pbgunz35 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) Me and her were dating for about 1 1/2 years everything was golden the week before she told me she wants to be with me for the rest of her life and wants to marry me well we were always getting in arguments I was drinking one night and decided to go to her house and brake up with her big mistake because I knew as I was breaking up with her I was hurting myself! I contacted her 1 day later and told her I apoligize and I'm sorruy for everything we have been broken up for about 3 weeks now we both love each other I have been staying with her a lot latelty she's even to the point were she is telling me she loves me and misses me.. I'm just soo confused what to do she has told me she's not getting back with me because I hurt her and took her for granted I apoligized to her and told her I am changing which she has seen the change and told me she knows I would never treat her like that ever again but she wants someone that will not take her for granted.. we hang out almost everynight and we both laugh and enjoy each others company and smile around each other we are constantly texting.. she has told me she does not want me to offer other girls what I have offered her because I helped her out so much and she misses me and loves me and does not want to see me move on but then tells me we shouldn't be seeing each other because what are we gonna do when one of us start seeing other people. I've told her I'm not interested in other peopke she is texting other guys that tell her they are interested but she's not that type of girl that just moves on. She said she still has feelings for me and it would be wierd to even go on a date with someone right now so idk if she is just having them there to talk tto them or what.. I don't wanna do contact as it will just push her away it does not work dfotr everyone and I am the one that broke up with her. I love her to pieces and want our life back to normal I told her I missed her when I was at her house today and she said I'm right here I'm not seeing no one you are always with me and I told her I know but I wanna you mine.. I'm sad bcuz I put her through as much pain as I put myself thru she told me her last ex did this for 8 months were they talked and hungout but didn't get back together even though she was mad at him the whole time bcuz he cheated I did not once cheat we just fought but its bcuz I didn't pay attention to what I had Edited December 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
thehero101 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Well that's a tough one. The main thing here is that both of you still seem to be very close without actually having relationship status. The main problem with that is she is still getting a lot of benefits without actually having to commit to something. I think for her to want to get back together with you she has to know that if this doesn't work out soon then you will stop hanging out with her and all. Yes it sounds tough but the main thing is it is meant to make her think about what it means to have you in her life and how her life be without you. Right know she doesn't have to think about that since she can have you anytime she wants.It can backfire or it can bring the both of you together. The thing about the ex is interesting. She kept him close in her life until she finally got over him. Again she got something out of it without having to commit for it. If I were you I would try and not let this happen with you. You need to make it clear that you won't be sticking around until she can move on from you. You have to let her know that or else you will end up like the ex. Plenty of months of talking but no relationship.
Author pbgunz35 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Thanks mod for editing! Its hard to type on a phone and your just saying things off the top of your head. I have made it clear to her that I don't wanna be friends I want a relationship.. she tells me you had a relationship but you took me for granted and hurt me and I tell her sorry. We sit down and talk a lot. She listens to everything I tell her and she even responds but I'm to the point where I want a relationship or nothing at all because I keep giving n giving n giving but she's not gonna relize everything I'm giving for her intill its all gone.. I just find it hard to believe if you tell me you love me and you miss me and love having me around but you don't want to fix anything..
chris21422 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 so you got drunk and decided to break up with her without any reason? if I read that right.. Thanks mod for editing! Its hard to type on a phone and your just saying things off the top of your head. I have made it clear to her that I don't wanna be friends I want a relationship.. she tells me you had a relationship but you took me for granted and hurt me and I tell her sorry. We sit down and talk a lot. She listens to everything I tell her and she even responds but I'm to the point where I want a relationship or nothing at all because I keep giving n giving n giving but she's not gonna relize everything I'm giving for her intill its all gone.. I just find it hard to believe if you tell me you love me and you miss me and love having me around but you don't want to fix anything..
Author pbgunz35 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Well we have been arguing the whole week I was not drunk but I was drinking and I got very angry because we were arguing all week n was arguing a lot today n I got so angry I had acouple beers n went n talked n told her we needed to break up. Since then I have not been drinking I been focusing on myself. I've relized a lot that I'm changing for the better for myself .I don't know if I should tell her I need time to myself i just feel she will get angry n move on to someone else for attention.
chris21422 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 ahh ok.. What you need to do is stop pressuring her and do nothing man. She is on confused stage now. If you already apologize once and ask her back and tell her you love her that's it. Now you need to live your life without her for a while. She will let you know when she wants to continue the relationship again.. Make her miss you.. When she message reply but be busy with yourself.. Well we have been arguing the whole week I was not drunk but I was drinking and I got very angry because we were arguing all week n was arguing a lot today n I got so angry I had acouple beers n went n talked n told her we needed to break up. Since then I have not been drinking I been focusing on myself. I've relized a lot that I'm changing for the better for myself .I don't know if I should tell her I need time to myself i just feel she will get angry n move on to someone else for attention. 1
Author pbgunz35 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Thanks man!! That's what I'm trying to do now. I'm starting to relize I need to let her invite me over and stop inviting myself over.. sometimes she will call me when I'm sleeping she works late n she gets home and she's sad and wants me to come over of course I always give in..
