hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Ex-MM and I will be going to court the second week of January for childsupport for our daughter. Im so nervous and scared. I really dont know what to expect, its been a year since I've seen him. Im glad this will almost be over.
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Why scared? Its been so long, alot has happened. We havent spoke. I think it will just be awkward to be in his presence.
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 You wont have to (and shouldnt) speak to him or expect any interaction with him. That is why you both have attorneys (i assume?). I suppose you will be in same room with him in courtroom, but will not have any interaction. I would anticipate his spouse being there with him, if he shows up. Is the issue child support only? Is he requesting any type of parental rights or visitation? Has a DNA test been done yet to establish paternity? I have an attorney, I dont know if he does. Its only for childsupport. We asked for a DNA, he didnt respond. I've already been told he will automatically be court ordered to pay childsupport even without DNA test, he's had 2 months to respond to the letter and ask for one. Im expecting his wife to come, I dont really care about that at this point. He was summoned by the sheriff so he has no choice but to show up.
Clay Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Stand strong. You are on the right path to take care of your child. He can try to fight it but he will not be successful. If paternity is in question the courts will have that dealt with in no time and the order for support will still stand. The courts frown seriously on people that don't pay child support. My xW tried to get away with this and they told her if she did not start paying in a month she would go to jail. Amazingly she had a job in less than two weeks. Only took six months to get her back into court lol. She has to pay all the back child support to and in the next two weeks she is going to get even more upset. I am sending her about 1k in medical bills she has not paid. That is just her half of them. She fights me on it back to court we go. Clay 3
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Stand strong. You are on the right path to take care of your child. He can try to fight it but he will not be successful. If paternity is in question the courts will have that dealt with in no time and the order for support will still stand. The courts frown seriously on people that don't pay child support. My xW tried to get away with this and they told her if she did not start paying in a month she would go to jail. Amazingly she had a job in less than two weeks. Only took six months to get her back into court lol. She has to pay all the back child support to and in the next two weeks she is going to get even more upset. I am sending her about 1k in medical bills she has not paid. That is just her half of them. She fights me on it back to court we go. Clay Thanks, Clay and good luck to you.
stillafool Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 This is so true. I knew a woman who went through this with her MM and he showed up with his wife and they didn't even make eye contact with her. Don't worry, it will be nothing.
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 It will be uneventful. You will be with your attorney and he will probably not even make eye contact with you. It may not be comfortable, but it wont be a "scene". He will not speak to you. I would not have any expectations of him having any interaction or even looking at you. If he shows up, that is most likely what will happen. Regarding the summons - He still could still not show up. Yes he could be held in contempt, or ordered to pay the support in absentia, but he may just figure, well Im gonna be ordered to pay it anyway, so why even bother to show up. A bench warrant will be put out for him, I doubt he wants that. Ill be there for sure.
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 This is so true. I knew a woman who went through this with her MM and he showed up with his wife and they didn't even make eye contact with her. Don't worry, it will be nothing. Thanks, I dont even want to look at him. I just want to mosey on in there and get it done. I have family and friends who will be there to support me. Im sure I'll be fine.
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 The worst thing you can do is go in with some sort of expectation that he will speak to you, or you two will discuss things, or god forbid he will give you some attention or show some feelings. Probably not going to happen, if he even shows that is. It will be fast and uneventful. I dont have any expectations, I really dont even want to do this. However, he will be made responsible for his child so this is the action Im forced to take. My attorney has already made me aware that I dont have to speak to him or discuss anything with him that's why he's there to do it for me. THANK GOD!
Raena Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I'm wondering where you live that you were told he wouldn't have to have a DNA test done. Where I live, it has to be completed OR he has to sign some sort of form stating that he is in fact the father. Like all the others said though... don't be scared, it will be alright. Just focus on the judge, don't look at him, let your lawyer do all the talking.
