DrGoob Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Hi...looking for insight... I met a woman about four months ago at a concert...we are both married to others. The only way we engage is through Facebook chat...we have met for lunch three times... Yesterday at lunch...we held hands and really had a good time with each other...other two times had been a little uncomfortable...but not yesterday. When I dropped her back off she kissed me on the lips...she said it was a "side lips" kiss... Here is the question...she told me early on that kissing is very personal to her and a core belief. So the other two times I got a kiss on the cheek. So I was not expecting this "side lips" kiss at all... What does it mean...she told me not to over analyze it before she did it...I know she likes me...but both of our situations are complex... Thanks...
heylovey22 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Re-read your post. Your gut is telling you it's wrong, but you're coming here... do you think some of us are going to say continue? You know better. Get out now, it's early, you will heal. You're making a bad choice my dear. 2
Rollercoaster Rider Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Hi...looking for insight... I met a woman about four months ago at a concert...we are both married to others. The only way we engage is through Facebook chat...we have met for lunch three times... Yesterday at lunch...we held hands and really had a good time with each other...other two times had been a little uncomfortable...but not yesterday. When I dropped her back off she kissed me on the lips...she said it was a "side lips" kiss... Here is the question...she told me early on that kissing is very personal to her and a core belief. So the other two times I got a kiss on the cheek. So I was not expecting this "side lips" kiss at all... What does it mean...she told me not to over analyze it before she did it...I know she likes me...but both of our situations are complex... Thanks... Don't analyze..and if you are...STOP! Don't go down this road... it leads to nowhere and nothing good will come out of it but hurt... and trust me the hurt isn't worth the good times you may have. You are both married to other people...leave it alone and be happy with what you already have. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 What does it mean...she told me not to over analyze it before she did it...I know she likes me...but both of our situations are complex... It means that your cheating. Did you really need us to tell you that? If your looking for a slap on the back and a hand shake, you ain't getting it here but what you might get is hit with divorce papers if your wife finds out and the only thing your going to get is slide lips out the door. Wise up dude. Your begging for trouble. 2
Author DrGoob Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 This was supposed to be a place where people shared their insights and experiences...apparently I was mistaken... Jumping straight to the "end it" conversation seems a bit anti-climatic...
Cinnimon Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Dr, I hope you understand that most people on this forum are OW/OM and some BS's. Most are either ending the A or struggling with staying in the A so when we see someone come on here who looks like they are about to go down that road it starts a frenzy. The OW/OW will warn you about not doing it as we all know how it usually plays out. The BS will tell you their views on it based on their own experience from being cheated on. So you'll get some good advise if you can hang in there. Just take what helps you in your situation and leave the rest. Welcome to LS.... 6
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 This was supposed to be a place where people shared their insights and experiences...apparently I was mistaken... Jumping straight to the "end it" conversation seems a bit anti-climatic... People are trying to help you from making a huge stupid mistake. You are married and not in a position to pursue this woman, she's married as well. Don't get mad at anybody trying to point in you a direction away from an impending affair. Your situation is not complex. You are making it so by kissing another woman. It really is that simple! If you want to stay married, don't cheat! If you want to run free and do as you please, then get divorced. Remember you married your wife for a reason, said vows to her in front of friends and family... Maybe if you focused that energy towards your wife and marriage, you'd forget this MW (married wife) and your marriage would be better. 4
blue963 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 which way is up.....what you are saying is totally true. I think what the original poster came here for was they are experiencing emotions and really dont know what to do with them. When something feels so good, its hard to hear someone tell is its no good and stop. Is that not the conflict that every other person in this situation has experienced? We get into it, it feels so right....and we feel conflicted. Dr. Goob, i dont think anyone was trying to make you out as a bad person. I think some people have experience the negative side and just want to keep you from experiencing the same thing. Not a fun path at all! 3
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 This was supposed to be a place where people shared their insights and experiences...apparently I was mistaken... Jumping straight to the "end it" conversation seems a bit anti-climatic... Well why did you misrepresent yourself in your first post if indeed you were sharing (actual) "experiences" ?? The only way we engage is through Facebook chat... and if you want to climax, then bone her, and then end it.