chris21422 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Just be careful though we don't know how long she is gonna be confuse and you being on the picture might make her just get used to you being there without having a relationship and commitment.. be careful when you see red flags but since your the one broke up with her just be a little cautious.. Thanks man!! That's what I'm trying to do now. I'm starting to relize I need to let her invite me over and stop inviting myself over.. sometimes she will call me when I'm sleeping she works late n she gets home and she's sad and wants me to come over of course I always give in..
Author pbgunz35 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 I appreciate the advise man!! Anything helps. Helpibg me out a lot n yes I'm trying to give her space last night I went to her house because she was not feeling good and I took care of her got het medicine made her something to eat and so on she textef the other guy one time don't know what they said but I believe he texted her first n we were going to bed.. the other night she asked if we could go to dinner I told her yes and we are going to her fav place to eat. So was gonna eat tonight and leave it be tomorrow and let her come to me. She thanked me for coming over last night and helping her out n that she loved me. Soo I guess I need to just take it day by day.. I love her with all my heart and would do anything dor her but I want a relationship..
Author pbgunz35 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 So I keep staying at her house should I just tell her that I'm wanting a relationship and not ro just cuddle every night.. that's when she tells me u had a relationship I'm just curious how I should go about it. Because ahe wont relize what she has and may end up talking to that guy more then before its to late she won't even relize she has me and just move on
r321148 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Yes stop staying over! You made a mistake, which you have apologised for. You hurt her and maybe it will take some time for her to get over that but it just sounds like this girl holds onto a grudge too much. This isn't my usual advice but this girl has form. She strung her ex on for 8 months! whilst holding a grudge against him and then moved on. Do you want that to be you? OK you didn't cheat but I don't think that matters...she can obviously hold a grudge for a long time no matter what happened. I'd do what the other posters have suggested an back right off. Tell her that you want a relationship with her but you like her too much to be friends with her and that it's too painful (i.e. be honest!). You can apologise again for hurting her if you like but there's really no more you can do than that. This seems like a power play where she thinks you will keep on begging and begging for forgiveness (forever maybe or at least until she finds someone else) and she now has the upper hand and doesn't need to invest anything in the relationship....she can always come back with the stock argument..."but you broke up with me"....it was only for a day and you apologised already and have shown since that you do want her. Let her miss you and make the decision. Just to make clear I'm not suggesting playing games. You feel regret for your mistake, you've apologised and she now has to make the decision whether to accept your apology and get back together or break up. I don't think there can be any half measures here as it won't do either of you any good in the long term. Good luck
Author pbgunz35 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Man I appreciate for the advise so much like I really do it helps me get through this.. I've had a long talk with my family last night and they think the same thing you know one thing they pointed out to me is when she's telling me she loves me. She can tell me she loves me all she wants but in reality if she really did. She would not be texting another guy at all even if she's talking to him.. I did not stay with her last night I decided to stay home. She texted me saying she didn't know how to do something with out me there late in the morning and she was scared I just ignored it. I do not wanna be the one strung out for months and months I want a relationship now I don't wanna be friends. I contantly give n give n give to her and I'm tired of not getting nothing in return.. what really angrys me is I'm over there n she will be texting those guys right in front of me. So I'm using that as my angry part n moving on next time she ask meb to come over I'm either gonna tell her you know I'm fine I'm not coming over as I want a relationship you do not. You tell me love me all thebtime in reality you do not if you do you wouldn't not be texting other guys period.. I just gotta keep strong n push through this n keep telling myself that because all she is doing at this point is hurting myself she's not hurting because she's getting everything out of me. All I gotta say is THANKS SO MUCH FORBTHE ADVISE! You guys have helpef me out so much to get me thinking on the right way.
Author pbgunz35 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 How do I say this in a nice way? She calls me and says she wants to cuddle how do I tell her nicely so she thinks about. Lets say she calls and says I wanna cudfle can you com e over. Do I nicely tell her no thank you it wouldn't be good for the two of us you know you wanna cuddle but we never fix our relationship as I wanna be together your not wanting to and I feel we cuddle everyday who knows when tou find someone else and then I'm hurt and I'm really wanting to be togethet and I'm tired of us being hush hush about the whole situation as she keeps its quiey around her family that she's even talking to me still. I don't like that as I love her and I don't want to be someone that is just kept quiet..
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