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 I'm wondering where you live that you were told he wouldn't have to have a DNA test done. Where I live, it has to be completed OR he has to sign some sort of form stating that he is in fact the father. Like all the others said though... don't be scared, it will be alright. Just focus on the judge, don't look at him, let your lawyer do all the talking. I live in Louisiana. This is what happened. Back in Nov he was served by the sheriff "An Acknowledgment of Paternity Form" on this form he was to admit to being the father or request a paternity test. He did neither. The attorney also tried to call him and see if he wanted a DNA test, still nothing. So, once we go to court their going to say you have had enough time to admit to being the father or ask for paternity, you did neither so you will be legally declared the father. Alot of men has done this in the past to prolong the situation and now their cracking down on it. I wish he would take the DNA test just so there would be no doubt about my daughter being his. Also, I would think that his wife knows by now and would push the issue of him taking the test. I wouldnt want my husband taking money out of my household paying for a child he's not even sure is his.
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Also his delay tactics could also be the result of just not wanting to deal with the issue...burying his head so to speak...hoping some "miracle" happens and you just move/go away or something (sorry). He ignores it and ignores it as long as he possibly can. This is what cowards do. Its quite possible the wife doesnt even know yet. He very easily could have been quietly served and she has no idea. Did you have a d-Day? Has anything ever happened that you are aware of her knowing about the affair and/or child? Yeah, everyone thinks he was just hoping that I would go away if he ignores it. No d-day for us. I quietly went through my pregnancy without bothering his wife. His wife could not know about any of this I really dont have a way of knowing, unless she comes to court with him. Court date not until Jan 9, I WILL definitely do an update.
solostand Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) Many years ago I had to go to court for child support. The biological father wanted nothing to do with son and refused to pay one red cent despite the fact we had many offers, and also a DNA test. At court, you sit with your lawyer. He sits at an opposing table, the mm will be beside him so it will be difficult to see him through his lawyer. Your lawyer speaks for you, his speaks for him, there is no fear of talking. In my experience, judges hate deadbeat dads who try anything to get out of taking responsibility. And I have a feeling the circumstances in this case will piss him off more. It is not the child's fault it was born out of an affair - and it is just as worthy of support from his or her father. The father's probably thinking "Well it was just a fling and maybe she was trying to set me up and if I have support it will make my REAL children suffer." Judges, in my opinion, are more harsh on people like your former mm. i hope you get the full amount. I know my judge was so pissed off he gave me the full amount. Edited December 18, 2013 by solostand 1
awkward Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 He will probably tell his wife "after the holidays". My guess is the day before court. Boy is his wife going to be pissed if she finds out your child is going to get more support from him than the kids he already has if she leaves him. Your MM is a very selfish and stupid man.
Artie Lang Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 you have had enough time to admit to being the father or ask for paternity, you did neither so you will be legally declared the father. Alot of men has done this in the past to prolong the situation and now their cracking down on it. for once, the courts get it right.
HollyGolightlly Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Yeah, everyone thinks he was just hoping that I would go away if he ignores it. No d-day for us. I quietly went through my pregnancy without bothering his wife. His wife could not know about any of this I really dont have a way of knowing, unless she comes to court with him. Court date not until Jan 9, I WILL definitely do an update. =/ Good luck. I'll be in your shoes next year (i'm 8 weeks w/my MM)... As far as establishing paternity is concerned. Luckily the court is on our sides- I've spoken to a lawyer already and there is really nothing (including leaving the country) that he can do to get away from his responsibility without facing suspension of license, passport, and jail time. Hopefully ( and most likely) he will owe all that back pay to your daughter because it starts the day the child is born.