deponie12 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 DR- go online to Experience Project They can "support" you there. 1
Realist3 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 What does it mean...she told me not to over analyze it before she did it...I know she likes me...but both of our situations are complex... It means you are at the precipice of a full blown affair. You are already in an emotional affair. I'm not going to tell you what to do one way or the other, but you better make damn sure you know what you are getting yourself into and all of the risks involved. As a person involved in a long term affair I will say it is not all rainbows and unicorns. The emotional toll on many fronts takes a toll. 1. It is not easy to keep affairs secret especially when it is with two married people. And given your above post I doubt you have much of a clue how to keep this a secret. It is a lot of work. 2. Your own emotions toward your spouse. When you are entering into something exciting and new with someone else it is very difficult to remain 'normal' with your spouse. Not to mention your own conscience over what is going on. 3. You will have to deal with your affair partner's emotions, needs, wants, and demands. They will come and it is one hell of a roller coaster ride that is draining. Aside from getting caught this is one of the main reasons affairs end. 4. Knowing that at any moment this could all blow up in your face, and possibly ruin two families in the process. Sure you will experience great highs from this affair, possibly the best sex, a soul mate, best friend, validation, etc., but you better go in with your eyes wide open to the risks. The further you down this path the harder it will be to get out. 1
violet1 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 It means you are at the precipice of a full blown affair. You are already in an emotional affair. I'm not going to tell you what to do one way or the other, but you better make damn sure you know what you are getting yourself into and all of the risks involved. As a person involved in a long term affair I will say it is not all rainbows and unicorns. The emotional toll on many fronts takes a toll. 1. It is not easy to keep affairs secret especially when it is with two married people. And given your above post I doubt you have much of a clue how to keep this a secret. It is a lot of work. 2. Your own emotions toward your spouse. When you are entering into something exciting and new with someone else it is very difficult to remain 'normal' with your spouse. Not to mention your own conscience over what is going on. 3. You will have to deal with your affair partner's emotions, needs, wants, and demands. They will come and it is one hell of a roller coaster ride that is draining. Aside from getting caught this is one of the main reasons affairs end. 4. Knowing that at any moment this could all blow up in your face, and possibly ruin two families in the process. Sure you will experience great highs from this affair, possibly the best sex, a soul mate, best friend, validation, etc., but you better go in with your eyes wide open to the risks. The further you down this path the harder it will be to get out. Realist, took the words right out of my mouth. I am also married and was in a long term affair. It seems so fun and exciting AT FIRST. OP, if you continue to see this woman it will turn into a full blown affair. If this is what you want, enjoy the roller coaster ride, but be prepared for everything that comes with it. 1
violet1 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 This was supposed to be a place where people shared their insights and experiences...apparently I was mistaken... Jumping straight to the "end it" conversation seems a bit anti-climatic... You'll get attacks here, but you'll also get great advice. Take what you need and leave the rest. It's the nature of a forum like this. 1
Author DrGoob Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Dr, I hope you understand that most people on this forum are OW/OM and some BS's. Most are either ending the A or struggling with staying in the A so when we see someone come on here who looks like they are about to go down that road it starts a frenzy. The OW/OW will warn you about not doing it as we all know how it usually plays out. The BS will tell you their views on it based on their own experience from being cheated on. So you'll get some good advise if you can hang in there. Just take what helps you in your situation and leave the rest. Welcome to LS.... Thanks...very good advice... 1
Author DrGoob Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 People are trying to help you from making a huge stupid mistake. You are married and not in a position to pursue this woman, she's married as well. Don't get mad at anybody trying to point in you a direction away from an impending affair. Your situation is not complex. You are making it so by kissing another woman. It really is that simple! If you want to stay married, don't cheat! If you want to run free and do as you please, then get divorced. Remember you married your wife for a reason, said vows to her in front of friends and family... Maybe if you focused that energy towards your wife and marriage, you'd forget this MW (married wife) and your marriage would be better. Not interested in going into my reasons or her reasons for our interest in each other because of our marriage situations...just like you...we all have our reasons...
Author DrGoob Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 which way is up.....what you are saying is totally true. I think what the original poster came here for was they are experiencing emotions and really dont know what to do with them. When something feels so good, its hard to hear someone tell is its no good and stop. Is that not the conflict that every other person in this situation has experienced? We get into it, it feels so right....and we feel conflicted. Dr. Goob, i dont think anyone was trying to make you out as a bad person. I think some people have experience the negative side and just want to keep you from experiencing the same thing. Not a fun path at all! I always tell people you can't read context in email...don't do it here...I am not mad or upset...just pointing out my perspective on what I hoped to gain from engaging with you all...
Author DrGoob Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Well why did you misrepresent yourself in your first post if indeed you were sharing (actual) "experiences" ?? Not sure what I miss-represented...that is what happened just this Tuesday... and if you want to climax, then bone her, and then end it. We have not been intimate and i/we haven't asked that of each other...would I like to...sure...just not a priority for me. This might shock you, but I haven't been intimate with my wife for over two years now for reasons I don't want to go in to here...
Cinnimon Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 To try to give you my thoughts on your original question. I think she is obviously getting more comfortable with you and this situation. I guess my question to you would be how comfortable are you with it? The kiss, well I've never heard of a "side kiss" but it seems a kiss on the lips is very personal and not to be taken lightly under the circumstances. 1
Author DrGoob Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 To try to give you my thoughts on your original question. I think she is obviously getting more comfortable with you and this situation. I guess my question to you would be how comfortable are you with it? The kiss, well I've never heard of a "side kiss" but it seems a kiss on the lips is very personal and not to be taken lightly under the circumstances. That is what I thought...we have been clear about being friends even though we both know there is more to it... I felt like it was an escalation and I have been very careful not to do anything too forward that might scare her or anger her... Thanks for insight...
awkward Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 DR- go online to Experience Project They can "support" you there. Another site you will want to bookmark is divorce.com 1
RickFox Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 you two have passed the friend line so don't use the" we're just friends line", it's over and done with. Don't act surprised when the next kiss is a full blown one and it progresses further and you go along. many of us have been there done that bought the tshirt. 2
Snipercatt Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 She's seducing you. First the hook that she considers kissing on the lips to be special, then the tease of the "side lips" kiss.
thinkingofhim Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Bleh... man up and make a choice now, your wife or OW, cause that's what it will come to... lot less heartbreak all around if you just do it now... 2
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