have done something I would regret. I really don't want to hurt his wife. I've been thinking about him and his family a lot after his wife called me up the second time to tell me to stop. I really never meant to hurt her, and I want her happy and them happy together. When he and I were getting physical, there was no expectation on my side that we would become anything more, that we were just as that close, but he got it in his head that we could be a real couple. I told him I am not exclusive with anyone, and he seemed to understand at the time. When he saw me yesterday and knew I was going to be with someone else however, he was upset. I don't want to be dragged into all of that again. I'm actually enjoying the attention of someone who is available, is fine with taking me out at any hour/any place when he's not working, spending the night, letting me stay over, calling and so forth whenever he can. I crave attention, so I'd be lying if I said continuing things/trying a "real relationship" with the MM would work. It was just a supplement, helping stave off the horrible loneliness that eats away at me when I'm not around anyone or being noticed in some way. I see that he doesn't want me to be happy or have fun so long as he gets his cut or whatever, and that really bites because I have removed myself from his life so that he and his wife would be happy, even though I felt as though he was by far the closest and best friend I ever had. cutedragon, you're right. If I was to pop up at his house unannounced it would have played out differently, and he sure wouldn't be taking up for me. He clearly hasn't explained any of what was going on with his wife, so if I were to show up at their house, he'd probably be along side his wife calling me bad words and acting as if I was the nastiest trashiest thing he ever laid his eyes on. I can't even call him a friend now, because if he was there was some things he could have done differently. I see that now as I reflect on things. Cinnimon, I am angry about this whole thing. Doesn't he see how much I care? I could have said things and made things awful in his household, but I didn't, I kept quiet because I want him and his wife happy. Why doesn't he want me to be happy? It's not like he was asking things because he was concerned, like he used to be(or at least I thought he used to be), he was asking from a different place, and I don't like that. ShiningAutum8, I really don't want trouble or to cause him/his wife any discomfort or embarrassment, but I don't want any more involvement in anything. I am not good talking to police/courts, I get really panicky and scared, unless I had someone solid with me, I'd be way too scared to go that route and I'd probably end up picking up where things left off. I try and stay out or have company here, but that's not as reliable as I need it to be. I really hope he doesn't come by again. Maybe after Christmas he'll forget about me, I probably won't forget about him ever, but I won't ruin his life. This is making me angry also, lots of other emotions I don't want to feel, but very angry. Baby123, thank you. If he got a divorce, I think I'd be all the more upset. I want that family to stay whole. He doesn't know how lucky he is, I'll never have what he has and if I did, I wouldn't mess with someone like me.
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