Popsicle Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 =/ Good luck. I'll be in your shoes next year (i'm 8 weeks w/my MM)... As far as establishing paternity is concerned. Luckily the court is on our sides- I've spoken to a lawyer already and there is really nothing (including leaving the country) that he can do to get away from his responsibility without facing suspension of license, passport, and jail time. Hopefully ( and most likely) he will owe all that back pay to your daughter because it starts the day the child is born. Actually, it starts the day you petition the court for support, but not before the day the child is born.
threelaurels Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) Dress nicely for the court date (business casual at minimum) and let your lawyer handle everything else. That's what you're paying them for. Ask your lawyer to help you develop a plan if xMM or his W tries to talk to you. Maybe the lawyer could step in and tell them that all communication needs to be done through them and not you? It might ease your anxiety to have a plan in place. Remember that child support is not about the mother or father or the decisions they've made. It's all about the best interests of the child. xMM's refusal to respond to the paternity documents isn't going to look good for him. I would be surprised if the court automatically goes for wage garnishment, because that procedure is typically only used as a last resort if the non-custodial parent refuses to pay despite the court order. However, different jurisdictions do things differently, so it is a possibility. Good luck with the court date! Keep your chin up, and you'll be fine. I also want to let you know that (while I'm not surprised) I'm sorry it came to this. In an ideal world, all adults would take responsibility for their choices and all parents would do right by their children. Unfortunately, that obviously isn't the case. Just keep doing what is best for your daughter and be the best parent you can be. When she's old enough to understand, she'll be grateful for it. Edited December 19, 2013 by threelaurels Typing on a phone is hard :( 1
threelaurels Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Why would her child get more support from him than his existing kids with BS if BS left him? In my understanding (which could be wrong), the person who files first generally recieves more support because of how child support payments are calculated in the USA. It's difficult to describe the process, so I'll use an example. Say MM makes $5,000 a month. Erika (Mom #1) goes to court and is awarded 25% of his income ($1,250). If another woman goes to court and files after Erika, she also recieves 25%. However, the courts take the into account the fact that MM is already paying child support to Erika. Thus, Mom #2 only recieves 25% of MM's income after Erika's child support is taken into account ($3,750), or $937.50. However, this matter will most likely be handled differently since the BS and MM are married. They have been living together and raising their children together before Erika's child was born, so it is presumed that he already has an existing financial obligation to them. If the BS divorces MM and files, she will most likely become Mom #1 and recieve the most money and not Erika. If Erika's child support (and postion as Mom #1) is already established before she files, I'm not sure how the courts will handle it. My guess is that she can request more than the standard child support amount in the divorce decree to even things out if she files on grounds of adultery. Even in a no-fault state, I would imagine having a child with another woman while married is grounds to bring the A into the court room in some way or another, since the child support he will be paying Erika affects the marital assets that would be divided in the divorce.
stillafool Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I bet the wife still has no idea all of this has happened. He may still try to keep all of this hidden from her. What a cowardly loser. 1
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) I see what you're saying. You'd also have to factor in payment of alimony, and support for each child if the MM and his BS have more than 1 child. Wouldnt it be great if the BS left the MM upon discovery, and he ends up paying out to both OW and BS (alimony & child support), and is left with NOTHING. I hope this awful MM gets his just rewards, and then some. To the OP -- What exactly did you see in this man? How long was the Affair? how did it end? From my understanding (never been through this until now but I've talked to people who have) the most childsupport goes to whomever files first regardless. However, in my situation if BS leaves MM and divorces him she may end up with less money than me, IF she doesnt fight for more. If she does than I believe its possible that mine can be reduced so that it will all be equal. It would be GREAT if he could he end up with nothing just for his actions through all of this. I feel that he could have stood up as man, accepted his wrong doing, ask BS spouse for forgiveness and been done with it. He just chose to run like a coward. Believe it or not initially he was a great guy (I thought) the affair went on for 1 1/2 year before the pregnancy. It ended when we discovered that I was pregnant. I believe if I would have never gotten pregnant he would have still been coming around. To be honest, I was left alone, hurt, and with a new baby, but Im glad to be out of the affair. It was beginning to take a toll on me mentally/emotionally as it does with most OW/OM. This whole situation has me more conscious and careful of ANY man no matter if he is single, married, whatever. No more MM for me. Edited December 19, 2013 by hurtnomorerika add a comment
Author hurtnomorerika Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 I bet the wife still has no idea all of this has happened. He may still try to keep all of this hidden from her. What a cowardly loser. She may not still know, he's very sneaky and conniving.
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